Will I Ever Shut Up About TUA? Probably, But Not Today, Because I’ve Been Thinking A Lot About Five

Will I ever shut up about TUA? Probably, but not today, because I’ve been thinking a lot about Five and Ben and how their stories parallel each other and I am emotional.

It’s so interesting to me, the common things that they share - they both were probably the closest/most supportive to Vanya, and both of them “left” the family in a sense. Five’s disappearance fractured the family, and Ben’s death cause it to completely break apart. They both have an interesting arc of isolation, wanting their siblings back, and being “stuck” down to the point that they’re literally stuck in the clothes that they were wearing when they disappeared from their families.

Let’s start with Five - I was surprised, at first, that he seemed calm in his talk with Reginald. That he said he gave Reginald a hard time, instead of putting blame on Reginald. Because sure, yeah, Five is a little shit but Reginald is literally an abusive parent, why would Five, who’s arguably smart and seemed to not care about Reginald’s death in the first place, say that he was the problem? And then I thought about it and honestly - it make sense. We’ve seen an episode on Five’s life, the isolation that he felt and how badly he wanted to see his siblings again. And well, I guess he did see his siblings but their bodies, a reminder that they were in danger somewhere back in time and that he couldn’t get to them. Five is left alone with his thoughts and bodies of people he couldn’t save, and like he tells Diego, all he hears is Reginald’s voice, every day, saying “I told you so.” He has the proof that Reginald is right, he goes back and narrowly avoids it only to immediately see yet another future where his siblings die, and he’s constantly trying to go above and beyond to save his siblings.

We even see it in his scene with Vanya - when she asks him who started the apocalypse, Five hesitates and says an asteroid, because he doesn’t want to hurt her, as blunt and detached as he’s seemed this whole series. Five probably doesn’t even really blame her, but himself. He’s convinced himself that he needs to be the one who saves his family, he goes at a lot of things alone and without their knowledge, he tries this because his isolation led him to believe that yes, Reginald was right and Five was wrong. Maybe if hadn’t been stubborn as a kid this wouldn’t have happened, maybe if he had practiced instead of being overeager they wouldn’t be in this situation. It strikes me that Five is in his same clothes, something we joke about, but Five keeps himself in this by choice. It’s a reminder of when he left, when he realized he’d made a mistake, a symbol of what happened and a reminder that he needs to save his family no matter what.

And now looking at Ben. Ben has Klaus, yes, but we see, especially in season 2, how much Ben struggles with isolation. He only has Klaus, and as much as I love him, Klaus straight up denies Ben the autonomy to interact with other humans based off of pettiness. Ben has been a passive observer for 17 years, he’s stuck in his clothes because he literally cannot change them. But you know what else? We don’t see a whole lot on Ben outside of Klaus, but we get a good glimpse on how life (or well, the afterlife) is for him when all the siblings are together. When they leave and we see Ben say, “I missed you all. So much.” He’s there, seeing everything that they do, trying to be there but unable to, and he loves them, he knows them, he understands them. Ben is the least “resentful” sibling outside of his occasional resentment towards Klaus - he wants to see his siblings succeed and be okay, and I think it’s an important look on how he lived as a ghost while they were all in the house, because they all didn’t leave right away.

In the house? Sure he’s stuck to Klaus, but he could still see his other siblings, see how they were doing and coping. Reginald did a great job of turning the kids against each other and making them feel alone in their trauma, but Ben as a ghost got to see that Vanya was being drugged and isolated, that Luther and Allison felt like they only had each other, that Klaus needed to dope himself up to not feel the pain, he saw everything the siblings were going through and how Reginald was treating them, and you know what his conclusion was? What he said to Vanya - that Reginald was afraid of her, drugged her, made her suppress her emotions, and that was messed up. He lets her know, Vanya is surprised to hear it and probably never even realized that it was messed up, but Ben lets her know. He’s recognized that Reginald is an abusive father but that it is not their fault and that they are not the monsters because of Reginald’s bad parenting. Ben has had this time to think about who’s at fault and it wasn’t him, it wasn’t Five, it wasn’t Vanya, they were all children, it was the grown man who was supposed to be a father.

