Reylo Fic Recs

Prompt List of Sarcasm

“Well, what can I say? I’m a badass.” 

“Define normal.” 

“Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?” 

“Just remember if we get caught, you’re deaf and I don’t speak English.” 

“Don’t look for any redeeming qualities. I don’t have any.” 

“It’s amazing how fast the world can go from bad to total shit storm.” 

“I love you. You enormously stubborn pain in the ass.” 

“And you wonder why you’re still single.” 

“Remind me to kill you. Please.” 

“I’m listening to you. I’m just not paying attention.” 

“That’s a little melodramatic, don’t you think?” 

“Were you dropped on your head?” 

“She’s crazy. And just when you think you’ve reached the bottom of her craziness, there’s a crazy underground garage.” 

“She may seem like lollipops and rainbows but I bet behind close doors she’s latex and whips.” 

“If my day gets any worse, I’m asking hell if they’re having an exchange program.” 

“Sorry. I don’t speak skank.” 

“If I survive, can I go home?” 

“My middle finger salutes you.” 

“This is a whole new level of moronic, even for you.” 

“I don’t think I could ever stab someone. I mean, let’s be honest. I can barely get the straw in the Capri Sun.” 

“I don’t have enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel.” 

“Insanity run in my family. It practically gallops.” 

“Oh darling. Go buy a brain.” 

“Somebody’s cranky.” “Somebody needs to shut up.” 

“Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.” 

“All due respect, but that’s a bunch of crap.” 

“I am one of the few people in the world who can murder you and leave no forensic evidence behind.” 

“Excuse me. I have to go make a scene.” 

“What did I tell you about calling her/him the devil?” “That it’s offensive to the devil?” 

“I heard that!” “You were supposed to!” 

“I need therapy after this.” 

“You didn’t get in trouble for lying. You got in trouble for lying badly.” 

“I’m not weird. I am limited edition.” 

“I turned out liking you a lot more that I originally planned.” 

“I think you’re weird.” “I think you’re boring.” 

“If history repeats itself, I am so getting a dinosaur.” 

“You seem somewhat familiar. Have I threatened you before?” 

“I’m afraid I’ve been thinking…” “A dangerous pastime.” 

“I’d explain it to you, but you’re brain would explode.” 

“Wow, there’s a big surprise. I think I’m going to have a heart attack and die from surprise.” 

“I’m gonna hit you so hard, it’ll make you ancestors dizzy.” 

“Even when we were kids, I always kicked your ass!” 

“Sarcasm is the body’s natural reaction to stupidity.” 

“You’re good. A monster pain in the ass… but you’re good.” 

“Well, excuse me, psychic wonder!” 

“The female of the species is more deadly than the male.” 

“Don’t look in her eyes, she might steal your soul.” 

“She’s hot, but she’s evil.” 

“Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Probably.” 

“I already know that I’m going to hell. At this point it’s really go big or go home.” 

“Go on, knock his teeth down his throat.” 

“You’re going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters, animal abusers and people who talk at the theater.” 

“What’s the point in screaming? No one’s listening anyway.” 

“I’m not a damsel in distress. I’m a damsel doing damage.” 

“So stick that in your juice box and suck it.” 

“Never take life seriously. No one ever comes out alive anyway.” 

“This place hold a lot of memories for me. Some bad, some… No. No, no, all bad.” 

“A little gasoline… blowtorch… no problem.” 

“Good, bad, I’m the one with the gun.” 

“I know you can’t kill anybody, ‘cause I can’t kill anybody.” 

“You’re insane, but you might also be brilliant.” 

“What you call insanity, I call inspiration.” 

“Sometimes I question my sanity. Occasionally it replies.” 

“Why should we date?” “Because we are attracted to each other.” “I am attracted to pie, but I do not feel the need to date pie.” 

“Why does everyone assume the worst of me.” “It saves time.” 

“I like you. You’re different.” 

“You successfully cured him/her of anything interesting about his/her personality.” 

“Neither one us is drunk enough for this conversation.” 

“You’re questioning my methods.” “I’m not questioning it, I’m saying it’s stupid.” 

“Wow, somebody needs a Happy Meal.” 

“I didn’t do it!” “Then why are you laughing?” “Because whoever did it is a freaking genius.” 

“Idiots. I’m surrounded by idiots.” 

“You couldn’t handle me even if I came with instructions.” 

“I care so little, I almost passed out.” 

“Well behaved woman rarely make history.” 

“You’re so weird.” “You have no idea.” 

“The universe may not always play fair, but at least it’s got a hell of a sense of humor.” 

“You haven’t even seen my bad side yet.” 

“Obviously you have mistaken me for somebody who gives a shit.” 

“How’s life treating you?” “Like I ran over it’s dog.” 

“Rule number one: don’t bother sucking up. I already hate you, that’s not going to change.” 

“Oh God, we’re not gonna have to hug or anything, are we.” 

“I’m so glad you could come.” “Cut the crap. Give me a drink.” 

“You make no sense to me.” “Welcome to my life.” 

“Have fun being deal.” “I will.” 

“Damn, you’re strong for a little thing.” 

“It’s called thinking. Go with it.” 

“I made a new friend today.” “Real or imaginary?” “Imaginary.” 

“Where have you been all my life?” “Hiding from you.” 

“I’m getting real bored and impatient. I don’t do bored and impatient.” 

“The girl is strange no question.” 

“Do us a favor… I know it’s difficult for you… but please, stay here, and try no to do anything… stupid.” 

“I know most people don’t like me; I don’t care, I don’t like most people.” 

