There Are Three Wolves Inside Me:

please read the crane wife by cj hauser

i am the worst person i know. i am better than everyone else. i hate myself. i am god <3

new genre called “evil music” that exists specifically to antagonize you

reblog and make a wish! this was removed from tumbrl due to “violating one or more of Tumblr’s Community Guidelines”, but since my wish came true the first time, I’m putting it back. :)

rats we're rats we're the rats we prey at night we stalk at night we're the rats i'm the giant rat that makes all of the rules let's see what kind of trouble we can get ourselves into

BREAKING: The FCC just voted to repeal net neutrality, meaning we’re all screwed. TV news shows were essentially silent about this for the three weeks leading up to the vote.

this is probably my single favorite piece of clothing ever

What I would do

If I was exploring the old factory I'd suggest we split up to cover more ground. If I'd wriggled loose of my bonds and escaped the house I'd go back inside. If I had the hero right where I wanted him I'd take my eyes off him for a moment and reveal the full extent of my diabolical plan. If I found an abandoned starship, drifting alone through the depths of space, I'd board it to find out why. If the ocean was calm - too calm - I'd dangle my legs in the water. If I was guarding the prisoner I'd take her handcuffs off for a last cigarette.

If I was a bounty hunter tracking a mysterious and high value target I'd allow myself to get attached to them and renege on the deal with my employer. If I found a mysterious egg in an alien temple I'd grab it. I'd trust in the inherent goodness of a glowering malcontent. I'd grab a gun from the hand of my dead enemy and hand it to them. I wouldn't bother to look as I heard them cock it.

If the mafia hitman took me on a solo ride on his boat I'd wear a Hawaiian shirt. If I was lost in a dark pine wood I'd stay the night in the deserted cabin. I'd sneer at the old woman in the black robes who appeared mysteriously in town one day. I'd beat the cowed grey wolf with a stick. I'd cheat the enchanted minstrel out of his payment. If my house caught fire I'd frantically tug my chest of gold coins towards the door.

If I was walking home I'd take the route through the park. If I was a starry-eyed naif starting a new life in the big city I'd make a vicious enemy who tirelessly pursued me. If there was a point of no return I would cross it.

If I was building a space station I'd include a security flaw capable of sparking a chain reaction which would destroy the entire thing. I'd peer over the very edge of space. If I was being hunted by an almost supernaturally skilled alien hunter I'd stand up, grab the biggest gun I could find, and shout "this alien bastard just pissed me off." If I experienced trauma I'd refuse to address it until all hope of resolution was lost. If I got lost in the snow I'd lie down to rest for just a minute. I'd retrace my steps around in a circle. I’d try to light a fire with trembling hands.

If the T-Rex escaped I’d run to the toilet. I'd sell out my fellow prisoners for the warden's table scraps and expect him to protect me. If armed terrorists swarmed the office I’d dust off my $3800 Armani suit and tell them they had no right to do this. If my friends kept showing up dead I'd drive to the secluded lookout to make out with my girlfriend. I would push the reactor core past its limits. I would dismiss the scientists' concerns. I'd push them away from the control panel. I'd seize the dials and turn them all the way up, even if the instruments shook and the alarms began to ring. If someone tried to stop me I'd draw my pistol and fire a shot in the air. If there were rules of good sense or good practise I would flout them. If someone appealed to my conscience I would insult them. If there were warning signs I would ignore them.

I understand that not everyone is like me. But that's what I would do.

*slams reblog*