Epic

Epic

Art By Maxime Desmettre
Art By Maxime Desmettre
Art By Maxime Desmettre
Art By Maxime Desmettre
Art By Maxime Desmettre

Art by Maxime Desmettre

More Posts from Thegreenkeeper and Others

7 years ago
Bigby Wolf - Sean Gordon Murphy

Bigby Wolf - Sean Gordon Murphy

6 years ago

I love the rain also, especially the smell and sound. But like other things it can sometimes overstay it's welcome.

The Rain Always Calms Me A Bit.

The rain always calms me a bit.

5 years ago

By far my favorite painter, although he was a troubled soul he truly did have a gift for color (and For self-portraits).

thegreenkeeper - TheGreenKeeper
7 years ago
The Fanatics, 1955, Rene Magritte

The fanatics, 1955, Rene Magritte

4 years ago

Some sage advice that many people need to hear right now.

What happens when anxiety and depression takes over and you just can't write anything? I wanted to use lockdown to my advantage but I'm not well and I'm sad. Any advice?

Just know you aren't alone in this. I've written a fraction of what I should have written, over the last 4 months. The anxiety is real, there are many things to be anxious and depressed about.

So be kind to yourself. Set yourself small targets and goals. Be happy when you succeed, and forgive yourself when you fail.

6 years ago

Who knew, Disney was well versed in the misunderstood art of punnery.

#punny
#punny
#punny
#punny
#punny
#punny
#punny
#punny
#punny
#punny

#punny

3 years ago

Reblogging this so I'll remember it.

#the more you know the more you'll grow.

Firefighter demonstrates how to put out a kitchen fire

5 years ago

Great quote!

thegreenkeeper - TheGreenKeeper
7 years ago

I love his wheatfield paintings.

“I Am Wholly Absorbed In The Vast Expanse Of Wheatfields, Large As A Sea”
“I Am Wholly Absorbed In The Vast Expanse Of Wheatfields, Large As A Sea”
“I Am Wholly Absorbed In The Vast Expanse Of Wheatfields, Large As A Sea”
“I Am Wholly Absorbed In The Vast Expanse Of Wheatfields, Large As A Sea”
“I Am Wholly Absorbed In The Vast Expanse Of Wheatfields, Large As A Sea”

“I am wholly absorbed in the vast expanse of wheatfields, large as a sea”

1 year ago

This was amazing; what a great storyteller.

I was raised agnostic and tend to remain ambiguous on theological matters.

-but my house has a porch on the second story that affords me a terrific view of my neighborhood and the Colorado Front Range and I was partaking of some peace before the 4th Of July Finger-Loss Festivities begin, and I have had a

~*Spiritual Experience*~

I just watched my neighbor try to unload an actual wooden pallet that had to have been forklifted into the back of his insecurity pickup worth of fireworks.

Except that he does not have a forklift in his garage.

He does have so much sports memorabilia and cardboard boxes of unsold MLM Merchandise and patriotically themed camping gear and posters of women in bikinis and flags of suspect political organizations in his garage that there is only BARELY enough space for the fireworks and certainly none for his truck.

So he had to unload the individual boxes of recreational explosives from the back of his truck and stack them in the minimal space he had cleared by hand. This is a tedious and time-consuming process as this neighbor has purchased a wide variety of recreational and locally illegal explosives instead of many of just a few types, so the individual boxes are rather small.

He begins, and this is crucial to what happens next, by cutting apart the industrial-grade saran wrap his explosives dealer had so carefully wrapped his merchandise in, and discarded it unsecured on his lawn.

Where Outdoor Conditions sometimes happen.

His process for unloading the fireworks is to 1. Climb up through the gate into the bed of his pickup truck (a feat made unusually difficult due to the slope of his driveway, and this man's fascinating decision to wear the world's Siffest and least Flexible Denim Overalls. 2. Once in the pickup bed, he selects ONE (1) box from the pile He is apparently from a niche religious institution that doesn't believe in stacking things. 3. Carries it awkwardly around the palette that barely fits in the truck bed 4. His wife yells "Be careful!" when he nearly falls out of the pickup. 5. He Yells "SHADDUP!" back at her. 6. The Large German Shepherd barks from inside the house. 7. He yells "SHADDUP!" back at her too. 8. He sets the (1) box down on the gate 9. Slowly and awkwardly climbs out of the pickup bed 10. picks the box back up, and carries it into the garage.

