See That Makes Me Want To Watch It Even More

my friends r so talented. rb if ur friends are talented

Ok, I shall report back soon

Me: wow. I feel really sick and terrible right now, I should watch my confort movie

My friends: BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN IS NOT A COMFORT MOVIE

Me, delusional: maybe it will be this time :D

Honestly, I don’t see why ppl have such a problem with it

necromancy is literally fine

I have been watching seven kids all day long and need to project the trauma of parenting somewhere, so... Batfam quotes :D

—

Bruce, half awake in a sitting room: Please, stop.

Jason, trying to suffocate Tim with a pillow: GIVE ME THE REMOTE!

Tim: *Muffled swears*

Damian, helping Jason: WE WANT TO WATCH MEAN GIRLS!

Cass, tackling Jason from behind: OFF OUR BROTHER!

Dick: Guys please, the doctor said we had to keep Tim's blood pressure down!

Duke: Man, we need to keep all our blood pressure down, he ain't special.

Bruce: Please, don't kill your brother.

Stephanie: Guys, he stopped fighting.

Dick: OH MY GODS YOU KILLED TIM!?

Damian: Oh no.

Cass, kneeing Jason in the stomach and grinning as he falls to the ground:

Duke: Nah, I think he just passed out.

Bruce: If any of you are dead I'm going to enter a depressive episode that will result in one of you becoming Batman by the end of it.

Dick: OH MY GOD TIM COME BACK TO LIFE I CAN'T DO THIS AGAIN!

Damian: DRAKE!?

Cass: I will find a Lazarus pit.

Jason: Nah, I'll just call Talia.

Duke: Y'all, he's breathin', I think he just fell asleep.

Stephanie, checking his pulse:

Stephanie: Yeah, he did. Classic Tim.

Bruce, under his breath: Thank god, I like that one.

—

Tim: Bruce, I have to tell you something.

Bruce: Yes, Tim?

Tim: . . . I'm bi.

Bruce: . . . Didn't you already come out to me?

Tim: Wait, what!? No!

Bruce: . . . No, no you did, you were... The ginger. The ginger one with arrows.

Tim: That was Dick, B.

Bruce: No, Dick wasn't a ginger, Jason was before the hair dye—

Tim: Different timeline, also that was Dick and Roy!

Bruce: Didn't Jason date Roy?

Tim: Bruce. Jason dated Roy, Dick dated Roy, they both dated Roy

Bruce: Oh, oh! Yes, of course... Wait, no, Dick was with the alien.

Tim: Kori and Dick broke up, Bruce.

Bruce: No, he was with the— the kryptonian.

Tim: Bruce, that's you.

Bruce: No, no, Connor.

Tim: Nobody in this family has ever dated Kon, and he's my friend!

Bruce:

Bruce: You aren't dating Connor? Oh, yes, you are with... Stephanie.

Tim: She and I broke up, she's with Cass now, I'm dating Bernard!

Bruce: The... Speedster?

Tim: Oh my god, Bruce, this isn't complicated... Bart is the speedster, Bernard is a human, regular human, not a vigilante or anything, and he's my old high school friend. We are dating now.

Bruce: Oh, yes. Okay. Sorry, I haven't updated the chart since Jason...

Tim: You had a chart to keep track of your kids dating history? When you had two kids!?

Bruce: Dick was complicated, and Jason dated a girl named Rena.

Tim: Again, different timeline, Bruce, they got back together in this one though (because op said so.)

Bruce:

Bruce: What?

Tim: Rena and Jason are dating but Jason also occasionally dates Roy at the same time, Dick is gonna get back together with Kori eventually, we're just waiting for the writers to get their sh&# together, I'm with Bernard, Stephanie and Cass are dating, this isn't a complicated thing, at all.

Bruce:

Bruce: I need to update my charts.

—

TV show host: So, can you introduce your kids for us?

Bruce:

Bruce: Yes, uh, of course.

Bruce, pointing to Dick: My eldest, Richard Grayson.

Bruce, pointing to Tim: My second, Jason— wait, no, he's dead. That one died.

Tim: Please never mistake me for Jason again, I just had several flashbacks.

Bruce: Yes, sorry, no, this is my third son, Tim.

Bruce, pointing to Cass: My daughter, Cassandra, she likes art—

Cass: No, ballet.

