You Are All I Need

you are all i need

summary: you were the only person who knew the crown prince of Kremnos from this side — his careworn gaze locking onto your sick form, silently begging for you to get better. Mydei always said he doesn’t need mercy from the gods, yet now his hands were interlocked in a desperate prayer, searching for any kind of help.

cw: gen. neutral reader, hurt/comfort, angst, health issues, unconfessed feelings, Mydei is absolutely whipped for reader. || wc: 4k

your body stirred into consciousness, but you didn’t open your eyes yet. there it was again — that awful ache, seeping through all of your muscles, making you wince whenever you moved. the room was unbelievably suffocating, and you felt the unpleasant way sweat clung to your skin, forcing you to push the covers away. short relief washed over your senses before shivers began to shake your bones — you grimaced, frustrated by your body’s indecisiveness. needless to say, you were absolutely sick.

it began as innocent coughs and sneezes, making you think it would eventually pass — after all, those symptoms rarely evolved into anything serious. Mydei chastised you for dismissing it, and kept insisting you take a few days off to rest. with how things stood now, it wasn’t difficult to guess whether you decided to listen. you regretted not doing so, because as it turns out, the illness turned into something way worse than common cold. you’ve been bedridden for the past eleven days, and the remedies hardly worked on you.

a sudden dryness squeezed at your lungs, making you break out into a fit of coughs. you cracked one of your eyelids open, and your heart almost jumped out from the sight of your friend leaning over you with a concerned expression, his face barely illuminated by the weak oil lamp.

"Mydei?" you forced out through your coughs, trying to sit upright. "what— cough — what are you doing here? it’s way too late, you should be sleeping!"

his hands immediately found their ways onto your arms, pushing you back into the pillows. you didn’t even have the strength to protest. "your temperature got higher, so i decided to stay for a little longer." he explained as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, pouring you some fresh water. you observed the man’s face for a while, taking note of his disheveled hair and dark circles, hanging lowly under the golden eyes. he was worn, and you felt guilty.

your gaze flickered over to the bedside table, stopping on the empty bowl. Mydei brought you soup around the evening hours, if you weren’t mistaken. when you’re sick, the flow of time starts to distort, and as you’re snapping in-and-out of consciousness the clock hands begin to jump around its face. it’s day — you closed your eyes for two seconds, and now it’s nighttime.

"listen, i appreciate how worried you are about me, but-" you paused, clearing your throat, "you don’t have to be there all the time, you know. i’m sure you have better things to do than looking after me." a chuckle escaped your lips, though it quickly died down when Mydei’s brows narrowed together.

"i can do whatever i wish to." he responded, obviously unamused. you blinked twice at his reaction, feeling the sweat start to become unbearable once again. arguing with Mydei was usually no use, as he was stubborn as a donkey, however this time you really felt inclined to have it your way.

"well," you began, pushing yourself up on the pillows to a half-sitting position, "what if you get sick too? who will be taking care of us, hm?"

"i guess we’ll both die then." he deadpanned, cocking one eyebrow up at you, expression still unimpressed. since Mydei was immortal, he definitely cared less about his well-being, and no matter how hard you tried to change that awful mindset of his, you still couldn’t.

"you’re really something…" a disheartened mutter left your lips as your eyes trailed after his hand, now pressing to your forehead. you felt weak, the late hour of the day filling your muscles with more pain than usually. the man retracted his palm with an unsatisfied frown, making your stomach squeeze with a bit of anxiety.

even though you joked about the situation, there were moments when intrusive thoughts took over your fatigued mind, and you wondered — is this how you pass? it was unlikely, alas you couldn’t help but feel slightly paranoid. eleven days of fevers, sometimes so high they changed into delirium. they kept tormenting your body, and no matter how much medicine you stuffed yourself with, it seemed to be only a temporary solution. at the start, no one aside from Mydei took it seriously. Phainon kept teasing you about your weak immune system, saying how poor and fragile you were. six days later he stood at your bed’s side, holding a big bouquet along with a letter of good wishes from everyone. back then you laughed at his careworn expression, though now you see it definitely wasn’t baseless.

