GETTING “I MISS YOU” TEXTS .

Rings

Pairing: Choi San x Reader

Other Stuff: Fluff, just Fluff; Friends that are too afraid to ask each other out; I think this’ll be my entry for Valentine’s Day, I’m really not sure ( wala kase akong jowa lol; trans: I don’t have lover lol)

Rings are special to you, very special even, causing you to having a collection of your own. Rings of so many kind filled your jewelry box, in fact, that’s just your FIRST jewelry box. They were just too many that you had to get another box to put them in, only for it to be immediately filled by, obviously rings. You have the chunky ones, the thin ones, the ones that are just simple, and even the ones with big-ass diamonds, gems and even stones in them. Just let everybody name any ring they want and you just…you just have it But, those rings of yours are not as special to the one you’ve been wearing for 9 years now. It was a ring you personally made for you and your best friend, Choi San,…who’s also the man of your dreams. Ironically, you made a friendship ring with the guy you loved for 11 years and wore it for 9 years, 9 years of being friend-zoned, I guess? It’s not like you confessed to him and he rejected you, only wanted you as his best friend, I mean, the friendship rings itself were giving it’s way to you, dumb of you to make those rings when you already loved him more than a friend and no longer sees him as just a best friend of yours “Hey!”; “Shoot!” You jumped out of surprise, your nerves knocking you out of your reminiscing state of mind while the suspect who surprised you was already throwing their head back out of laughter; “San?! Seriously?!” You whined, rolling your eyes at him as you heaved deeply; “You’re so jumpy, aren’t you?” He teased while nudging his shoulder to yours; “Yeah, whatever. So, are you ready to go?” You asked, your arms still crossed in front of your chest; “Of course! Let’s go, jumpy!” He teased one more time, ruffling your hair before running away from you; “CHOI SAN!!” You exclaimed as you tried to catch up on him, only for you to give up and eventually, continue walking half-way to your destination You deeply huffed in air, catching your breath as you finally arrived at the Pet Cafe, being greeted by San who’s busy giggling, already playing with the cats and dogs. All of them swarmed over to him, wanting his attention…or treats, and as per you, you were only smiling at the adorable interaction between him and the fur babies. San looked up and saw you, lost in your own thoughts while mindlessly smiling at him; “Y/N! C’mere!” He called out, his hand motioning you to come as you shook your head, bringing yourself back to reality before continuing your way to him. The cats and dogs all turned their attention to you as you only smiled widely, making sure you pet all of them equally; “They really like you more, huh? I’m kinda jelly” He pouted as you giggled. You reached to his hand and placed it on top of the cat’s head, who’s comfortably curled up into your lap while some of the others left; “They like you too, dumbo” You teased as the cat purred from San’s touch; “See?” You giggled as San continued caressing the cat while you noticed something “By the way, where’s you ring?” You mindlessly asked, still caressing the siamese cat on your lap; “Oh, that? Well, It doesn’t fit my index finger anymore so, I just kept it here” He explained as he takes out the ring from his pocket, showing it to you; “And you said that it has to be “specifically” on my index finger for some reasons so, yeah” He added while you only laughed, remembering that you’ve never really explained the reason behind it; “Yeah I did, actually our index fingers means friendship, that’s why I asked you to wear it there” You explained, chuckling; “Really? So, what should I do with this then?” He asked, showing you his ring again; “I don’t know, hide it I guess?” You asked back, confused; “Oh wait- I think it fits my- yeah, it does fit, look!” San exclaimed, showing you the ring that’s on his ring finger now; “W-What? Does the ring finger mean enemies? death? or any bad thing? what? what?!” He slightly panicked, caused by your shocked face; “I-It actually…means, it means marriage…” You laughed awkwardly; “R-Really?” He asked, his face turning red and a smile slowly creeping up into his lips You felt heat traveling up into your cheeks, tinting them red as you felt a blooming sensation inside you along with your butterflies flapping their wings inside you. You felt your heart skip a beat just now, as a smile creeps up into your lips as well; “Y-Yup” You answered, trying to hold in your emotions; “Then, why don’t we start our way there?” He shamelessly asked, your heart beating twice faster than before; “Are you serious? Like serious-serious?” You asked, quite unsure if you’re gonna lie or just be honest with your feelings for him; “I’m more than serious-serious, L/N Y/N” He says, his hand travelling to yours, holding it tightly; “So, you like me too?” You asked again; “I..I love you, Y/N” He mindlessly and shamelessly says, tightening his clasp onto your hands; “So, do you want to start our way to marriage?”; “Are you asking me out or your asking me to marry you-”; “Just answer the question” He giggled at how tensed you are right now; “Y-Yes!” You smiled, both of your happiness now can’t be hidden. San takes your hand and removes the ring on your index finger, putting it back, but instead in your ring finger “Now, our friendship rings are not friendship rings anymore, they’re our couple rings now!” San claims, caressing your cheeks with his free hand, happiness visible on his face as his smile grows even more and so is yours; “Are you sure this is not planned? Cuz’ you putting the ring on your ring finger is so smooth, cuz’ of that, now we’re dating” You say, a snort coming out of you, followed by a laugh; “Nope, I just love you too much that I took that opportunity” He confidentally explains, smiling widely, you two continued on caressing the cat while his other hand caresses yours; “I love you too”; “I love you more, Y/N”.