Bruce: What? No, Tim likes ballet.

Tim: I hate being the middle child so much.

Damian: Technically Cain is the middle.

Cass: No, Tim likes skateboards and dungeons and dragons.

Bruce: Okay, haha, sorry. So, uh, my youngest...

Damian:

Bruce: That I...

Damian:

Bruce: Adopted..?

Damian: WHAT!?

Bruce: Wait, no, Jason was Talia's, so—

Damian: HE WAS FOUND NEAR A DUMPSTER!

Bruce: Oh, then Tim—

Tim: SERIOUSLY!?

Dick: Bruce this is actually concerning.

Bruce: One of you I made! Cass!?

Cass, visibly concerned: Really?

Bruce: Okay, so, uh...

TV host: Should... Do you need a moment?

Bruce: No, no, I have five children— wait, no, six. Wait, did I adopt Duke?

Dick: No, he lives with his Mom again, she got better, but you didn't even adopt me so why's it matter?

Bruce:

Bruce: I FORGOT TO ADOPT YOU!?

Dick: WHAT DO YOU MEAN FORGOT!?

Tim: I hate this family...

Cass, patting his back:

Damian: At least he remembered your names!

Jason, laughing from his apartment:

—

Tim and Cass sitting at the bat computer:

Bruce, walking over to press a kiss to Cass' hair:

Tim: ???

Bruce, walking over to Cass, patting her shoulder: Good work, son. Get to bed soon.

Cass: . . ?

Bruce, walking away:

Tim: Did he..?

Cass: Again. Yes.

—

Bruce, to Alfred: Alfred, please, I need help with Christmas again.

Alfred: Master Bruce, you have itemized lists of each villain, you can recall them all and memorize all their weaknesses and lives. You cannot do the same for your own children?

Bruce: Please, Alfred, don't make me feel bad. One of them asked for an explosive and I don't know which!?

Alfred: That could very well be several of them...

—

Bruce, walking into the kitchen where all the kids are sitting: Alright, come on Tim, time for patrol.

Tim: Why aren't you going with Robin?

Bruce: You are Robin?

Damian: Father, I am Robin.

Bruce: Why'd I do that?

Damian: What do you mean WHY DID YOU DO THAT!?

Dick: I did that, actually.

Bruce: Why? What did Tim do?

Damian: WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME!?

Bruce: Nothing, nothing, I just... Tim was Robin, last I checked.

Jason: Bruce, what's the order of your Robin's?

Bruce:

Bruce: It... Okay, Dick,

Dick: Yes..?

Bruce: Then... Stephanie.

Jason: Wow.

Bruce: What!? She died! Two of you died and came back!

Damian: I also died.

Bruce: What? No, you came after Stephanie.

Damian: Yes.

Bruce: Alright, so, Dick, Stephanie—

Jason: REALLY!? I did not die in your arms for this. I wish I died in someone's else's arms. F-#% you.

Bruce: No, no! I'm sorry, you're right, Dick, Jason... Then... Alright, Stephanie and Damian came somewhere, obviously, but Tim is my Robin now! Right?!

Tim: Bruce, Alfred and Dick gave Robin to Damian after you got lost in the time stream.

Bruce:

Bruce: Oh. Uh. Okay... Damian, time for patrol—

Damian: No, I'm going with Richard tonight. You may have DRAKE!

Bruce: No, I'm sorry, son, please.

Damian, storming out:

Bruce, chasing after him: Please, I have had so many of you! And so many hits to the head!

Tim: How come he only ever remembers Dick's stuff?

Jason: Favouritism.

Dick: I fell on his head a lot as a kid. I also used to whisper in his ear as a kid when he slept that I would be the only child he'd ever have and love, so...

Tim:

Jason: And I'm remembered as the bad kid???

—

Bruce: You're grounded.

Barbara: ??? I'm not your kid, Bruce.

Bruce: What?

Barbara: Really? No, I'm not dealing with this, get a neurologist, Bruce.

Bruce: It's not a problem!

—

Bruce, on the phone: Hey, Jay, lad! Are you coming to the gala this weekend?

Jason: ??? I'm dead.

Bruce: What?!

Jason: No! I am legally dead, Bruce!

Bruce: Oh thank god, I thought I was hallucinating again...

Jason: Huh?

