I Need My Feet To Forget

K-12

All I have learned how to do is study

And memorize

And cram

With a heavy head, how am I expected to take to the skies?

I know nothing about survival

Unless grabbing the newest textbook counts

I know that it doesn’t

I guess they have failed to brainwash me completely

But I do know how to wake up and eat

Then study

Go to sleep

And repeat

Never fully knowing what the outside world is like

Never slipping out of reach

Never learning the things that will actually help me

Always shoving me down

Never letting me wonder what if

Never showing me why

But commanding me this way

And that

That’s for the authority

And the sentence

That I committed no crime for

It was quite unneeded

Trying to get me to conform

By using peer pressure

Then when its useful for you to say the opposite,

You say that we shouldn’t follow others and do as you say

Making me feel so, so little

While telling me to be an adult

Then telling me that I’m not an adult

And when I am one I will never be ready

I can't believe I am finally free

From this tortuous prison

That I used to feel embarrassed to be a part of k-12

But now I am done with k-12

So bye motherfuckers

I ain’t coming back

And I ain’t gonna be looking back

Because most of the faculty, staff, administration, and board members made me feel like shit

Believe it or not

But

School was made for kids

So stop trying to take over and ruin our lives

The Reason Why I Fell

The reason why I'm about to fall

Is because I once stood tall

Just as quick and graceful as a fawn

You are gone

‘Twas all but a dream

You secretly made me beam

Even though I shuddered

And muttered

You were so patient like the paper I leak ink on

You are gone

Big sister

Now you're a big blister

That I will never fully comprehend

A message I might send

But I know I will slip away like sand

In your pretty young hands

I felt so safe

But now I feel the chafe

We had fun

What's done is done

‘Twas all but a silly nightmare

‘Twas just a tear,

In the page,

Of a script who’s fate was to drift off stage

And that was the reason why I fell

Into this well

At dark dawn

I am gone...

Holiday Swirl

I’m so horrible, bad luck doesn’t want a part of me

The crows fly away with the sight of me,

Inscribed in their retinas

I have my own invisible scarlet letter

“S” is the letter

My name…

Blades of grass spear through my shadow

So long ago that girl of a shadow

My 5 o'clock shadow of words

Maybe my writing phase is over

I can’t wake up from a dream when it’s already over

Maybe my blue pen is done kissing the paper

If you were the paper and I was the pen, you’d think I was trying to murder you

I don’t know me, without you

Sometimes I miss my ink

I’m scared my drugs are going to be discontinued

I’m scared my happiness has been discontinued

I used it all up in attempt to hang onto it

Flowers blossoming beautifully to their death

Everything living to its death

Birds singing the song the reaper himself wrote

Words tattooed to my face,

My award losing poker face

Why can’t you see the sadness in my bright eyes?

My depression is the light

Everyone’s happiness is the light

People keep dragging me there

They think they’re helping

Don’t ask me what is helping

Always asking the awful reverse

They think they know what’s best

No one knows best

No not even me

If only they would listen-

And yet, too intently is not how to listen

They never do

I Can't

I can't

Stupid head

I should be thankful

While writing this others feel as if they were lying in their death bed I can't

What is wrong with me

I'm so messed up

I wish someone could get me but their middle name is absentee I can't

I should be lucky I have an umbrella for the rain

But I'm too befouled

Others are in pain I can't

It feels like I'm cheating

You can find rhyming words on the Internet

A "good enough mother" is what I'm needing I can't

I used to despise being called honey

I'm going to be thinking about both of you for eternity

You are mine if I pay you money I can't

I can't stand it

The same thing every time

I can't throw a fit I can't

I can't write

Who can help?

For once I'm ready to fight I can't

In my life I'm confused

This little pointless poem

My heart severely bruised I can't

My life I find perplexing

I am vinegar to myself

My feelings I keep deflecting

Things You Should Never Think, Or Make Me Do

Number one, never make me prove you wrong in the way that I don’t need you

Number two, never make me wear a red dress with Bugs Bunny characters on it

Number three, don’t force me to conform to your idea of being a girl

Number four, don’t think that I won’t taste it, trust me, my taste buds will find a way

Number five, don’t make me rewrite something, because there’s a chance that I thought it was a masterpiece in the way that you thought that it was shit

Number six, don’t think that I am frightened

Number seven, don’t think about me, because you'll never understand, and I hope you never will

Number eight, don’t force me to do it your way, because, if I did it differently, that would obviously just be preposterous!

Number nine, don’t think that you can just stare at me like a creep, making me uncomfortable to ever wear cute summer dresses

Number ten, don’t make me feel the need to apologize for just being me!

