I Love Your Writing They Make Me Giggle And Kick My Feet Every Time GDJSHSNSJJSJEJDJEMUDNDKEJJ Giggling

your blog is so very cool :33

thank you anon :3

Dazai likes having someone to take care of; It helps him to take care of himself. After all, if he goes, who will be there to look after you? He doesn’t realize just how much he likes it until he’s slipping things into your drinks and food, keeping you in your sick and weakened state.

Surely he isn’t doing anything wrong, you’d be scolding him if he was. And yet, you thank him so genuinely, looking at him with such hopeful and appreciative eyes... He’s definitely doing the right thing, he’s taking care of you! Anyone would appreciate that, right?

DEEEER happy (late) new year 🎊

i been so busy with work 😭 hope you're resting well!

been thinking about dazai lately as i usually do, he would be such a fucking pain in the ass if you gave him a drawing (if you gave a mouse a cookie style LMFAO)

it doesn't even have to be anything good, just some stupid doodle of a cat, and then he pesters you every day for a new drawing just for him

oh GOD and if you actually draw as a hobby? INSUFFERABLE, he'd probably dig through the trash for your discarded drawings or smth (smfh this man) and then complain cause why didnt you show HIM first instead of wasting perfectly good paper!

lol this is so stupid 💀

anyway byee -🩵

I’M SO GLAD YOU MENTIONED IF YOU GIVE A MOUSE A COOKIE BC THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT.

Your face scrunches up as you stare down at the corner of your paper. Would it be weird to give this to him? The last thing you want is to be perceived as some weird stalker, and you know he'd find a way to tease you for this. But... is throwing it out worse?

"Hey, Yosano," you tapped her on the shoulder before taking a seat on one of the medical cots she was working near. "I have a question for you."

"Shoot," she speaks listlessly, continuing to clean up the many medical papers littering her desk. It's not that she's uninterested, just a little out of focus.

There's a clear hesitation, causing the doctor to spin and look at you. Fiddling with the torn paper in your hand, you sigh. "This is probably weird, but, I drew Dazai."

"Don't see how that's weird," she replies, an amused smile on her face at your awkwardness.

"Well, I doodled him, I should say. Just in the margins of my r-report— " that you tore up. Oops. " —because he was across from me. And I could just throw it away, but I could give it to him. Would he think I'm a total creep if I offered it up..?"

And after a pep talk from Yosano, you found yourself standing beside Dazai's desk. His eyes lit up, having already noticed long before you had even registered it that you were drawing him. Everyone at the Agency was aware of your hobby, a few members having taken small doodles in the past, and Dazai was excited it was finally his time.

— that, along with your continued glances between him and your page earlier made it obvious it was him.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" He asks slyly, his tone higher pitched than normal and mischievous. "Are you visiting little ol' me just to say hi?"

"Not quite. I drew this, if you want it." Trying to swallow your awkwardness, you hold out the paper scrap to Dazai. For a small sketch, it was surprisingly detailed. So this is how you viewed him, hm? He'd always known he was pretty, but...

"Is it possible to fall in love with myself?"

You choke back a laugh. "Alright, Narcissus. I'll take that to mean you like it?"

Dazai nods happily, jumping from his chair to rest his body weight onto you. "More more more! Please? Next do us together! Or even us kissing," he wiggles his eyebrows playfully.

The laugh finally bubbles over as your hands rest on Dazai's sides. "Get back to work! Or Kunikida will stop letting me draw at work, and then you'll have nothing."

"So that means if I stop, I'll have more?" He grins, his face close enough to yours to make you stumble back.

"Do you have to be so close? You're so clingy," you mutter, still holding his sides to keep him from coming closer. "If you get off, I'll consider supplying you with more doodles. Maybe."

