MY DEAREST L…

It will be time for bed when the cigarette hits the floor

TheSadBoisClub

My Dearest L...

I know. I know it's been a long time since I posted prob only been about a week or two but for me, it feels like years. I just wanted to clear my head and come on here and vent some shit out. you ever just sit in your room at night in the dark. FYI that is NOT what I am doing right now I am on my computer in the dark in my room XD but that is not what I'm trying to get at. now do you ever just sit there and think YES ENTHEO EVERYONE THINKS" thank's inner voice, anyways you're just thinking, and then that one thought comes into your head "I'm going to get arrested!!" did I do anything wrong no! did I steal anything NO! okay now though you may leave. but does it no... then you start thinking even more and you like back when I was 5 I stole gum that was like 50c now I'm going to damn jail and I'm never going to have a family or kids MY LIFE IS OOOVVVEEERR!!!!.... then you snap back to reality and you just are like what was I thinking about again...

MY DEAREST L…

So last night I was laying with L in bed after we shared an intimate night together moments before and I felt discussed with myself, is this normal to feel that way? but like things got a little messy when we were having our moment together and I have OCD maybe it was just my OCD bec after that I had to shower and clean myself, I then got out of the shower and my manic episode started I had to clean my room and I had to move around I also when feeling so many emotions at once I'm not sure if that had anything to do with it. but I was just weird that those feelings came up the way they did but I've felt it before. when I was hooking up with people but I'm not doing that as much anymore bec I don't want to do that with him, so I stopped doing it except for the rare moments when I do but it's so rare now, what I was getting at is that when I was done doing it and I came home from them I would have to shower bec I felt so nasty and gross and I felt that way last night so that's why I'm asking is it normal to feel that way sometimes when I'm with him? it's the first time I've ever felt that way with him. I honestly do think it was just my OCD and that I wasn't taking my meds right I was a bit not sleeping and not doing what I'm supposed to on them and do I like tell him about this or do I keep it to myself? like is there a limit to what you are supposed to talk about with your other half? or are you supposed to be fully transparent with them? I would really like some feedback on this post bec I honestly don't know what to think about it...

My Dearest L…

My b-day is next week HAHA who would have guessed that I would still be here to see my 21st b-day cuz I sure and hell didn't. this is probably the part when I drift off into some random thought that pops up in my head. like it smells like chocolate in my room. I don't even have any air fresheners in here strange. sometimes I struggle to write things down on this blog and I think it shows sometimes. but sometimes I don't want to write but nothing comes out at all, so I just mash a bunch of random thoughts in my head into one paragraph.

My Dearest L…

I started my day with my mom waking me up like every other day with her whimpering "are up getting up today" and like always I said, "yes just give me a sec" but today I feel a bit better than yesterday. I started this new movie on Netflix not long ago, it's like 2h long. I'll let you guys know how it is, haha. I say that like people actually read this blog..... anyways uhh the movie is called Space Sweepers it's this Korean sci-fi movie. it looks pretty good and I love a good sci-fi movie, I'm really into the whole cyberpunk style tbh I love it so much the city's in those kinds of movies are fucking AMAZING tbh I wish I could live there honestly!!! but I don't know if the world will ever get to that when I'm living but till then I guess I'll just have to wait and see...

My Dearest L...

it’s time is driff off into a dark slumber agian...

Once again, I can't seem to sleep.....

My Dearest L...

I woke up today at 4 pm and I didn’t feel sad for once I just feel what I think is “happiness” It such I weird feeling to me but I wonder if this year will be my year to finally spread my wings and fly. I might go on a walk tomorrow it’s supposed to be a nice day out tomorrow so I might as well enjoy some fresh air. I think I’m going to open my window after have it closed for 8 months now...:)

Dear, Elisa Lam...

I have watched and read your story over and over again and I am yet to believe that you did this to yourself, there is no way they can make it sound like you have done this to yourself. There were so many people in that hotel that could have done this to you. and the fact that none helped you in the hotel while you were in your bipolar ep. Makes me so angry, what did they say again when they said you were screaming in the lobby, oh yes that’s right! they said, “It’s just another day at the Cecil hotel”...

May you rest in peace now Elisa Lam....🖤⛓️