RPM Trio Doodle

Thiam Starter Kit

Here is a short and sweet starter kit , 3 author, of fics I would recommend to literally anyone, not just Thiam shippers, to get you into the wonderful ship that it Thiam! I included, the number of chapters, words and the status of each fic because those things are always something I like to know personally, but if you don’t care ignore them lol!! I hope you enjoy! 

To start: What is Thiam? Thiam is the ship name for Liam Dunbar and Theo Raeken in the Teen Wolf fandom. 

Is Thiam canon? Technically Thiam is not cannon, but there is a lot of speculation that it was either intended to be or should be. Lots of fans see a lot of sexual and emotional tension and chemistry between the two characters and I would say I have to agree. People tend to write Liam as bi and Theo as either bi or gay. I personally see both characters written in the show as bi, along with Stiles. 

Now lets get into the recommendations! 

Keep reading

lets get lost by hot_damn_louis

Rating: Not Rated

Word Count: 57232

Stiles was used to hiding things from those close to him. He hid his grief from his dad, his anger from Scott, and the deep sadness from everyone else. Somehow, he can’t seem to hide anything from Derek, who is now acting more and more like a real person. Maybe even a friend. All Stiles wants is to feel normal, and Derek seems to be the most normal thing in his life.

PLEASEE write an angst where reader is in love with druig- it’s one sided/unrequited love (or so she thinks) and Druig hurts her feelings by being an asshole!! Makes her leave while crying and Druig tries to get her back or something like that? Oh and please just write tons of angst druig imagines I beg you

Don’t // Druig x Eternalfem reader

Based off this request I got! Hope you enjoy this anonymous!

Pairing: Druig x Eternalfem reader

Prompt: You told me that I was the job, the chore you had to do. To me, you were everything.

TW: ANGST! Annnngggssstttttt! Mild cursing and mentions of blood, reader gets a minor injury, not grammar checked, written fast (it was during my break) 

