They Just Had The Most Bodacious Thought

just learned that nicotine constricts blood vessels, which can cause erectile dysfunction and now I can’t stop thinking about using that fact to finally convince ukai to stop smoking.

for all of your pleas about his health, the dangers of secondhand smoke, and how you want to spend a long life with him, nothing has ever stuck. he’s tried multiple times to quit, knowing how much you hate his smoking and knowing how bad it is for his health, but has never been able to give up the habit.

until one day you send him an article titled, The Connection Between Smoking and Impotence, and provide no further context. the flurry of messages he quickly starts to send in response go unanswered.

but when you get home from work, the apartment is a mess. all of the drawers in the kitchen are open. there’s a pile of jackets on the couch that have been pulled out of the closet. there are noticeably empty spots on the coffee table and kitchen table where two ashtrays used to be.

and the man himself looks just as frazzled. he has a trash bag in one hand and is digging through the bedside table with the other. his hair is a mess from where he’s clearly been running a hand through it all day. you can see a nicotine patch on one arm and how he’s angrily chewing on a piece of nicotine gum.

“keishin?” you ask, trying to keep the relief from your voice and the smile off of your face.

he glances up at you but quickly goes back to his search, coming up successful when he pulls a pack of cigarettes out of the drawer and shoves it into the trash bag that he’s holding.

“gotta quit smoking if I wanna keep my dick hard for you,” he grumbles but offers nothing else.

maybe you should be upset that it’s only when his cock is threatened that he shows this much urgency about quitting smoking, but if this is what it takes to make sure that the two of you get to spend a long and happy life together then you’ll gladly take it.

Sanji has 100% done this a few times

Had a vision thought y’all would enjoy it

kinktober 2023 -> day 14

age difference - ukai keishin x reader

word count: 2,406

kinktober masterlist

The bell above the door dinged as you entered Sakanoshita Mart, your ears immediately being filled with the soft retail music that has always played in the store. Your nose twitched with the smell of cigarette smoke, an old familiarity to the scent that you had come to associate with a certain man. Said man was sitting behind the counter, feet pulled up and crossed on the desk before him, ruffling through what looked like a sports magazine, and the same old cigarette dangling lazily from his lips. 

He briefly glanced up as the door chimed, before looking down at the magazine again. Seconds later his head shot up again, eyes wide this time, staring at you with his mouth dropping open, using a hand to pluck away the stick between his lips before it fell to the ground.

“Hi.” You smiled, still standing just inside the door, suddenly feeling shy after seeing his reaction. You had told yourself over and over that you would be confident when you met him again, that you would finally answer his sarcastic quips instead of just giggling silently at them like you used to. You weren’t the same as you were back in high school. And you needed to show him that.

Your little crush on Ukai Keishin was an age old story, starting from your third year in high school. You had been managing Kurasuno’s volleyball club when Takeda sensei brought Coach Ukai in, announcing that he would be taking the role his grandfather once held. You had sucked in a breath as you gazed at the man, taking in his casual orange hoodie and sweatpants, hair pulled back with a headband and the laziest little eye roll you had ever seen. 

You were enamored. 

That had been the start of your little schoolgirl crush, spending most of your time during practice staring at the man while he barked orders at the team. You had barely interacted that year, apart from volleyball related matters you needed answers to. You were unbelievably shy, and equally quiet. It had never bothered you, considering that you were surrounded by people who were larger than life and more than happy to take over the room. The year had been spent daydreaming about the Coach and taking in every little detail about him that you could.

That was three years ago. 

Miyagi had not changed upon your return from college. It was no Tokyo, of course, where you had spent the last three years, the city that changed you as a person, but there was still that quiet charm to Miyagi that Tokyo just couldn’t emulate, a deep understanding of nature that you had missed during college.

That, and Tokyo could never quite replicate the man who had periodically haunted your dreams since you graduated high school.

You thought of him every now and then, maybe once a week you would wonder what he was up to. You knew from old friends like Daichi that he was still coaching for Karasuno, and the thought made you happy. He had found purpose with your team and he had carried on that legacy. 

You wondered if the new managers thought of him like you did in your day. You wouldn’t be surprised. 