as for your other friend — he kept visiting you regularly, although as of late it turned into something bordering on obsession. constantly checking your temperature, coming up with new remedies, calling up every single doctor in the area, then practically dragging them by collar into your room. none worked, and it seemed to only push him further up the wall. you didn’t know why he was acting like this. whenever you inquired about his odd behavior, he’d always mutter something about being "responsible" or whatever nonsense he managed to conjure up at that moment. to be completely honest, you personally saw no point to his actions. how was exposing oneself to a potentially dangerous virus sensible?

on the other hand, it’s not like you minded the attention he was gracing you with. it felt nice in a way, when you kept on coughing and whining from pain, and he’d always be by your side, that solicitous look painted across his face. he’d bring you food, sometimes starting to read out loud to occupy your mind. as you were close to drifting away, he would press his palms to your neck and cheeks, checking whether you were burning up. day after day, never losing focus of his goal — bringing you back to health.

right now as you were scanning his downcast expression, you began to wonder if such behavior was normal. you remember that one time when Mydei got sick — him and Phainon were both being irresponsible, which led to them getting food poisoning. you were worried, sure, you even went as far as to changing his compresses and running a few errands for him, but never to this extent. is that how a friend should act?

did he even perceive you as a friend? were all of those touches merely a gesture of platonic affection? all these stolen glances, and words, and—

your mind started to spin for a short while, and you fell back onto the bed with a huff. no matter how hard you wished to repress those feelings, they’d always find a way to resurface. it’s not like you were infatuated with him, but whenever your eyes locked, a sudden surge of something foreign would run through your spine, making you wonder where the line between everything started to blur.

"i’ll bring you some painkillers. the ones you took earlier probably stopped working by now." the man announced in a quiet voice, but before he could get up from the chair you grabbed his wrist, securing him into place. the sudden action made your muscles ache once again, evoking a wince.

"wait, Mydei— wait." for what? "i— just don’t go. you don’t have to bring me anything." you explained, your words slightly slurring.

he sent you a wary glance. "why not?"

because you’re obviously just as tired as me, you fool, and i don’t want to use you as my personal nurse!

"well, uhh…" a nervous snicker escaped you as you mulled over your options, “i’m obviously starting to feel better, so i don’t think i need any painkillers. stay for me, please?" you lied quickly, hoping it sounded believable enough.

that made Mydei sigh heavily, his shoulders hunching with resignation. you sent him a smile of approval, fighting through the pressure building up in your sinuses that slowly made your head pound with pain. you’ll grab the medicine by yourself later.

"sometimes i feel like you care more about my well-being than your own." he huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. you couldn’t exactly deny the statement — you’ve known Mydei for a while now, and grown rather fond of him (perhaps too fond for your own liking).

"why, is that a bad thing?" you asked, pulling the sheets down. you felt overly hot, even though the room itself probably wasn’t humid. "i don’t mind if you’re immortal. you’re not separate from every other thing, and you deserve the same care."

the man’s lips opened as if he wanted to say something, but no sound left his mouth.

if he were to be honest, you had this weird effect on him — whenever you said something kind, his heart immediately clenched. more often than not he felt like a lovestruck fool, even though it made no sense to him. it’s not like he lacked in attention to desperately cling onto every syllable of your words — yet here he was, constantly by your side, taking in your restless form fatigued by fever as his hands clasped together in prayer, hidden from your sight. the curse of undying made it even more tangible how fragile human lives were.

Mydei couldn’t remember where or when it all began. perhaps when the summer sun shone onto your head so brightly it started to resemble a halo, your beckoning voice calling out to him. you wanted to show him the butterfly sitting atop your hand — he said it looked beautiful, even though his gaze was glued to your beaming eyes the whole time. you giggled as the insect fluttered away, murmuring how you wished it would stay forever. Mydei nodded along, thinking your words were more relatable than ever.

then again, maybe it was when that thick-skulled, ignorant lion started to spread rumors about him, and you would stand in front of its brass head, arguing and defending Mydei’s name for three full hours. others eventually got sick of your back-and-forth with the lion, trying to drag you away, yet you stood your ground, threatening to take it out in a fight after your patience ran thin. the man observed the charade from a distance, chuckling under his nose. discussing with the spirit usually lacked in any meaning, but you simply wouldn’t give up. when you succeeded, all sweaty and out of breath, you turned to Mydei with the proudest smirk on your face, bragging how he could always depend on you. he ruffled your hair in response, saying that he would from now on.