a/n: just have to peep in and say that all the love and comments I have received on Stay has been AMAZING!! each of y'all deserve some head and I hope you get some for being spectacular! thank you guys so very very much!!! 

~~~~~~~~~

There was a silence in the Domo today that you couldn’t quite grasp. Maybe it was from the fact that laying in the bed, injured, in front of you, was the love of your life. Or perhaps it was the fact that you knew when he awoke things would go back to normal. The normal being, him ignoring you. You weren’t even sure how you two reached that point. At one time, he would spend hours just talking to you about everything on this earth you two discovered. Lately, it was coming to a stop. A heartbreaking stop.

You were utterly in love with him. There was a day where you thought he may feel just the same. Just when you were going to confess it all he shut you out. It was all in your head that he may actually have felt the same.

“Hey, how is he?” Sersi stood at the door and her voice was soft. You could hear the concern in her voice.

Your eyes glance to her and then back at Druig. He was unconscious and had been for several hours. There was a deviant outbreak in a nearby area. Just as we were set here to do you went out to fight against them.

“Still unconscious.” You shortly reply. In a comforting manner you hold his hand carefully. There were bandages across his toned chest and a deep gash near his temple. The other Eternals did their best to get you to eat or even sleep. You couldn’t leave him. Not after you caused this and you blamed yourself far too much.

Sersi walks into the room quietly to stand behind you. Her hand reaches out and puts it on your shoulder. She was always the one to comfort you in any situation. Now was no different. She knew how you blamed yourself for this. And she did her very best to make you understand it wasn’t your fault. He made the choices he did.

“You need to rest. Someone needs to patch up that gash on your arm anyways.” Sersi suggests. It was true. In the midst of the chaos and helping take care of Druig you hadn’t noticed your own injuries.

“Just let me change his bandages. Then I’ll fix this.” You gesture to your arm and she nods her head in approval. You watch her walk out of the room to leave you to your duties.

You find the bandages and ointment needed to help with the cleaning. Carefully, you began to change his larger bandage on his chest. He slightly stirs as you do and that makes you nervous. There was sweat forming on his body. It let you know that at least his body was trying to heal. Just as you are fixing his temple bandage you felt his hand wrap around your arm.

“What happened?” He barely mumbled enough that you could understand it.

“Hey Druig, a deviant got a hold of you.” You kept it simple for him. Maybe he didn’t remember the words he spoke to you before he passed out. You surely did. “I’m just cleaning your bandages.”

His eyes open fully and he looks at you. For a second all you could focus on was the color of his iris’s. They were the softest shade of blue and for a moment it was like all was right in the world.

“I don’t want you here.” His words stung. They hurt so much that you felt the pain in your chest. It caught you off guard and you do everything in your power to not cry.

“Just let me fix your bandage on your head and I’ll be gone.” You fight the crack in your voice but it falters just at the end of the sentence.

“I’m serious. Just leave. It’s not like you actually care. You’re here because you caused this.” Your lips part in shock from the words.

“You don’t mean that.” You thought just maybe it was the medicine you gave him. Or the fever that was breaking out through his body. Druig had been cold but not ever this cold before.

“I do.” He says through gritted teeth and doesn’t dare to look at you. His hand pushes yours away that was trying to replace the bandage. It caused your body to turn away in an awkward motion to avoid hitting his gash. His other hand clashes across your open wound on your arm and you suck in a sharp breath at the pain it induced.

You lean back and step away from his bed. One hand covers the gash to stop the bleeding that started again from it being reopened. The tears that you fought so hard to contain began to fall down your cheeks. Your eyes peered into him with the most hurt expression.

“I don’t know what I ever did to make you hate me like this.” He keeps his head turned towards the wall. “I’m sorry that this happened. I blame myself for it all. But you didn’t have to jump in front of that deviant for me. I had it under control.” Instead of leaving right away you at least had to share your side.

“Obviously you didn’t! Or we wouldn’t be here.” He replies and you could tell he was getting frustrated. There was some other demons he was battling. Being with Druig for so long you had grown to know him. Almost like the back of your hand.

“Screw you Druig. Forget that I ever cared about you.” Tears were freely falling down your face now. “I’ll leave you alone. That way you don’t have to worry about me being a job for you. A chore!” You bring back the words he muttered to you before he passed out.

As you wipe away the tears and turn to leave the room he doesn’t say another word. Sersi was beside the door along with Sprite and Kingo. They look at you with such pity in there eyes. It was no deny that they had heard everything from that conversation.

You went to the common area of the Domo to grab the rest of the first aid kit. Your brain was fuzzy with so many thoughts circling it was hard to focus. The tears just kept freely falling making your cheeks raw. You didn’t want the pity from your family. So you chose to take yourself outside to a favorite place of yours. Somewhere for you to be alone and so you can cry all you want.

When you find your spot you neatly sat your kit down to prepare it. The pain was getting to be unbearable in your arm. You knew Druig didn’t mean to hit it. That pain didn’t compare to the pain of your emotions.

For so many years you slowly fell in love with that boy. How could you not? There were nights that you spent together that were the best of your existence. He showed you what a best friend is and never once let you down. Not until now. Why now?

With shaky hands you tied a band above the gash on your arm. Just to get the bleeding to slow down so you could clean it up. Your hands were shaking so much that it was hard to really do anything. And with the tears invading your vision it was even worse.

You start to clean the gash and even more tears flowed out of your eyes. “Fuck!” You shouted in pain.

“Stop!” You we’re so blinded by the pain your arm and your chest you didn’t fully register the voice. Your hands shook so bad and you felt the world caving in on you. “Stop!” They say again and you look up.

Druig was stumbling his way over to you. There was a blanket wrapped around his shoulders and he was still shirtless. His pants hung loosely on his hips and he didn’t even have shoes on. He was struggling to stand straight.

“Don’t get any closer!” You felt the heat of your powers began to stir. There was no doubt that you had a strong control over your powers. But when things like this happened it would cause you to lose control.

You lost all control and began to break out into a sob. All the doubts, the pain, and insecurities surfaced to the top. The words he spoke played repeatedly in your head. There was a chaos of energy forming around you. Leaving you breathless and in pain.

It broke Druig to see you like this. To know that he was the reason behind it. In his mind he thought it would be best to push you away. He never thought he was worthy of love. The times he spent with you showed him what it could be like. It scared him and the thought of losing you scared him even more.

“Stop.” He reaches out to you, his knees hit the ground to properly be eye level with you. His hands go to your back to slowly start to rub circles and soothe the pain away. “Stop. Please.” He begs you. His touch automatically causes your powers to subside.

“It hurts.” You cry out in pain and that’s when his very own heart broke in half. It was already cracking from saying the words he said to you. For being so cold to you. He was an idiot to ever think that hurting you like that would keep his fears away.

“I’m sorry.” His eyes began to tear up. “I’m so sorry my beautiful girl. I hurt you in ways I can’t even begin to imagine.” Druig moves closer to you and tucks his body underneath yours. You were practically in his lap as he held you close to him.

His heart sank to his stomach the moment you looked up into his eyes. There was a pain in your eyes that he couldn’t express. Pain that he caused. Those eyes hold the stars to him. Never had he seen them so dull like that before. He cups your cheeks and uses the pads of his thumbs to wipe away the tears.

“Why did you say those things to me Druig?” The way you said his name and not one of your nicknames made him want to burn.

“I was stupid. An idiot that let my fears get the best of me. The thought of losing you was the worst possible thing to cross my mind. If I didn’t let you in then I would never have to worry about having you then one day you’d realize that you don’t want me. You would leave and I would lose you.” This time a few tears fall down his cheeks as he looks at you. You both we’re completely broken but you were in it together.

You slowly wrap you arms around his neck so you could hide your face into his neck. He tightly wraps his arms around your back and presses your body as close to his as he could. He wasn’t sure what was going to happen after this but he knew that he had to hold you. Even if it was his last time doing so. There was a lot of forgiveness that had to be earned. Druig was willing to work for every last bit of it.

“I’m so sorry.” He whispers into your hair and cries a little harder.

