SMALL CHILD WIELDS SHARP OBJECT, LOCAL SPY CONFOUNDED!

a bastard

Lemón

Óne singular citrus fruit

Starter headcanons!

We’re beginning with some Engie headcanons!

ENGINEER

Despite his profession, Engie is probably the sweetest team member.

Basically the team mom. Everyone loves when he and Pyro are on cooking duty for the week, because you’re guaranteed to have the best barbecued, baked, fried, or buttered foods in your life.

Dell knew from the beginning that Scout and Spy were related. He was shocked when few other members had noticed the fact, and kept it to himself.

Because of this, fatherly instinct kicked in and he treats Scout like he would a son. Scout may not respect his inventions, but Dell knows he won’t hesitate to come talk to him if he needs a shoulder to lean on.

Tell an incorrect fact anywhere in the base, and Engie will BOLT to correct you. This man has what can only be described as a spidey sense. He could be in his workshop with the door closed, you could whisper, on the other side of the base on another floor, and he would just... know.

The best way to get Engineer to sleep is to use this fact to your advantage. Utter a clearly untrue fact in his room, and watch him come running.

As amiable as Engie is, he’s still a mercenary, and a cold blooded killer at that. He’s painfully aware that he appears a friendly face to all, and is basically a child magnet when disguised as a civilian, since he’s required to ditch the glove and hat, but refuses to take off the goggles.

He’s not opposed to telling stories to the brave little ankle biters, or showing off his robotic arm (albeit shyly). But he tries to throw in a good lesson or two, or spook ‘em off after a while with his whole cyborg shtick.

In the end, Engineer just wants to make sure those kids are inspired to get an education, then take a path that ain’t his own.

Imagining the future; a public statement (or rather questioning) about why 39,000 students across the entirety of the United States, all majoring in some form of engineering, cited their inspiration as varying descriptions of a cyborg man who wanted them to share their knowledge to make the world a better place. Occasionally, Dell is approached at bars or random locations by adults and children alike, sheepishly asking if they’re the cyborg man they met when they were little, or that their big brothers and sisters told stories of. All he gives is a knowing smile and a handshake.

Engineer can’t sit still for very long. He’s always tinkering with something or fidgeting with anything that could be used for scrap or built into something else.

An insomniac, Dell has trouble falling asleep at night thanks to his constant urge to work. He won’t rest until he’s finished with his latest idea, or until he passes out from exhaustion.

The other mercs usually have to carry him to his room after a few nights in a row of this behavior, especially if he had an off day on the field because of it. Even then, there’s no guarantee you won’t find him sitting up in his bed, scribbling down his dream inventions before they fade from memory, muttering equations under his breath.

Sews stuffed animals for pyro and any other merc who wants one. Each mercenary has at least one, even spy and scout, since they were given as gifts a long time ago. Scout would never admit it, but he keeps it under his bed and cuddles it when he has a particularly bad nightmare. Spy has it on display on his shelf, perfectly polished. If he gets drunk and emotional, you’ll probably find a sobbing Frenchman wrapped around a big soft plushie on the floor.

The stuffed animals:

Scout: a little white rabbit with black buttons for eyes, and a tiny fitted headset with a mini hat perched on top. It’s velcro.

Spy: a black cat plushie with blue buttoned eyes and checkered overalls. It has a blue bow tie.

Sniper: A green felt and fabric chameleon. Has a lime -> blue -> red satin texture gradient on its tail and large black beads for eyes.

Soldier: Just. An eagle. Photorealistic eagle texture filled with stuffing. He knows.

Engie: Teddy! Cuddles teddy bear. Big bear. Very soft, very good.

Medic: a recreation of Archimedes with large cotton wings. Has a patch of red on its chest and the buttons used for its eyes are a very subtle cherry color, almost unnoticeable unless you see it in good lighting. When not being held at night, you can occasionally catch a glimpse of the birds cuddled up to it in the day, save for Archimedes himself, who keeps trying to fight it.

Heavy: Were you expecting a bear? Nope! It’s a salmon. Being filled with stuffing of course, but has a soft wooden spine linked together by string. Clatters together softly like chimes sometimes when shaken, but if you do you’re getting socked in the face by heavy. The little wooden framework allows it mobility, so that heavy can comfortably hold it during his nightmares without waking up with stiff shoulders.