You watched him now as he pulled his legs off the counter and sat up straight, watched as he traced his eyes down your figure. It made your breath hitch, and you tried not to smirk.

You hadn’t just gained confidence in the last three years. Tokyo had been really good for your body too. And you knew what this sundress made you look like. There was a reason you had put it on today.

“Hi.” Ukai finally breathed in reply, after what seemed like an eternity. You smiled and stepped closer to the counter, hands meeting the surface softly when you reached him. You watched him squash the cigarette into an ashtray and throw the magazine next to it carelessly, giving you his full attention. 

“Didn’t know you were back in Miyagi.” He began, smiling up at you as he leaned against his arms on the counter. 

You shrugged. “There’s no place like home.”

You immediately cringed at your reply. Ugh, so corny. This is not how you wanted things to go today. You were supposed to act sexy and alluring. To pull him in. 

He chuckled a bit, resting his chin on the palm of his hand. His eyes never left you, only occasionally dipping down to look at your chest. You could tell he was trying to be subtle, but Ukai Keishin didn’t have one subtle bone in his body. The thought made you laugh internally. 

“How’re you doing?” He asked.

“Good! I’m good. You?” 

“Good.”

“Oh, good.”

You visibly did flinch this time, and Keishin snickered before standing up. You blinked in surprise when he leaned over the counter, closer to you.

“Why are you here, Y/N?” 

He had never called you by your first name before. You stared at him and how close he was. Merely ten inches or so away. And you couldn’t find your voice to answer his question.

“We’ve never been close.” He continued. “In fact, we barely spoke. You being here now, wearing,” a pause as his eyes skimmed over your figure, “that. There’s a reason for it. Tell me.”

Your heart was beating a mile a minute, nearly shivering when his eyes lingered on your deep neckline. Your face felt hot.

“I think,” you breathed. “I think it’s pretty obvious. Don’t you?”

He hummed before leaning back again, popping the little tension filled bubble you had created. You let out a breath, watching as he rounded the counter. You stayed rock still, ears perking up when you heard a little click, realizing it was the door being locked. Your nerves buzzed with excitement. Was this really happening?

You nearly jumped when his hand skimmed your side, fingers splaying out over the material of your dress. His breath brushed the shell of your ear, and your eyelids fluttered.

“I won’t do anything unless you say so.”

His voice was so low, so gruff, you bit your lip to keep from moaning. You could feel yourself getting wet at the proximity, wanting nothing more than to be closer to him. So you pushed back, your ass brushing his crotch. You sighed when you felt how hard he was, and the thought of it turned you on even more.

Keishin hissed at the contact, hands grabbing your hips tight to hold you in place.

“Don’t make me repeat myself.”

Oh fuck. You flushed. You had missed that, truly. You had missed him being authoritative and imposing, ordering around a whole team to do as he wished. 

“Ukai-san. Please.” You felt your face burn. “Want you.”

“Want me where?”

You whined, making him chuckle before he finally let your bodies come in contact. His front pressed to your back firmly, until you felt every shift of his muscles. His hands that were previously on your hips began to wander, stopping just below your breasts. His hot breath skimmed over the skin of your neck until goosebumps arose, and you pushed back against him again, this time harder.

“You naughty girl.” He breathed, teeth grazing over your skin before he bit down slightly. You leaned your head the other way to give him more access. “You came here just for this, didn’t you? You wanted to sleep with your old volleyball coach?”

At this point you were desperately grinding back on him, his lips mapping your neck like he was starved for you. 

“I don’t see you hesitating.” You replied, loving the push and pull of your bodies, loving how his hips chased after you when you pulled away from him even slightly. 

“You think I can resist this?” His hand traveled under the hem of your skirt, brushing your bare thigh. He traced the skin up, up, up until his fingers skimmed the edge of your panties. He dipped a fingertip into the fabric, feeling how soft you were, how warm you were. And wet. You were so wet for him.

“Fuck.” He groaned, pushing your panties aside just enough to slide a finger through your slit. The pad grazed your clit and you moaned loud, eyes closing in relief.