“Don’t let me go.” You say into his neck and he grabs on to you tighter. His eyes shut to rid of the tears that wouldn’t stop. You were another piece to him and he broke that.

From that point on Druig vowed to never hurt you ever again. He vowed to stay true to you. He vowed to make up for all the things he said and done. There was nothing that he wanted more in this life than to be yours. To have you for the rest of his immortal life.

Lydia: *Setting down a card* Ace of spades

Scott: *Pulling out an uno card* Uno reverse

Stiles: *Dramatically placing a pokemon card* Charmander, I choose you!

Isaac: *Slaps down a cards against humanity card* Unlocking a new sex position!

Liam: *Trembling* What are we playing!?

No because the power that celebrities have. They can deny a question like “what’s your favorite color” and just avoid it at all cost and we will just have to deal with the fact that we will never know what the answer is and why they won’t answer it

promise | jj maybank

gif creds to it’s respective owner ! <3

SUMMARY: after confessing your feelings to your best friend in a swirl of emotions, resulting in probably the worst outcome you can imagine, you soon come to realize he was in just as much pain as you.

PAIRINGS: jj maybank x fem!pogue!reader , pope heyward x fem!pogue!reader (platonic)

WORD COUNT: 10.6k (she do be a long one, but it’s worth it)

WARNINGS: angst, fluff, depictions of smut

A/N: hello! this is the first imagine that i ever posted on tumblr. hope whoever reads this likes it, it's one of my favourites so i wanted to start off strong. grab a drink/snack and enjoy :) <3

☼ ☼ ☼

You sit frozen even under the blazing sun. You’ve buried your feet beneath the sand, gripping the couple seashells you caught while surfing in your hand until lines press into your skin. You try to focus on your burning soles or the sting from the shells, but his voice is too prominent in your ears to drown out.

“Y/N? Can you please listen, this is important.” JJ playfully nudges your arm and lingers his hand on your shoulder.

You quickly pull back from his touch and wrap your arms around yourself protectively, trying to pay no mind to the slightly confused expression that contorts his features. You’ve done enough overanalyzing with him to know that he doesn’t mean anything by these seemingly affectionate gestures. He never does.

“What, JJ. I’m not in the mood right now.” You sharply say, keeping your gaze on your black-painted toes sticking out from the sand. And it’s true. You really did not want to hear about all the ways JJ could ask Kiara out properly.

He huffs and rests his hands on his knees, still remaining seated on the towel next to you. “I just want your advice. What’s up with you today? You were fine this morning, and now you’re acting all irritated with me.”

Yeah, maybe because I couldn’t pretend to be okay anymore after seeing that stupid smile on your stupid face when Kiara kissed your stupid forehead at 7 in the morning. Or during school, seeing you pass notes in class and winking when phones clearly exist, like you just have to rub it in. Or after school at John B’s house watching you trying to braid her hair while the rest of us were doing homework. Or before we left for the beach as she rubs sunscreen all over your back, when that’s usually my job.

But of course, you didn’t say any of that.

“Whatever. Like you care.” You scoff and look up at the ocean, watching your friends laugh and push each other off their surfboards.

“I do care, Y/N. You’re my best friend, your opinion means the most to me.” He pauses for a moment and runs his hand through his golden hair. “Did I do something?”

Your heart clenches in your chest, and for a second you want to drop the angry act and hug him, comfort him and reassure him that he could do no wrong. That he was everything and more. But you had to block out your pain, and anger was just the emotion strong enough for the job.

You keep your stone cold glare, and manage to turn it towards him. He’s already looking at you, but not in the way he looks at Kiara before she notices. Not in the way where he looks at her and sees his purpose for existence. Not in the way you look at him.

Instead, he’s looking at you with a lost expression, brows furrowed in confusion, eyes asking for answers. As your glare locks into his soft pale blue eyes, he closes his mouth and looks away. At least he knows not to push you any further.

After an excruciating 10 minutes of sitting in awkward silence with nothing but the waves and seagulls, you hear Kiara’s melodic voice travel over the water and sand to reach your ears. “Ayo, JJ! Y/N! What are you guys doing? Get in the water before it gets too dark!”

Even the sound of her voice makes your ears hot with jealousy and your chest ache with pain. The worst part wasn’t even that she was the girl JJ held in his heart, it was the fact that she was also your best friend, and an absolute angel. She did nothing wrong, and you had no reason to feel so negatively towards someone as kind hearted as her. But the fact that she unknowingly took JJ from you was enough.

She’s waving her arms frantically to get you two’s attention, as if you don’t already see her. It makes you wanna flip her off, but JJ beats you to any action by laughing and standing up, the towel he was sitting on -- your towel -- still hooked in his arms. He throws the damp pink and green fabric around his neck before cupping his hands over his mouth to yell, “You got it, Kie! There’s a sick wave rolling in!”

You roll your eyes, and he notices, but still presses his lips together in a sad smile. “You coming or what, my angry girl?”

Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry. You repeat this in your head over and over again before you dare to speak. ‘My angry girl’, he had said. Like you were his, like he was yours. Like you were his girl. But you weren’t, so why did he think it was okay to keep up with his little spur of the moment nicknames, when they so obviously had no ounce of affection behind them?

You stand up and grab your surfboard. JJ’s face lights up as he shoots you a bright smile, happy at the fact that you’re over whatever it was that was bothering you and are ready to finally have a good time.

But he was wrong. That’s not why you stood up and grabbed your things.

“Have fun.” You say coldly, clenching your teeth to prevent you from saying anything else, for you know that if you did you’d erupt into tears. You tighten your hold on your board, yank your towel from his shoulders, and turn on your heel to walk off the beach.

You can’t take the Twinkie back to your house, since that was John B’s car and the gang’s ride, and JJ knew that too. As you walk by the van, ready to take your walk home alone under the setting sun with just your bikini, towel, and board, you can’t help but hope that JJ will come after you, or call out your name. Just something to show that he doesn’t want you to leave, that he wants to find out what’s wrong, that he wants you safe with him.

But when you turn your head slightly over your shoulder to see if your thoughts have manifested into reality, you’re met with his sculpted back running towards the ocean, diving into the thrashing waves and tackling a laughing Kiara.

The salt dripping from your hair melts with the salt on your cheeks.

~ ~ ~

That night on the beach was only one out of many, many other occurrences in which you had to protect your bleeding soul from any more pain by ultimately being a bitch to the boy you’re in love with.

You didn’t always resort to hostility. There was a time where you would fake a smile and push aside any feelings for the sake of your relationship with JJ. But after a while, it all got too much. You remember the first time you felt any hint of insecurity.

It was about a year ago, a couple weeks after Kiara officially joined the gang by announcing she’s done with the kook academy and would now be spending all her time with you guys. You were so excited at first, for you guys hung out with her once in a while when she wasn’t trapped with the kooks, and now she would finally always be there. Of course, JJ hit on her when they first met, but you didn’t think much of it. He flirted with everyone.

But those feelings quickly got diminished when you and JJ were waxing your surfboards alone in John B’s shed. It was going well like it always did, and you were blushing like you always did when it was just you two. But then he said it, the first hint that he actually liked Kiara.

“It’s amazing that Kie is always here now, isn’t it?” He said, muscles flexing as he thoroughly waxed his white board.

You diverted your gaze away from his arms to see him smiling aimlessly, though you doubted it was directed at the task at hand.

“Oh, uh. Yeah. She’s great,” You replied honestly.

JJ looked up at you, the same smile on his face. “It’s so much better with her here.”

It’s so much better with her here.

Those words have never left your mind since he said them a whole sun’s revolution ago, and it still bothers you all the same. How could he say that, after only 2 weeks of her being there? How could he say that, when you were the one who’s been his best friend since you were kids, before John B or Pope? How could he say that, when he should be feeling that way about you?

Overtime, it got worse.

When you showed up at his house, backpack in hand filled with you two’s favourite snacks and his favourite alcohol, ready to go for your normal weekend hike. “Oh shit, sorry Y/N. I told Kie I’d go surfing with her today. Next week though, yeah?” And he kissed your cheek, like he always did since he was 10. But, the hikes stopped.

At the bonfires when you reached for the red solo cup in his hand, and he pulled it away, laughing. “Oh-- This is for Kiara. Vodka cran. Can you believe that? So ridiculous.” But he smiled admirably the whole time. Usually he got you a drink, so you were used to just reaching for it. He still did get you drinks now, but only after Kiara got hers.