Bruce: Nothing, nothing... Wait, why haven't I brought you back to legally alive?

Jason: Hell if I know.

Bruce:

Bruce: Will you come to the gala if—

Jason, hanging up:

—

Bernard:

Bruce:

Bernard:

Bruce: Stephanie, when did you become transgender???

Bernard, trying not to laugh:

Tim: This is why I didn't want you two to meet.

—

Bruce, on the phone: DUKE THOMAS WHY AREN'T YOU HOME!?

Duke: ??? I am.

Bruce: Where?! I checked the entire manor!

Duke: I don't live with you???

Bruce: Oh my god did I fire you???

Duke: What? No? I live with my Mom?

Bruce: . . . She's alive?

Duke: B, that's... All the other kids minus Cass and Damian.

Bruce: Oh...

Duke: Get help, man.

—

Tim, eating cereal at two in the morning:

Bruce, stepping inside the dark room, blinking slowly:

Bruce: Oh, Jason—

Tim: I am so done.

—

i made a character sheet. free to use as you wish, feel free to change whatever you want XD open source ass thing. spent all of ~maybe an hour on it.

Credit: the text in the insert-image box comes from this video, and the text for the top three lines (intense, complex, fruity) comes from this post. The actual image was made with the free NBOS character sheet creator, which is a sort of dated but free and solid text-layout sheet maker intended for ttrpg style character sheet creation.

Awww

Retail steph with damian and Jon? :) i love retail steph so much

(featuring Billy Batson because he only adds chaos and I love him)

Previous: Margie | Batkids | Rogues | Justice League | Retail batkids | Retail Bruce | Young Justice | Black Friday | Valentine's Day

[grocery store]

Steph, working the bakery section: How can I help you boys today?

Jon: We're getting a cake for our friend's birthday. Chocolate with buttercream frosting, please. 

Steph: Do you want it to say anything? 

Jon: Yes. "Happy 14th B-day, Billy!"

Steph: What color?

Damian: Red. 

Steph: *starts writing on the cake*

Damian: Please also add: "Despite your shortcomings and lack of maturity, you are a valuable part of our team and as you get older, I expect you to gain greater wisdom that will aid us in our goals and prospects."

Steph: *struggling to fit it on the cake*

———————

[coffee shop]

Damian: Can we try the five-drink espresso flight?

Steph: You sure?

Billy, eyeing an unsuspecting Jon: Yes.

Steph: Alrighty.

*moments later*

Jon, after his fifth espresso: I'M KING OF THE UNIVERSE!

Jon: *shoots through the ceiling*

Damian: *grumbles and hands Billy ten bucks*

Steph, sighing: I'll get the broom.

———————

[clothing store]

Jon: *dancing in the dressing room with light-up shoes*

Damian: *T-posing in a trenchcoat*

Billy: *filming them*

Steph: What are you doing?

Billy: Making a TikTok. 

Steph: Well, you can't have cameras in the dressing rooms. I'm gonna have to ask you to stop. 

———————

[drive-thru]

Damian: One vegetarian Batburger, one regular Batburger, and one order of Night-Wings. And an extra-extra-extra large Ivy Salad.

Steph: Did you take the Batmobile again? 

Damian: No. 

Steph: Why don't you pull up to the window and prove it? 

Damian, Jon, and Billy: *ride up on Bat-Cow*

———————

[furniture store]

Jon: What's a warranty?

Damian: It's a court order to arrest someone. 

Steph: That's a warrant. A warranty covers the cost of something if it gets damaged within a certain amount of time. In our case, the store has a one-year warranty on all items. What are you looking to buy?

Billy: *enters pushing a Pinball machine*

Damian: ...It's for school.

———————

[restaurant]

Steph: What can I get you?

Damian: We'll split a pizza. 

Steph: Okay, anything else?

Billy, as Shazam: An alcohol.

Steph: "An alcohol?"

Billy: Yes, your finest alcohol. Sharing size, please.

Steph: I'll need to see some ID.

Billy, nervous: What's there to see? I'm clearly an adult. 

Steph: I need them for everyone at the table. 

Damian: *pulls out Jason's crime lord license*

Jon: *sticks on a fake mustache*

———————

[call center]

Steph, stifling a yawn: Wayne Enterprises account support, how can I help you? 