And Dazai immediately jumps off of you and back to work.

yall want some stats?

i have well over 100 drafts in my notesapp of just dazai fics

just over 160 drafts in total

deer i love ur mind every time i read your stuff i get all giggly and kickin my feet and spinning around in bed heehehe

OH ALSO im gonna be real i thought you only wrote dazai for a bit there then i saw that nikolai thing you did and

tell me ur fav characters ill make sure to send stuff about them in the future 🙏

ok byee

-🩵

omggg hi 🩵 anon!!!! (also happy late new year to you too!!! havent answered ur ask yet but i have seen it and its on my list 💪🏻) TSYM!!!! highest praise i can get is giggling kicking feetsies tbh thats what i strive for

DAZAI AND NIKOLAI ARE MY FAVORITES!!!!!! im not against trying to write for others just be aware they may be lacking in comparison 💀 if anyone rqs characters i dont know v well and am not comfortable writing for i'll just say that lol no harm no foul (feel free to ask if i write for specific charas in my inbox too!)

ive also written small drabbles for others (small yan!levi aot and hawks mha) that r collecting dust rn if anyone would mayb want to see... i put this in a different post of mine (might be in the tags lol) but i was thinking of making a separate blog to spam with other charas maybe? or should i keep it condensed? idk this tumblr shit is hard as hell 😨

ok ok I have more thoughts on Reincarnated Villain Darling for bsd here I goooo

In your first life, you were not a particularly good person. you might not have been on par with the likes of fyodor or the port mafia, but you were infamous enough to be a household name around Yokohama. maybe you were more of a schemer, maybe a brute force type, but you caused your fair share of mayhem on your day.

until you died.

you had, at one time, believed all of your efforts- all the destruction and pain you caused- would eventually be justified. eventually, the universe or God or whatever would finally acknowledge you- and you could rest easily knowing that at least it'd all been for a just cause. but that didn't happen. you were caught, you were defeated, and you were killed- and nothing came of it at all. but now that you've been sent back in time, you can make things right! I mean you weren't sent back far enough that you don't already have something of a reputation but... you can make this work! people start over all the time, you can too!

unfortunately, suddenly deciding to become the next virgin mary in the middle of your reign of terror turns a few heads.

dazai is as hypocritical as they come. sure, HE left his criminal past behind to be a certified Good Boy, but he doesn't believe others can follow this method. hell, I don't even think he believes HES pulling it off. he doesn't trust your sudden shift one bit, so obviously he has to investigate. you don't let his distrusting glares or not-so-subtle digs phase you, though, you have amends to make. of course, the more you prove his suspicions about you wrong, the more determined he is to reveal your supposed "true nature". you think that turning your good deeds to him will get him off your back... but it's quite the opposite, unfortunately. you've only served to get him attached.

fyodor thinks it's rather interesting, especially if you're someone with an ability. an evil ability user suddenly turning from their wicked ways and repenting? how could he not want to see that for himself! while the concept of an ability user going from someone who bombs buildings to a bona-fide Saint who rescues kittens from trees kinda flies in the face of his entire ideology, he's more intrigued by the idea than annoyed by it. and wherever there's fyodor, there's gogol, who is going to be VERY interested in testing just how far he can push your new personality.

gonna cut myself short here but picture: being rivals with akutagawa and atsushi in your past and now the two of them follow you around like lost dogs. chuuya, the guy who you distinctly remember throwing a black hole directly at your face, won't stop trying to get you to agree to go out with him. any character you like! yosano, kunikida, ranpo, mushi, fitz, etc. everyone just HAS to known what's gotten into you lately!

and it seems like they're liking what they're seeing so far.

also while I'm here TELL ME UR YOSANO THOUGHTS RIGHT NOW????? YANDERE YOSANO FOR ME PLS???? ALSO THE CAT THING. IMAGINE BEING INCARNATED INTO BSD AS A CAT THAT DAZAI WONT STOP PSPSPSPSING AT