At Midsummers, when you were so excited to show him your red dress that you picked specifically because he said he liked it when walking past a store window. But of course Kiara walked in a second after you in her beautiful silky purple dress. “Wow, look at you.” JJ had said, and you prayed that he meant you, but when you looked up he was practically ogling at the glowing goddess next to you. Kiara laughed and told him to shut up, to which he grinned back and linked his arm with hers. “Shall we, you kook?” He jokingly said. As they were walking out of the hallway and into the party, leaving you behind, Kiara was the one who asked if you were coming. JJ didn’t say a word to you the whole night about your dress.

And the rest of the year was all a blur from there, just the obvious favouritism and admiration of her whenever the pogues hung out. You didn’t even want to think about what went on when it was just JJ and Kiara. And now that John B had Sarah, you felt even more forgotten than ever. Little did you know that there was one certain nerdy boy left in your friend group who was more similar to you than you thought.

~ ~ ~

It was now about a month after the beach, and the second last week of school before the summer. You were all sitting in second period, the class before lunch, working on review before the exams that would take place next week.

Not only were you stressed from school, since you haven’t really given it much thought recently, but today you were just extra irritable. You were tired, insecure, upset, and trying to memorize these goddamn history facts.

You were biting your nails and bouncing your leg at a very fast pace when you felt a wad of paper hit your head. You freeze and clench your jaw. You know exactly where that came from. You slowly turn around and see JJ awkwardly scratching the back of his neck.

“Sorry, Y/N. Can you pass that to Kie? She’s too far from me,” He whispers, slightly leaning forward.

You’ve had enough.

You pick up the note and don’t even bother to read what’s on it. Instead, you get up to your feet and throw it right back at him, hard. He’s a bit startled as it hits his chest, and he looks up at you, bewildered.

“Give it to her yourself,” You spit, clenching your fists. “And fuck off.”

People in the class are looking at you, including your friends, but you couldn’t care less. John B mouths ‘what the fuck?’ at you, Kiara is staring at you wide-eyed, and JJ just… JJ just looks sad. You make eye contact with Pope, but he isn’t looking at you like some freak, like everyone else. He’s looking at you with kind eyes. He sends you a sad, knowing smile that sofly curves his lips. You almost tear up looking at him, and you aren’t even sure why. Why was he looking at you like that?

Your thoughts are interrupted when your teacher calls your name. “Y/N, excuse me! Wh--”

You cut him off by raising your hand. “Yea, sir, I know. I’m leaving.” You leave the classroom without another word, leaving your friends and peers looking after you, confused.

~ ~ ~

Later that night as you lie lazily on your couch, scrolling aimlessly through your phone, you get a text from John B.

JB: Hey psycho

You roll your eyes and swipe the message away. A couple minutes later, you get more.

JB: That was a joke

I’m kidding

You’re not actually a psycho

Well… sometimes

To stop him from spamming you anymore, you groan and reluctantly text him back.

Y/N: holy shit what do u want

JB: Ah there she is

Come to the Chateau

Y/N: no

JB: Okay well first of all rude

Second of all I already sent JJ to get you

You shoot up in bed, breathing heavy. Are you fucking kidding me? Boys are so goddamn stupid sometimes.

Y/N: john b, NO.

seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you?

JB: Woah, why you getting mad at me for?

Y/N: were you not in class today?

JB: Yeah, we all were. Pretty sure the whole school knows about your outburst towards... You know. Your best friend? Who’s coming right now? And will be there in 2 minutes?

You couldn’t even text him back, with how mad you were. Why couldn’t they understand you wanted to be alone? You were clearly upset, and they wouldn’t respect your space. Maybe if you got upstairs before JJ showed up, you could avoid this whole thing--

“Y/N, it’s JJ.”

You sigh and look towards your glass door. JJ is there, hands in pockets and red backwards hat keeping the hair away from his face. He’s looking at you with an unreadable expression. Well, there goes your plan to just hide away from the world.

You don’t move, and remain seated on the couch, crossing your arms and looking down at your feet.

“Can you please come outside?” He says through the screen. His voice is so fragile, as if trying to be careful not to overstep and get you more upset. It makes you want to cry.

“Universe, be with me.” You mumble to yourself as you weakly get up from your spot and make your way to the door. He steps back a bit to give you some space as you step outside. The cool night breeze quickly nips at your bare stomach and arms, as you’re only in a black crop top and jean shorts. You wrap your arms around yourself and force yourself to look up at him.

He purses his lips together before pulling his grey sweatshirt over his head, leaving him only in a white tank top. He holds it out to you.

Your heart swells at him noticing your slight chill, and for a moment you were about to take it from him. Your fingertips barely graze the soft fabric as the scent of his cologne, sea water, and cocoa butter already reaches your nose. But then you remember two nights ago, when you were all hanging out in your backyard by the fire. Kiara was still cold, so JJ gave her his sweater. It was a different one, but still. You won’t be the second choice.

You shake your head and retract your hand to hug yourself tighter, looking out at the road. Anywhere but his eyes.

You hear him sigh, “Just take the sweater, Y/N. I know you’re upset with me, but it’s cold. I can see you shivering.”

“What would Kiara think if she saw me in your sweater?” You surprise yourself.

“What?” He asks, confused. “I… I don’t know. I don’t think it would matter.”

“Yeah,” You scoff, “Of course you don’t.” He’s so oblivious to everything. It must be nice to live in a world of ignorance, not knowing who you’re hurting or what you’re doing wrong.

A few moments of silence go by between you two, so you decide to just start walking to the Chateau. You quickly walk down the steps and onto the side road. JJ catches up with you shortly after, and you two walk side by side.

About halfway there, he breaks the silence once again. “Y/N, please.”

“Please what, JJ?” You mutter, trying to sound uninterested.

“Please tell me what I did.” You notice him looking at you through your peripheral vision but force yourself to keep looking straight ahead. “It’s killing me.”

You bite down on your tongue. It’s hard to believe that he’s so affected by you distancing yourself from him. “Why?” You ask, though it wasn’t really a question. “You have Kiara, you don’t need me.”

He lets out a dry, fed up laugh, “Y/N, I don’t understand! Why do you keep bringing up Kiara when I’m trying to talk about you?”

“It’s so much better with her here, isn’t it?” You quote, voice slightly shaking at the end as you finally look at him.

At first his eyes are blank, searching for meaning behind your words. But after a bit, you see the gears lock in place.

“I--” He starts, “You know I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Do I know that, JJ? Because it sure seems like it. You’re completely obsessed with her. It’s like I don’t exist.” You feel the familiar sting of tears cloud up your vision. “So you should be grateful I’m no longer getting in your way.”

“Grateful? Y/N, did you not hear me? It kills me. Every time you look at me like you don’t want me there, it kills. Every time you push my hand away, it kills. Every time you walk right past me without so much as a glance in my direction, it kills.”

You quickly wipe your eyes. You will not break in front of him. Stay strong, Y/N. Rage over pain. “Yeah, well. Now you know how I’ve felt this whole year.”

“What do you mean?” He asks, raising his voice. “I’ve never treated you the way you’re treating me.”

You halt in your tracks, looking at him with wide eyes. You feel like you’re going to throw up. “Are you fucking kidding me?” You yell. He’s visibly surprised at your outburst. “You haven’t been treating me like shit? Really? You’re gonna say that with your whole chest?”

He starts to shout back at you, “No, I haven’t! Okay, maybe I should have paid more attention to you… Or-- or, or not cancelled so many plans. But I never treated you like I didn’t want you around, I always want you around!”

“Well, you did JJ! You fucking did! You don’t have to roll your eyes at me or push me away to tell me I’m not important to you anymore. Just giving all your energy to someone else says enough. Recently I’ve only been seeing you when the whole gang would hang out, because the rest of the time you’re fucking Kiara!” You scream, voice cracking as you finally let the angry tears escape your eyes.

You turn and start to quicken your pace, but he doesn’t let you go far. You feel his hand grab your arm and pull you back towards him.

“Y/N, seriously! For fucks sake! What the actual fuck are you talking about!?” He shouts, tightening his grip. “I’m not fucking Kiara!”

Your skin burns from the pressure of his fingers digging into your skin, “I bet you wish you were, though.” You grit out, yanking your arm away from him. You feel the pulsing of flesh from where his nails just were.

“Why should it even matter if I was, anyway? It’s not like me and you are together.” He clenches his jaw.

