Me Next!!! I Can Tell You How To Hide A Body With A Concerning Level Of Detail But Can't Find The Correct

writing is hard but coming up with a cunty title and catchy summary will slay even god's strongest soldier

My biggest fear is probably my parents finding out about my obsession with gay ships of any kind

can we please bring this real asf veggietales fact tweet back in 2025

That one heartbreak playlist that keeps slapping as hard as rejection

Don't get me wrong I love the fics/comics of Alastor being forced on a date with Vox (either because he needs something, has lost a bet, made a deal etc. wtv the reason) and he's suffering the entire time because Vox could not be any less impressive.

BUT

I haven't once seen a fic with the same plot, only Alastor doesn't want to go out with Vox because the date will be abysmal, but because he KNOWS he'll have the BEST time.

Think about it, we know they were friends before the "sad and complicated" falling out, which means Alastor (who barely stands men in general) must have enjoyed Vox's company so much that he allowed him in his close circle of friends, so close he actually let him take a picture. And no one can convince me that Vox doesn't know Alastor like the back of his hand.

They've spent years together, Vox would absolutely know what Alastor likes and what he doesn't. He would make the date as good as possible if only to irritate Alastor in a "this is what we could have had you fucking idiot" or a "admit that you missed me fool". He will buy him the biggest bouquet of roses imaginable, he will take him to his favorite restaurant in cannibal town (yes, his stalker ass knows which one Alastor’s favorite is), he will intentionally choose topics of conversation he knows Alastor is interested in and avoid any he isn't (*cough cough* modern tech), he puts on that charming gentlemanly attitude Alastor always falls for, he will get that man drunk off his ass and will pull him to the dance floor like he's done countless times before. He KNOWS what to do to make him happy, he's done it for years. The entire night is like one nostalgic walk in the park, it barely takes any effort from Vox. And besides, Vox's entire shtick is ingratiating himself to people and telling them exactly what they want to hear.

And Alastor HAAATES it.

He HATES how pleasant Vox's company is and no matter how hard he's tried to forget their past friendship, he gets swept right back up. No amount of denial or masking his enjoyment can hide it. He doesn't want to go on that date because he doesn't want to forget why they're enemies, he doesn't want to slide all of that pent up resentment under the rug and simply forgive and forget.

(This entire thing is made so much funnier if it's witnessed from a third person's perspective eg. Charlie. This girl is watching Alastor moping and complaining about having to go with the "ridiculous, inane picturebox" on a date like it's the worst thing that's ever happened to him and *proceed twelve hours later*, Alastor and Vox barge through the hotel doors drunk, bloody, missing several pieces of clothing, clutching onto each other for dear life looking like they've had several near death experiences, with the biggest, brightest smiles on both of their faces while they laugh their asses off.(they probably committed mass genocide))

Being an awkward romantic like:

If you don't confess your love to me in the pouring rain where the water runs down your face like tears and your hair is messed up in the sexy way and you're avoiding eye contact out of fear of rejection and my makeup is miraculously perfect after saving me from my loveless abusive relationship when you've been watching me be with that person for three years seven months and six days while pining for me all that time then what are you even doing besides wasting my time and yours

BUT

if you say anything even remotely sappy to me besides telling me that my outfit is hot or try to make me hold eye contact with you while you satisfy my soul deep need for validation I will hit you in the ballsack with a chair calculated by the force of my embarrassment and rage condensed into the state of a collapsing neutron star in the vacuum of deep space so don't even fucking try me