Damian: Why are you still working? It's midnight. 

Steph: Overnight shift. This is a 24-hour line. What do you need, Damian?

Damian: Nothing. We just wanted to annoy you. 

Steph: We?

Jon: Hiya!

Billy: 'Sup.

———————

[sleepover at the Manor]

Steph: Alfred told me to bring you some snacks.

Damian: Excellent. 

Steph: *leaves the room*

Steph, internally: What do kids these days even do at sleepovers? 

Steph: *presses her ear to the door*

Damian: Truth or Dare? 

Jon: Truth. 

Damian: Which one of my siblings do you like best?

Jon: Steph, all the way.

Billy: I agree, she's the coolest. Remember when she drove us to get midnight breakfast on my birthday?

Jon: And when she promised not to tell my parents when I broke the café ceiling.

Billy: Or when she took us for a walk and actually explained why we couldn't make TikToks in the store instead of going "because I said so" like other adults. 

Jon: Plus, she gave all the leftover salad to Bat-Cow and helped us set up the Pinball machine downstairs.

Billy: Ooh, and she's really good at making mocktails. 

Jon: Also, she extended our free trial of the Daily Planet for our social studies project. 

Damian: Hm... point taken.

Billy: And she's hot.

Damian: Say that again and I will smite you with your own powers.  

Steph: *smiles softly*

good things will happen 🧿

things that are meant to be will fall into place 🧿

I was laughing with a friend about an idea for Harry Potter. That after second year interhouse camaraderie was at an all time high because Harry helped establish the Hogwarts Fight club.

Naturally what happens at fight club stays at fight club and magic is there to make that possible. The only way you even know or can talk to someone about it is if they were within the secrecy runes some during the actual fight. If they weren’t eavesdroppers will mostly just hear gibberish.

The room is established somewhere deep in the dungeons because they’re endless and maze like and you have to have a certain item/guide to find the place or else you’ll just get lost.

It does fucking wonders. All houses are welcome. Magical fights or physical brawls are your options. No maiming or killing. Dark magic is allowed, but only if both parties agree. First years are not allowed to fight and you can only challenge people within one number grade of your own.

It turns out that when students have the opportunity to have a seemingly all out brawl that relations on the surface improve.

Originally this had just been a duel between Harry and Draco. Then Ron challenged Nott and Hermione challenged Pansy. One of the Ravenclaws in their year called Neville a squib and Susan Bones was not gonna let that slide. Soon, With the help of the twins and some other older students who wanted in, they’d created a secrecy circle in the dungeons with Runes which was the only way anyone was comfortable with this continuing because it literally made snitching near impossible.

Needless to say when all the third years (Harry’s Grade) started getting along rather well despite house colors and prejudice, others got curious.

Soon invites we’re given to older students and Harry’s fairly certain that Hogwarts is sentient and expanded the dungeon to make way for their growing numbers.

Soon the entire school was getting along. You get students were seeking out older students for tutoring. The great hall was a multicolored mess as kids sat together at any table to strategized or make bets.

After a particularly cheap game of quidditch between Gryffindor and Slytherin, half the school disappeared into the dungeons to watch Woods and the other Caption Duke it out magicless.

Who knew that the best way to have everyone get along was to let them Duke it out behind closed doors?

Batman being aggressively secretive towards the Justice League is one of my favorite tropes, but it gets INFINITELY funnier when you take the younger generations of heroes into consideration.

Barry Allen? He doesn't know shit about Batman, still partially convinced he's not human, still a little bit scared to talk to him. But Wally West? That's Nightwing's best friend. He's been around Dick since both of them were kids. He's had sleepovers at the manor since he was thirteen.

I just think it would be hilarious if all of the younger generations 100% know that Batman is Bruce Wayne. They've slept at the manor, some of them have taken various Batkids to school dances, they've been offered Alfred's cooking. And all because they've gotten close to at least one Batkid and said Batkid wore Bruce down until he let them reveal their identity. But all of them manage to keep this information from their mentors. Either purposefully or completely on accident.

Then you end up with a situation where the younger generations grow up and join the League and the older members Very Quickly realize that they seem a lot more comfortable with Batman than they should be.

Ain’t freaking risking it

“But if you forget to reblog Madame Zeroni, you and your family will be cursed for always and eternity.”