Demo: a penguin with an eyepatch. About the height of his forearm with a mix of a sort of softer denim texture for the body and polyester for the spots and patterns. Has a red chiffon bow tie attached to it, and the one eye it has is a big white bead to match the accents. Definitely has a tiny scrumpy bottle. Also definitely not haunted. Certainly, without a doubt.

Pyro: The very first was a balloonicorn! A few others were based off of pyros crayon sketches of pyroland, but there’s just too many to describe! Engie can’t get enough of making the little firebug clap their hands in excitement and endearment after a bad day or stormy weather, having gifted them another soft toy for their collection.

But to pyro, Engie is the best stuffed animal of them all. Passing on the battlefield? Hug. Working in the garage? Hug. Underneath a vehicle performing maintenance? Damn right they’re getting under there somehow! Because Engie is the only one who seems to understand what they see, what they say, how they act.

Hey look buddy,

He’s an engineer.

He solves problems.

how would the mercs react to someone they know really well (like family) coming out to them as genderfluid?? ur writing is 😔👌 btw

Thank you so much! I hope I wrote this well, if you’d like me to make a change or two let me know!

For simplicities sake, I’m going to go with close friend that they’d consider family, knowing each other that well.

Also, the pov changes halfway through and I don’t feel like rewording it; I’ve realized I like doing second person a lot so I hope that’s alright!!!

Scout:

“You drink gender???”

Jokes aside, Scout may have a bit of trouble wrapping his head around it at first. For him, it makes a lot of sense, but it’s a change that takes time for him to adjust to since he has a habit of speaking before he thinks.

Still, Scout always makes sure to ask their pronouns whenever they show up, and is unabashedly loud and proud whenever gender comes up in conversation.

He constantly makes positive comments that reaffirm whatever they choose to go by for the moment. It can get a bit overbearing at times, but he means well.

Soldier:

Immediately picks them up and swings them in a circle while hugging them. “AFFIRMATIVE! That you are, and I LOVE you for it!”

Probably the loudest about it, but if they aren’t out yet to certain people, he’s surprisingly loyal and will make a vow of silence if it means not outing them if they don’t want to be outed.

However, if someone tries to pick a fight? It’s on. Soldier will send them flying into orbit for the people closest to him.

Incredibly supportive, proud, and energetic about it.

Pyro:

Pyro completely understands from the get-go, even if they can’t say it through the mask.

To show they care, they immediately envelop their friend in a hug and shower them with love and acceptance.

They use crayons to draw their close friend, give them gifts and flowers, and overall do their best to show they care.

Will show up with a fire axe if anyone tries to purposefully misgender their friend or try to instigate a fight. They’re yelling muffled insults at whoever dared try and fight their best friend.

Demo:

Gives his friend a clap on the back, with a huge smile on his face.

“Took ye long enough!”

He always suspected, but didn’t want to ask out of fear of scaring them into deciding to come out too early, or making them uncomfortable.

Obviously, “took you long enough” is a lighthearted joke, and he’s fully willing to support his friend—practically a sibling—until the very end.

Always asks what they’re going by today before he ever uses pronouns, and sticks to them from the get-go. If he ever does make a mistake, he immediately corrects it and moves on without making a scene, as much as he breaks over it later out of embarrassment.

Overall, probably the best one to come out to first. He’ll provide a shoulder to lean on when they’re sad or unsure, maybe even insecure; but will always step forwards in defense of them whenever possible. He knows not to cause a scene unless they’re truly upset over someone misgendering or teasing them so as not to upset them even more. He will, however, exhibit a cold anger not commonly seen in someone with such a warm and friendly demeanor when it does happen.

If he can cause a scene over it, you bet there’s going to be fireworks.

More beneath the cut:

Engineer:

Wholly accepting of this! Does a similar thing to Pyro where he just wraps his arms around his friend and hugs them tightly; although in a much warmer and softer manner.

Wipes a tear from his eye.