“You think I didn’t notice how much you stared?” He continued. “I knew. Way back then, I knew. See, I thought it was just a little crush. But here you are, three years later, all grown up and spreading your legs for me. Dirty girl. You’ve been wanting me all this time?”

You cried out when he chose that moment to sink a finger inside you, up to the knuckle, curling it immediately to rub your walls. You squirmed in his hold, but he was strong, strong enough to hold you in place and maintain the pace he had set inside you at the same time. 

“You’re so tight, baby.” He grunted out, another finger joining the first one. “You done this before?”

“I’m not a virgin!” You bit out, trying to keep your legs from shaking. 

Keishin laughed at that. “Sorry, sweets. Did I offend you?”

You wanted to say yes. Wanted to tell him you weren’t some goody-two shoes that he probably always thought you were. You wanted him to know that you wanted this. That you craved it. That the thought of sleeping with someone so much older, someone who had been a (sort of) teacher to you, was such a turn on that it made you drip right down his fingers and across his palm. 

The next second, all sensations left you. His fingers and his back disappeared, leaving you cold and empty. Your hands gripped the counter tightly as you watched him round it again, settling lazily into the chair and watching you with half-lidded eyes. You blinked at him in shock.

“You want it bad, right?” He started. “Came all the way here for it. Well, come take it.” 

He leaned back, spreading his legs. Your eyes fell to the massive bulge in his pants as he lit another cigarette, taking a long drag from it. 

You didn’t have to be told twice.

You shakily stumbled to where he was, wasting no time in bunching up your dress and swinging a leg over him to straddle his hips. His smirk was sleazy and so sexy, fumbling with the strings on his sweats to pull them down just enough that his cock sprang out, hard as anything and drooling at the tip. You licked your lips. 

You threw your head back and moaned in satisfaction when you finally sunk down on him, feeling him hit every spot right as he carved into you. He was bigger than any you’d ever had before. It felt heavenly, and as you watched him moan, eyes trained resolutely on you and cigarette still hanging from his lips, you felt like every dirty, wet dream you had ever had about the man was nothing compared to this. 

You rolled your hips, testing the waters with him. His jaw ticked and you knew he was clenching his teeth, hand running over your bare thigh. You reached up to pull the straps of your dress down, lowering the neck until your breasts popped out. 

“Oh, Jesus.” Keishin breathed, hand immediately reaching for one and squeezing. You started bouncing on his cock in earnest, loving the drag of him against your walls, but unable to go as deep as you would like, as deep as you knew he could go, unable to scratch that itch deep in your core. You whined.

“Ukai-san,” you bit your lip and gave him a pleading look. He stared at you for a few seconds before grinning, picking you up by the waist and pulling you off him. You stood on shaky legs, letting him manhandle you, turning you around and bending you over the counter, sliding back in immediately afterward like he couldn’t stand to be out of you for even one more second.

You nearly choked as he set a brutal pace, hands immediately scrambling to find purchase, anything to hold on to as he pounded into you. You let out a long, broken moan when he reached deep, deep inside you, toes curling from the sheer satisfaction of it. God, this was leagues above the dirty fantasies you had cooked in your head. Bent over this counter with your coach’s dick inside you. And he was so good, taking only a few thrusts to figure out the perfect angle to make you scream and clench around him, vision bursting with stars at the sensations coursing through your body. 

Fingers carded through your hair at the back of your head, pulling hard until you were arching off the counter and making contact with Keishin’s body, his other hand reaching up to pinch your nipple hard. You yelped. 

“Look at you,” he moaned, voice lower than you had ever heard it before. “Can’t stop screaming. Slut. Any of your college boys fuck you like this?”

You shook your head as much as his grip would allow, clenching harder around him at his words. You were being entirely honest. In your limited sexual experience, no one had come close to making you feel like this. Whether it was the raw anticipation of it, or if Keishin was really that good, you were already nearing your end. And it had barely been two minutes since he started.

He chuckled, sinking his teeth into your neck. Your eyes rolled up at the feeling. The knot in your stomach was getting tighter and tighter. 

“You needed me to make you feel good, huh?” He groaned into your neck. “Little princess wasn’t satisfied. Needed a man to show you how good a cock can feel.”