it could have been when you both were baking a cake. you were terrible at this, so you asked for Mydei’s assistance, since his cooking-skills are definitely higher than yours. in the middle of the process you ran out of flour, and you decided to go and buy it, even though the sky was overcast with dark clouds. wind blew straight at your faces as you sprinted for the closest vendor, trying to win the race against the upcoming storm. it seemed that day you were out of luck, and soon you were completely soaked, stumbling back into the kitchen with defeated looks. you dumped the flour packet onto the countertop, its wet contents now depraved of any use. Mydei was sure you were going to complain, yet all you did was laugh at his irritated expression, saying how you’d try again tomorrow. you spent the rest of the day conversing about the silliest of things, watching as the trees outside bent under unrelenting rain.

for all he knows, maybe his feelings started to pop and bloom in all colors when you first looked at him, your name slipping so nonchalantly from your lips as you introduced yourself, and he just mistook it for curiosity.

that’s what you were. caring, respectful, with a will seemingly made out of stainless steel. Mydei lived through ten thousands of tragic events, trauma after trauma piling up over his shoulders, keeping him pinned to the ground under its sheer weight. even though his body lacked in any kind of wounds, he felt as if his whole mind was covered in scars. never needing any kind of authority nor condolence from others, he kept the thoughts of comfort tucked away in the furthest corners of his mind. every single ounce of Mydei’s resolve shattered the moment he got a taste of your kindness, warmer and more forgiving than any other. you were the sun, and you were the night, and the ground held you up proudly, and so he simply couldn’t bear the thought of life without you.

for all those years he spent by your side, he never quite came to terms with his own sentiments towards you. taking everything for granted quickly melted into dubious anxieties as he sat by your bedside, counting your breaths, the thermometer in his hand clearly indicating a serious febrile condition. he’d trade hundreds of his deaths just for one life — yours. it was as simple as that.

his dark trail of reveries suddenly got interrupted by your coughing, making him jump up in the chair. "hey, are you okay? you didn’t even—" you paused, reaching for the glass of water, taking a few sips, "you didn’t even answer me. maybe you should really go to sleep, huh?"

"sorry, i just got lost in thought. and i’m not tired. on the other hand, why don’t you go back to sleep?” Mydei retaliated, his gaze flickering over to the clock. it was well after three in the morning, and you definitely should rest some more.

you pretended to consider his words for a second. "hmm, but knowing you, you’ll stay up — doing gods know what — and later i’m just gonna feel bad about leaving you alone.” a weak chuckle escaped your chest as you took in his careworn expression. seriously, he was way too worried for his own good.

the man shook his head, leaning back into the chair, his eyebrows tugged together in defiance. that evoked a sigh from you as you fell back onto the pillows, internally cursing him for being so stubborn.

"Mydei, listen, i’m trying to understand you here - but this time i cannot wrap my head around you." you chided, observing his attitude shift into something softer. perhaps you shouldn’t be scolding him like that, but you couldn’t help yourself. "why do you care so much? i don’t see Phainon, nor anyone else constantly hovering by my bedside."

the man seemed to take a moment of contemplation, the look on his face turning grim once more. for a second, you genuinely thought you offended him, but soon his quiet voice cut through the deep silence between you. "have i ever told you about Hephaestion?"

"i— i’m sorry, but i don’t think so." you replied, a bit surprised to see Mydei starting to open up before you. even though you were pretty close with him, he never attempted to reminisce about his past, so you didn’t ask.

"Hephaestion is—" he began slowly, mulling over his next choice of words, "a late friend of mine. he was my most trusted companion, and still is to this day."

you nodded in understanding, listening with intent to his story. there was a tangible sadness laced through Mydei’s tone, and you gripped the sheets a little tighter, trying to stop the multitude of words that kept pushing themselves onto your tongue. it’s better if you hear him out first before you start jumping to conclusions.

the man took a heavy breath, as if merely speaking about it brought him physical pain. "unfortunately, on the eve of my duel against my father, he got taken by sickness. we were supposed to celebrate together, and yet—" Mydei paused, his hands clenching around nothing, "—and yet, he passed the same day. there was nothing i could do. if only Hephaestion didn’t hide his condition away from me, then i’d surely… surely, i’d…"

he trailed off, as if debating whether he should continue. in his mind, the things he was telling you were not all that interesting, nor did you exactly care — even if you did, truly.

you stared at Mydei with wide eyes, suddenly forgetting about the insistent ache that kept pulling at your muscles. all of your previously prepared condolences rapidly died in your throat, leaving you speechless. the darkness and grief swirling in his golden irises rendered you unmoving, trapped between offering him any sort of comfort and remaining silent. what should you do? Mydei’s confession felt like a slap to your face, keeping you in a limbo, as you never expected him to go through such awful things. there were moments when he would look into the distance with something foreign to you in his gaze, however you never dared to inquire.

"perhaps that’s why i’m so concerned about your well-being.” he mumbled, his line of sight flickering away from your face.

"Mydei, you—“ your brows knitted together as you tried to form a coherent sentence, "i’m so sorry, i never knew…"

he shrugged, trying to gather himself and appear more impassive. "well, now you do."

a bit unsure, you reached out for his hand, linking your fingers with Mydei’s before he managed to suppress all of his vulnerable emotions back. you didn’t want him to hide, shying away from being perceived. it wouldn’t be fair.

a short moment of fright passed through his face as he noticed your action, though he didn’t point it out. "honestly, i don’t know what else you went through, or what awaits you in the future, but i need you to know that i’ll always be there for you. i- i know it’s not much, compared to all the suffering…" you stopped, trying to gather your thoughts, "you have the others too. i’m sure that-"

"alright, alright." Mydei huffed, interrupting your troubled rambling. "i understand what you’re trying to convey." although his voice was still low, a smile tugged at the corners of his lips, making your chest just a bit lighter.

no matter how much he appreciated the sentiment, there was still a big problem hanging over the whole situation like an inevitable thunderstorm — you said you’d always stick by his side, but that simply wasn’t true. holding on with all his might to other people usually resulted in vain. he’d live to see all of them pass, fragments of his heart crumbling and chipping off as the time progressed. his friends long gone, leaving a deep, hollow cavity behind — your fate will be the same, eventually.

Mydei doesn’t like thinking about it. what will the future bring to him? more suffering? more pain? his body will remain the same, youthful face and body depraved of any scars, still overflowing with vigor. but what about you? he couldn’t care less about the changes mortal body goes through, although the sight of a face, worn by years and hardships always reminds him of one ultimate truth all humans share — death. what will he do once you’re gone? it’s stupid. it doesn’t make sense. he should cast aside his humanity and stop himself from becoming attached, and yet he couldn’t. what is a life without feelings and a heart? could it still be considered a 'life' instead of a meaningless 'existence'? wouldn’t he become reduced to a husk, which just happens to breathe and think like the others?

the decades will slip through his fingers, and he won’t be able to stop thinking about how cruel it is that now he’s left without you. he’ll be waiting — even though he shouldn’t be. he’d still wake up with things to tell you, and fall asleep thinking about what you two should do tomorrow. he’s going to stand in front of your porch, watching strangers enter and leave the house, wondering where’d you go and when will you be coming back. his memory will always cherish you, asking about you all the time. that’s not how it should be, alas the curse he bears can’t be undone.

anyway, grieving the loss that’s yet to come is… not rational. it won’t bring him any good, nor will it keep you forever. he should focus on the present, perhaps make you a compress or take your temperature—

"…dei. hey!" his gaze snapped towards you, now squeezing his hand a bit harder than necessary. "for gods’ sake, you’re really out of it. for a second there i thought you really fell asleep with your eyes open." your features shifted into something akin to worry as you took in the man’s expression. he only sighed in response, instantly making you guess what he was dwelling on.

"Mydei, if you’re thinking about- well." you paused, afraid of even speaking the words out loud. "i’ll say it just once — i’m not going anywhere." you consoled him with a smile, so bright it was almost blinding. the corners of his lips twitched upwards, as if he wanted to return the gesture, yet couldn’t.

"but-"

"all things aside — cough — what’s the point in worrying?" you mused watching his downcast face, "everyone loves you, and you’ll always be loved, so you don’t need me to be happy."

his jaw slacked open, as if what you said was the most absurd thing in the world. your words pounded like axes into his heart, and he couldn’t quite believe that you were ever able of mustering up such nonsense. Mydei used to pray and beg for your recovery, constantly coming up with new ways, new ideas, remedies, doctors, food — and you dared to suggest anything like this?

he swallowed, feeling the heat of irritation crawl up on his cheeks and neck. "no, that’s not how it works! none can compare to—"

you raised an eyebrow at his sudden lag, feeling like there was more behind his words. Mydei rarely acted so spaced out and anxious. in front of other people he was the prime example of fierceness, never letting his guard down nor behaving as if his mind was reduced to a mush. he must be tired, yes, what else could explain it? however, his words were thought-provoking — 'none can compare to'. to what? your company? your friendship? your amiability? your…

oh gods.

your mind spurred as the rapid realization hit you. you broke out into a fit of coughs, covering your blushed face with your palm, simultaneously letting go of Mydei’s hand. somehow, it all clicked into place, and you wanted to endlessly berate yourself for letting something so obvious keep flying over your head. of course the man’s actions towards you were never normal — you were simply too blind, stubborn on the idea of keeping your relationship purely platonic. it was the safest bet, after all.

right now Mydei’s face was twisted in distress, his eyebrows knitted together, and once again this night you completely didn’t know what to say. a nervous chuckle escaped your lips as the coughing finally died down, and you decided it would be best to let it go for the time being. you still had so much time left — and you were both weary. nothing coherent would born from you trying to vocalize your own feelings. you cleared your throat, mulling over the next choice of words.

"well, uh— i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to offend you." you muttered meekly, keeping your tone coy. "why don’t we just go to sleep? it’s nearing four o’clock. you’ll be groggy in the morning." a small smile graced your lips as you tried to convince yourself it was the best course of action. once you get back on your feet, you’ll confront Mydei, and resolve everything.

the man nodded slowly, although you could sense the slightest of disappointment painted across his features. he’ll understand. he always does.

you settled yourself more comfortably in the sheets, pulling them over your body when the shivers decided to come back. then, you reached out for Mydei’s arm again, tugging him closer. "c’mon, rest your head. don’t tell me you want to sleep upright?" you beckoned, sensing his resistance. his expression was a bit conflicted, yet he ultimately lowered his torso on the bed, hesitantly placing the weight of his head on your thighs. the position was a bit awkward, with him still sitting atop the chair, and you being confined to lying on your back, but none of you seemed to care.

"thanks for taking care of me." you whispered, briefly running your fingers through his blonde locks. "what do you say we go for a small walk tomorrow? i need to stretch out my legs, else i’ll merge into one with the bed." you snickered breathily, the sleepiness already making your eyelids begin to glue together.

Mydei hummed in response, feeling your body shake with laughter. "i don’t see why not."

you probably won’t go anywhere, as your body will continue to be tormented by fevers, but the empty promise was still nice. "alright. goodnight, Mydei."

"goodnight, [name]."

he closed his eyes at last, forcing his tense body to relax. he was tired, yet with his heart hammering so intensely, there was no way he could fall asleep. your body was so warm even through the sheets, and the slip-up he made earlier haunted his exhausted mind. did you realize what he meant? looking at the way you reacted, it was possible.

truth be told, the affection he held for you terrified him sometimes. what if one day he gets fed up with waiting, and decided to confess — would you reject him? would all years of friendship go to waste, simply because he overestimated the feelings you had for him? he knew it would ruin him. and he also knew he would let it. he’d embrace every ounce of what you could give to him, even if in the end it all led to destruction. still, he didn’t know if he could go another day choking on the ever-present words: "i love you."

he felt it in his shoulders, in his chest, in his stomach. yes, you were everywhere, buried deep within every song and bruise. were his mindscape to take form, it would be a boundless forest where every tree’s bark bore your own initials.

he didn’t know how long you’ll stay. it could be the next sixty years — or maybe fate will decide to separate you just the next month, week, day. there was no telling. still, as his head lied atop your lap, he couldn’t bring himself to fully care. at that moment, he was with you, your body peacefully dozing off into slumber. he did love you. and you were awfully perplexing, and kind, and he’d do anything to protect you from the world’s harm. he could die a thousands of deaths if it meant seeing you smile as you called out for him, waving your hand in the distant fields.

he’ll never get enough of you, won’t he?