- 🩹

100/10 would reincarnate as a cat into bsd to get pspspspsed at by dazai <3 and i will never look at him so he feels crushed! slight manga spoilers about jouno's past but his part is at the end so you can stop before it!

ft nikolai, fyodor, dazai, jouno.

cw; yandere character, stalking, jealousy, obsession, manipulation.

it's nikolai who notices your odd behaviour first.

he's close behind you when you cautiously walk into the bank you stole from just two days ago, glancing all around you as you stumble in with the large bags in your arms. everyone around you freeze at the sight of your infamous disguise (nikolai thinks it's rather cowardly of you to not show your real face in public. you should be proud of your villainous exploits!) and your awkward attempts at reassuring them and shushing them goes terribly, as they all fall to the floor with tears in their eyes. still, you soldier on, wincing at the pure terror you see in the trembling figures and loud sobbing, and go to place the bags on the largest counter. the clerk already has his card out, ready to let you into any room you wish to rob, but you shake your head at him.

"no, i'm only here to return this," the clerk's eyes widen at your words, "i'll have the rest of the money i've taken sent to you later today. there was too much to carry," you laugh, and is that nervousness that nikolai senses in your voice? you, the ever confident criminal, are nervous, and in the face of a terrified pipsqueak? "and i wanted to apologize for all the trouble. there's more money in here," you toss another bag onto the counter, "but i would like this to be used for compensation, for everyone that was here last time, and today."

strange, nikolai thinks, even your manner of speaking seems to have changed. your voice isn't as thundering as it used to be, and your words are polite. the words you use are kinder, somehow, and you sound more sympathetic, not as obviously exaggerated.

even stranger is that you do just as you say, placing the money and immediately leaving the building. the police is called, and even a bomb squad just in case this was all a terrible joke, but the money is there as promised, and nothing else. and later that day, huge trucks line up outside the bank and money is left piled up inside, like you had said.

it's not that nikolai doesn't think that people can change, but there's something completely unnatural about your change in heart. nothing in particular seems to have inspired your sudden turnaround, as far as he's aware, you were even planning your next strike the night before, but you woke up and threw it all away, and instead marched yourself straight to the bank.

naturally, he needs answers. so he continues his little habit of following you around. it's a little unusual to see you without your disguise, living a perfectly normal life. you get your coffee from the same place every morning and take the same train and the same path and go to your ordinary job and it's so awfully boring that nikolai can't understand how you can bear it all. how do you go from the thrill of villainy to...this mundane, dull life?

despite all the monotony you've surrounded yourself with, nikolai can't say he finds you boring. he's always liked you, but not enough to want you dead. you're exciting, with your magnetic personality and outrageous stunts. and maybe, compared to the brutal violence by all the other 'villains' of yokohama, your presence is somewhat of a relief to the public. dangerous, but not lethal. if they keep their heads down and let you do your thing, they can leave the scene traumatized, but alive, and you'll leave a happy little bird. nikolai always found that amusing, if a little frustrating at times. why not just go all the way and kill the witnesses?

he listens closely to the boring conversations you have with your coworkers, about the weather and lunch and god how do you bear this? he watches you stand expressionless as you get berated about something by a superior, and finds himself giggling when you later get back at them by mixing laxatives into their coffee when they aren't looking. he's relieved, a light feeling bursting in his chest when he realizes you haven't completely changed for the better. you still have the stray bits of your previous self, and he's not sure why he's so happy to know that.

as time goes by, as he sees you doing more good—selfless acts that you have nothing to gain from, nikolai can no longer hide the curiosity burning inside of him. he wants to know why so badly, wants to know why you threw away all the fun and excitement and the wonderful selfish way of life to turn to this, and why you look happier.

"nikolai," you say when he finally reveals himself, "what brings you here?"

he notices your hand slipping into your pocket, curling around what he already knows is a weapon, and smiles to himself. good, you still had it in you.

