HAPPY OCTOBER FIRST RAHHHH!!!!!

10 year olds tremble in his presence.

You're in a #1 Bumblebee fan competition but then a man named Alex Malto is your opponent

a very serious book, as you can see

Actual things that happen in the 1897 Dracula novel, without context:

A character has ominous nightmares and attributes them to eating too much paprika

Dracula first appears wearing a fake beard

The person he was trying to fool with the fake beard immediately realizes Dracula and Beard Guy are the same man, due to both having really firm handshakes

We are told parrots are immortal unless fatally wounded

A Texan cowboy opens fire on a bat flitting around a window, and lodges a bullet in the wall of an occupied room

A woman is called a polyandrist for receiving blood transfusions from multiple men

An incorrectly addressed telegram leads to two deaths, multiple druggings, and several children being assaulted

Dracula, while trying to maintain a low profile, takes a lovely trip to the zoo and freaks out the animals so badly that he gets mentioned in a newspaper article

The one character who knows anything about vampires spends a good two-thirds of the book refusing to talk about vampires

Dracula went to Satan's Witchcraft Academy and somehow this is only brought up in two throwaway lines

A character gets stuck inside a circle of communion wafer crumbs

A major plot point of the book is Dracula (who was said to be a brilliant scholar and has the strength of twenty mortal men) realizing he can move boxes without human help

Someone is referred to as "manifestly a prig of the first water"

Two characters have a hobby of reading train schedules

A hospital lets a mental patient escape to see what will happen

A character starts vomiting up feathers from eating whole birds

A doctor refuses to give a medical diagnosis and instead makes a speech about growing corn

Dracula impersonates another character just by wearing the same clothes, despite being taller and visibly much older. This deception is successful.

A character "cleans" a room by eating all the insects in it

Suddenly: rats. Thousands of them.

The heroes progress in their efforts through "the wonderful power of money," i.e., bribery

Dracula has three other vampires in his castle. Their relation to him is never explained, nor are any of them named.

A character insists his salvation depends on having a pet cat

Dracula is thwarted by flowers on more than one occasion

A group of vampires stand in the hall outside a man's bedroom, talking loudly about their plans to eat him. When he comes to the door to confront them, they run away laughing

Dracula wears an unfashionable hat and gets roasted for it

A group of Romanians encounter a disheveled, shouting man and, "seeing from his violent demeanour that he was English, they [give] him a ticket for the furthest station on the way thither that the train reached."

A boat crashes due to Dracula having the munchies

A wolf is thrown through a window and immediately runs off, confused and covered in glass

Dracula makes a bed

He kinda bad tho.

on god.

yes, I will go through the mildly inconvenient task of sending your tiktok from my phone to my computer.

no, I will not be downloading the accursed app.

my boomer trait is that I’m never going to download tiktok. if you send me a tiktok that I can’t watch in my internet browser, I’m not watching it

Shout out to the same 10 people I always see posting and reblogging VTM stuff

thinbloods. instantly.

always.

oh and malkavians cuz they're nerds.

i could easily push their books out of their hands.

list of most to least bullyable clans

he's offering, you taking?

ccool pic i found

the dash train

If tumblr was a train, it would be blue and full of fucking idiots as passengers

merry late birthday, father strange

You fall asleep face down on the floor ONE TIME and they never let you forget

RIGHT, SO

I got that Neca figure, Alpha Predator Kaail. Very cool. So he comes with some lore on a little paper and its about how before the Yaujta they had these ancestors called the Hish. And then came along these weird looking aliens called Amengi who like enslaved all of the Hish to do stuff and fight each other for sport (which ended up in them being great fighters and stuff). Then Kaail comes along and bands together with the rest of 'em to chase off the Amengi and all that good stuff

but wait that stuff sound familiar

I then realized shocked beyond imagine that THE FREAKING TRANSFORMERS from G1 HAVE THE EXACT SAME BACKSTORY FOR THEIR SPECIES AND PLANET

AAAAAAAAAAA