Still Trying Out Gachas And Finding Masterpieces All Of A Sudden

i really enjoyed guardian tales actually

a little pile of silly things because i it's 6 am and i suddenly felt like posting something

fu xuan’s interrogation

Mizu, femininity, and fallen sparrows

In my last post about Mizu and Akemi, I feel like I came across as overly critical of Mizu given that Mizu is a woman who - in her own words - has to live as a man in order to go down the path of revenge.

If she is ever discovered to be female by the wrong person, she will not only be unable to complete her quest, but there's a good chance that she'll be arrested or killed.

So it makes complete sense for Mizu to distance herself as much as possible from any behavior that she feels like would make someone question her sex.

I felt so indignant toward Mizu on my first couple watchthroughs for this moment. Why couldn't Mizu bribe the woman and her child's way into the city too? If Mizu is presenting as a man, couldn't she claim to be the woman's escort?

However, this moment makes things pretty clear. Mizu knows all too well the plight of women in her society. She knows it so well that she cannot risk ever finding herself back in their position again. She helps in what little way she can - without drawing attention to herself.

Mizu is not a hero and she is not one to make of herself a martyr - she will not set herself on fire to keep others warm. There's room to argue that Mizu shouldn't prioritize her quest over people's lives, but given the collateral damage Mizu can live with in almost every episode of season 1, Mizu is simply not operating under that kind of morality at this point. ("You don't know what I've done to reach you," Mizu tells Fowler.)

And while I still feel like Mizu has an obvious and established blind spot when it comes to Akemi because of their differences in station, such that Mizu's judgment of Akemi and actions in episode 5 are the result of prejudice rather than the result of Mizu's caution, I also want to establish that Mizu is just as caged as Akemi is, despite her technically having more freedom while living as a man.

Mizu can hide her mixed race identity some of the time, and she can hide her sex almost all of the time, but being able to operate outside of her society's strict rules for women does not mean she cannot see their plight.

It does not mean she doesn't hurt for them.

Back to Mizu and collateral damage, remember that sparrow?

While Mizu is breaking into Boss Hamata's manse, she gets startled by a bird and kills it on reflex. She then cradles it in her hands - much more tenderly than we've seen Mizu treat almost anything up to this point in the season:

She then puts it in its nest, with its unhatched eggs. Almost like she's trying to make the death look natural. Or like an accident.

You see where I'm going with this.

When Mizu kills Kinuyo, Mizu lingers in the moment, holding the body tenderly:

And btw a lot of stuff about this show hit me hard, but this remains the biggest gut punch of them all for me, Mizu holding that poor girl's body close, GOD

When Mizu arranges the "scene of the crime," Kinuyo's body is delicate, birdlike. And Mizu is so shaken afterward that she gets sloppy. She's horrified at this kill to the point that she can't bring herself to take another innocent life - the boy who rats her out.

MIZU'S ONE MOMENT OF SOFTNESS AND MERCY, COMING ON THE HEELS OF HER NEEDING TO KILL A GIRL TO SPARE HER THE WORST FATE THAT THIS RIGID SOCIETY HAS TO OFFER WOMEN, AND TO SPARE A BROTHEL FULL OF INNOCENT WOMEN WHO ARE THE CASTOFFS OF SOCIETY, NEARLY RESULTS IN ALL OF THEIR DEATHS

No wonder Mizu is as stoic and cold as she is.

And no wonder Mizu has no patience for Akemi whatsoever right before the terrible reveal and the fight breaks out:

Speaking of Akemi - guess who else is compared to a bird!

The plumage is more colorful, a bit flashier. But a bird is a bird.

And, uh

Yeah.

I like to think that Mizu killing the sparrow is not only foreshadowing for what she must do to Kinuyo, but is also a representation of the choice she makes on Akemi's behalf. She decides to cage the bird because she believes the bird is "better off." Better off caged than... dead.

But because Mizu doesn't know Akemi or her situation, she of course doesn't realize that the bird is fated to die if it is caged and sent back home.

Mizu is clearly not happy, or pleased, or satisfied by allowing Akemi to be dragged back to her father:

But softness and mercy haven't gotten Mizu anywhere good, recently.

There is so much tragedy layered into Mizu's character, and it includes the things she has to witness and the choices she makes - or believes she has to make - involving women, when she herself can skirt around a lot of what her society throws at women. Although, I do believe that it comes at the cost of a part of Mizu's soul.

After all, I'm gonna be haunted for the rest of this show by Mizu's very first prayer in episode 1:

"LET" her die. Because as Ringo points out, she doesn't "know how" to die.

Kind of like another bird in this show:

what if

i asked you to send me some spicynoodles requests

my brain is empty but i love them so pretty pls

my waifus and meta have finally become one

ohh, sweetie i absolutely enjoy your style, your sence of colour and your art in general and i want you to do the things you like - not for somebody, but for yourself there’ll always be mean and dissatisfied people, but that doesn’t mean that you’re the one to blame you’re doing a huge beautiful work,and i wanna say that you’ve been inspiring me for some time - i was really happy when i saw your artworks and your love for stella, and i was like “wow, i’m not the only one to like this. maybe i can post some of my weird stuff too” when you enjoy the things that you’re doing, there'll always be people who’ll like them too! you wasn’t doing “mistakes”, there just wasn’t the right audience for you to fully express yourself and i really hope you’ll find it on tumblr, cause i’m already here to support you :з love you and your efforts - i hope the others do the same!!

