Dreams

Paranoid

On me, It feels like someone has their watch

I don’t want to be caught

Everything at a knot

Slipping

Flipping Paranoid

With the full void

Living annoyed

Guilt that can’t be put in the wash

Geniuses eating squash Here’s my stories

Of not being safe but of my many sorry’s

I’ll try to take an inventory

Words overused

Hearts don’t break they bruise Being stalked

Even after you talked

During the naked after shower walk

Nothing to do

I won’t feel safe with you I need a place to let loose and think

A place to make a mark with ink

One that gives off grandfather winks

Those I’ll never have the chance to see

I need to meet someone who makes friendship tea I can’t wait until I get a place

That’s safe

Where I can get my shoes relaced

What have I got,

Without this lot?

I’m Diseased

I’m diseased of adults

Assuming the worst from me

When it is just me

Then they give me a hard time

For nothing

I’m diseased of being a millennial

And adults assuming

That I’m lazy

And addicted to my phone

When it’s just me who just so happens to be different

I’m tired of feeling

Like I’m worthless

And no one will ever

Truly

Fall in love with just me and I them

I’m diseased

Of teachers

Thinking they are better

Because of a degree

At the moment I’m just 1,000 degrees of rage

I don’t want to go to school

I don’t want this factory process

Of being separated

Embarrassed

And torn apart

I’m diseased of being a product

And not a person

The only thing I’ve learned from school

Is that if you don’t want to be bent around

Then keep your mouth shut

I’m diseased with adults

Smoldering my fire

My passion

My,

Will to live and carry on…

This One Guy

This one guy,

Has no hope

He's stuck in a hole without a rope

He believes that he doesn't have a future

He is too scared to tell her

What do think of this guy?

This one man,

Told her that he liked her

To him it's a blur

A streak of let downs

The waves of the sea creating sand mounds

This was a man

This was a boy,

He didn't have a dad

His name, John Conrad

He only has one good friend

Seems like he wishes his life would end

This fellow...

This guy,

Lost hope

When he didn't even need a rope

He didn't think outside of the box

Enjoyed the danger of the savage fox

This idiot...

This one,

Had conversations that were hazy

Drove a phasey girl crazy

Fight or Fight

I must fight

Anxiety wants me to flight

I have to go against my natural instincts

I cannot blink I wish I had an understudy for my life

You can't know about my thoughts of stripping bark

My brain as sharp as a pocket knife

You are not where I want you, get back in the dark Writing to win

Losing instead

Not wanting to gamble, so far not taking the free spin

I need to stop with the lead No more of this weak space

All my poetry I should erase

My nightmare of my Achilles's heel getting wounded came true

Is this new? I should have seen it coming

I am back to owning nothing

My body is numbing

No pillow for fluffing Broken trust

You use the excuse of caring

I won't hesitate anymore when I burn bridges to dust

I understand what I'm going to have to be bearing All of the decisions after another decision

I will make with the most precision

My fear,

Is that I won't manage to get off this revolving sphere

Directions to Depression

First rule,

Always turn left

Because nothing turns out right

Second,

Look at the sky

Then look at your feet

When you decide to cross the road

In attempt to get away from what is left

Don’t bother looking both ways

Walk down misery lane

And try to find yourself

Not in any pain

Keep your head down

Follow the yellow lines

And when you get to the stop lights

Take another left

Onto the streets

Of regret

Pick any of the streets and follow it

To the dead end

And never come back.

Fake Friends

Why are you whispering behind my back?

Intelligence is what you lack

Are you too scared of me?

Baby?

Why are you doing this to me?

Why can’t you just let me be?

Where did you go?

You should know

Our friendship was growing strong

What you are doing is wrong

No one gives a shit

Go die in a pit

What happened to you?

You are now making me extremely blue

What did I do to you?

To make you go

So now you have made me go this low

I hope you’re happy now

Your ego is getting to be as fat as a cow

You should be nice to others as your way to the top because they are the ones you’ll see on your way down

I hope you bought a nice gown

You're the one who's going to need it most

At least I don’t boast

Unlike you

I'm going to start new

Without you

Was It Me?

Was it me or was it you?

Did I move closer?

Or did you?

I cannot tell

Since we move as one

Its like you were made for me

We both realize the risk

Just like Adam and Eve

We cannot help ourselves

I may not understand love

But I understand my heart

For some reason I let you slip into my head

I know that this probably wont work out

But I cant stop dreaming

About us being together forever

I can picture our future very vivid

And yet I am too sick to live a normal life

You showed me the secrets of the universe

I went outside and I don’t remember any of it

Except for you

You opened my mind enough to let love in

And take risks

Because love cannot kill

The risk

I almost took

Was not taking one

Reality

Filthy skin

I'm itching

To be an orphan

I'm waiting for lives to be gone

By then I'll be old

I'll be too late

I'm a failure either way

I need it badly

It's stuck on me

It has ruined me many times before

So I must go off to battle

See you long

Hidden secrecy

Private

Not stolen

My head is free unlike any words trapped on paper Memories run wild,

Fading

Should I let them slip,

Away?

I'm stuck in a lazy jail cell

I can't dig my way out in rhythm

If I could I'd still be stuck,

In an unfortunate life

I keep telling myself it's not going to happen

I already had my hopes set on fire

They're ashes of reality now

Oh reality...

Camp Sloane

It felt like I started a new life

A good one

A happy one It was a life full of new people

And new experiences

That were better than ever before A life without popularity

A life built of trust

And support A new home

In tents and out of town

With a better view of the lovely stars Now I'm back in my town

Back to the same life

Back to the same person Back inside

Where the breeze does not blow

And where the sky is not as beautiful Back inside

Where there aren't any waterfalls

And yet I find my feet in the same shoes

The Cliff Hanger

I’m hanging on like a cliff hanger

Just hanging on and just hoping against odds

But you learn to pull yourself up and at least sit on the branch

But it sways in the wind

So you hang on and try your best not to fall

If you do it’s all over

No second chances

No forgiveness for trying so hard

So hard not to just jump

It’s getting tempting

It seems easier just ending it

But you just keep fighting

That’s all you've ever done

You think it will just end anyway

You might slip

Your hands are getting extremely tired and sweaty

But you’re used to it

You teach yourself how to walk on the small branch

You start to trust it

You shouldn't though

But it’s all you've got

You just want to be saved

But you know that’s highly unlikely

You lose hope

You want to climb the cliff

It’s straight up

Or straight down if you fall

One way trip

Will you make it?

You try to grab the side of the cliff

It falls out of your hand as debris

And dust because you have been there for so long…

And yet longer…

No help!

You start screaming

All you hear are your echo’s

You know it’s no use to hold on anymore

You jump

You feel so free

You like the feeling of flying

Your stomach in your throat

You haven’t done anything like this in at least a year

You see the bottom getting closer

You can’t wait for it to end…