The End

Guys i finally got the Leon keychain i was trying so hard to get him!

Mmm…. Don’t mind me… just thinking about taking care of Nagito during the killing game.<3

.*•. —————————————————————— .•*.

Now playing - Hey Lover

Words - 3458

.*•. —————————————————————— .•*.

Imagine this. You had just expireniced what you can imagine was the worst thing anyone can ever see. You literally had to watch one of your friends (I mean, you wouldn’t really call Teruteru you friend, but still.) get executed. Not only were you in a very tense situation, like you couldn’t trust anyone, but someone fucking killed someone else, and you had to watch someone die. To say you were going through a lot would be an understatement. But, you knew you had to keep moving forward, for the sake of you and your fellow classmates.

But something else was bugging you. A certain boy who has been shown to have a very…. Deprecating view on himself. He almost got himself killed if it wasn’t for Hajime’s logic and practical thinking. He thought he had to full on kill someone else, and was about to do it, too, just so he could make others feel better. That truly didn’t sit right with you. And something else that didn’t sit right with you was the fact that you couldn’t find him anywhere in the restaurant. Something was going on and you really didn’t like it. You already saw two of your friends die, you weren’t about to see another one meet the same fate.

Just as you were about to check to see if he was just sleeping in, you saw your classmate Sōda pacing back and forth near the entrance of the hotel.

“Hey, sōda! I have a random question to ask you, are you busy?”

“Busy? Huh? Who? Me? I’m not busy, never been busy in my whole life! W-what would you like to ask?”

He tried to push the fact he was a-okay, but you knew something was boiling underneath his smiley mask.

“Have you seen Nagito anywhere around?”

“N-Nagito? W-w-who’s Nagito? Why-uh-why do you ask? Why would you never want to be around someone like him?!”

You looked at him with a suspicious glare. Yes, it did seem strange to want to be around him, but if no one else was going to, you knew you had to be the one. He always acted so nice and friendly to others, and it strangely made you want to act the same way. And yes, the thought that me might try to kill again was scary, but sometimes you just have to take risks, especially if it’s for the sake of one of your friends.

“Soda, come on, don’t say something like that. Just as Nagito would say, that’s not very hopeful of you. Hehe- but seriously, where is he. Did you do something?”

“… uh-um. I… I didn’t do anything…”

You gave him another glare, this one filled with more angry than before. The thoughts of what kinds of torchurous things Sōda could have done to him made your skin crawl. You needed to make sure he was okay.

“Sōda, if you didn’t tell me where he is and what you did to him, I’ll find a way to get it out of you.”

After a few seconds of him trying to get himself to hold back, he burst.

“Okay, okay, okay!! Please stop looking at me like that! N-Nagito is in the abandoned house… I wanted to make everyone feel safer… and it’s impossible unless that… monster is chained up. He got what he deserves for trying to-“

“Chained up?!! You sound just as bad as he was, what the fuck is wrong with you?! You actually thought that was a good idea? That’s inhumane, even to someone who put someone’s life in danger! What the fuck, dude!

You pushed soda’s shoulders, causing him to yelp in fear.

“I-I! B-b-but he- I…. I guess your right… but he put someone’s life in danger once already, there is nothing stopping him from doing it again!! You just want me to let him go off and kill someone else?! Maybe you’re the crazy one!”

“Ugh… here. Why not I make a deal. I’ll take the responsibility of watching over him 24/7 to make sure he doesn’t do anything dangerous if you can give me the key or whatever to his chains. Sound fair? And if something happens, you can lock him and me up, okay?”

He thought for a few minuets, his hand messing around with something in his pocket.

“….. fine, I’ll agree to that. It would be more useful having someone always keeping a watch on him. Here…”

He cautiously gave you the key, which looked to be the key to a pair of handcuffs. You thanked him before quickly beginning to sprint over to the abandoned house. You didn’t know how long he must have been kept in there, it was like Schrödinger’s cat. He could either me alive, or in worse case senecio, dead. Those awful thoughts only made you run faster.

As soon as you jumped up the creaky sodden stairs and flung open the door, you were face to face with a certain fluffy, pink and white rabbit. Monomi.

“Wahwahwahhh?! What are you doing here?!”

You were honestly surprised. Did Sōda convince Monomi to stand guard here or something? Did she know the situation that Nagito was currently in? Did she know how bad did a fucking idea this was?!

“Monomi. I know Sōda probably convinced you to stand here, but please, you don’t know the true scale of this problem. Nagito’s health could probably be in danger right now, and you’re blocking people from even entering the building. At least let me by, okay?”

“WA-WA-WAH?!!? H-his health?! Is he in danger?!”

“He could be! And that’s why I really need to check on him, please let me by.”

“Eeek!! Okay! You can go by!”

With a few squeaky-toy noises as Monomi stepped out of the way, you started twards the ominous wooden doors of the main room. Something inside of you was whispering you weren’t going to like the sight ahead of you. As you opened the doors with a loud, ear piercing screech, your suspicions came true.

“…. Reader? Ah….hahaha! I never couldn’t have guessed you would be the one to come and meet me. Forgive me, due to my… restrictions, I cannot grant you my fullest hospitalities, but please, make yourself at home.”