Question: Aren't you going to help this poor man? Answer: Absolutely Not.

There's four military veterans, MANY dogs, and several people with dementia in this neighborhood, all of whom are terrified by this chicanery every year and many neighbors have repeatedly asked him to maybe do the fireworks somewhere else. (This is the Eighth Year Running he's held a major demolition event in his driveway, and for those of you who can do math, you may be able to guess the precipitating incident to this little ritual) Additionally, I live in Colorado, a state marginally less prone to spontaneous and catastrophic conflagrations than a rotting grain silo, but only marginally. Our recreational explosives laws are written accordingly.

I am in fact calling the Non Emergency line to report Fireworks violations, and reading off the brand labels to someone named Dorothy, who is gleefully totaling up a SPECTACULAR fine for my oblivious neighbor.

However, while I'm on the phone with Dorothy, I notice the wind begin to pick up. and by "Notice" I mean "The Industrial Saran Wrap he left on his Lawn earlier is suddenly swept up about 100 feet into the air by an updraft intense enough to make my ears pop" And by "Pick Up" I mean "I look up to see the sky has turned a fun and exciting shade of glass green, and the bottoms of the clouds are bumpy and rounded, and the overall effect is not unlike looking up through the bottom of the cup at God's Matcha Boba Tea."

For those of you who do not live in places with Inclement Weather, these conditions mean "You have about 30 seconds before a Major Meteorological Event Occurs."

I move under the eaves. "Hang on Dorothy." I say, nose filling with Petrichor. "The show is about to be cancelled." "Oh, that doesn't matter!" Dorothy cheerfully informs me. "It's illegal for him just to possess those, no matter if he actually gets to set them off or not." "Terrific, because he's gotten maybe five boxes out of a hundred inside."

Sometimes, the weather gods are Merciful and give you a verbal warning, typically in the kind of thunderclap that makes your ears ring.

The Gods were not merciful today.

It's not often that I am in the time, place, correct angle or in a properly observational frame of mind to see this, But I got to see it today. Huh. I thought. I've never seen a cloud just DIVE for the ground before. Oh. I realized as it got closer. That's RAIN.

Sometimes, a thunderstorm will form in such a way that the rain that would normally be distributed over an area of say, five to tent square miles, is instead concentrated into an area of say, my neighborhood exactly.

So today, I was granted the rare privilege of being able to actually see the literal wall of water descend from On High and DIRECTLY onto my porch, my street, and my neighbor's truck, and his pile of unwrapped fireworks.

The sheer impact force of the downpour immediately scatters the teetering pile of fireworks boxes in the back of the truck, like the wrath of God striking down the tower of Babel. Boxes tumble, then are washed out of the bed of the truck by the deluge. Smaller Boxes are carried down the road in a little line by the stream forming in the gutter, like little impotent explosive ducklings.

My neighbor was definitely yelling something, but I could not hear what over the DEAFENING noise several million gallons of water makes upon high-speed contact with the earth's surface, but there was a lot of arm-waving and faces turning red as he went looking for the saran wrap that had probably blown to Nebraska by now, while his wife started disassembling the complex three-dimensional puzzle of interlocking material goods in search of a tarp. They do not have a tarp. They have one of those wretched Thin Blue Line flags though, and my neighbor jogs out in a futile effort to cover what's left in the truck.

Which is when the hail begins.

"HELLO?" Yelled Dorothy. "HI!" I shouted. "WE'RE HAVING SOME WEATHER!" "OH GOOD!" she shouts back. "WE NEED THE MOISTURE!"

I watch for a minute longer, but the loss was immediate and catastrophic- the hail is the size of marbles and dense and cares not for your pitiful cardboard and cellophane, ripping the boxes asunder and punching holes in the few things covered in plastic. The colors on the Thin Blue Line Flag are seeping all over the remains of that it was supposed to protect in a particularly apt visual metaphor. Not even the few boxes that made it into the garage are spared, as the German Shepherd escapes from indoors, and in an attempt to assist her humans, jumps directly into the small stack of not-yet-ruined boxes, scattering them into the driveway and deluge. She even picks one up so her humans will chase her around the yard, before dropping it in the gutter to be swept away.

