Throwback To The Worst Day Of My Life. ☺️

You know you really shouldn't beg, it's not becoming of you.

Hi Mr. Wonka. If I in any way made you or your oompa loompas uncomfortable at the last barbeque, I sincerely apologize. I did not think I would get drunk ~

That's just the problem, Alice. You don't think. You spilled heavens knows what on my new tailored coat, vomited on poor Edward, kicked an Oompa Loompa while trying to, as you said, "tear up the dance floor", and tripped and fell into the dessert table. You made a fool of yourself and ruined the party for everyone at the same time. Next time please be more considerate of your guests before popping out a big bottle of the some ol' trippy chug-a-lug.

Oh, I almost forgot. You're banned from the factory as well, by the way. I can't have you endangering my Oompa Loompas or destroying everything, now can I? And I will be billing you my Oompa Loompa's hospital bill. Yeah. Use this as a lesson to be more responsible. Hmph.

I used a app that changes your face and when I used your face it changed my face to a girl. The app thinks you're a woman and put lipstick on my face because your lips are really pink it had me laughing so fucking hard. This is proof you're a pretty ass sexy delicious but feminine man. That's all I had to say love u bye sugar 😂😂😂😂😂😂

That-....

Well maybe your app is just crappy and it confuses features and gender often, more than you think. ....S'not my fault you got a two star crappy app. 😒

Do you expect me to take your threats seriously? You throw tea parties with a little girl in a place called Wonderland.

The shade you be throwing at Alice, Mike, and Augustus on here and the way you be responding to your dad in the comments be KILLING MEEEE LMFAO YALL FUNNY AF 😭😭😭😭

And when mad hatter was yelling at you and Edward through your asks and you were like "oh..." I died. And Some girl said you get her wet and your dad said he hope they ain't a minor, please come get your dad. It's the chaos for me 💀💀💀

You know what they say, if you don't like my shade then step out of my shadow. That Alice is something, though. A drunk. Hmph.

As for my dad, unfortunately there isn't much I can do to deter his behavior.

Goodnight world.

I need to have a word with you and Edward privately please. 😁 IMMEDIATELY 😠

Oh...

Yeah sure, one moment, Tarrant.

What are some things that piss you off?

Wet socks, off brand chocolate, liars, snobby kids, thieves, copy cats, cold coffee, trends, whangdoodles, Edward's associates (Joyce), chewing gum, uncleanliness, mouth breathers, cigarettes and soggy bread.

Just to name a few, of course.

Since you like chocolate so much how do you feel about dating a black woman? We got all the chocolate you need babyboy 😏😏😏😏

Oh my goodness. Are you trying to seduce me by using my love for chocolate against me?

How wicked. I do like rich flavors. You might be in luck, if you are in fact a woman.

Or did you mean chocolate as in skin color? Because in the case of dating I would hope that your personality is just as rich and your love is just as sweet.

Can we see more wonka articles I love reading about your life!! :3

Of course you can! 😁 Here:

These are old, headlines for the opening of my factory to be precise! And if you can quite make out the Fortune magazine font it says, "The Most Successful Chocolatier in the World Opens the Gates of the Largest Chocolate Factory Ever Built".

~•••~

This is another article that goes along with the same date as the other. Grand opening of my factory, blah blah blah. Me cutting the ribbon. Fun stuff!

~•••~

And of course, this is an old one that I had posted once before in regards to a question about my awfully exaggerating 15-year disappearance:

~•••~

There are quite a few more good reads that I'm sure I could manage to dig up somewhere inside this factory. I'll post them sometime, eventually.

'Kay, I'm not interested in the details. They're gone, it doesn't matter anymore. I don't care. If you bullied them then grow up, if you didn't then I wasn't talking to you. The end.

Just had some kid message me about being allegedly bullied by some of my followers, I blocked him.

Here's why: Number one: I'm not sure what happened. Number two: I'll never understand why some people think that just because they're having drama with followers of another person, that the person they're following is automatically involved or responsible for the others' behavior. I am not a parent. I am not part of the tumblr team. Half of my followers are obviously adults and I don't have any more authority than the next person to stop or encourage other people's behavior. I am busy running a factory - not a daycare, I don't get involved with petty online drama that doesn't concern me, even if the people involved are friends or followers. There's no point in messaging me about matters that have nothing to do with my factory or me personally. There are block and report options for a reason. Use them.

I hate having to post this, I'm terribly sorry. That just annoyed the living daylights out of me. Just as I was enjoying a nice glass of wine and-ugh. I digress.

Now back to your regularly scheduled program. Good evening.

- Willy Wonka 🍫

Dad, please. Not now.

Caramel they say? Is it true?

I've heard I smell like everything from caramel to peanuts and sugar. Who knows? It changes every time, depending on the person.