A part of you was insanely relieved. He wasn’t dead, clearly, or hurt, or in any sort of dangerous position, which put you a little more at ease. But, he was fucking chained up!! That’s like the definition of inhumane! To chain someone up like this, uncomfortably resting on the hard floor, his shoulder must be hurting like ever living hell! Soda may have had a reason to want to put Nagito in a position where he couldn’t easily hurt someone, but this is straight up disgusting.

You were too shocked to even speak. All you could do with your body was approach him, kneeling down in front of him. He cocked his head in confusion. He may be someone who likes to think everything through and form an idea of what others may do, but he really didn’t expect you to do something like… this!

“What are you doing? Are you.. heh…. Heheheh… hahahahahh!!! No, you can’t be. Don’t tell me you feel bad for someone as revolting as me! Do you know how much of your time you would waste worrying about someone like me?”

You tried to say something… anything. Maybe tell Nagito it’s not truly, that he truly does have worth, or maybe that you were going to free him, just anything to put your mind at ease. But nothing came out. Only silence. And after a few moments, quiet sobs followers shortly by tears. It broke your heart to see your classmates, people who you thought you could trust, do such absolutely cruel things! Is this truly how humans behave when in these life or death situations?!

“Huh? Why are you crying? Am I that awful to be around that I bring you to tears with just my presence?”

All you could manage to do was shake you head. You took a could deep breaths, channeling all the willpower you had to form the strength to find the right words.

“You… you don’t deserve this… this is so cruel. How… how could someone do this to you? I…. I can’t bare to see this anymore… if we continue, we are going to turn into fucking animals. He need to come together, not tear each other apart… I will… c-can I… can I at least…”

You wanted to say that you wanted to help him feel a little better, to help him know at least one person didn’t hate him, and even cared for him, but the words couldn’t fall off the tip of your tongue.

“…. I… deserve to be treated well? Heh… are you saying I deserve hope?”

You nodded.

“Of course… everyone does. So can I… can I show you some… hope? Eh- that sounded weird-um, what I mean is, I made a deal with Soda that I-I- um, I could take care of you. At least, that’s what I want to do.”

Nagito froze. You were… were you planning on freeing him? And what do you mean by taking care of him. Were you letting him go so you could find a way to kill him? He couldn’t help but perk up at the thought. Getting killed so someone else could bring hope to others… he couldn’t think of a better idea himself!

“Of course! If that’s what you want to do, then by all means, do whatever you want!”

You couldn’t help but laugh a tiny bit, but you nodded in agreement, leaning over his body slightly to unlock his confinements. After his handcuffs came off, now was the hard part. His ropes. They would take a lot more effort to get off. So, in the mean time, why not have a conversation.

“I… I was thinking about something lately… why do you feel like you have to hurt others and yourself for the sake of everyone else?”

“Well, it’s obvious! If hurting one of a few people can bring hope to a lot more people, then it’s an easy choice to make! Especially when it’s myself. I truly have no worth, so being used for hope just gives my life meaning-“

“No, I meant did anything happen in your life to make you think this way about yourself?”

“Well, my whole life was kinda… rough. But, it doesn’t and shouldn’t matter to an ultimate like you! Wow…. Hahahah, I truly can’t comprehend why someone would be wasting their time freeing me. Don’t you know how dangerous I am? Or maybe…. It’s because you’re the ultimate hope! Ahahah…. HAHAHAH! All of this would make sense! You came to save me because you-“

“Nagito, please,” you tossed the ropes aside after finally getting them off, “don’t say such things about yourself. Please.”

To his surprise, you placed your hand on his head. Even by the littlest of touch, just a hand resting on his white hair, causes his face to erupt in a massive but light blush. But you had other things on your mind. Such as his hair. His hair looked very fluffy at first, but now touching it, it felt very matted and tangly, as if he thinks he doesn’t even deserve to take care of himself. This needed to stop. First others treating him poorly, and now himself? Good thing you knew exactly what to do. After spending this whole time collecting all the determination you could, you decided it was time to stop acting like a little baby and take charge.

“Nagito, you’re coming with me. I’m going to show you that you truly are worth something. Here, take my hand.”

As Nagito’s eyes looked up at you, he swear for a second you looked exactly like an Angel. The air around you seemed to glow and sparkle, imagining a shining halo above your head and a large pair of silky wings on your back. It was so beautiful, he felt like he could cry. He timidly reached out to you, not even thinking he deserved to touch someone as hopeful as you. As soon as his hand of in yours, you carefully helped him to his feet. He groaned from the feeling of finally getting to stand up.

“You know… the more I look at you, the more I really want to take care of you. Come on, let’s go to my cottage. I’ll run you a nice warm bath, get you some food and brush your hair. Does that sound nice?”

He was too stunned to speak at your graciousness to scum like him. But… the mroe he thought about it, the more the idea peaked his interest.

“I… heheh, if this is truly something you want, I would be a disgrace to stop you.”

You gave him a comforting smile before heading back to your dorm.

.

..

….

After a few minutes, you exited your bathroom and approached Nagito, who was sitting a bit uncomfortably on your bed. His posture was stiff, as if he was too scared to more or even breath as to not ruin your bed. He was already so lucky, he was almost expecting something catastrophic to happen.

“Okay, the bath is pretty much ready. I even added some soap in there to make it all bubbly! Follow me.”

