The Expand Dong Meme But It's Extrude Gun. Is That Anything?

the Expand Dong meme but it's Extrude Gun. Is that anything?

More Posts from Tacticalpizzaoven and Others

7 months ago

if you're transgender and need name ideas, may I direct you toward the nato alphabet because like. delta? november?? echo?? romeo is like the butchest name. please consider foxtrot. being named whiskey would be cool as hell. I know multiple transmascs who were a bit too into english lit and are named victor now. I've met people named sierra who were trans in every direction. maybe don't name yourself golf

2 months ago

In your opinion, what is the most fuckable Lancer frame?

Dusk Wing, windmill slam.

Now some Lanceblrs are probably gonna call me a basic bitch, but let me explain my reasoning here.

Now I'm a monsterfucker. I like fucking monsters. And we can all talk about fantasies and shit but if I'm gonna take a mech's dick - and I am, I'm the bottom in this scenario and I'm planting my flag right now - it needs to be Size 1/2. I'm sorry, but no human body is capacious enough to accept the schlong of a Size 1 mech. I don't care if you've been training on Chance XLs your entire adult life, the GMS Standard-Pattern Size 1 fuckpole is meant for mechs of its own size class only. My pelvic floor would disintegrate upon touching it. It's a non-starter. Size 1/2s only.

Unfortunately, this restriction leaves me with a distressingly small stable of viable mechs, some of which are instant disqualifications.

The Caliban is right out the window, immediately. It's not a machine intended to be an image of man fucking large. It was never meant to thrust across the battlefield erotically to affect a greater orgasm. It is a tool designed to kill human beings very, very quickly. The Caliban is married to the job, and the only ejaculations it produces are 8-gauge buckshot. I'm going to confidently put it down as asexual. Also, the awkward arrangement of its hips would produce deeply inadequate thrusting.

The Kobold is clearly into BDSM, and specifically, waxplay. The Kobold likes to cause you erotic pain by dripping molten fluids all over your naked, trembling body, and don't get me wrong, that's hot - but we're talking like 900 degrees hot. I want my body to burn with forbidden passion, not to actually catch fire because it's covered in superheated chemicals that shouldn't ever touch. Besides, their spiky carapace feels like it would be a problem for some of the positions I want to try.

The Napoleon and I actually dated once and it didn't go very well at all so he's right out.

Now you'd think on first glance that the Atlas is the perfect fuckbuddy - anthroform, roughly the correct height, weight and shape, and possessed of those athletic, muscular arms that can just pin you down while going to town on you. That's all well and good, but he's so painfully boring. All he ever wants to do is fuck missionary, and his idea of aftercare is watching Demon Slayer. I can't. I just can't.

The Goblin wouldn't return my calls. After the third try, it just texted me this:

0S1R1Smaxx1ng: girl fuck off harrison iii just added me to a group chat

Now, that leaves the Dusk Wing, which fortunately for us presents several advantages.

Firstly: hands. Six of them (at bare minimum). You know how hot it is to be pinned to the wall by your wrists, your ankles and STILL get your tits and ass groped? Those hands are dextrous and surprisingly gentle, and when those fingers go in your mouth, you can bite down hard without hurting your jaw or chipping your teeth.

Secondly: comfort. The Dusk Wing is based off of old EVA hardsuit designs, built for ergonomics, so a lot of its non-armored sections are made out of flexible polymer that doesn't chafe against your skin. The armored sections are smooth composite. There's no spurs or spikes, no jagged or protruding elements, and no crush hazards. Heat rejection systems mostly point backwards from the mech, which might be a problem if I wanted to be on top, but we've already established I don't.

Thirdly: memetics. I'm an absolute freak for mind control, and the Dusk Wing can make me feel like I'm being fucked by sixteen of itself at once. It can squeeze my tongue and whisper its name to me and make me feel like me and it are the only things in the entire universe. It can show me myself climaxing over and over and over and over and over and over.

I hope this excessively answers your question.


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3 months ago

Drawing a Lancer frame: fun! creative freedom bc all frames look unique (Personalizations + Custom Paint Job)! so long as it has its signature weapon, it should be recognizable!

Drawing a Gundam frame: If I misplace a singular panel on this sonofabitch, Bandai is going to descend from the heavens and smite me.

4 months ago

Literally sobbing. A judge, a US judge defended us. A judge brought up intersex people, uaing the term intersex, to *defend* us by not allowing our erasure. I'm having a lot of feelings right now

Literally Sobbing. A Judge, A US Judge Defended Us. A Judge Brought Up Intersex People, Uaing The Term
2 months ago
Harrison Armory Finally Presents Its Year Of The Snake Ensemble. Security Captain Valentina Santoso Makes

Harrison Armory finally presents its Year of the Snake ensemble. Security Captain Valentina Santoso makes a rare return to Ras Shamra, dressed in an outfit that conveys both her military standing and minor celebrity status among the core territories of Harrison Armory. For better or worse, all HA rank and file know The Dirty Worker.

The brief sojourn has her in uncommonly good spirits, she's here to review the results of the Armory's new prototype frame—the Gustav. The return signifies changes in the year to come. New equipment, new assignments, and most importantly for Santoso Company, new enemies.

5 months ago

huh. neat.

thing i noticed

so the ips-n blackbeard has that bulky torso and those evil shoulder vents

Thing I Noticed

you know the ones.

so basically, what i noticed is that, despite being the mech with The Big Greatsword, as far as i can tell the blackbeard completely lacks the range of motion required to perform complex swordfighting maneuvers (especially ones with a heavy blade such as the nanocarbon sword (although i'm not John Swordfighting so don't quote me on that))

so it's probably less used like a sword and more like a sharp tire iron or perhaps a lawnmower blade that you gave a wildly-swinging maniac. which. i mean it, is the blackbeard.

3 weeks ago
Working… On Something Devious

working… on something devious

1 month ago

New Alternative Mode of Play!

payload

New Alternative Mode Of Play!
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tacticalpizzaoven - they call me appliance miser
they call me appliance miser

he/him - minor - bi - chronically stupid

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