Sometimes Thing Is Very Bad.

Maybe guys don't know I'm a Taiwanese(not Chinese people), so I understand Chinese, this is my native language.

I used a Chinese website, which is very similar to Tumblr, so I also posted pictures there. I painted a lot of paintings, very diligently, I think some people think so.

But because they don't like Stella and my painting style.

It made me very chilling, very, very.

I just hope someone can love Stella like me. And in fact the Problem also is

on my style?

I don't know, I really don't know. May I made some mistakes?I think my efforts are in vain.😢

This has always been the case, like this. I really want to be happy, seeing here will make me happy. But grief will only get worse, because I can understand that it is my language.

All in all, I...need a hug.

This is actually decided by a poll back in twitter, so I feel really bad about not posting it there. At last...

Swap Ishqueg/LCB Queequeg AU.

The Middle's Big Sister ID Queequeg uptie story:

It is rumoured that the Big Sister of the Middle’s U Corp. branch is especially well-loved and favoured by her Great Siblings.

And, at the same time, she’s incredibly petty and selfish toward her Little Brothers and Sisters.

People believe she accumulated so many augment tattoos in so little time and rose to the rank of Big Sister when she was so young because she enacted the Middle’s Vengeance in solitary. Thus, taking all the tattoos that she could have shared.

This blatant betrayal of one of the Middle’s core ideologies is somehow ignored and even encouraged by one particular Great Sister.

It is said that she’s flighty, capricious, and vain. She falls in love easily and falls out of it even easier.

Though those adjectives don’t mean much when one talks about the members of the Middle, it is advisable that you don’t say such a thing within earshot of a Middle’s sibling, or else, you will find a very unpleasant guest waiting at your doorstep.

The child sits on top of her little throne of corpses, most of which are mutilated in a way that barely resembles a human anymore.

She is patiently counting the pages of her book, but with each page, the number on the led screen behind her increases by one digit.

This degree of extravagance is not unheard of from the Middle. But this time, it is most likely that she was so bored waiting for her final subject of Vengeance that she made a throne out of the woman’s dead Syndicate comrades and repurposed their led screen for her amusement.

Queequeg: 46. 47…

She doesn’t even lift her face to acknowledge the woman who stands frozen at the entrance.

Queequeg: 48. 49…

Terrified Syndicate leader: I. I didn’t mean it like that! I didn’t know you were there!

The plea for her life, if this could be called that, came too late.

Queequeg: 50!

Queequeg: Ah hah! Today's next subject of Vengeance is…you!

With a loud laughter, she hurriedly scribbles the name into her Book of Vengeance. The number ‘50’ behind her glows bright purple, much like the tattoos covering her body.

Queequeg: Page 50. Title 10. Section 70. Row 21: Insulting a Big Sister’s characters. Page 50. Title 10. Section 70. Row 22: Breaking a Big Sister’s heart. Page 50. Title 10. Section 70. Row 23: Making a Big Sister embarrassed…thrice.

The other child fell to her knees, accepting her fate, but the Big Sister continued with the same glee.

Queequeg: Let’s go over everything in order, shall we? First, give me your tongue.

After a long while of wailing and screaming from all the tongue-cutting, heart-piercing, and limbs-breaking later, the small Syndicate could be considered thoroughly wiped, with its leader’s consciousness faded for the one last time.

It is as though she was woken up from a slumber, the delight of the perpetrator of the tragedy completely vanishes, leaving a strange…bewilderment.

Queequeg: Hmm…was that 49, or 50, or 51? I lost count again.

Great Sister of the Middle: You seem like you had fun.

Queequeg: It was fun! You should have seen her face when I showed her her own tongue.

In contrast to the child’s erratic glee, the Great Sister’s smile is serene. She adjusts the chain necklace that she especially gifted Queequeg, admiring its lustre.

Great Sister of the Middle: I checked your book, you know. I saw her name under the Breaking a Big Sister’s heart Section. Do you want to explain?

It is as though all the air in the room vanishes. The terrifying and triumphant Big Sister feels herself shrinking ever smaller, struggling and failing to break out of her Sister's grip.

The child’s fingernails dig into her arm. Cold sweat starts to trickle down her forehead. She opens her mouth as if to say something, but not a word comes out.

Great Sister of the Middle: Ahaha~ You are really cute when you are cornered like that.

The older child laughs heartily, gently pressing harder on the fearful Big Sister’s shoulders. Queequeg didn’t know if her laughter meant she was pardoned or if she was in trouble, so she dared not even breathe.

Great Sister of the Middle: Relax. You are too old to be punished for something like that.

She said, very softly kissing the scared child’s cheek.