Nagito nodded and anxiously gulped. He followed you into the bathroom, staring in awe at the bathtub, which looked so warm and pretty with all the bubbles in it. It was almost like this was a dream. And if it was, he never, ever wanted to wake it.

“Here, test the water to see if it’s okay with you.”

Your voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

“Test the water? Uh, okay. If you want me to. But it truly doesn’t matter. As long as you say it’s okay, i won’t ever protest.”

You shook your head.

“Please Nagito. I told you, degrading yourself isn’t something you should be doing so often. It’s okay ti be self critical sometimes, but when it’s just about testing to see if the water is a good temperature or not, please understand that I respect your opinion. I want this to be about you… I want you to feel better after all the stuff Sōda tried to do. “

He could honestly feel tears welling up in his eyes again, but he pushed them away. He didn’t want to make you worry about him anymore then Joey currently were. He turned back to the tub and slowly stuck a few fingers in. Even though it was only his fingers, he already felt his body relaxing at the warm temperature.

“It’s… perfect. I… Um.. if you want I, I’m ready whenever you would like me to..”

You gave him an exhausted smile. At least he was trying.

“Then yes, if you want to get in, you can. I’ll close my eyes so you can undress.”

Nagito nodded before you covered your hands over your eyes. You heard faint slashing noises, which were the sounds of Nagito getting into the bath. He let out a low, barly audible sign, feeling all the tension in his body dissipate. It was almost magical. He usually takes cold showers because sits the quickest way to get clean without feeling like he is wasting other people’s warm water, so this was fairly new for him. You peaked between your fingers, putting your hands down as you saw the very content Nagito resting against the edge of the tub with a dazed expression. He was so flipping adorable! You giggled at the sight.

“Would it be okay if I wash you hair?”

“If you want to, I would stop you.”

“But, do you want me to?”

“… I… does it… matter how I feel?”

“Of course it does. It always matters how you feel. Now please, do you want me to?”

“…. Yes…”

“Good boy.”

As those two words fell off your tongue, it probably made you just as surprised as Nagito. Did your rally just say that?! Fuck, how embarrassing! But, on the flip side, Nagito’s brain was practically scrambling. First you freed him, then let him in your cottage, then made him a bath, and now you called him good boy? The red blush and the fucked out expression on his face was enough to tell you that he was really enjoying everything a lot right now. But, you didn’t want to ruin the mood with an sexual stuff right now.

You took a stray brush on the side of the sink and started to as carefully as you could start at the bottoms of his hair. And just as you thought, it was very, very tangled. He grunted and groaned at the pain, but didn’t speak out. If anything, he kinda felt like he deserved it so he was surprisingly, but also unsurprisingly, content.

“Mph… Nagito, please tell me the truth. How often to you spend time taking care of yourself?”

You think you already knew the answer to that, but you wanted to know the truth.

“Uh… maybe… every two days? I normally just take a cold shower… that’s… that’s really all I deserve-“

“What did I say about saying stuff like that? And only every two days? No wonder your hair is so tangled… don’t worry, I’ll make it better.”

“You know… after brushing your hair out a little, it looks a lot more fluffy now. It’s kinda pretty.

“You… hehe… you’re… so hopeful.”

Nagito couldn’t help but feel more relaxed then he has every felt in his life. And who could blame him? He was taking a nice, warm bath, having his hair brushed, and even being praised every so often! Before he could stop himself, he started falling asleep. His breathing slowed and his body went limp. You honestly thought something bad happened. But as you listened to his shallow breathing, you realized he just fell asleep. And fuck, was he adorable. He had the cutest face, so still and pristine, almost like a porcelain doll. And the fact that all it took for him to fall asleep was just taking care of him and treeating him like a normal human being made your heart melt and crack at the same time. At that moment, you knew what you were going to do. It was very likely Nagito hadn’t received this kind of treatment in his childhood, which could have been damaging to him. No wonder he always treats himself poorly. So, you decided you want to try and make up for that. To try and treat him as well as you can to show him that someone cares about him. Because you knew in your heart, even thought he is slightly psychotic and tried to commit murder, all because of the unknown events of his past, he were sure that you loved him.

As Nagito’s eyes adjusted to his surroundings, he found himself laying down in your bed with… your arms wrapped around him?! Were you… spooning him?!? He wanted to jump up or push himself away from you, but he didn’t want to wake you. And why would he want to jump out of your arms in the first place? They felt so warm… so comforting… he almost couldn’t handle. He really couldn’t handle everything that you do to him! It made he feel like he was something delicate, something that needed to be preserved. And to be honest, it was very addictive. He wore a familiar blush and smile on his face as he pushed his body against yours, hugging your arms tighter around him. You smelled so good… you felt so good… at first, he thought you were going to do all this and leave, which would be an acceptable thing in his mind, but no… you stayed here with him. You did so much just to stay with him. It gave him so many good feelings… good feelings of hope. He thought he would need to kill someone or himself so it could raise others spirits, but you… if he just finds ways to brighten your hope so you brighten his, maybe it would make giving other people hope a lot easier. Yes…. Yes, this was a great idea. But to be honest, it’s not all just about hope that makes him want to be closer to you. It’s also because it just feels so fucking good to do so. :) when you wake up, expect to be greeted with a spotless room, some food sitting on the table, and Nagito still wrapped in your arms.