"my good friend! how long has it been?" he croons, his voice almost grating like this, "i've missed seeing you around here."

you back away, eyes searching for an exit. before you can begin running, nikolai already has a hand through his coat to drag you to the ground, a malicious grin waiting.

"not so fast," he hisses, the smile widening, "you have a lot of explaining to do."

your last conversation with fyodor still lingers in his mind.

"i'm not interested." fyodor blinks at you, his previous smile having slipped off, "i understand that your values do not align with ours, but this opportunity—" "that's not the only reason," you explain, "not to say it isn't reason enough, but, well, i've decided to give it up. this life of crime, i mean." he stares at you for a moment longer before soft laughter echoes through the alley, "do you think it's that easy?" you glance around you, trying to plan an escape route just in case the man in front of you decides that you've pissed him off too much and turns you into a mess of blood and guts. he didn't sound angry, but the dostoevsky you know, and the one you remember, was very good at hiding his displeasure behind charismatic smiles and disguised threats. "to throw away everything you've worked...i wonder what changed your mind." you step back, "i've been reflecting on myself, and realized that maybe it's not that fun to wreak havoc when people's lives are endangered. turns out, i have tons of other hobbies when putting aside the...criminal acts." "oh?" fyodor's smile widens, and he steps forward, "found something else worth your time? i wouldn't think that saving kittens is all that interesting when compared to the heists you've pulled off." "they make for great company," you ramble, eyes flitting across the narrow path, "not much of conversationalists, but better than hostages. you should look into getting a cat for yourself. or a dog, or something." "thank you," his voice drips with mockery, "i'll keep that in mind."

people can change, of course, but someone like you, getting up and deciding to throw your past away, as though none of it mattered, as though you could bury it and go on...fyodor doesn't quite agree with it. it's quite peculiar. more so because this time, it concerned you. fyodor doesn't waste his time on petty criminals and their little antics, butt he can't say that he's never been drawn in by you and your extravagant performances that only serves to hide the hideous nature of your soul. he can't say it didn't pique his interest to see you destroy the building where government heads were to gather mere minutes before they made their entrance (and if seeing you grin and wave at the blond detective on scene, clearly waiting for you, made something inside him churn and boil, he didn't think twice about it.)

someone as unabashed and brazen as you was now scurrying away from him, hiding beneath a new identity and cleared records. he wonders, for a moment, if the detective killer was involved in anyway. but how would you know, of his ability? even fyodor had yet to make contact with him. when he later finds out that mushitaro oguri had escaped from the organization, he realizes that there's only one person too elusive to be caught after pulling off such an impossible feat.

people can change, he decides, but your change is unnatural, unwarranted. there was no great tragedy, no failed heist, no harsh punishment that had evoked such sudden development. And there was something else, that visceral sense of fear evident in you when he approached you that day—that wasn't normal. not when the last time you met him, barely a month ago on a rooftop while you were on the run, you stared him down with such impudence, your words laced with audacious condescendence while you prattled on about how lame he looked and a string of other insults before running off again. this wasn't the you he met that day; you had suddenly become aware of the danger he posed, your eyes glued to his gloved hands even while talking to him, searching for an exit in between sentences....so, what caused your change?

how normal was it, really? to wake up one day and decide to completely throw away everything about your life so far and turn into a seemingly ordinary person, to suddenly learn about his (and numerous others, if the case of the evidence suppressor was anything to go by) ability? such unprecedented gain in knowledge that was carefully guarded would be impossible by ordinary means. unless of course, you had somehow earned an ability that gave you such insight. there wasn't any definite conclusion about whether you had an ability or not, considering your resourceful arsenal and agility, but if this was the works of a newly gained ability, it would explain a lot. strange, though, that the moment you received a power that should only help propel your crimes to a greater extent, you shut it all down immediately.

but it's not too difficult for him to ease you back into his trap, with the use of the book and his connections. he has nikolai keep an eye on you while he plans your next encounter. he memorizes the way you walk home and studies how your changed personality may affect how you make your decisions now, and has a thousand questions he wants to wrench out an answer from you for in his mind, after imprisoning you.

but when you actually meet again on a particularly cold night, all he wants to know is why. even though he knows you won't give him the answer to the question that's haunting him all this time.

