Starboardharpy - .°:•* Mako :°.*•

god i’m not even through one episode of paranormal home inspectors and it rules, this lady thought she was being haunted by the wails of the restless dead but she was just listening to raccoons fuck in her attic

a quick step by step guide on what to do if you come back to your apartment and find yourself locked out because your front door is frozen shut

kick the bottom of the door for 10 minutes

text your landlord

remember your landlord is on vacation and also in her mid 50′s so it takes about 36 hours to receive a response

briefly wonder why the fuck you moved the canada

remember that college tuition is significantly cheaper here than in the united states 

look up and notice your cat is at the window, staring at you. he paws at the window lightly and meows. it’s devastating. his eyes are so big and imploring. decide that you have to get inside your apartment at all costs. not even god himself can stop you from feeding your cat his chicken wet food dinner. frida kahlo herself could descend from the heavens and ask “hey you wanna bang?” and you’d say “hell yeah but first let me open this door so i can feed my cat his dinner”

remember there is a starbucks 3 blocks down the street from you

enter. the barista gives you a weird look for entering a starbucks at 7pm on a tuesday

order a venti cup of hot water. you order in french because the barista just said “bonjour” instead of “bonjour, hi.” you have a strong american accent. you hit the r in merci a little too hard to compensate. you embarrass yourself.

exit the starbucks clutching the massive cup of hot water in your hands. it’s burning your fingers.

return. methodically pour the starbucks cup of water all over the the door frame. it begins moving a little but still wont open

back up

ensure your doc martens are properly gripping the sheet of ice covering the ground. many people have told you to stop wearing doc martens in the winter, despite your protests that theyre actually the ideal winter boot. also, you’re a lesbian and punk’s not dead

release a pterodactyl screech and sprint towards the door, slamming the full force of your pathetically tiny 5′2″ 110lb body into it

you dont know any of your neighbors so you dont care about maintaining your pride anyways

the door swings open

run up the stairs

open the actual door to your apartment and yell MOMMY’S HOME MY LITTLE BITCHASS BABY BOY DONT WORRY at your cat

cat flings his body to the ground and starts purring like he does every time you come home

write tumblr post

i feel like the detentionaire boys are a lot more developed and that there's a lot more to them in canon than most of the girls which is annoying because sometimes the girls don't really get to be their own characters but at the same time yay i get to make stuff up

i wrote a oneshot about jenny and tina last weekend but a lot of it was based on my hcs for them so i wanted to write some stuff about the type of backgrounds i feel like they r from outside the plot of the show ^-^ i did something similar for lynch a while ago and i could do other characters too if anyone wants

jenny

i mentioned her father not being in her life because i think that either her parents divorced when she was little or never married, i think it's more likely they never married because in my head jenny's mother's initials are also JJ which she was proud of so she wanted jenny's to be the same and since she's canonically a musician she didn't want to change her name

jenny's father stopped being involved with her once he moved away and started a new family. her mother is probably never around because of her career so jenny was closer to her aunt before she went missing

she's an only child hence the mention in what i wrote of her house typically being empty

i know jenny already has reasons to be distrustful as can be seen in the show but her parents' abandonment could have also influenced it

as much as i hate talking about her arc with li the lack of an older male figure in her life could have also been why she was a victim to him :(

i hc her as a lesbian so i think between that and her parents being the way they were she grew up with a very warped perspective on relationships

she could've also called tina when li left her alone in the woods thinking her mom wouldn't care

tina

i feel like tina's family situation is kind of similar to jenny's, not as bad but she's overlooked by her parents because she's not a genius like them and ruby

i don't think it's intentional i'd like to think her parents do genuinely love her

tina doesn't have any resentment towards ruby though she's still a big sister to her, like how she gets mad at lee thinking it's his fault when ruby gets detention

i feel like while jenny is always home alone and the house is silent it's the opposite for tina because she lives with 3 geniuses

i've talked about how jenny is never shown to have any female friends until tina in detail before but i don't think i've ever mentioned how it doesn't look like tina had any at all besides lee's group? possibly stepak but they could also just work together and DEFINITELY not chaz

even then tina being friendly with lee's group was kind of just by default since they liked each other

this was way longer than i expected idek if anyone's actually going to read it 😭 i love these two together whether it's as friends or something more, i dislike a lot of other decisions that the writers made but i'm rlly glad they had them find each other

Tina Kwee does in fact have two hands

I am fistfighting artblock 🤼‍♂️

✶ stars ✶

not my circus not my—

what? *unrolls paper* why are you giving me a deed to the.. oh, oh no.. fuck.

they're my monkeys now

lord the peasants are so loud today

I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT SHIPPED BRAD AND LEE FOR THE LONGEST TIME OH MY GOD??? Costars to Lovers my beloveds!!!

YEAHHHH :D I just remembered them while I was making my Find The (E)x post, and realised these two have potential, so I made a post about them because they'd have such an interesting dynamic, I feel

I just think they're neat :>

just got too used to it, after a while.