nicknames, sukuna

a/n: short soft sukuna drabble cause he makes me go crazy. ignore any translation mistakes, i used google translate 😭 content: sukuna speaking in japanese. fluff, nsfw (oral - fem!recieving) wc: 582

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

"sukuna," you call him as he's seated beside you watching a random season of survivor. he hums in reply. "you're my cutie pie".

you cheese at him when he turns his head to look at you, eyebrows furrowing. "i'm your what?" you don't miss the slight blush that creeps up on his face. "my cutie pie," you say moving closer to make yourself comfortable in his lap. "my sugar plum," he raises an eyebrow at you.

the ends of his mouth slighlty tugging upwards. "my cupcake" you kiss him on the cheek "my cotton candy," your hands in his hair as you kiss his forehead. unable to hold it in any longer, he smiles. "my suki wookie," you look into his eyes and smile squishing his face. he lets out a quiet chuckle.

he flops you on the mattress as he pries your legs open and makes himself comfortable on top of you. trails kisses down your body as he whispers sweet words in japanese into your skin like a secret. "恋人 — koibito (lover) " a quick peck on your lips. "天使 — tenshi (angel)" a kiss at the space between your ear and neck. "私の心の光 — watashi no kokoro no hikari (light of my heart)" his lips move over your chest.

you wish you could understand what he was saying. you only knew the basics so you could figure out he said "my". my what, you wondered. "what does that mean?" you ask quietly. he looks up at you, the look in his eyes soft and loving "my brat". he jokes his head falling down to your chest as he laughs. "sukunaaa" you laugh.

he continues leaving feather light kisses over your body. now moving over your hips "私の桜 — watashi no sakura". you gasp as you translate it in your head. "your cherry blossoms?" you chirp. caught, his cheeks turn a shade darker. "can i, か甘いい女の子 — ka ama ī on'nanoko" that you knew. he always called you that. sweet girl. his sweet girl. you nod.

he kisses over your panties. you whimper. a slight sheen of wetness coating you as he pulls off your panties. "キャンディーのように甘い — kyandī no yō ni amai (sweet like candy) " he whispers to himself.

he kisses your clit once, twice, until your hand scratches at his scalp. "please," you whine. "hmm, be patient, 恋人の女の子 — koibito no on'nanoko (lover girl), haven't eaten all day". his tongue pokes out and he lickes a stripe from your opening to your clit. his lips wrapping around your clit as he moans in satisfaction at your taste. his finger moves down to your opening as his mouth over your clit brings you pleasure. his finger moves in and out of you at a teasing pace, fast and then slow.

your legs tighten around his head, limiting his oxygen intake but he doesn't make any move to pry them away. instead his tongue on your clit moves at a feverish pace. you soon cum with a cry of his name. mewling and moaning. he pulls away.

happiest man on earth. he thinks that whenever he's with you. "愛してます — aishitemasu (i love you)", he says softly, expecting no reply. you've watched enough romantic japanese movies to know what he meant, so you reply back "私も愛しているよ, すくな — watashi mo itoshite iru yo, sukuna (i love you too, sukuna)". and his mouth drops. giddy at your confession he takes away your breath as he kisses his love into you.

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

© SONARSPACE 2023 | DO NOT COPY, TRANSLATE, OR REPOST MY WORK ON OTHER PLATFORMS!

Please reblog if you think that “they/them/theirs” is a valid set of pronouns.

Don't ever hesitate. Reblog this. This should be in the tumblr laws. When you see it, REBLOG IT.

Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696

Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433

LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255

Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386

Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743

Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438

Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673

Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272

Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000

Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253

If you ever want to talk: My tumblr ask is always open.

How do people find Spamton hot-

crucifixion

synopsis: perhaps god loves her, but he does not love her enough to save her. or, a character study of eddie's sister and the attemped crucifixion in jason carver's basement. (1.6k) contents: ambiguous ending, character study, religious guilt, bullying, assault, jason carver being a creep, attempted crucifixon, blood, angst, blood again, short and not sweet (inspoed by ethel cain's 'preachers daughter')

masterlist!

the carpet of jason carver's house burns her knees.

she's got a white knuckled grip on his tear stained carpet, fisting handfuls of the fancy material. his sneakers dig into the back of her neck as echoes of laughter ring out through the basement.

her knees are held open from behind, heavy hands grasping the back of her knees, straddling a makeshift cross. andy has her knuckles pinned to the edges of the cross, nails digging into her skin. he smells like cheap beer as he leans over her head, the edges of his letterman swinging into her vision.

on the opposing wall, a high-hanging crucifix of jesus stares back at her. the wood seems to mock her, dripping with blood and splintered, an awfully unrealistic rendition of jesus pinned with nails.

they seem to mimic one another.

while he wore a woven crown of thrones, a harsh mimicking of a crown from the roman soldiers, she wore a hawkins cheer bow, stiff and heavy against her head. the wrap around his waist is blood stained and ill-fitting, much like the pleated skirt around her waist.

she wanted to scream. she wanted to bash her head against the wood underneath her, to escape from the basketball team's unforgiving grip, to flee from the laughter surrounding her.

jason's voice fades in and out of her hearing as blood runs into her ears. he's reading verses, or something similar to the sort, as his voice raises in strength before dying back down.

she had heard whispers of an exorcism floating around the locker room after cheer practice, but she had brushed it off. ever since the earthquake with patrick and chrissy's deaths, satanic allegations had begun to follow her. she had brushed it off, turning a blind-eye to the crosses hanging around her friend's hands when they sat together, had turned a blind eye to the crumpled papers with verses that had been shoved in her locker.

