You Are Russian And Like MCSM? (Your Profile Pic?) Can You Please Give Me Any Russian Incorrect Quotes

You are Russian and like MCSM? (Your profile pic?) Can you please give me any Russian incorrect quotes that you think Ivor would say? (Headcanon that Harper can understand him, but can’t speak it as well if you want it to include her. Jesse has picked a little up from him but most of it is nonsense to them.) I want to draw doodles of Ivor speaking Russian, but I don’t speak it well enough myself to come up with anything fitting for him.

hi!!

it's honestly a little hard to come up with something meaningful, but i feel like he would use a lot of russian sayings to swear or grumble. most of them don't actually mean anything and it would be a nightmare to try and translate them (which makes it even harder for jesse and harper to understand), but they sound super funny. stuff like... "ядрена вошь", "еперный театр", "зашибись колесный трактор", "египетская сила", "твою дивизию".

"началось колхозье утро" as a derogatory "here it comes", "чтоб тебе дристалось и воды не было" as, basically, "fuck you", "тому виднее, у кого хуй длиннее" as, uhh... "не люди, а хуй на блюде"....... i'm sorry, i am no teacher, but those sayings have a specific vibe to them. i literally found a 100+ page book full of russian swearings right now and all of them sound... truly magical.

sorry if it didn't help at all, i'm just a little confused at what to consider a "russian incorrect quote", since it's my language and all of it already sounds natural to me. :"ъ

also, he probably tells a lot of unfunny russian anecdotes. we love them. well, at least i do.