"[name]," he whispers, a hand on your cheek. you are painfully tense, eyes immediately closing when he touches you, and something inside him curls with displeasure, "you're going to hurt my feelings if you keep this up." he wonders if you can hear the bitterness coating every word of his.

"there shouldn't be such distance between old friends, don't you think?"

dazai finds out through ranpo that you've resigned from the villainous life, after the older man insists they didn't have to stake out at a bank for you because you had "given that life up," but even as he stares at footage of police officers claiming you had disappeared into thin air, he can't quite believe it.

until he meets you for the first time since your disappearance, and you're...different.

different in the way you observe the people around you closely, in the way your voice has hollowed out and you look smaller, like you've been eaten away at. what was bothering you, now? most people wouldn't recognize you underneath your disguise, so there was nothing to be wary about, right? he sees you go to work like a regular person, (you didn't work here before, he remembers, you didn't have to) and when you're on your way back and stop near an alleyway, regarding it with an unreadable expression, he immediately prepares to stop you. you were going to go into the alley and slip on your mask before coming out to wreak—you just walk away instead and he's left alone with his thoughts.

he finds out what's been tiring you out when he decides to spend a few more hours watching you after you get home—just in case he gets an opportunity to catch you red handed, of course—and to his delight, you do get suited up before leaving, but not to do what he expects. you're...not disrupting public safety, and he almost can't believe it, but it's you who's cleaning up a smaller street, you feeding the strays and you knocking out a bicycle thief before returning the stolen bike to its previous spot, and what does this mean?!

is it really that easy, he wonders, to give up a lifetime worth of crime and evil? did you never regret it, or miss your past? were you completely ready to embrace this new life, ready to slip on the mask of an ordinary citizen and make up for your past grievances?

(was it only him that struggled to do the same?)

dazai ponders on what could be motivating you, what was so great that it completely shattered every bad bone in your body and set you on the right path again. did you lose someone, too? but, he realizes, it's not melancholy or grief that follows you—it's desperation, that forces you to destroy every thread that links you back to what you used to be, it's fear that lingers in your constant alertness. what were you running from?

later, dazai's convinced that you're doing this to shake off everyone on your tail, lying low and leading the public into a false sense of security before returning with worse crimes than before, even though all the evidence tells him otherwise. your mask is destroyed, your weapons locked away, you even spend your evenings at pottery classes and cooking lessons instead of stalking through the streets of yokohama, looking for your next target. and you're surprisingly well adjusted, polite and coming across as perfectly normal despite your past, and dazai isn't envious about how easy you make it look, while he had to lie in hiding for years, he's just keeping an eye out for the people who may be harmed by you if—when—you decide to make a comeback. (but if someone asked him why he signed up for the evening classes you go for, he couldn't really give a good answer, except for "surveillance.")

turns out, he's not being too subtle.

"is there something you need?" you glance back momentarily, but your steps don't stop, "or are you just stalking me for the fun of it?"

dazai's mind immediately blanks, not expecting to be called out, and he fumbles for the best defense he has, "i am not stalking. i'm just keeping an eye on you, to make sure you don't...revert back to your old ways."

"i won't," he's a little taken aback by how you don't even question how he knew about your past, "but it's hard to leave all that behind when someone won't let it stay in the past."