she knew that the allegations had followed eddie much longer. they had begun in eighth grade, sparked to life by the music he listened to and the shirts he wore. an old girlfriend of wayne's had even tried taking him to church, but he had slipped away in the middle of the service.

but now, now she couldn't help but think.

how many times had eddie been threatened with exorcisms by their peers, with their hissing tongues and harsh words? had eddie suffered a similar fate to her?

did they hold him down in his freshman year, dizzy from poorly disguised alcohol in his cup, nauseous from the smell of mrs. carver's candles? did they shove his head against the countertops against he bled, hissing words into his ear, his warm blood getting onto the sleeves of their lettermans?

"jason, please" her throat was sore from screaming. her voice tickled the back of her throat, swallowing around nothing as the pressure from andy's chest sunk onto her back.

as the lapels of andy's letterman brushed against her back, she shivered as she caught sight of her own letterman, crumpled to the floor and trampled by the hawkins basketball team.

"just a little longer munson," jason's shoes settled infront of her face, grasping her cheeks in-between his hands as he crouched in-front of her, holding her leg in-between his bent legs. his class ring dug into the fat of her cheeks as he grinned, "we're just seeing if the devil's got you. we can't save your freak brother, but we can save you"

-

as eddie sat in a theater room, shuffled away in the back of hawkins high, he couldn't help but gnaw at his fingers. something stirred in his gut, making him wince as he watched his fellow teammates shuffle in, each member bringing their respective items.

-

jason lets her go after she recites a few passages from the book of revelation, hoisting her and her makeshift cross against his wall. the rest of the basketball team sat and watched, snickering and laughing as she slumped against the drywall.

andy had pulled her into the back of his truck, speeding down the roads as she clung to the truck bed. he had stopped in the middle of nowhere, drug her out from the back, and sped away before she could even process what had happened.

she stood in the center of the road, blinking at the red break lights as he fled away. the moist air clung to her skin as she stood in the road, unsure of what to do. leaves shuffled around her as she shuffled off to the side of the road, walking along the bike lane.

she's not too sure how long it takes her to walk home, barefoot and bloody as she shuffles along the roads, blinking away shock as she goes.

rocks dig into her feet but she cannot feel anything but the chill seeping into her bones. she wraps her fingers around the rope burn on her right wrist, raw and bloody from her mock crucifixion.

-

she's not too sure when jim hopper picks her up, too focused on the aching pain in her feet.

all she knows is there is no god in hawkins tonight. if there had been a god, he has been gone since her birth.

perhaps there was once a god, watching over her, keeping her safe from harm. but now, now as she walks down the interstate, blood seeping out of her wounds, she knows god has abandoned her.

he has left her to fend for herself. ashamed of the cruelty of his childre, god has left her to suffer in hawkins.

-

wayne's scared.

she can tell from the way his eyebrows are furrowed, brown eyes shining in the dim lighting of the trailer. hopper is holding an old dish rag against her head, applying pressure.

she tries to pull away but his grip on the other side of her head pulls her back. wayne's fiddling with her wrists, turning them in his grasp as they talk back and forth, the words incomprehensible to her ears. her feet still hurt.

she should be in bed. it's a friday after all. dinner is a distant thought in her head, lurking in the back as she tries to remember if she sat their alarm clock for six.

did she have homework?

-

it's almost a new day when eddie finds his way home. the roads are practically barren as the town settles down, majority of lights flickered off.

he expects to find his own home dark, his sister and wayne in their respective beds, preparing for another week. instead, he finds all the lights on, a cop car sitting outside with it's lights still flashing, yet no officer was in the car.

if the front door hadn't been thrown open, with the looming figure of jim hopper barely visible from eddie's van, he would've turned around and ran for the hills.

instead, he's slow to walk up the porch, confusion growing as he spots wayne talking to jim hopper, clutching a bloodied hand towel. wayne barely spares him a glance as he walks in, worry stretching across his face as he turns back to hopper.

then eddie sees her.

she's slumped on the couch, her cheer uniform a crumpled mess on the floor, left in the gold sleeves and briefs the cheerleaders wore underneath their uniforms, her bow uneven and crumpled in her hair.

there's dried blood in her hair, dark and unsightly against her curls, sticking to her forehead and dripping down the side of her neck as she leans against the couch cushions.

there's blood on her wrists and legs, pale skin littered with forming bruises and blood, her eyes are unfocused as they droop, darkened with exhaustion.

he can't seem to breathe past the lump in his throat.

her chest falls in a terrible rhythm, stopping and rising in uneven intervals, mimicking the breathing habits of someone with horrible sleep apnea.

blood is smeared on the floor from her feet, staining the carpeted floor of their trailer as she leans back against the pillows, unaware of eddie's presence.

and he wants to scream.

wayne's hand finds it's way onto the back of his neck, and before eddie can protest, the man is dragging him into his bedroom. with a grimace eddie can't make out, wayne shuts the door, leaving him alone.

but all he can do is sit and think about the blood on the floor.

