Brian Wilson went to bed for three years. Jean-Michel Basquiat would spend all day in bed. Monica Ali, Charles Bukowski, Marcel Proust, Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Tracey Emin, Emily Dickinson, Edith Sitwell, Frida Kahlo, William Wordsworth, René Descartes, Mark Twain, Henri Matisse, Kathy Acker, Derek Jarman and Patti Smith all worked or work from bed and they’re productive people. (Am I protesting too much?) Humans take to their beds for all sorts of reasons: because they’re overwhelmed by life, need to rest, think, recover from illness and trauma, because they’re cold, lonely, scared, depressed – sometimes I lie in bed for weeks with a puddle of depression in my sternum – to work, even to protest (Emily Dickinson, John and Yoko). Polar bears spend six months of the year sleeping, dormice too. Half their lives are spent asleep, no one calls them lazy. There’s a region in the South of France, near the Alps, where whole villages used to sleep through the seven months of winter – I might be descended from them. And in 1900, it was recorded that peasants from Pskov in northwest Russia would fall into a deep winter sleep called lotska for half the year: ‘for six whole months out of the twelve to be in the state of Nirvana longed for by Eastern sages, free from the stress of life, from the need to labour, from the multitudinous burdens, anxieties, and vexations of existence’.
— Viv Albertine, To Throw Away Unopened.
sometimes i wish i could grab my childhood self and shake them by the shoulders and say YOU'RE GOOD. YOU'RE WORTH LOVING. THERE ARE PEOPLE WHOSE LIVES ARE MADE BETTER BECAUSE OF YOU. YOU ARE NOT A BURDEN. YOU ARE NOT DAMNED. SOMEDAY YOU WILL CRY OVER SUNSETS AND POETRY MORE THAN YOUR OWN PAIN. I NEED YOU TO REMEMBER THAT YOU'RE GOOD. YOU'RE WORTH LOVING. but i can't go back in time, so i say it to myself now. because i believe there's a future version of me looking back on this moment feeling the exact same way.
GUYS WE ARE SO BACK!! PIWON COMEBACK IN MAY LETS FRICKING GOOOOO >:000
You are enough. You have always been enough. Thats the important part. What you do or are working on isn't making you measure up. You already do.
you can start anytime.
you can brush your teeth in the middle of the day. you can wash the dishes at 2am. you can do things outside the normal times assigned by society.
october cups my face in gentle hands. sunlight filters through me, casting my heart on the pavement like stained glass. i know i'm going to be alright.
If you don’t think you can make it to tomorrow, then just focus on getting through today. If that’s too much, then focus on this next hour. If that’s too difficult, focus on just the next few minutes.
Take it one breath at a time.
language, the building blocks of communication. how could i not want to learn it all?
ughhhh every script, every grammar structure, every word… i love it all so much.
the feeling of when you watch something you used to not understand? when you finally communicate your thoughts after struggling to get your words out? when you meet someone new? when you understand an untranslatable joke? when you learn one word then start seeing it everywhere? when your brain starts to hurt in the good way because its all so confusing? then months later down the line those things come to you like second nature… it’s incredible.
the human mind can do so so so much. why not learn it all? why not at least try?
even forgetting things, making mistakes, and getting embarrassed feels good at this point. it feels like it’s all part of the process.
:)