“Proud o’ ya, real proud…”

He’s humbled by the fact that they came out to him first. Plans a barbecue as a celebration, maybe even buys a few gifts! It’s a huge deal to him that somebody so close to him came out like that, and he’s going to make sure everybody else feels the same way too.

He has a metal arm. If somebody fucks with them, he will not hesitate.

Heavy:

Heavy is perceptive. He picks up on it immediately, but like demo doesn’t ask out of respect.

He immediately socks someone in the jaw if they purposefully use the wrong pronouns, or make an offensive joke about his friend.

If it’s an uncomfortable comment or joke, he exhibits the same caliber of cold anger, but to an extreme. Seeing as he’s like a personal bodyguard in terms of intimidation factor alone, him hovering behind you with a stormy expression is enough to scare most people off.

Is always open to talk to them, and is a great listener. He’s great at offering an interesting subject or topic, maybe a book and tea if they need a distraction from dysphoria or somebody getting to them.

Rather serious about it, Heavy won’t tend to make light hearted jokes about the topic of gender, instead taking a very open but grounded approach to it.

“It does not exist. Is too narrow. Little person can use whatever works best.”

Medic:

“Ah! Let me add that to your file… I assume no surgery, then?”

He’s not disappointed by the prospect of not being able to trans your gender, but also gets to work on other ways of affirming your own!

Doesn’t really treat you any differently, but will work on an experiment to let you change your appearance based on what makes you feel best in the background.

Gives you the option of using it, but lets the topic go otherwise unless something is wrong or if you bring it up; regardless of if he’s giddy to know if it works or not.

Very chill about this stuff. He’s probably one to the better/best people to talk to about it, but know that he also won’t provide much comfort as much as he will facts or potential solutions.

In fact, he almost comes across as distant until he suddenly drops a shockingly down to earth suggestion or a really, really good idea to help you out. Nothing too crazy, it’s almost uncanny.

Thing is, he’s just been dealing with gender problems for… His entire life? He’s already far enough along in his own that he’s perfected his methods of staving it off.

Even if you’re not feeling dysphoria, (or you are), it doesn’t matter to him as long as you can get through it safely.

Sniper:

It takes Sniper a little bit to get used to it, to be sure. It’s not that he doesn’t care, he’s just not used to dealing with the unexpected.

He feels guilty for it being unexpected to him. He sees you as somebody very, very close to him; he feels dense for not noticing it sooner.

As soon as he settles into it, though, expect him to be as loyal as a dog. Any mistakes he silently corrects, and if somebody gets in their way, they’ll be meeting a jar of piss to the face.

Honestly, Sniper probably begins to have some of his own self realizations soon after, but it takes a long time for him to come to terms with that one.

Ends up shyly asking you for advice eventually.

Spy:

He already knew. I mean, what did you expect?

He is, however, surprised that you decided to come out to him first. If anything, he’s a bit prideful.

Emotions masked well, he pours the two of you a drink (whichever is your favorite) in a fancy wine glass, and raises his own, offering cheers for the occasion.

Clink!

Definitely calm about it, but tones down his snark temporarily. He knows how nerve-wracking it must be; although there is humor to be found that you voluntarily told your secret to the man who knows just about everything about everyone. Whether or not that trust is misguided, he can’t exactly say.

If you aren’t out to the others yet, or anybody else for that matter, the secret is safe with him. There’s no doubt that Spy is the best with pronouns, seamlessly switching between preferences depending on whether you’re in a safe space or not.

It’s also the easiest way to know if you’re really, truly safe as well; because his heightened awareness of his surroundings means that he can tell if he might out you even when it seems like the coast is clear.

Even if you don’t care about being out to anybody, Spy makes sure to subtly ask if he’s good to use your pronouns in any given situation outside of what you may be accustomed to. He doesn’t slip up once. Not once. Literally never—

The Spy may be stinky, but words are his forte. He can curse you out in 12 different languages including French but you know damn well he’ll use the right pronouns while doing so!

Phew, this one took a while. I hope I did alright on this one! I apologize if there’s any glaring issues or mistakes in this one, I worked on it over the course of what, a few months?—with lots of breaks in-between.