“You are a very strange person.” “Well, thanks for noticing.” 

“I can tell that you think what you’re saying is funny, but… no.”

“I didn’t steal it. I permanently borrowed it.” 

“I’m not shy. I’m just examining my prey.” 

“If you pull out my earphones, I will pull out your lungs.”

“I don’t dislike you, I nothing you.” 

“Are you crying? No, I’m impersonating a fountain.” 

“Ah, he’s playing hard-to-get. That’s cute.” 

“You’re kinda anti-social, you know that?” 

“I feel like a freakin’ soccer mom.” 

“My advice is much more subtle. Stop being an ass.” 

“I’m just gonna pack up and go straight to hell now.” 

“My ex? Yeah, I’d still hit that. Except this time it would be with a car or baseball bat.” 

“She’s complicated like the DaVinci code, you know but harder to crack.” 

“And just like everything else we do around here, it’s about to get weirder.” 

“Such big evil in such a little thing.” 

“Why do I still like you, knowing you’re a total asshole?” 

“What does not kill you will likely try again.” 

“Oh honey, I would but… I don’t want to.” 

“And hello to you too… little homewrecker.” 

“I’m gonna make you wish you were dead.” 

“I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off.” 

“What doesn’t kill me might make me kill you.”

“In another life, I think I was in a mental institution.” 

“I’m not crazy. I’m just interesting.” 

“Don’t make me pop your ten grand sand bags honey.” 

“This is fun.” “Seriously, we’re trying to hide a body.” 

Request [x] Masterlist [x]

Look, the trees are turning their own bodies into pillars

of light, are giving off the rich fragrance of cinnamon and fulfillment,

the long tapers of cattails are bursting and floating away over the blue shoulders

of the ponds, and every pond, no matter what its name is, is

nameless now. Every year everything I have ever learned

in my lifetime leads back to this: the fires and the black river of loss whose other side

is salvation, whose meaning none of us will ever know. To live in this world

you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it

against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go.

—  In Blackwater Woods by Mary Oliver

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1.11 | 4.9

Getting to Know You Game

Thanks for the tag @sparrowsaidwhat

Favorite color: plum (occasionally dandelion yellow, occasionally brick; to be honest, I’m not sure what it actually is)

Currently reading: Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens

Last song you listened to? Love U Forever by Jenny Lewis is playing right now.

Last series you watched? started the latest season of The Crown and have no plans of finishing it 

Last movie you watched? I’ve now watched Emily (2022) fourteen times.

Sweet/ Savory/ Spicy? spicyyyy  — I slather everything with hot sauce

Currently working on? Cannibals Chapter 3, Hunger and Appetite Chapter 4, and also a lil something for Christmas :)

Tagging: @cherubnoona, @babeblox, @banalityofweevil, @wingardium-fic and you know, everyone else who wants to do this should just do it. 

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This stuff? Oh. Okay. I see. You think this has nothing to do with you. You go to your closet and you select, I don’t know, that lumpy blue sweater, for instance because you’re trying to tell the world that you take yourself too seriously to care about what you put on your back. But what you don’t know is that that sweater is not just blue, it’s not turquoise. It’s not lapis. It’s actually cerulean. And you’re also blithely unaware of the fact that in 2002, Oscar de la Renta did a collection of cerulean gowns. And then I think it was Yves Saint Laurent, wasn’t it who showed cerulean military jackets? I think we need a jacket here. And then cerulean quickly showed up in the collections of eight different designers. And then it, uh, filtered down through the department stores and then trickled on down into some tragic Casual Corner where you, no doubt, fished it out of some clearance bin. However, that blue represents millions of dollars and countless jobs and it’s sort of comical how you think that you’ve made a choice that exempts you from the fashion industry when, in fact, you’re wearing the sweater that was selected for you by the people in this room from a pile of stuff.

The Devil Wears Prada (2006) dir. David Frankel

Do you think anybody’s listening? I do. Someone’s out there.

over and over the only truth everything comes back to you

― Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals

Prompt from @lilithsaur: 

Lilith!Rey and Lucifer!kylo dancing around a bonfire, like in those old cartoons when spirits of the underworld gathered and danced some pagan dance around fire. They’re not together yet, even tho that little fact, the dancing turns intense and Rey ends up kissing Kylo before returning to her realm in hell, leaving him speechless, with black clawed fingertips hovering his lips when sunlight arrives.

I was given this amazing art to use as inspiration: x

I cannot express to you how sorry I am that this took so long.

mildly nsfw under the cut 

That there was light in the underworld which emanated from anything other than raging hellfire came as a surprise to many of its incoming inhabitants; but as they passed through the veil, even the very river they rowed along came alive with vibrant blues and pinks and oranges; the river of souls they would soon meet with in permanent communion. And beyond that were the lights of the sprawling, ancient cityscape, the bright flicker of lamps lit in windows of colored glass, set back into the ageless buildings of brimstone and obsidian. Sconces burning bright on soot blackened walls, candles flickering around shrines erected to ageless, nameless deities. Then there was the Sun, something that came as a shock to all newcomers; hell wasn’t a subterranean cavern, but a realm of existence, the Sun shone there like it did in the mortal plane, bright and brutal. 

Hell was truly a bright, vibrant place. But nothing shone so bright as this demoness. She was a thin, lithe woman who writhed to the beat of primal drums, surrounded by a posse of equally nubile, beautiful men and women, sweaty and panting, the sensuality of it all was undeniable. They swayed and swung as the beat rose and fell, steadied and accelerated. But this one, with golden skin and eyes more golden still, she surpassed them all. 

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