For a moment, you’re at a loss for words. How can you say anything else without giving it away even more that you were hopelessly in love with him? He was right, you weren’t together. If only he knew that was the reason for your pain all along. There was absolutely no way he didn’t at least have an idea that you loved him, after all the fighting and obvious jealousy.

You had nothing to lose.

“Yeah, we aren’t together.” You swallow and brace yourself for the worst possible outcome. “But we could be. Should be.” No going back now. The words left your raw throat and were now spoken out into the universe.

For the first time since you’ve met him, JJ was speechless.

You couldn’t take it anymore, just him staring at you in complete shock. What was he thinking? Did he absolutely hate you for ruining the dynamic between you two? Did he want to turn around and never see you again? Could he… Could he possibly, even a tiny sliver of him, feel the same way?

You decided to put the ball in his court. “Come on, JJ. Don’t act like you didn’t know. Even if it was just a little part of you.”

He remained quiet for a few more seconds before finally opening his mouth. “Y/N…”

“You knew.” You spit out, glaring at him. “I know you did.”

“I… I thought the reason you were mad at me was just because I was neglecting you. I honestly didn’t think it was because you--” He stopped himself, as if trying to find the right words. “Because you liked me.”

You sigh and look down at your hands, twisting your rings around your fingers. “I don’t just like you, JJ.” You truly had no idea why you were being so bold, before you would have sworn on your grave that you would never let him find out. But there’s only so much hurt a person can take before they crumble.

You look up at his apprehensive face. He looks almost… scared. Scared of you saying it and making it real. But you can't protect anyone's feelings anymore, you’ve been doing that too long. You take a deep breath, and look at his doubtful ocean eyes.

“I love you.”

He sucks in a breath, and to your surprise, you see red rimming the whites of his eyes. “Why, Y/N?” He cracks, “Why did you have to say that?”

“Because it’s true,” You weakly confess, tasting tears on your tongue.

“No, no, no. Fuck,” He gasps out and takes off his hat to run his hands through his hair.

“I’m in love with you, JJ.”

“Jesus Christ, Y/N.” He closes his eyes and shakes his head.

“You can’t make me take it back. It’s how I feel.”

“But why-- Fuck, Y/N. Why are you telling me this now?” He asks, a pained tone in his voice.

You frown at him, wondering what he’s getting at, “What do you mean?”

“I mean-- you couldn’t have told me this before?! Like, not even a few months ago?!”

“I don’t… I don’t understand how that would have changed anything.”

“It--” He turns around so that he’s no longer facing you and throws his head into his hands. Then, very quietly that you think you might’ve imagined it, he says, “It would have.”

The slight rustle of trees in the background seem deafening in your ear as you stand watching his back.

Then your whole world falls on you, crushing you deep into the earth’s core and sucking all the life from you.

“But it doesn’t anymore.” JJ says as he turns back to you, eyes red and watery.

“I don’t understand,” You whisper softly, so gentle that you see JJ’s face mould into a painful expression at the sound of it.

He takes a step forward and slowly wipes the tears from under your eyes where they have spilt many times before. Then, he presses his forehead against yours, keeping his hands on your face. “I’m so fucking sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry.” He murmurs. “I’m sorry that I didn’t realize sooner. I’m sorry that you didn’t tell me when you first felt it.”

You choke on a sob, “I first felt it as soon as I met you, as kids, when you accidentally stepped on my sandcastle.”

“No,” He shakes his head against yours, “No. That’s not when you first felt it. You couldn’t have loved me all that time.”

“Yes, it was.” You retract a bit so that his hands are still on your face, but you’re looking at each other. “I have loved you before I even knew what it was.”

He looks as if he’s restraining himself from saying something. The veins in his neck protrude through his smooth skin.

“What did you mean,” You continue, “when you said it would have changed things if I told you sooner?”

He lets go of you, and you feel like collapsing.

“It doesn’t matter anymore. That’s the problem, Y/N. I…” He looks down, away from your eyes. “I have feelings for Kiara now.”

“N-Now?” Your throat trembles. “What do you mean, ‘now’? You didn’t before?”

He ignores your question. “She kissed me. I was going to ask her to be my girlfriend tonight. It’s… it’s what I was asking you at the beach before you stormed off.”

He doesn’t say anything else as you slowly walk to the Chateau. You don’t say anything either, because you can’t. There’s nothing else for you to say. Your face is frozen in a pained expression, the tears in your eyes stuck in place, neither going away nor spilling. You keep your eyes on the ground beneath your worn out running shoes, hands still rubbing slow circles on your arms.

As you reach the house, before making your way to the backyard where the pogue’s voices were heard, JJ turns toward you. “Y/N--”

“Don’t, JJ.” You quip. “Just don’t say anything else, and neither will I. I promise. I’ll leave it alone.”

He clenches his teeth, and nods once. Then he takes your hand and places his grey sweatshirt into it. “Just take the sweater, Y/N. Please.”

You swallow, feeling the walls of your throat scratch painfully together from trying not to cry. And you nod.

~ ~ ~

It’s half past 11. John B is inside with Sarah, failing miserably at making cookies. JJ and Kiara have snuck off to who-knows-where. You didn’t know where they ran off to, you only knew it was somewhere in the forest behind the house since before they left your sight hand-in-hand, JJ met your eyes with an unreadable look. So now it was just you swaying pathetically in the hammock, staring at the remnants of the dying fire. In a way, you were grateful this awkward night was finally at an end. It was harder than you thought to pretend that the conversation with JJ didn’t happen, and to avoid the looks you two would send each other. You thought for sure that your friends must have noticed, but if they did, they didn’t show it.

As you were wondering what JJ and Kiara were doing, and how John B and Sarah’s cooking was going, you realized you had no idea where Pope was. That was, until you felt someone climb into the hammock beside you.

“Hey.” It was Pope.

You open your tired eyes and manage to smile at him, “Hey, Pope.”

He smiles back and gets more cozy beside you in the hammock. You two just sit listening to the crackling of the fire and the faint sound of Sarah’s laughter from inside the house. The peace is quickly interrupted when you hear the fire alarm go off in the distance.

You and Pope burst out into laughter as you hear John B’s frantic screams and Sarah’s panicked orders.

“They’re a mess,” You giggle.

“Yeah, they are.” Pope agrees. “They’re perfect for each other.”

“So, uh,” You clear your throat, “What happened after I left school today?”

“Well, the class was kinda quiet for a second, but then teach just yelled at us to keep doing our work so… It was forgotten about pretty quickly.”

You nod, thankful that it wasn’t made a big deal. “Thank you for not looking at me like I lost my mind. I know I’ve not been myself recently… or like, the past few months… but still. Everyone just kind of looked at me like I had two heads when I blew up at JJ.”

Pope nudges your arm with his shoulder, “I understand you, that’s why.”

You look at him, “Huh?”

He purses his lips as he contemplates continuing, but he does. “JJ.”

That’s all he says. That’s all he needs to say for you to understand what he means.

You let out a defeated scoff as you play with the sleeves of JJ’s sweatshirt that you were wearing, “Well, apparently everyone knew but him.” You shake your head, trying to rid yourself of the painful thoughts. “How do you understand how I feel, anyway?”

He shifts his gaze towards the forest, a sad look fogging his dark eyes.

And it hits you. All those times you were focused on JJ with Kiara, you forgot to pay attention to Pope, and where he was during all of this.

- -

“Oh shit, sorry Y/N. I told Kie I’d go surfing with her today. Next week though, yeah?” JJ had said. Later that day, you went to get coffee with Pope, who told you that he asked Kiara to study with him, to which she said she had plans.

“Oh-- This is for Kiara. Vodka cran. Can you believe that? So ridiculous.” JJ had said. 10 minutes later, Pope offered Kiara a drink, to which she said she already had one and gestured to the cup in her hand.

“Wow, look at you.” JJ had said. “Shall we, you kook?” Pope had told you he liked your dress, but he was looking at Kiara dancing with JJ. You had told him you liked his suit, but you were looking at JJ dancing with Kiara.

- -

“Kiara,” You say, coming out of your flashbacks. Pope simply nods, looking embarrassed. You let out a sarcastic laugh, “Why does everyone like Kiara?”

He snorts and rebuttals, “Why does everyone like JJ?”

You both chuckle, though it leaves a melancholic tone in the air. You lean your head against his shoulder, to which he returns the gesture and rests his head on top of yours. You try to only focus on your best friend next to you, trying to find comfort in the fact that someone else shares your pain.

As the hammock stills and your breathing levels, you fall asleep holding on to your best friend who you’ve really underestimated all this time.

~ ~ ~

“Ow, what the fuck!?”

You jolt up from the hammock at the sound of Pope’s screech, as he frantically looks around to see who threw an empty beer can at his head. You rub your eyes to adjust to the burning morning sun blaring through the tree leaves, and your blurry vision finally locks onto a tall, lean figure.