"people don't change that easily—"

"are you speaking from personal experience?"

dazai inhales sharply, looking almost livid with how he glared at you, "i know you, [name]. you're planning something."

your responding smile is wry, and mocking, "i didn't know you were such a big fan of me. want an autograph while you're here?" but the expression drops immediately after, and your exasperation is only all the more obvious to him as you sigh, "listen, i can't tell you why i made this decision but i can promise that i'll never turn back."

and before dazai can throw out anymore accusations, you've already started walking away, leaving him alone yet again.

but your words echo in his mind, and though you were only trying to convince him otherwise, he resolutely decides that someone has to hold you to your final promise—and who better than him for the job?

jouno has been watching you for a while now, even before you started acting...strangely.

it wasn't anything personal, of course. it was just what he had to do to maintain order—even if he had to wrangle the files away from the investigation unit (after a poorly disguised threat) to begin surveilling you. he had been watching you, and for longer than anyone else, from the start of your criminal history.

with the newly spreading news about your apparent retirement, jouno was simultaneously proud and frustrated. he had always been sure that you were able to throw aside the meaningless life you had lived thus far and work to become a better person, and had been advocating for you from the very beginning. he was the reason, in fact, that you hadn't been thrown into a high security prison after your dangerous stunt involving some of the country's wealthiest and most powerful people. but now that you had changed, as he wished, he wasn't sure he was happy with all the extra attention you were getting. he knew you were about to get proposition by a variety of individuals and organizations, knew you were likely about to be investigated and prodded at by those who refused to believe in you and those who thought you could be won over easily enough, and he didn't quite like that consequence.

he wasn't particularly worried that you'd change your mind and go back to your previous line of work; jouno was confident in your resolve and your decisions, and he wasn't worried for your safety, since you had always done a good job at separating your private and personal life. however, all the new people who were interested in you now, the new eyes scrutinizing your sudden decision and the new faces you had to greet at work, didn't quite sit right with him. it wasn't fair, he thinks, that you had no clue about how much he believed in you, how much he was prepared to defend you.

and a small, dark part of him was a little upset that he didn't need to get involved in order to convince you—it was hoping that if he got to meet you, he could judge that you hadn't completely changed and that you needed him, and his guidance, to help. he was hoping he could have an opportunity to talk to you up close, to memorize the sound of your voice saying his name.

jouno thought he could change you—the fact that you didn't need him to bothered him more than he'd like to admit.

he had it all planned out; you'd have been his first successful recruit. all the other criminals he as tasked with rarely left his interrogations unharmed, let alone with their sanity intact. and you'd have been his subordinate, looking up at him as your supervisor and adviser, tasked to work with him on his missions, though you'd never be a hunting dog. he wouldn't show you his interrogations, not at first, but he'd take you with him when he was hunting down a villain as a reminder of your fate if you ever turned your back on him. and he would teach you, slowly, about military law and code, about the skills you needed to survive. he'd convince you, and the government, that you needed something to tie you down to them—after all, you couldn't exactly be trusted, yet, and if it had to be a procedure similar to his, he could hold your hand and help you through your recovery, pretending to be on your side, and earning more of your trust. and eventually...eventually, the two of you would grow closer, and you would be ecstatic to be with him.

but clearly, you didn't require his involvement.

perhaps jouno should be more concerned about what convinced you to give up the life you had worked so hard to stay on top of, but at the moment it wasn't of much concern to him. there was no secret threats, no sudden deaths of anyone close to you, just you and your newfound fear. not exactly typical, but far from suspicious. many criminals, especially petty ones with no real motive or goal, decided to start anew for seemingly no reason. it could very well be a hyper realistic nightmare, or a close brush with death—or even just a sentimental conversation with a loved one. it as obvious to him, however, that he wasn't the reason.

still, he didn't let that deter him.

because there was still plenty of opportunities for him to involve himself into your life. he could always admit that the government had been surveilling you, and lie that he was sent to make sure you stayed out of trouble, or he could make up a story about how you were being targeted by a notorious organisation, and he was tasked with protecting you instead. he could introduce himself as his hidden past, admit that he too was just like you, that he could help you bury the past, and work out a friendship of sorts.

it was only a matter of which method would be most effective. after he dealt with all the other pests hovering over you, he'd set his plans in motion.