You screamed as your muscles seized and the knot snapped, your orgasm washing over you in waves. Keishin fucked you through it, cock driving into you at an unforgiving pace. Your breaths were broken and struggling, trying not to completely fall apart as your vision clouded with tears.

Keishin pulled out of you abruptly, turning you around and setting you on the counter. One look at your flushed, sweaty face had him humming in approval, hooking his hands under your knees to pull your legs apart.

“I’m not done with you yet.”

Taglist:

@bxbyyyjocelyn @thisbicc @lazuliquartz @dreamayy @kuroosluthoe @true-form-hoe @akumakitsune21 @cham0mil3-and-h0n3y @samisfunky @universal-s1ut @msbyomimi @dohwaesu @leothesquishy @n0tmykays @tsukiran @reyofsunshinelol @bleach-your-panties @galaneiaeris @leyra-giovanni @erenspersonalwh0re @peachesncats @soapsoftheworld @iwannabecamiloshovel @vintagevict0ria @smithieandy @moonlit-mizukage @snazzyturtles

A/N: For those whose tags arent working, im sorry! I tried and for some reason, your names wont show up in the mentions :( another way of being notified is to turn on my blog notifs for @teamatsumufics . I only reblog my fics there so it serves almost like being in a taglist!

Y/n: hey Peter, wanna hear a joke?

Peter 1: sure go ahead

y/n holding in their laugh: why is there only eleven months on your calendar?

Peter 1: I don’t know why?

Y/n: because you lost your may

Peter 3 coming in holding Peter as he cry: YOU CAN’T SAY THAT

It's a lil weird but...... David and Dwayne having a flex off? If that makes sense to you.

I have a Head cannon that they occasionally have to prove who is stronger.

Sorry if that's weird!

They do it randomly for fun sometimes if it turns into an actual fight for dominance flexing can quickly turn to wrestling and fighting. Which just snow balls further.

Instigators one and two will egg this behavior on.

dwayne + being sweet and/or a dork

QUESTION— ps. unhinged answers completely acceptable.

What do y’all think the Lost Boys did to warrant getting banned from Max’s video store?

man with horns >>>>>>

imagine delulu ace inviting himself onto the thousand sunny after returning reader to the strawhats cause he MUST make sure they adjust back to life with the strawhats alright. like the more jealous strawhats (zoro and sanji) are trying to do everything in their power to get ace to just leave, but no, he NEEDS to stay for just 2 more weeks to make sure they’re ok!!!

and like i wonder how luffy would feel? excited that ace and reader get along so well, jealous cause ace is monopolizing reader’s time??

I thought this was cute, so I hope you enjoy the little thing I wrote.

AU Masterlist

---

Zoro wanted to break Ace in half. 

He hated the man, his Captain's brother, he was stupid and annoying, loud and obnoxious. He took up so much space that if felt like there was no place on the ship he could go without seeing his dumb face. And what annoyed him even more, was that you were always there, smiling in tandem. 

Maybe Zoro hated you, because he felt his stomach turn every time he saw you with the man. His hands were always on you, he was always so close, and you seemed oblivious to the way he looked at you. Maybe you just liked playing stupid, which annoyed him. You were always all smiles when near him, laughing and merry as you leaned on the shoulder of Ace, making Zoro want to throw him into a wall. 

Sanji couldn't focus on anything else other than the sound of food sizzling, because if he didn’t he’d ignite into flames. He could hear your laughter out on the main deck mix with Luffy’s, imagining what your face looked like right now. Maybe your smile would be small, watching him and his brother goof around from a distance. Maybe you were in a more mischievous mood, goofing around with them. Maybe Luffy said something funny and you were falling over with laughter. 

Regardless, he focuses on the food in front of him, trying to push you far out of his mind. He buried himself in the methodical routine of cooking, escaping from the rest of the world as he tried his hardest to forget you, at least for a moment. 

Zoro couldn’t stand the noise. 