As your gaze finally clears, you notice it’s JJ standing over you two. He has another beer can in his hand, and he’s looking at Pope with a clenched jaw.

“Morning,” JJ says dryly and throws another can at Pope. “You two sleep well?”

“Would you stop-- Ow, what the hell man?” Pope flinches and swipes the empty cans onto the grass.

You groan and massage your head at all the commotion. You might’ve drank more than you thought last night in an attempt to numb your feelings. Pope notices, and relaxes his posture a bit as he puts a hand on your back and rubs comfortingly. “Shit, sorry Y/N. You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good. Thanks Pope,” You kindly smile at him and put your face in his neck to block out the brightness. “Ugh, I’m so fucking tired.”

“Why don’t I take you home then.” JJ quickly says and steps towards you guys. He grabs your chin and pulls you to face him and off of Pope.

“JJ, stop!” You hiss as a sharp pain shoots from your head down to your stomach. You feel like you’ll throw up if you move too much.

“Yeah, man. Just let her relax,” Pope agrees and soothingly pats your hair. “You’re hurting her.”

As you get settled against Pope again, you mumble, “Yeah, he does that a lot.”

Pope awkwardly presses his lips into a line at your comment and looks at JJ for a split second -- who swallows and looks down -- before lying down against you again.

“Seriously, Y/N.” JJ sighs and gently presses his fingers against your arm. “You’ll feel better if you sleep in your own bed.”

“What’s the problem, JJ? She’s fallen asleep here many times before, most of the time with you.” Pope mumbles and puts his hat over his head to cover his eyes from the sun.

“What time is it, anyways?” You ask as you weakly reach for your phone in your short pockets. The dim screen reads 6:47 am. You groan, “Are you fucked, JJ? It’s not even 7 am and you’re waking us up? It’s fucking Saturday.” When he doesn’t say anything, you continue, “Besides, where’s Kiara?” You feel Pope stiffen beside you.

You hear JJ shuffle his feet as he stands. “Uh… She’s--”

“I’m disappointed, guys.” Kiara’s voice is heard coming into earshot. “Empty beer cans in the grass? Have I taught you nothing?”

You don’t even bother to say anything back, and instead turn your whole body completely over so that you are fully facing Pope. As if thinking the same thing, Pope turns as well and throws his arm around you both, providing ultimate protection from the brightness -- and the two people who broke each of your hearts.

You sense Kiara picking up the cans, and she says, “Oh wow, look at them.” She laughs, “What happened last night guys…?” She asks suspiciously, yet a playful tone is tinged on her lips.

You decide to play along with her suspicions, “Wouldn’t you like to know.” You say against Pope’s shirt. He chuckles and whispers ‘nice’ in your ear so low that you know no one else heard it.

“What did he say?” JJ asks, sounding irritated. When Kiara says she didn’t hear, he asks again, “Pope, what did you say? Y/N?”

“He said he wants you to go away,” You lie. Pope snorts.

“We’re trying to sleep,” He adds.

“Okay, J. I need you to drive me home,” Kiara says.

“J? Is it that hard for you to say an extra letter?” You sarcastically quip, earning yet another laugh from Pope.

“Uh… Okay…” Kiara says in a confused tone. “Don’t know what that was.”

“Y/N,” JJ begins.

“Seriously J, let’s go, my parents are gonna kill me.” Kiara continues.

“Yea, J. You’ve got somewhere to be,” Pope says.

“Shut up, Pope,” JJ snaps. “Y/N, meet me at the country club after my shift at 5 tonight, yeah?”

You throw your free arm around Pope. “Can’t. Me and Pope have plans.”

“Okay, bye guys.” Kiara says, and no more is heard from either of them.

After a few moments of just listening to the morning ocean waves and chirping birds, Pope slightly lifts his head. “Are they gone?”

“I think so,” You inquire and sit up as well. As you both sit up from your position on the hammock and notice it was indeed just you two, you breathe out and rub your temples. “Jesus. Do you have any idea what the actual fuck that was?”

Pope sighs and gets up, stretching. “No idea. JJ was acting weird as hell. Why did he… throw freaking beer cans at me to wake me up? And only me, not you?”

“Fuck if I know,” You let out a puff of air through your cheeks, “Why were they up before 7 in the morning anyways?”

“Yeah I know, and the fact that he wanted you to leave so badly.” He pauses. “Could that… maybe mean something, do you think?”

You quickly shake your head, “Pope, don’t even try to give me false hope. The little gestures he does never mean anything. Like, he still kisses me on the cheek for fucks sake.”

“Still? From when you were, like, 10 years old?” Pope asks, and you nod, throwing your arms up in defeat. He continues, “Well, if he really asked Kiara to be his girlfriend last night, it’d be weird if he still did that, right?”

“I guess so…” You chew your lip. “Whatever, I don’t wanna talk about it. So, what are our plans?”

“Oh right,” Pope laughs. “I forgot for a second that we were ‘busy’ tonight. How about the new book store that just opened?”

“Sounds perfect,” You grin, and intertwine your arm with his as you walk back to the Chateau to get some breakfast. You would have no idea what to do if you didn’t have Pope with you, standing by your side throughout it all.

~ ~ ~

The next month goes by more or less the same way. John B and Sarah completely in love and oblivious to it all, JJ and Kiara kind-of together (you weren’t exactly sure what was going on there), and you and Pope spending most of the time that the gang wasn’t hanging out with each other, since you were the only ones who understood one another. It provided a good distraction from the pain. For instance, every time you saw Kiara grab onto JJ’s hand and you felt that emptiness in your chest, you looked at Pope, who understandably smiled at you. The same pain was evident in his eyes, and you were reminded that you were going to watch a crime documentary with him later on. That’s how you both held on. Distractions and friendship.

There were so many nights that ended with you crying in Pope’s arms, the movie playing quietly in the background. Or Pope falling asleep in your lap after hours of venting to you about his feelings toward Kiara. Or silent coffee runs where you would just sit in each other's pain. But it was at least a bit better than before. At least you both had someone to help with the aches, to hold your hand or hug you when you needed to be loved.

You didn’t believe that the pain would ever go away, that you would ever heal. Not as long as JJ wasn’t yours. But at least you had something to hold on to.

One night, in the middle of June, you and Pope were sitting on the beach. You guys were in a special spot that he didn’t know about. Around the rocks, on the right side by the hill, there was a patch of sand that led to an opening on the beach. A perfect spot for anything... surfing, swimming, or even chilling on the sand. It was completely hidden from the rest of the world, like it’s own enclosure. You guys decided to hang out after you overheard Kiara talking about bringing JJ by The Wreck to ‘officially’ meet her parents.

“Why didn’t we ever come here before? It’s so nice.” Pope says, leaning back on his arms.

You look out into the ocean, admiring the moon’s reflection on the still water. You shrugged, “It was me and JJ’s spot. We found it when we were 12 years old, never showed anyone.”

You close your eyes to prevent tears from forming as you remember all your favourite memories that took place here.

- -

12 years old. You accidentally fell off a rock while climbing. You closed your eyes, expecting to crack your skull, but luckily landed on a soft surface. “Y/N! Oh my god oh my god oh my god…” You hear young JJ’s frantic voice call after you from the other side. You rub your lower back and groan, “Here, JJ! Behind the twisty rocks! I’m okay!” Soon, JJ’s 12 year old head popped up from behind the rocks, a worried expression on his face, and you smiled at him. “Woah,” he had said, “You found the most perfect place ever. I can hide my dad’s weed here!” You rolled your eyes, “JJ!” He climbed over and joined you in the patch. “What? For when we’re older, stupid.”

13 years old. First time he told you about his dad. You tried to hug him, but he brushed you off and said he was fine. When he noticed you got a little sad at his action, he kissed your cheek -- like he always did -- and said, “Thanks, Y/N. I got you for life, remember that. I won’t ever let anyone do to you what my dad does to me.”

14 years old. He was finishing his second joint of the day, and decided to try and go surfing. You could see his bruised knuckles gripping his board from when he punched Topper Thornton in the face because he called you trash. “JJ, no. You’re not going surfing while high. You can’t even walk in a straight line. We only started smoking this year, we’re not used to it yet.” But he only ruffled your hair and ran towards the water, almost tripping on his feet. You weren’t that good at surfing yet, let alone at night and under influence, so you decided to watch from the shore. After a while, you noticed you couldn’t see him anymore, and this spot was a completely different section from the rest of the beach, hidden behind rocks and hills. No one could see or help if he didn’t come back. You started to cry and call out for him, screaming bloody murder into the night. After a few minutes, you ran into the water to get help, completely getting all your clothes wet, your badly done eyeliner smudging down your eyes. Suddenly, you felt someone grab your arm. You screamed, and were met with a hysterically laughing JJ. “Holy shit! Did you see that!? That was fucking awesome!” You let out a choked sob and hugged him tightly, the angry night waves kicking harshly against your legs. “Woah, Y/N, why are you crying? I’m fine, I just fell off the board.” But he hugged you back. “I’m right here. It’s okay.”

15 years old. You had recently been feeling all sorts of new… emotions and sensations. Ones that you didn’t understand yet. Like what that weird feeling in your stomach was when JJ would put his hand on your thigh. Or why you had to squeeze your legs together when he whispered in your ear. Or why, right now, you sat up straight in the sand and held your breath as he laid his head in your lap. You tried not to look at his shirtless body that was lying down literally on top of you. It was now sculpting into something different than it had been all the other years you’d known him, and you’d definitely noticed. You wondered if he noticed your body blossoming as well, how your chest was filling into its shape, and your curves got more accentuated. You wondered if he felt the same way when you touched him. As all these thoughts churned in your mind, you started to run your fingers through his hair and continue reading your book to stop your mind from thinking, but after less than a minute, his eyes shot open as he lifted his head off your thighs and hunched over. “Uh--” He had started, standing up quickly and walking towards the water, keeping his back turned on you and arms in front of him, “I’m gonna go for a quick swim.” You sat there for 10 minutes wondering what happened until he came back. “I’m just gonna… sit here for now.” He sat about an arms length away from you, giving you a weird smile and sitting in an awkward position.

16 years old. You two jumped off the rocks and ran into the patch, holding hands and laughing. He helped you off the last of the rocks by grabbing your waist and catching you from your mini-fall. You heard the kooks calling after you from the other side, but you lost them. No one could find this spot unless they knew where to go. “I can’t believe we just did that,” You laughed, resting your hands on your knees and trying to catch your breath. “Those fucking kooks deserved it, it’s not like they use it anyways, it‘s just sitting there collecting dust in their storage container. It’s a tragedy. I’m so proud of you.” He cheered as you handed him the keys you stole from Sarah Cameron’s beach bag. You heard Rafe’s voice in the distance yelling that he was going to kill you both, and you just laughed harder. “I’m finally gonna know what it’s like to drive that beauty of a boat.” He said and pulled you towards him, spinning you in a circle. “To going full kook, baby girl!” He shouted in bliss, laughing. “To going full kook!”

17 years old. A couple months after Kiara had fully joined the friend group. You two were sitting on your surfboards in the water, talking about anything and everything as the sun began to set. As you watched the orange and pink skies turn the water into a deeper navy, you noticed him staring at you. “We haven’t been here much lately,” He said, “It used to be our go-to spot”. You looked at him, how the golden hour poured beautifully onto his skin, illuminating the blue of his eyes. “It’s not going anywhere.” You said in return. He dipped his hand into the water and splashed you. “I’m serious, Y/N. I miss this.” He jumped off his board and swam over to you. He placed his hands on your board at either side of your hips and pulled himself up between your legs, smiling at you. “Don’t forget about this spot, ever. And don’t show anyone else. This is only ours.” You bit the inside of your cheek, feeling very nervous as his nose brushed yours. “I won’t.” You said. He pressed his nose against yours, “Promise?” You chuckled and pushed him back into the water. When he emerged from the dark water, laughing, you smiled softly at him and held out your pinky. He interlocked his own, and you said, “Promise.”

- -

Now you are both 18 years old, and you haven’t been here once. Instead, you were here with Pope. Guilt immediately consumed you as soon as you remembered that last memory. You had promised him that you would show no one else this spot, and here you are. With someone that isn’t him.

“It’s fine. He probably took Kiara here a million times already,” Pope says, as if he could read your mind. “Besides, I’m glad we’re here. I had to leave the Chateau as soon as I saw them looking like they were about to makeout.”

You close your eyes and slightly shake your head, as if to brush the image out of your mind. Then suddenly, you say, “We should kiss.”

Pope looks at you with wide eyes, “What?”

You laugh, “Relax. It’s just for fun. Everyone else is going around and kissing each other, so why can’t we?”

He smiles at you and wipes some sand off his legs. “True, I guess there’s no problem with that. Except for the fact that we’ll still be in pain.” He laughs, sadly.

“Yeah well, beggars can’t be choosers.” You grin and turn towards him as he does the same. You robotically place both hands on the side of his face, and he mimics your action on your waist. You both struggle to keep in your laughter as you lean in. “Okay, how ‘bout this?” You say, “I pretend you’re JJ, and you pretend I’m Kiara.”

Pope lets out a laugh and says, “Deal.”

And then you were pressing your lips against his. You didn’t move or anything, just simply lingering on each other’s mouths. You tried to envision JJ, but you couldn’t. No matter how hard you tried to distract yourself, all you could think about was the fact that you were here kissing someone who wasn’t him, in the spot that was supposed to be only for you two. You felt some salt on your lips between you and Pope, and you honestly weren’t sure who it belonged to.

You are about to pull away and talk about how stupid this was, when a certain voice chills your blood to ice.

“Y/N? What the fuck?”

You whip around and get to your feet quickly, heart practically pounding out of your ribcage. “JJ,” You breathe, quickly wiping your eyes with the back of your hand. Within seconds, Pope is up by your side as well.

“Are you--” The clouds fold over in the sky and open up a space for the moon to shine through, landing on his perfect face. “Are you fucking serious?”

His voice was trembling and his fists were clenched tightly by his sides.

“JJ, what are you doing here?” You ask, moving your hair away from your wet face.

“What do you mean ‘what am I doing here?’ What the fuck is he doing here?!” He yells, throwing out an arm to gesture to Pope.

“He--” You start.

“This is our spot! That we’ve had since we were 12 fucking years old! Or have you been too busy with Pope to remember?” You could have sworn he was crying. If he was, he was very good at hiding it. “And not only do you bring someone else here, but you kiss him too?”

You straighten your back as if you are about to break. “Why should it matter? If I bring someone or kiss them, why does it fucking matter anymore, JJ?!”

He makes his way over to you, looking so angry. He is standing right in front of you, so close you could feel his hot breath on your face.

You don’t let him get another word in yet, “Don’t act like you haven’t brought your girlfriend here before!”

“I don’t have a fucking girlfriend!” He yells in your face. “Even if I did, I would never bring her here, or anyone else!”

Both you and Pope stiffen, and you subtly look at each other. He looks just as confused as you.

“But… But you and Kiara--”

“We’re not together! And you would know that if you actually still came here!”

“What do you mean?!” You shout back, head pounding. “You don’t make any sense!”

He angrily runs his hands over his face, and you could practically see the frustration oozing out of him. “I’ve been coming here every day, Y/N! Every fucking day since our fight last month. And you haven’t showed once.”

“You asshole! That’s not fair!” You push his chest, but he only stumbles back slightly. “How was I supposed to know that?! You were always with Kiara!”

He scoffs, dryly. “Bullshit. If you weren’t too busy always running off with Pope, you’d see how desperate I was to speak to you.”

“And if you weren’t that much of a pussy and actually told me that you wanted to talk--”

“And if you just told me how you felt about me before all this shit happened then--”

“Oh, fuck you!” You scream, pushing him once again, this time much harder so that he actually has to stop himself from falling. Pope tries to grab your hand to calm you down, but you pull away from him. “Fuck you! Do you know how fucking scared I was that you didn’t feel the same way? Every girl that looks in your direction, you make it known that you’re attracted to her. And then when Kiara came around, it was only about her for so long!”

“That’s not true!” JJ’s voice strains as he breathes heavily. “It was always about you!”

You let out a barked laugh, “Oh, please. In what fucking world was it ever about me?”

“In every world! In my world!” He yells, but his angry expression softens.

“Well,” You pause, collecting yourself. “Not in mine.”

You had nothing else to say. You wish you could jump in the ocean and never come back. To stay in the nothingness forever. But you can’t. So all you did was tear your gaze away from the blond boy and your shocked best friend, and climb onto the rocks and back to the other side, leaving them both alone in the spot that used to only harbour precious, secret memories.

~ ~ ~

You don’t know how long it’s been that you’ve locked yourself in your house, not talking to anyone. A couple days? Maybe a week? You didn’t really care. The last thing you wanted was to face everyone, especially JJ. You’ve shut your phone off a long time ago, so you had no idea what was even going on with the outside world.

You just woke up from a nap. You usually fall asleep after crying. Your eyes still felt raw, but you squinted through the blurriness to read the time on the kitchen stove. 2:33 am. God, you really needed to stop falling asleep on the couch. You get up and make your way to your fridge to pour yourself a glass of water in hopes of finding some relief for your burning throat.