Metal People

Why aren't the metal people melting in this heat

Why am I still out here? It's because I can smell sand and salt 

And the heat reminds me of summer

Although

I am questioning what in the world am I doing The birds chirping

The traffic

The anxiety It feels like a good day

For the beach and nothing else To get your feet burned in the sand

And the sharp feel of shark water But I'm here on an uncomfortable park bench

Made to look like a place to sit

Made to be uncomfortable So much for the brick and concrete, cars and calc I could have drove home and be arriving there now

But why would I want to be there Have I become one of the metal people

Just here watching the other people I guess not quite yet

Because I can feel the human slowly dripping from the pits

Christmas Eve

Peaceful

But I wish you were here

All wrapped up and under the tree for me to find

Adults making the magic happen

Running around and a bit frantic

Santa feeling a tad mad and rundown

I wonder what you are doing,

Where you are,

What you look like now

The mashed potatoes are being made

Church plans are being made

Stores of toys are full of adults making a last minute raid

Do I ever cross your mind

When you walk under the mistletoe

Or has time crossed me out like a wrong answer

Dishes being washed and put away

Showers being taken

Cleanliness taking place

Do you feel like something is missing?

Peaceful but lacking

In the fragments we posses of each others hearts

Summer

Summer will not make me dumber

With no stress, I'm more depressed

Biased people with remainders of my past, in my brain it will never last

I can't breath; It's debilitating but I'm not suffocating

Give me a car and I'll take it far

Wishing things were different, kissing your black shoe

Waiting for that day, knowing you'll be hesitating

Waking up without a mission, then going fish'n

Feeling like you're not going to get there, life is only so fair

Dreamers with their silly fantasy dreams, fighting for them but not getting ice creams

They became depressed, while they were back in their nest

They stopped fighting, and tried rewriting

Their progress plateaued, and started the downhill flow

Then out of nowhere their flame relit, and found the way out of the pit

They wrote of sugar coated endings, to deal with the god sendings

Of summer never being a bummer

No Heart Inside

Steady beat of the drum

Just the turn of the thumb

But I don't have the nerve

So I kick it to the curb

She doesn't seem to have a heart

Even if it hit her in between the eyes she wouldn't know art

Don't show

How in my world the cold wind blows

I tried to see it within her

But it's all a blur

You can tell that she doesn't root for the underdog

Even though she is older than I, she doesn't know how to see through the fog

I thought that you were one of the good guys

I now know the truth and the seemingly harmless lies

There's nothing you can do

I already wrote a poem about that too

I don't want her to see

The inside of me

The things about me that she doesn't get

Outside of her net

For not doing it, she thinks I'm crazy

She thinks that I'm just being lazy

She probably thinks that I'm dumber than dirt

But I'm just a bit broken and hurt

I got a second chance

Away that idea went as I danced

I've learned too late

But that's just my damn fate

So, I would prefer

If you please don't show my writing to her

Underdogs

Hey now,

What happened to being proud of being an underdog?

What happened to wearing the pain like a badge of honor?

The only badge I’ll get to wear

Because I am not smart

I've just gotten really good at faking

And faking gets you nowhere

That’s why I'm now here,

In this damned place for public humiliation and I'm supposed to be grateful

Hey now,

Let’s bare our teeth

We make it by the skin of them

There's nothing quite like an artist’s pain,

The heart trying to leave the body through the throat

You know it’s bad when your own heart wants out

It rips itself from the chest

As if it were merely attacked with Velcro

Weak

Hey now,

We don’t play horribly safe

But risks and gambling are the only way we can live with ourselves

And we never fucking learn

Making the same mistakes

As if we were geniuses in our tattered shoes

We continue on living like we knew something else ought to happen

Fools is what we are

And we’re too damned stubborn to change our ways

Hey now,

Sometimes you get to taste the sea on your salty lips, 

And they can’t

This whole place is friggin rigged

Just deport me already

I know too much,

Of depression

Because I became so lonely

Without something, anything

Hey now,

Where are the others?

Now is our time to join

To stop the artists’ creative pain

And stupidity

Of thinking that writing, painting, drawing, singing, playing,

Is going to stop it

Like staying up late working overtime for free,

Is going to get you anywhere

Hey now,

There’s supposedly baseball stadiums full of you

Who stay home to avoid getting bullied

If adults think that your education is so important

Then why do they make you feel so bad?

Hypocrites!

Guys stay home,

The lessons they teach in school

Have only taught me to hate myself

Hey now,

Let’s not become our own bullies

Let’s just do something

Like raise hell

Gotta fuck up this world some more

Because apparently leaving without making a mark, isn’t good

But as underdogs

We are stuck wearing choke chains

And muzzles

Hey now,

Class E is a proud class

Full of assassins

Let’s be like them

Get disappointed

Then build yourself up

Don’t let brick walls stop you

Don’t let gravity get you down

And don’t let tornadoes twist and turn you into a hot mess

Hey now,

They don’t know our pain,

Of working hard for nothing But as underdogs we are the people that keep coming, we’re the people that live

They don’t know about the ghost

The ghost of good ‘ol Tom Joad