Duuuuude

Goals

Steal it from trump, he can afford to lose a bit

$100,000,000,000,000 KICKSTARTER TO STEAL SATURN'S RINGS AND PUT THEM AROUND EARTH

You fools!!!!!!!! This will never work!!!!!

parents: what did you do today

me: nothing

parents: wELL OBVIOUSLY YOU DID SOMETHING!!! DID YOU JUST LOOK AT A *WALL* ALL DAY????????

me: to be frank i did many things but you and I both know that you know very little about my interests and I know that you don't particularly care to learn about them and I don't have the mental capability to put up with you dismissing the things that make me happy so for the sake of brevity and my emotional well being: i did nothing

Shit I never do these but I have to in this case

“But if you forget to reblog Madame Zeroni, you and your family will be cursed for always and eternity.”

Oldie but a goodie. Jesse Paul boardslide backflip boardslide.

Love snowboarding? Follow Onboard on Tumblr!

*sighs internally*

Tumblr Code.

Omg

Today, I fucked up... by finding a bag of weed on the ground

I live in a small midwest college town so used rubbers, beer cans, and puddles of vomit on the sidewalks are all everyday encounters. But today I was walking down the main party street coming back from playing frisbee with my dog. I’m standing on the corner waiting to cross the street, looking back and forth, when I spot it. Laying on the ground in a cornered off plastic sandwich bag was what had to be at least an eighth of weed. It’s a Saturday afternoon and there are people fucking everywhere. Socially awkward as I am, I figure I can’t just bend down and pick it up for fear of someone seeing me. Luckily I have this dog leash that has a poop bag dispenser built in so I’m like, yeah just pick it up and put it in the non-see-through poop bag. So I do, and I cross the street. I walk for a minute I’m still 10 blocks away from my apartment but off of the main party street and my curiosity starts to get the best of me. I glance around and don’t think anyone is paying attention to me. I reach into the poop bag and open the internal bag of “shit” to check the quality of the goods. Part of me says the price is right so what do you care? But caught up in the moment, and blinded by the concept of free weed; I reach my hand in just to cop a feel of a nug and then foolishly brought the compound bag to my face for a quick sniff. As my nostrils flooded with the smell of sweet cheeba my eyes and ears filled with the sights and sounds of some dude yelling from his deck at me, with at least 20 people around him, “I JUST WATCHED THAT FUCKIN’ GUY FINGER FUCK THAT BAG OF DOG SHIT AND SMELL IT!” My fantasy world came crashing down around me in an instant and the only thing I could think to say was, “ baaaAAHHH…IT’S GOOD SHIT!” Then proceeded to run home and attempted to wipe my short-term memory with free shit-bag weed. Needless to say I’ll never walk down that street again.

by NotVeryMagicMike

unfollowryanross:

if you ever feel bad about yourself, just remember this one time in my english class, we were writing horror stories and one of the girls wrote “it was friday the 13th, the night before halloween” for her opening sentence

Dying

Step 1. Don't

My sister never cried

by reddit user aloneinthefray

When we were kids and she fell, scraping her knee, she would just giggle.

“I’mma get a band-aid, a pink one!” she said.

When her first long-term boyfriend dumped her, she laughed and offered me her arm as we made our way home.

“Guess this means we’re the hottest single chicks in school again.” she whispered gleefully into my ear, making me laugh, too.

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