You take a few sips, the cool liquid soothing your inflamed walls as you swallow. You have a slight pulsing lingering in your temples, and you lean back against your counter as you try and focus on your breathing. A few still moments go by, and you’re grateful for some peace.

There’s knocking at your door.

You jump, slamming the cup down on the counter and reaching towards one of the drawers for a knife. You grab the first one you can find -- a butter knife -- and slowly walk to your living room. As you peek your head around the corner, you warily ask loudly, “Hello?”

“Y/N.”

“Oh, Jesus Christ.” You let out a breath of air and place a hand on your chest as you drop the knife on the coffee table. “JJ. What do you want?”

Your eyes adjust to the darkness as you walk closer. You see his silhouette, but not his face.

“Can you please open the door?” He weakly asks.

You feel anger bubbling up inside you once again, and as you swing open the door in rage you say, “Why don’t you show up on Kiara’s doorstep at 3 in fucking morn--!?” Your words are quickly cut off as soon as the door fully opens and you look at him.

There he is. Though he is taller and much stronger than you, he appears so small and fragile as he stands with his hands shoved into his sweatpant pockets. And his face… he is looking down at the ground, but you can see him covered in blood and bruises.

“I don’t want Kiara,” he says softly, wincing at the pain.

“Oh, JJ.” You whimper and quickly pull him inside your house, leading him all the way to your bathroom. You motion for him to sit on the counter next to the sink as you pull out your first aid kit from behind your mirror.

You stand between his legs as you get to work. You’ve done this so many times before, you can’t even keep count. The first time you cleaned him up after his dad hurt him was when you were both 13 years old. He always hated it, he hated relying on others or seeming like a burden. But you hated seeing him in pain even more. He could never be a burden to you. Since then, it was basically a given that he would come to you whenever he needed help.

He hasn’t come to you with this during the past year, which would frequently get you worried. But since you thought we was with Kiara, you just assumed she was the one who was helping him.

After a while, you just had to finish cleansing his cuts and bandage what was needed. “You okay?” You whisper to him, gently feeling around his chest and stomach for any painful points.

He slightly shakes his head. “I don’t want Kiara,” He repeats himself from earlier, just above a whisper. You don’t say anything, too unsure of what direction to approach this from. But you don’t have to, because after a few seconds of just staring at each other, JJ bursts out into a broken sob as he grabs your waist, pulling you into him and burying his face into your neck.

You immediately hug him back, wrapping one arm around his shoulders and burying the other in his hair.

You allow him to softly cry into your shirt for as long as he needs, just holding him and soothingly rubbing his back. Eventually he pulls away and leans his forehead against your collar bone. “I can’t do this anymore, Y/N. I can’t keep doing this.”

“Doing what?” You ask, running your fingers over his arms.

“What we’ve been doing. Ignoring each other, snapping at each other, acting so distant and cold. I can’t anymore.” He sniffs and fully lifts up from you. Looking at his hurt face makes you want to cry, but you won’t. You’ll stay strong for him. “I miss you. I miss you so fucking much. This past year has been hell for me, let alone this last month. Do you understand, Y/N? Do you understand that all I think about is you?”

You nod, and allow him to keep talking.

“And when I saw you kissing Pope in -- in our spot. The one we promised each other would be only ours--”

“JJ,” You swallow, “I am so fucking sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking, I truly don’t. I guess I just let my anger and pain take over me, and I assumed the worst of you. I don’t know how to ever tell you how fucking sorry I am. But I can tell you this -- nothing is going on between me and Pope. Like, at all. All this time that we’ve been spending together was just to distract ourselves from watching the people we want be in love with someone else.”

He takes both of your hands into his before bringing them to his lips, kissing your knuckles softly as he closes his eyes. “I’m not in love with anyone else.”

You slowly breathe in as his raw eyes lock into yours. “JJ… Don’t say it if you don’t mean it.”

“No, Y/N. I do fucking mean it. I’ve never been so sure about anything in my entire life. I didn’t even need this last month to prove it.”

“But I don’t understand,” You shake your head as a couple tears escape from your waterline. “What about everything with Kiara… You said it was too late and that you had feelings for her.”

JJ stands up from the counter and steps into you, gripping your hips as his damp forehead presses up against yours. “I was lying. I was fucking lying, to myself, to her, and to you. I ended things with her a while ago, but she kept wanting to try. You heard what I was saying, about why you didn’t tell me before and shit… It’s because I love you too, Y/N. I’ve loved you for so fucking long, but never said anything because I never would have guessed that you felt the same. So I distracted myself with other girls and-- and Kiara. And when you confessed to me, I wanted to so badly hold you in my arms and never let go, to tell you that this was all I wanted. But I have been trying for so long to get over you, and I thought I might have even done it. I was scared to throw it away and give myself to you, in case you were wrong about how you felt. Because I-- I thought for sure that you would never love me back, so I tried to convince myself that I could maybe love someone else. Not ever like how I love you, but… maybe enough so that I could forget you.”

He reaches one hand up to wipe your teary under eyes before resting his thumb gently over your bottom lip. “How stupid of me,” He mumbles against your mouth, “to think that I could I ever forget you?” His thumb drags slightly across your lip. “My sweet girl…”

You grab the back of his neck and push your mouth roughly against his. For a second you taste blood and forget about his busted lip, but he doesn’t seem to mind as he kisses you back with just as much passion. You kiss him with all the hunger you’ve kept inside you for years, and he reciprocates the exact same energy.

You kiss him until you’re sure you’ve developed your own busted lip, and you pull apart, breathless. He smiles into your mouth and presses one more wet kiss against your bruised mouth before pulling away himself.

“Okay,” You weakly say, feeling tingly all over. “New promise.”

“Anything,” JJ says, leaning forward to press soft kisses along your jawline.

“We are never -- And I mean never --- doing that stupid shit again. From now on, we’re honest with each other about everything. 100% of the time.” You say, trying not to sigh at the feeling of his teeth on your flesh.

He pulls his head back up and kisses you again, “I promise. And something else too -- I promise to love you completely and fully. I promise to never make you feel that insecure again.”

“I promise, too.” You whisper, “I love you.”

He shakes his head as if he can’t believe what he is hearing, a stupid grin playing at his mouth. “I love you so fucking much.” He wraps his arms around you, pulling you into his chest. “Even if you think a butter knife is a suitable weapon for an intruder.”

You laugh into his neck, “Shut up.”

“Kiss me.” He says into your ear.

And you do, until you can’t anymore. Until you can’t take the building tension and you’re coming undone beneath him as he presses you into your bed, making you feel all the things you’ve only dreamed of since you’ve known him. Until he’s falling asleep on your naked chest, your arms holding him close. Until you know you can finally say he’s yours, and you are his.

Dean Winchester in SUPERNATURAL 3.01 ‘The Magnificent Seven’

HEY LOVER! ━━━ Jake Seresin.

→ back to. . . top gun.

PAIRING, Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Malorie "Raven" Bradshaw (OC)

SERIES SUMMARY, Six months after Goose died, Carole gave birth to their daughter: Malorie Bradshaw. 32 Years later, in 2019, years after she graduated from Top Gun herself, she is called back to join in on a special mission. However she wasn't prepared to face two ghosts of her past alongside the way — just to her luck, she has best friend Jake Seresin sleeping in the room next to her.

WARNINGS, Death, grief, angst and my poor knowledge about the Air Force.

O. ━━━ I DID IT, DAD, ARE YOU PROUD?

Malorie knows that her graduation from Top Gun is something that she should look forward to, however knowing that no one would be there for her put a damper on that.

I. ━━━ I THINK I'VE SEEN THIS FILM BEFORE.

If there was one person in the world that knew that last names meant nothing it was Maverick. So when Cyclone presents him the 12 aviators coming back for the secret mission, he is not all that interested. That is until he sees two familiar faces: Lieutenant Bradley "Rooster" and Lieutenant Malorie "Raven" Bradshaw.

II. ━━━ DROWNING IN WHAT ONCE WAS.

The last person Bradley expected to meet back at Top Gun was his little sister, dressed up and way too close to Bradley's enemy number one from Academy times: Jake Seresin. After all the last time he saw her she was sixteen and on her way to become a Fashion designer in Paris.

III. ━━━ A FAMILIAR AFFAIR.

A day that was supposed to be just a normal work day turns disastrous for Malorie when she is faced with not one but two people from her past, but Jake can not watch his best friend struggle like this.

. . .MORE CHAPTERS COMING SOON!

AARON HOTCHNER AS SONGS THAT REMIND ME OF HIM

↳ playlist here