So. I was raised Agnostic -but even I can recognize when God slaps someone upside the head and shouts "NO!" at them.

---

(If you laughed, please consider supporting my Ko-fi or preordering my book of Strange Stories on Patreon)

  • cheesecakev2
    cheesecakev2 liked this · 2 months ago
  • steamdragonsoul
    steamdragonsoul reblogged this · 2 months ago
  • lycoris-varlineau
    lycoris-varlineau liked this · 4 months ago
  • amalthea-felsblood
    amalthea-felsblood liked this · 4 months ago
  • houserosaire
    houserosaire liked this · 4 months ago
  • ethaneldritch
    ethaneldritch reblogged this · 4 months ago
  • vmbral
    vmbral liked this · 4 months ago
  • avampyone
    avampyone reblogged this · 4 months ago
  • avampyone
    avampyone liked this · 4 months ago
  • theoldtentacledgods
    theoldtentacledgods liked this · 5 months ago
  • lord-of-shadaws
    lord-of-shadaws reblogged this · 5 months ago
  • lord-of-shadaws
    lord-of-shadaws liked this · 5 months ago
  • klonoapin
    klonoapin liked this · 8 months ago
  • feethetree
    feethetree liked this · 1 year ago
  • solsyns
    solsyns reblogged this · 1 year ago
  • clerkaesz
    clerkaesz liked this · 1 year ago
  • whyistherenoeintumblr
    whyistherenoeintumblr liked this · 1 year ago
  • lobstersatan
    lobstersatan reblogged this · 1 year ago
  • lobstersatan
    lobstersatan liked this · 1 year ago
  • asleepyghostwhostaresatyou
    asleepyghostwhostaresatyou liked this · 1 year ago
  • gothic-marshmallow
    gothic-marshmallow liked this · 1 year ago
  • yeonhwa-net
    yeonhwa-net liked this · 1 year ago
  • comrade-delta
    comrade-delta reblogged this · 1 year ago
  • comrade-delta
    comrade-delta liked this · 1 year ago
  • mvngojerrie
    mvngojerrie liked this · 1 year ago
  • thelordoflife
    thelordoflife reblogged this · 1 year ago
  • thelordoflife
    thelordoflife liked this · 1 year ago
  • sannpei
    sannpei liked this · 1 year ago
  • kyonkichi-kyonkyon
    kyonkichi-kyonkyon reblogged this · 1 year ago
  • trxangleboy
    trxangleboy liked this · 1 year ago
  • crispyhush
    crispyhush reblogged this · 1 year ago
  • gorgeousgalatea
    gorgeousgalatea liked this · 1 year ago
  • cylon-angel
    cylon-angel reblogged this · 1 year ago
  • aerialarea
    aerialarea reblogged this · 1 year ago
  • officialrosencrantz
    officialrosencrantz liked this · 1 year ago
  • kimunkur
    kimunkur reblogged this · 1 year ago
  • the-black-knight666
    the-black-knight666 liked this · 1 year ago
  • memo-silva
    memo-silva reblogged this · 1 year ago
  • bestkeptbasement
    bestkeptbasement liked this · 1 year ago
  • were-wave
    were-wave liked this · 1 year ago
  • lilith-the-drow
    lilith-the-drow liked this · 1 year ago
  • greatbearebergfon
    greatbearebergfon liked this · 1 year ago
  • scarcetti
    scarcetti liked this · 1 year ago
  • marieanneline
    marieanneline liked this · 1 year ago
  • bianchinoeyoyo11
    bianchinoeyoyo11 liked this · 1 year ago
thegreenkeeper - TheGreenKeeper
TheGreenKeeper

-Just Me [In my 30s going on eternity] (A Random Rambling Wordy Nerd and an appreciator of all forms of artistic expression) Being Me- Art, Books, Fantasy, Folklore, Literature, and the Natural World are my Jam.

249 posts

Explore Tumblr Blog
Search Through Tumblr Tags