Change Numbers A Little 👌🏻

I am fully serious by the way. Y’all need to take a step back and realize that we are now living dark fics.

There are people sobbing in the privacy of their bedroom, covering their faces so their cheering husbands don’t hear them.

There are people who live the reality of some fics that now feel such hopelessness that they’re calling a suicide hotline.

There are going to be children forced to carry their own children to full term or die when their bodies can’t handle it.

Forced pregnancies and baby trapping are about to be fucking rampant.

This is so cute!!!!

WHY AM I JUST DISCOVERING THIS?!?!

I’m absolutely overstimulated…I want to pull my eyes out and throw them and run into the woods.

any trans person reading this I love you

any woman reading this I love you

any poc minority reading this I love you

any queer person reading this I love you

i’m collecting these

✦MORE INCORRECT C.o.D QUOTES✦

König: Hell, you could pour soup into my lap and I’ll probably apologize to you- --

Soap: What’s your life motto? Y/N: Hmmm, less a motto, more a general idea. But I run through life with four things in mind. Y/N: Fuck shit up, get shit done, get some glory, and hope for good dick in between. Gaz: *spit take* Soap: *WHEEZE* Ghost: …pretty good motto. Y/N: Thank you!

--

Graves: What are you doing? Y/N, losing their shit: *looking at the sky* Maybe, if I stand here long enough, a FUCK will fall from the SKY and then, I can give it to you. But oh, hey, look, THE SKY AIN’T GIVIN’ NOTHIN! Graves: I- Y/N: NO FUCKS, ANYWHERE, TO GIVE

-- Soap after being insulted by Ghost: ‘do sorta like it when he’s rude to me…hopefully that’s more a psychological defect than a weird sexual thing.

-- Some dickhead: And what's your job? 141 Whore? Y/N: Oh I fuckin' wish. Do you know how much easier of a job that'd be? No field drills, no paperwork, just be a dick receptacle. A fuckin' dream, that'd be. Price: *dissapointed sigh* Soap & Gaz: *WHEEZE* Ghost: *he's not laughing but he kinda wants to*

-- Ghost: Pretty cool, huh, Johnny? *looks and sees Graves beside him* Oh- Graves: Uh, I thought it was pretty cool. Ghost: I don't give a fuck 'bout what you think, Philip.(derogatory)

--

(TW; Unalive mention; but it's in a Gen Z joke way) Someone: Okay uh, what if 141 just...disappeared. Like your team just vanished. What would you do? Y/N, instantly: Oh I'd just *gun to temple hand signal* Easy. Quick decision. Price: Soldier, no- Y/N: Don't die and we won't have a problem. Think of it as more reason to stay alive. All of you. *Points at Ghost* You, specifically, sir. 'm watchin' you. Ghost: ...noted.

--

Ghost, suffering from blood loss: Johnny...you have beautiful eyes Soap: Damnit where's that evAC HE'S LOST HIS MIND

--

Soap: How d'ya feel 'bout gay people? Male!Y/N: ...I am gay- Gaz: He's dodging the question. Soap: HOMOPHOBIC! Male!Y/N: DON'T SHOUT THAT WHAT THE FU-

--

(I saw DILF!Reader headcanons and made an OC from it, I really like DILF/MILF Readers, we need more of them) Ghost: Daddy issues? Psh, I don't have those. Dilf!Y/N: *pats him on the back while passing by* Good job out there, Simon. Ghost, ready to cry whilst also having a boner: God damnit-

--

(In the idea of Y/N being a complete badass on field, maybe even a lil sadistic) Gaz: Hey, before getting into the military, what did you wanna do with your life? Y/N, cleaning dishes: Oh, I wanted to be a homemaker! Soap: ...huh? Y/N: Yeah! Little house, keepin' it clean, cookin' all day. An apron. The whole thing. Alas, God doesn't hand out opportunities for dreams, I was dealt a different hand in life's game of poker, and I had to make it work. So! Here I am. Gaz, remembering the time he watched them decapitate a man: ...a homemaker...right.

--

Y/N: I'm just sayin', one hug from Captain would probably be the equivalent of six years in therapy. Gaz: So...ask for a hug then? Y/N: AHA! No, no I won't do that. That's asking for problems. (Insert situation where Y/N gets said hug) Price: ...are you crying? Y/N: This! This is the problems I mentioned! Gaz: No, no I think this is proof you shoulda asked sooner.

--

Ghost: I don't have favorites. Gaz: You made Soap a lunch. Ghost: And? Y/N: You cut the sandwich in the shape of a cat...and the fruit is cut into stars & hearts. Ghost: Soldiers need balanced meals.

--

Y/N: Yeesh...Why did god have to give Cap such a tiny grabbable waist...seems unfair. Gaz: *chokes on water* Soap: *wheeze cackle* Price: ...pardon? Y/N: Oh shit, did I say that out loud? My bad, G.

--

Graves: Are you supposed to be eye fucking your captain all the time? Y/N: Hey! I don't eye fuck my captain all the time. Graves: You- Y/N: I eye fuck all my teammates, equal opportunity eye fucking, I don't have favorites on my team. Soap & Gaz: *stifling laughter* Price: Can- *sigh* Can we please focus on the mission now?

--

Graves: Were you dropped as a child? Y/N: Bold of you to assume I was held. Price: Soldier- Soap: Oh, no that's- Gaz: *wince* Ghost: ...heh. Y/N: *points* Ahaaaa, he gets it!

I swear that this migraine that I currently have is out to fucking kill me. I want sweet death. It’s time to take 17 benadryl to help me and see the hat man.😂

I swear to fuckin god if Im starting to get a endo flare up, i’m going to stab myself….My fuckin uterus hurts and I am not mentally stable enough for this bs.

My ✨sparkle✨ is here!!!! I don’t like it…. 😂😂😂😂🤪🤪🤪🤪

wrt the southern reader thing: ghost would absolutely throw a fit about iced sweet tea

Honestly I agree with him I may be southern but iced sweet tea is my literal nightmare but here’s more southern foods that would send the boys into a coma:

Chicken fried chicken. The spice in the breading alone would kill them but the fact that it comes with gravy would have them in cardiac arrest

Fried green tomatoes. Again the seasoning in the breading but also they’d be confused as to why someone would fry a tomato I’m sure

Any dish from New Orleans or something that uses old bay seasoning would give them the worst heart burn

Collard greens. I don’t even like them but I guarantee if they had to eat them they’d be crying like babies

Hush puppies. Super good would probably confuse them because it’s fried batter

Any kind of Buffalo wings would kill them on the spot. Technically not a southern dish but it’s an honorary member.

Chicken and waffles might make them confused and the spice in the breading for the chicken would make them not okay.

Pepperoni rolls. As someone who’s from WV it wouldn’t necessarily put them in a coma but they’d say something like “you just made a pizza without the sauce” which is annoying.

Pulled pork. Don’t think I need to explain this one that much.

And of course, iced sweet tea. First they’d be mad because the tea is cold and has ice in it and then when they taste that it’s sweet they would spit it out and then get even angrier.

Feel free to add onto the list because there’s a lot that I missed but this is just my personal opinion.