imagine mistaking beastzai as your usual dazai (you thought he wanted to be emo for a day) and like did usual silly cute things with him then dazai came home and he’s like HUH WHO IS THIS GUY R U CHEATING ON ME :(( but in the end you have… double boyfriends but one’s moody and one’s fucking annoying

anons that think alike omg telepathy … use ur powers for good!!! two asks in one btw i feel so productive

alsooo beast!dazai would be giddy like a child to be in the main tl w his love… he’d be twirling you around and enjoying what could’ve been before he has to go back!!! all dazais are cringy and in love w u it's true they told me themselves !!!!

“What’s with the outfit?” You spoke bluntly, clearly a little put off by the reappearance of the black coat and red scarf. “Dude, you look like Mori.” Harsh, sure, but your boyfriend worked so hard to walk alongside you in the light, so the last thing you wanted was to see what would’ve been, if not for — 

Dazai smiled, seemingly amused. “Ah, love, it’s merely a costume. Thought you’d get a kick out of it,” he replies easily, pulling off the long red scarf: a staple of the Port Mafia’s boss.

His words help to relax you, letting out a small sigh as you push the coat off of his shoulders. “Let me grab you your coat, I know it’s around here somewhere…” You flittered about your shared apartment, pulling a backup brown coat from its spot buried underneath your closet. “This better suits you,” you speak under your breath as Dazai pulls it on. The fit seems a little… different. Is it somehow looser than normal? You frown.

“Thank you, love,” he repeated the same pet name. It felt as though he missed saying it, which doesn’t quite make sense.

You choose not to dwell on it — maybe seeing him in black again just rewired your brain for a moment. He’s alive and well in front of you and nothing else matters. A nod is all the reply Dazai gets before you slip on your shoes.

“I thought you might have headed to work early when I didn’t see you in bed this morning, but I guess that’s my fault for assuming the impossible,” you decide to tease.

Dazai easily slips behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his chin against your shoulder. “Mm… I love you, you know that? Let’s skip work today. We can spend time together, ‘kay?”

He’d always been unpredictable and spontaneous, so you merely laughed in response. “I don’t have work today, remember? But you still do.”

Shaking his head, he pouts — there’s the Dazai you love. “Nope!~ I refuse to go into work today. I’m spending my whole day with my love!” He practically jumps for joy, hands moving to gently hold your waist. “Let’s bake cookies.”

There isn’t much you can do, watching with an amused grin as Dazai unties your shoes before dragging you to the kitchen.

“It does not take two hours to make cookie dough…” you sigh, trying to jostle the white flour from your hair. “We baked cookies together, like, two weeks ago! How could we already have forgotten everything…”

Dazai grins, planting kiss after kiss on your cheeks, melted butter staining your skin from when he accidentally tried to drink from the cup you’d used to soften it. “Hard to remember much when I’m with you.”

“Is that supposed to be a compliment?” You chuckled, grabbing a towel from the counter to wipe both your face and his lips.

“Yep!~ It’s like.. my love is so pretty I can’t think when I’m around them! Oh, I could just die in… No! I don’t even want to die! I could live in your arms, grow old together and watch you get all frail and saggy,” Dazai speaks dreamily, swooning over the idea of growing old with you. How sweet.

You push him away gently and begin balling up the chocolate chip cookie dough, pressing it onto the silver pan you made Dazai buy when you first started staying over. “Saggy? No, I’ll be young and beautiful forever,” you joke, but Dazai only nods in response.

“It’s true! No one holds a candle to my love. Why, I wish I could spend every day just staring at you.” Dazai’s voice always sounded teasing when he was with you, but even as you put the last of the cookie dough onto the tray (only had enough to fill one, since Dazai kept spilling, throwing or eating the ingredients..) you could feel the genuineness in his words.

Oven preheated, you slid the sheet in to bake (making sure to start the timer) before turning to Dazai. Before you could get a word in, the front door to your shared apartment creaked open. Heart dropping to your stomach, you grabbed the closest thing to you: a whisk your boyfriend had licked clean. Said boyfriend only seemed to sigh, falling into a more somber mood, head hanging before he sent you a sad smile.

“I think the jig is up, love…”

Your name is called from the front door, the voice… suspiciously familiar. “Are you in there? You weren’t answering your phone and I got worried...” Dazai stepped into your apartment, hanging his keys by the door before turning around (an addition you made, since he tended to forget his and jumpscare you by picking the lock every few days).

The three of you stood still, no words spoken and the only sound being that of your metal whisk dropping to the floor. Spinning from one Dazai to the next, you wiped a splotch of flour from your shirt collar. You felt guilty for some reason, like you were at fault for not recognizing an imposter Dazai, and wanted to make yourself look more presentable.

“Awww, love!” The Dazai at the door pouts, throwing his coat on the floor as he quickly heads over to you. “Are you cheating on me?” He continues, slouching over you to impose as much of his weight as he can. You struggle for a moment, his bone crushing hug enveloping more than you expected.

Guilt still apparent as your tummy twisted, you shook your head. “I didn’t— “

The other Dazai, the one wearing a black tie and covered in various cookie ingredients pouted as well. “Maybe she’s cheating on me! I mean, I can’t believe my love moved in with another man…”

God, this was too confusing. You gently pushed Dazai A off of you, stepping back from the two. “I don’t— “

“I can’t believe this… I head to work early one time and now you’re making cookies for someone else!” Dazai A whined, face smooshed against the oven door’s glass in longing. “I’ll never be on time again! In fact, I think I’ll always have to be late.”

Dazai B pulled Dazai A back towards him by his collar, whispering obnoxiously, “I’ll share the cookies if you share the beautiful partner.”

Dazai A nods in approval, eyes closed and arms crossed like it was the easiest decision to make in the world. “I want half the sheet. And, I want a kiss…” He pouts towards you. Ugh, how annoying.

You deadpan towards the two, no longer feeling guilty. These two were just as much Dazai as they could get. Arms spread, you let Dazai A pull you into a hug so you can give him a proper welcome home kiss. “Both of you are obnoxious. Is that all I’m worth? Half a sheet of cookies?”

“Half a sheet of your cookies,” Dazai B grins. “That’s not something either of us would give up lightly.” The other Dazai nods in agreement.

Both of your stupid, annoying, clingy boyfriends tug on your sleeves, forcing you over to the couch so they can both receive your affections while the cookies bake.

the timer goes off after a while but they both whine about not wanting to let u get up. once you threaten letting the cookies burn they're quick to let go. i hate them both.

Bungo Stray Dogs masterlist main masterlist

Dazai Osamu

Nikolai Gogol

Ranpo Edogawa

Atsushi Nakajima

Chuuya Nakahara

Boredom - 10/30/22 older bsd fic ft. dazai and kunikida that focuses more on the reader character . was just a fun exercise for me tbh! haven't gone back i hope it is in any way legible

stop just read your dazai kisses one it’s so cute but the beastzai one fucked me up. awful. gut wrenching i have such a soft spot for him

hejdshfueh i wrote it with a permanent frown on my face. i can no longer smile.

thanks sm anon!!!! glad you enjoyed :)

got caught up on apothecary diaries manga and am sick in the head for jinshi so whatever im posting them on main later 🐺 sorry everyone

hiiiii :)

its been a minute but i have been writing quite a bit recently!!! im nearly done with an old rq really old. so sorry anon!!!! but ive also written two other stand alone fics!!!!! except they are both about apothecary diaries.

would you all want me to post them on my side account @stuffeddeer2? i know i've cultivated a bsd centric following so im not sure if anyones interested :) ill post them either way eventually but idk where to!

and i Will. be posting a rq. soon. hopefully come this weekend.