It’s just so amazing to see and I don’t know if they’re intentionally contrasted but I think it’s so cool and heartbreaking to see how these two had to deal with isolation and came to different conclusions on their father, yes, but also came back with so much love and care for their siblings even if they express it differently.

Vanya Hargreeves Was Completely Valid In Everything She Did

Ok. So.

Vanya Hargreeves—I’m just gonna say it, is the most relatable character I’ve ever seen. Specifically Ellen Page’s adaptation. Here’s why.

Vanya is what happens when somebody doesn’t respect themself, gives too much, and gets hurt.

In her childhood, Vanya was raised to see herself as nothing. To place everyone above her—her siblings, specifically. She was supposed to be small, of course so that she wouldn’t be dangerous. However, that just made her incredibly depressed.

She didn’t just crave connection and respect though. She wanted to give it to others, because that’s what she was taught—that others deserved it, not her. That’s why she left the lights on for Five. That’s why she reaches out to him again. That’s why she talks to Allison. That’s why she reaches out to Leonard. Why she talks to the first chair violinist in the bathroom. Because she wants to be needed, to be useful, and loved in the only way she knows how. For others.

Which brings me to my second point. Vanya Hargreeves is not a selfish person. A lot of people seem to think that because she is shy and anxious and self defeating that she’s self centered, but that’s not the case. She reaches out multiple times to people, tries to do what they would need, because she cares. She genuinely cares.

So what happens when someone takes advantage of that low self respect, and that need to love and be loved?

Leonard fucking Asshat Jenkins.

Leonard was raised by an abusive father, and boy oh boy did he learn a few tricks from him. He molded himself into everything Vanya could need, and she took the bait, because she was desperate. She’d tried multiple things already—attempting to validate herself and her experiences by writing a book, giving lessons to children, taking medication, reaching out. So why not let this man be a good thing in her life? If he ever treats her wrong, it’s her fault, right?

Then Allison tells her her secret. Vanya didn’t remember being rumored—a very close parallel to how a lot of people deal with trauma. Indeed, being locked in a cage and treated how she was was traumatic. Vanya is angry. She’s been shown that she’s worth something, and now someone who’s repeatedly let her down and only recently been a better sister to her has turned her back on her by telling her this gut wrenching truth from her past. Remembering trauma alone is huge. But hearing it from one of the people who unwittingly hurt you? Can you really blame her for lashing out? Of course, it was an accident how far it went, but her anger, if not right, was still understandable.

And then Leonard. Leonard, the person who she trusted, was just out to hurt her too. Vanya recognizes this—this isn’t the first time she’s been used for her powers. So for the second time, she becomes angry not at herself, as she’d always done in the past, but at someone else. She lashes out. This man who’d filled her with such happiness, happiness that turned to poison. Someone she’d been intimate with. Someone she loved.

Then as a cherry on the fucking cake, her siblings lock her in a cage. Imagine going through an abusive relationship, discovering past trauma, and also discovering you have fucking super powers—then the only people you have left, the people who are supposed to help—lock you up. They’re scared of you. They’re just like everyone else. There’s no hope.

So yeah, Vanya Hargreeves at that point was hurt, confused, lost, and oh, sooo angry. And I think she had some pretty fuckin good reasons. She had no reason to hold back. She’d been holding back all her life.

While trying to kill the world is really shitty, look into Ellen Page’s lifeless glowing eyes and tell me Vanya Hargreeves wasn’t just a puppet being controled by her hurt. Her illnesses. Her trauma, her grief for her past and the loss of trust she’d endured. Tell me she was evil. I’ll tell you she’s me.

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thewhiteviola

4 years ago

S1E01 “We Only See Each Other At Weddings And Funerals” // S2E10 “The End Of Something”

S1E01 “We Only See Each Other at Weddings and Funerals” // S2E10 “The End of Something”

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thewhiteviola

4 years ago

White Violin because we didn’t get to see Vanya play this season

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thewhiteviola

4 years ago

I'm seeing a few posts about vanya possibly being Confused and Perturbed about her Number Buddy in The Sparrow Academy being A Cube (and they're Wonderful posts) but think it would just be hilarious if Vanya looks at Christopher for Five Seconds and just decides "okay yeah we're cool we're friends now" and both the Sparrows and Umbrellas are like "???????"

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thewhiteviola

4 years ago