Thank you to everyone for being so patient! I hope to put out more content sometime in the future, but I know that I’ll likely be slowing down like this as I deal with life stuff and other hyperfixations.

I might make another post with other hyperfixations that I might be up to making headcanons for! Feel free to request those too! :D

True love 💖

Seems the old true love post is gaining some traction again, oddly enough! I know I said I wouldn’t give context but...

Well, I remembered the finished products.

A project idea from me and friends that’s pretty under wraps right now since we’re not sure if we’ll go through with it or not (time, hyperfixations, etc.) but the general context for these in particular:

The Fault Fortress team is a team of self aware single player bots based on a glitch that a friend of mine caught on tape, within the video was a lot of incredible things to work off of; such as how spy and scout (the player) took opposite routes to investigate the same goal, blue base, yet the people inside were nowhere to be found.

I’m telling you all this because that’s the most rooted in fact thing we have about it, however the context behind the IMAGES:

BLU spy joins the gang as well as RED Engie, one before the other. When the team of self aware bots are running from vac between worlds, they find a place to shelter in— a cold, snowy and desolate area with a barely insulated wooden shack. But it’s unreachable by vac, so they rest there.

Of course, both are cold and the others already have their own setups.

And so, begrudgingly, they both end up going to the same corner bc they’re COLD and Engie is WARM

Anyways I think since Spy is taller than Engie he has trouble figuring out where to put his legs so he just ends up straddling him lol

Reasons to love Heavy TF2

(Hey if anyone has the source of whoever posted this particular gif of meet the heavy, let me know and I’ll update!)

I wasn’t kidding when I said I was overwhelmed with love for heavy for no particular reason. Heavy appreciation post with additions from suggests discord server members! :]

Makes very very good sandwiches and is able to share with others, very generous and kind

protects everyone at all costs

Russian

has a PhD in Russian literature

incredibly intelligent yet also muscle man

brawny and bear-like

could crush a man then hug you gently

very huggable, 100/10

cares a lot for his family

worries over his family a lot, but gives them the benefit of the doubt when they say they’re okay and can do things on their own

encourages his family members and teammates to practice self care, be strong, pursue their goals, etc.

reads a lot, would be nice to read together with him in a dimly lit room by a fire

could pick you up with one hand

you’d have to be picked up or be on a ladder to kiss him (very positive trait)

trains a lot and is serious about his job

team player, great at getting things done

reliable in anything, especially knowledgable in subjects and great at doing heavy lifting

allows birds to sit on his gun despite being very particular about its appearance and who is allowed to touch Sasha.

trusting of everyone, and also trustworthy because of it.

not afraid to try new things or put his trust in someone who others may not want to (Ex. Medic)

gentle giant in general, could pet doves without much trouble despite having such huge hands

large hands, probably calloused from how hard he works!

Also wears very cool gloves.

very muscular!!! Can carry around Sasha and his other miniguns despite them being incredibly heavy and expensive to fire

patient as well!!!

mother hen instinct, probably makes a mean soup for those who have colds

can probably also bake very well because of his culture and upbringing-

he is the heavy weapons guy what’s not to love!!!

Makin my way downtown

You know what time it is.

hi hello good morning

Good morning all I did not sleep and also I ate mold on accident, by the way I had an idea for a sickfic with heavymedic in it and accidentally came up with a universe around it based on “I’m gonna like the way you fight” (vaguely, just the way the mercs r sorta sorted ykno? like its cool af how oc mercs are introduced)

anyways I still need a name for BLU Heavy. BLU Medic is named Kaspar! The REDs are referred to by their base class names or their first names, the BLU’s are on a first name basis for now to help distinguish between characters.

If anyone has name ideas for Heavy i’d love to hear em!

Alright, I'm doing it.

Today at 3PM EST on this freshly made Discord server I'll be going through Heavy's voicelines, reading them with my thickest Russian accent, talking about Russian phonetics, and answering any questions you guys might have.

DON'T MISS IT! Here's the DIscord server link again! Join, chat, tell your friends! If a decent number of people shows up, I might make it a regular thing.

I may or may not have had a bit too much fun with the fake twitter post generators

edit: removed the fake news one bc its an overused joke

Bonus spy: