There's Something So Raw And Soul Crushing About Spending Your Late Childhood+teen Years Suicidal Then

Trying to get back into drawing backgrounds

It’s incredibly important to me that the anime decided to include this scene that wasn’t in the manga. In the manga, Maomao does pass out in Jinshi’s lap after saving him from what was obviously an assassination attempt.

HOWEVER, the manga cuts off at this point, keeping strictly in Maomao’s perspective, and cuts straight to when she regains consciousness in bed after being treated for her injuries. The manga doesn’t show how she got back. They SAY how, and she briefly mentions, “wow that must have been embarrassing; he carried me back,” but we don’t SEE it. We don’t get to feel the true impact of what that means. But the anime DID show us, and holy shit.

They SHOW us how taboo this is. They show Jinshi carrying her out of the temple, after a public attempt on his life.

They show us the shock and horror on Lakan’s face as Jinshi silently walks past him. Horror at the state his daughter is in, horror at another man—a man with a status he could never dare to question—staking such a public claim over his child, horror at the fact that he could never have this level of closeness with her (as Maomao would never allow it).

Everyone hides their gazes, as is their custom when someone of his rank passes by, but the air is different this time. Jinshi is furious, he’s terrified, and he could not give a single shit about how inappropriate it looks to these palace officials.

The shot that slowly follows her trail of blood—even though it’s a small detail—that in particular leaves such a intense impression of how poignant this is for him.

Maomao talked about this scene in the manga like it was nothing to her. She did what she set out to do: she saved the person who was targeted by the attack. She didn’t even know the target would be someone she knew. But she has no idea that this happened afterwards as a result of her bravery. To her, it likely wasn’t even an act of bravery at all. She acted on impulse; she did what she knew was the right thing to do.

The anime didn’t need to include this, because the manga didn’t show it. But damn, I’m so glad they did.

Just watched the pilot, already in love

Ok I LOVE the pilot so much I’m so HOOKED

bee

There Are No Children Here

The Glass Castle

I straight up do not trust you if you did not enjoy a single book you had to read for English class. I know they assigned some real stuffy stinkers and the curriculum varies across districts but not one? Not The Outsiders? Not The Picture of Dorian Gray? Not Fahrenheit 451? Not even Frankenstein? Damn. That’s crazy.

Dude for real though your worth as a human being is not dependent on how productive or “useful” you are. You could do nothing but lay in bed all today and you’d still be worthy of respect and care. Bro you are a living breathing human being and your life has inherent value. Like straight up you don’t have to do something impossible or world changing with your time on earth in order for you to matter. We are all specks of dust in the cosmos and the fact that you exist at all means you are important. Dude you don’t have to earn the right to live bro, like I swear bro, like no cap.

I could fix so many lives by having people that complain about “manga” (but they are actually complaining about shonen) and “anime” (but they are actually complaining about shonen) and “Japan” (their sole exposure to the culture of the country is shonen) listen to me and read some good Anything Other Than Shonen Instead, such as Seinen, Josei, or Anything That’s Not Shonen.

The thing about PMDD that makes it so much worse then having just general depression or anxiety is how invalidating it feels.

Knowing that a sudden onslaught of negative thoughts or paranoid feelings is only occurring because of your period makes it really hard to be understanding or to reframe the thinking. A typical way of dealing with depression or anxiety is finding the root of the problem and reworking how one thinks but when those feelings are just something your body goes through because of hormones and there genuinely is no cause what are you meant to do then?

Plus, how do you even begin to explain that feeling to other people? If you admit how your feeling it’s not like anyone can actually help you, they can make things a little easier maybe but the feelings are always going to return every single month and there is absolutely no way to explain why you feel off unless you’re willing to tell someone it’s your period, and even then saying “my period is messing me up” isn’t going to actually get you sympathy or help. Other people who menstruate may say “oh I get that!” And joke a bit about how much it sucks but they don’t actually get how awful it is when you have PMDD, it’s not the same as a normal period. Most people don’t suddenly fall into a severe depression once a month because of their fucking period.

My point, I guess, is that having PMDD is both invalidating and isolating. It’s the sort of thing that can make you feel really hopeless sometimes because it’s never going to go away, you’re only option is to try and lessen it and push through it.

Art by Mikko Tyllinen