Great Sister of the Middle: Try not to get too hung up about it, though. I told you already. Forget about other people. Only the Middle is capable of loving you.

Great Sister of the Middle: By the way, how many did you punished?

Queequeg: I don’t know. I lost count. Might have been 50 or something?

Her mind still lingers on the last topic, so the child couldn’t give her Sister a concrete number, yet the Great Sister doesn’t spare her any sympathy.

Great Sister of the Middle: 50 is much too few. I scolded you about this before, didn’t I? You ought to keep better track…Or else.

Queequeg: O— Of course.

“Isn’t 50 a lot already?” The child asked herself.

She slumped on the make-up table, incredibly irritated at the pungent scent of perfume spilt from the broken bottle.

“No. Isn’t one already too much?” She pulls her hair out.

Her neck feels so very heavy. What did the Great Sister say, giving her this necklace as a birthday gift? — You won’t have to raise your head ever again. The little golden crown feels prickly on her head, but she isn't allowed to take it off.

“Really. What did that woman say that was so wrong?”

The child darts her eyes around, accidentally meeting remnants of the red lipstick rolling on the floor.

“That I am flighty? That I am capricious? That I am vain?” She lifts her face to see the reflection in the mirror, the reflection of a flighty, capricious, and vain woman — one that she despises so much she couldn’t help but smash into pieces.

“What then? She speaks no falsehood. And even if those were lies…” The child quietly contemplates as she holds the scattered pieces of the broken mirror, frustrated to feel no pain at all. “Why did she have to…Why did I…?”

The question she posed has a very obvious answer, one that has been drilled into her head already.

Right, she has been told hundreds of times that:

Great Sister of the Middle: Only the Middle is capable of loving you.

Here, she has everything she needs. Here, she has the respect and affection of thousands. Anyone outside, living in that world of filth, that slighted her even a little bit deserves to be punished. And that is just a fact of life.

And so, even if she grows increasingly repulsed by her Siblings; even if she couldn’t stand working with them; even if she is deathly afraid of the Great Sister, it would still be unthinkable not to uphold the Middle’s decree.

The spiky golden crown is all she ever has. Those heavy, glistening golden chains are all she ever has. Their affection is the only thing she ever had and will ever have.

Even thinking so, the child couldn’t shake the images of that one sailor she met by chance at Marlin Port that other day: the sailor who shares the colour of her eyes with the hazel wood and hair with the sunset.

She wonders what that woman is doing now. Has that woman fallen in love? Or did she already find the love of her life? Or has she given up?

She spent no more than three minutes indulging herself in those kinds of thoughts.

The vase of white lilies stands tall and prideful despite the disarray caused by the child’s temper tantrum, reminding her to hold true and steadfast to her dear, dear family's values.

The Middle's Big Sister ID Queequeg's voicelines:

Identity Obtained: I am the most adorable, the strongest, the most beloved Sister, aren't I?

Uptying: 46. 47. 48. 49. 50…Ah hah! Today's next subject of Vengeance is…you!

Reasoning: This is her Bad End ID. One of the two of them anyway. I mused about her getting the Ahab ID and came to the conclusion that...Queequeg just doesn't have it in her. I could make it work, but in the angle that I am going to approach her story, it is just not Ahab.

And because of that I'm also considering ditching Blind Obsession E.G.O for her.

I just don't think Obsession is as much of her theme as Ishmael or Ahab. My version of her is about judgement and atonement, and by extension, love.

Personal notes:

I gave this Queequeg ID 3 arts because I can. And I mean...this is the bad end ID. It's like Wild Hunt, NCorp, and Captain, I have to give it a little flare.

I am terrified of being not canon compliant later, so the Great Sister's hands are covered with leather gloves. I don't want to speculate on her skin complexion, lest I be wrong later. But in my mind, she's pale like the white lilies, which is a reference to The Little Mermaid by Hans Christian Andersen, one of Queequeg’s source materials. My headcanon for her name for now is also simply "Lily".

I'm very into making the Middle a metaphor for an abusive family, which Queequeg can't escape from. One of the manipulation tactics of theirs is to deem everything outside disgusting and that warmth, love, and acceptance only exist inside. That is why "only the Middle is capable of loving you" is a thing. The theme of love goes deeper, but it's not convenient to explain it now. When I finally write Canto V for this AU, you'll see what I mean. Just remember I based her mostly on The Little Mermaid and only a bit on Moby Dick.

Queequeg is wearing a golden crown of thorns, which hurts her because envy in Limbus is a crown of thorns, and the Middle is very envy-coded. It is also a reference to The Little Mermaid. The crown of thorns is also like a crown of roses, which is a red flower, which is a reference the The Little-

Her counting to 50 (both her victims and the page on her Book of Vengeance) and lost count is a reference to...surprisingly not The Little Mermaid, but Moby Dick, in which Queequeg counts the pages of a thick book, but he only counts to 50 before restarting.

you know i kind of adore this dysfunctional garbage family i may also do toni next (or argus once i get to his storyline in the game)

i’m sorry