You were so loud, Usopp and Chopper joined in on your antics. Usopp and Luffy were hanging off of you as you laughed. The noise kept him from falling asleep, distracting him from his relaxation. You were a distraction, he came to the conclusion a long time ago, Ace’s presence on the ship didn’t help either. He was with you everywhere, attached to your hip like a lost puppy. It was disgusting, seeing a grown man act like a child, and as he saw Ace pull you away from his two crew mates into his lap, he huffed in annoyance at the sound of your giggles. 

Sanji wanted to hand you lunch, but he couldn’t find you. 

When he did, he saw you shoved up to Ace’s side, clearly asleep. Surprisingly, Ace was awake, waving when he saw Sanji walk up with plate in hand. He didn’t reciprocate any of the kindness, instead glaring down at the man. Your soft snores only warmed Sanji’s heart so much as he watched Ace move some hair out of your face, causing you to snuggle more into his side. 

“I'll save it for them.” Ace said when he realized the food was for you, only for Sanji to move it away from him with a deep frown. He knew it was wrong to be acting this way, but he couldn’t help it. Watching as Ace all but shouted his closeness with you to the world made him want to rip his hair out. It wasn’t fair, he’s been without you for two years, you should be snuggled up next to him. 

“No, I'll give it to them when they wake up.” 

Sanji knew it was stupid, but he wanted Ace to starve. 

Zoro sat across the table, watching with contempt as Ace whispers something in your ear, causing you to laugh.

If he was more drunk, he would’ve thought the sight was funny, watching Luffy grow jealous and try to push Ace away, latching onto your other side. If he was more drunk, he would be slightly happy to see you so full of joy as you spend time with your friend. If he was more drunk, Zoro wouldn’t care that you were so close to Ace, your shoulders flushed up against each other. 

But Zoro wasn’t drunk enough to deal with any of this. He takes a swig of–something–he doesn’t care any more, as he snarls at you, interanally annoyed that you’re not paying attention to him, or really any of the crew. Luffy is always by your side, even more after you returned from your time away with him, so he wasn’t bothered by that. No, he was bothered by this man acting as though he’s something special, more special than your own crew. It made him want to slash his chest with the steak knife next to him. 

But he wasn’t drunk enough to resort to that.

Sanji wondered how you like his food, you’ve barely touched it. 

Ace is slumped up against your shoulder, snoring in a drunken slumber, while you're trying, and failing, to move him back to his own seat. Sanji eyes your plate, filled, making him take a longer drag of his cigarette. Maybe he could make you something later, once Ace has finally left. It would just you, indulging yourself in his food, and him filling himself with the sight of you. 

But instead, Ace is still snoring on you, Luffy is trying to get you to pay attention to him, Usopp is talking to you about–something–he doesn't know. The others are laughing at your clearly overwhelmed state, while Sanji keeps looking at your plate from his spot in the kitchen. 

Sanji wants you to eat, and as he looks at Ace, he wishes he would disappear. 

Luffy can’t sleep, running off the high from the events of the day. He shifts around in his bed, wanting to know what you’re doing. He finds it funny how much he thinks of you, though it’s not nearly as much as when he was training with Rayleigh. He had a lot to think about during that time, after you saved his brother it was almost like something shifted in his mind, making him feel weird. He tried to ignore it for the longest time, but it only made him feel worse. So, he learned to accept it, and ever since returning to you, he’s never felt better. 

 Luffy finds himself on his feet, peering out the door to the deck, watching as you talk to Ace. He knew Ace was leaving tonight, you also knew this, so he didn’t know what you were doing here. Maybe you were saying goodbye, but you already spent so much time with him during the day, you had the opportunity to do so then. Ace was sitting on the railing, close to where Stricker was tied up. You were standing in front of him, in between his legs, as Ace took your hand in his. Luffy felt his chest tighten as Ace says something, he couldn’t hear what, but it made your eyes widened while Ace smiled at your reaction. You seemed embarrassed, pushing Ace away lightly, not enough to make him fall overboard. He laughs, beckoning you to come back as you huff at his antics. 

Luffy felt like he should be happy, to see you so comfortable around his brother. 

But for some reason, he felt like he hated Ace, and worst of all, he didn’t really care.  

---

A/n: This was NOT what I wanted, I tried to write this big confrontation between Zoro and Ace but my brain was not braining, so I hope you liked this.

Max and his unruly boys