-

eddie doesn't know how long he sits on wayne's bed before the door creaks open. hopper had left in a flash, sirens blaring down the road as he pulled away from their trailer.

his sister dangles from wayne's arms, cleaned up. bandages seem to cover her entirely, a small bit of tanned skin peeking through the bandages. wayne had even tried his best at a braid.

they don't talk as wayne lies her down on the bed, pushing down eddie's shoulder. it's like a ghost is beside him as she lies silent, unmoving against wayne's comforter. she's swaddled in a jacket that looks unfamiliar to eddie, a long fur coat he had never seen before, stupidly similar to the ones the russians on the televison wore.

her breaths are unsteady, coming out in slow puffs that leave him on edge, constantly waiting for the next, and even as wayne kills the lights and climbs into the other side of the bed, eddie waits for the puff of breath.

-

as he lies in bed, he knows that there is no god in hawkins. there is no god that saved his sister. there is nothing but cruelty and judgement in their town.

♡ It's The Most Wonderful Time-out! ♡

A/N: is this late? 100% but it's time for some CHRISTMAS HYBRID TIMEEEEE!!! A HUGE thank you for the patience from my amazing sunshine anon for this commission <3 Personally I think the title is hilarious, do- do you get it- the most wonderful time of the year- plz laugh-

Warnings/content: 2nd person (you/yours), fem pup hybrid reader, puppy's first Christmas! Grumpy ol' man Vendetta Leon, Leon is referred to as daddy! Reader in time-out, visiting the hybrid park, angst and fluff, mentions and descriptions of gore, all gets resolved in the end!

Word count: 7,430 approx.

┈•┈┈•┈୨୧┈•┈┈•┈

┈•┈┈•┈୨୧┈•┈┈•┈

December 23rd

Time out. Oof, those words. They were enough to take the swing right out of your tail. 

This definitely wasn’t your fault. On the scale of 1-10 you’re like, a -5 when it comes to being in trouble. Totally. It wasn’t your fault it had rained, or your fault you wanted to jump in the the new layer of snow and got all wet and muddy, the only part that might have potentially, potentially been on you was tracking said mud and sleet through the living room. The living room rug to be exact. The rather expensive, difficult to clean because daddy sometimes ‘truly can’t be fu- bothered’ rug. That was the one rule; he could deal with mess on the floorboards, the tiles, but not the carpet. The stains were just too hard to get out.

Leon could handle dirt and grime absolutely, he’d take it over guts and gore any day of the week, public holidays and Christmas included. But coming home from work after a long day, hands stinking of gunpowder and grease, only to find muddy streaks and pawprints all over the rug was his last straw. The coffee machine in the office had been broken, his magazine clip had taken three different attempts to click into place despite the million times he’d done it before, and the armoury’s practice range had been down for maintenance. This was just the gasoline flavoured icing on his flambe flaming shit excuse for cake. 

Woosh. Fire. 

So, there you were. Plopped back into your pen, favourite squeaky toy just out of reach sat beside Leon’s chair as he scrolled through whatever’s on his phone. Teddy was right there, all worn out fluff and stringy neck ribbon, you were being taunted! This was torture, punishment of 

the worst degree. The only thing that would make it even more awful was going to bed without a kiss goodnight. But even Leon wasn’t that cruel.

Don’t get it twisted, he was feeling guilty about this too. The face you made when he walked through the door told him plenty. Big, round eyes, head bowed and tail anxiously thumping. You knew you’d gotten carried away. But you also knew better. And it’d been so long since he actually disciplined you. This was long overdue, half chewed toys left sopping wet in the bath after tub time, weeks of chased squirrels and rabbits, staying up way past your set bedtime. This was what really sealed the deal though. So, you do the time, you do the crime.

Even now he could feel your eyes boring into the back of his head, like two teary, glossy lasers set to melt his old hardened heart. Every half-hearted thump of your fluffy tail, every scuttle of your nails against the floorboards as you got comfortable, every tiny whimper you seemed hesitant to let out. Not to mention your poor attempts at being ‘completely and totally cool’ with your timeout since he often caught you staring up at him through the bars, eyes following each swipe of his fingers over his phone screen. And when he craned his neck to check on you, you were swiftly looking in the opposite direction, swearing you weren’t just tracking each of his movements. How couldn’t you though? You were obsessed with your owner, Leon was your daddy at the end of the day no matter how many play pens or crates he had to put you in so you’d behave.

 His poor princess. You were killing him, really. He’d survived well over 15 years of bioterrorism just to die at the hands of his pup-hybrid’s big wet pathetic gaze. Could flood a village with the amount of tears you shed a week, but he loves you and that tender heart of yours.

The real question was how much longer could either of you take? Leon knew it was a ‘you do the crime, you do the time’ type of deal, but was this truly teaching you anything other than how to master your pouty bottom lip? You’re his favourite fluffball, fuzzed up and huffy, chuffing and rolling over onto your back like you’re ready to play dead if it gets you out. 

And honestly? He was caving. He was only a man after all.

You’d softened him, even if he didn’t want to admit it. Three years ago he’d have scoffed at the thought of even owning a hybrid, let alone being this attached. But now you were glued to his side. Now he just felt like an old man, worn and tired, your sunshiney attitude and warmth had thawed through him like no heater had. He’d been frostbitten before meeting you, whether he’d known it or not.

He couldn’t bear it. Yeah, time was up.

So his heavy footsteps muffled through socks padded across the floorboards to you, although you tried to act like you didn’t care (and failed miserably). It was pretty obvious how much this mattered to you, because your tail was whipping something fierce, so hard it had your hips wiggling. 

“C’mon, darlin’. Think you’ve learnt your lesson.”

Those big eyes pierced his very being and soul as you gazed up at him from behind your lashes, ears all floppy and face streaked with past tear tracks. God, you’d been crying over this too? Might as well just rip his heart from his chest and stomp on it. 

Even as he turned around and sat back down on the couch, looking over to you expectantly, you seemed to hesitate at first. Glancing at the spot where the rug had once sat in the centre of the living room, right in front of the coffee table, with guilty furrowed brows. Then it was back to looking at Leon, back to melting him with those heartbreaking watery eyes.

“Oh, my sweet puppy.” He couldn’t help but croon as you made guilty little steps over to him, every tap of your feet filled with shame, tail swaying with embarrassment. You were a walking heap of emotions, and he was ready to scoop you up and put you back together. “Here she comes, there we go. Tough day for our girl.”

You’d missed it, oh how you’d missed it. At your heart you truly were just a puppy, in need of the loving praise and sweet words that only he could provide. You weren’t the mushiest pup in the litter, but there was nothing like a good hug from your daddy. That much was clear from the way you melted into Leon’s body as soon as you were sat in his lap, your tail thumping delightfully against his knees while you burrowed into him. Paws kneading his shirt so you nestled into him just right.

“I know it was rough, honey. M’ sorry. But sometimes daddy has to discipline you, y’know?” the thick pad of his thumb encased your chin just enough to tilt your gaze upwards, his hand sliding over the curve of your face so he could wipe your tears away. “And it hurt, didn’t it?” “Yeah..” “So next time you think about stepping on the rug with muddy feet, you’ll remember how much we both hated this, and you won’t do it, isn’t that right?” “,,Yeah.”

“That’s right, baby. My poor girl.” That last statement came out as a small sigh, rubbing the soft fuzz of your floppy ears tenderly between his fingers. Even now as he gave you a talking down your tail never stopped thumping against his leg. 

No matter what, you loved him. That must’ve been why they called it puppy love. And it made his heart ache something fierce. You were too good.

Leon felt like the worst daddy in the world sometimes, he wasn’t gonna even try to lie about that. Sometimes he scratched behind your ears too hard, or you didn’t understand one of his jokes and ended up getting pouty and upset, sometimes he didn’t throw the ball right or pick out the right snacks. But all of that was nothing compared to the biggest issue.

His intoxicated escapades were at the very top of that list. 

Raids of the fridge and mumbling to himself, slumping his jacket off only to pass out on the edge of his bed. Leon knew you didn’t like when he got drunk, it was probably what hurt him the most about all of it. Not the gunshots echoing through his skull when his shot glass hit the table, or the recoil of a pistol wracking his shoulder when he ran into a wall too hard. 

No, it was the look on your face.

How you seemed to curl yourself back into your pen, watching with a lowered head and a hesitant gaze, tail somewhat tucked. The foggy memory of the face you pulled when he was too rough petting you or spoke too loud while sloshed. That’s what ached, what truly stung like a bitch. 

He was supposed to be the one protecting you, caring for you, and because of his own problems now you’d seen a side of him he never wanted you to. He’d made your hands awaken to the crack of eggshells beneath them when you stepped towards him, you were familiar with the shell’s powdering like that of bullet sulfur, and inner yolk gold as the streaks in his hair back then. Knew of the blood that sometimes hung in the middle of it all, and in the worst scenario the curling of bones left over. 

But still at the end of the night, drifting between a muddled haze of asleep and awake, he’d hear you make your way slowly towards his bed, the mattress dipping when you climbed up and curled up at the bottom of the duvet. Because, despite it all, you wanted to be close to him.

 Because, despite it all, he was your person. So he dumped what he could of the remaining bottles, stashed a few shitty cans for safe keeping in case things got too hard, and stopped being a regular at Jerry’s bar. 

He was doing it for you, maybe only for you.

Now he had you sat in his lap, buried in his shoulder and curling in as small as possible. Trying to become one with the skin of his arms and fabric of his shirt. You wanted to crawl up under his jacket and be carried as one with Leon, you’d do it if you could. 

He had to do something.

“What am I gonna do with you, huh?” Oh, that voice. Despite the icy weather outside, despite the cold that hung in his chest from time to time, his tone always tried to be warm with you. Soft. like those mutts learning to gentle their snarls and unclench their teeth, to stop growling. He was so used to the sneering, the sarcasm, snapping when someone got too close or said the wrong thing to him. But you were so fluffy, so fuzzy to the world, so unaware and loving. So he had to wear a muzzle, and he learned how to adjust.

Why? Because he couldn’t be a violent dog if he had his very own puppy. “I dunno..”

A lopsided smile spread across his cheeks at the look on your face, chin tilted and tail squirming as you look to him. There’s still the matter of that guilt still hanging in your face, stray strands like an unruly mop of hair.

“I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna squeeze ya.” While you were still processing Leon’s comforting words and the lull of his voice, he was quick to gather you in his arms and press you tight to his chest. Immediately you were bathed in the scent of his shirt, the natural smell and comfort of his body. A warm blanket of safety had been draped over your blankets in the form of his presence. He squeezed your body nice and close until you squeaked out a yapped laugh, the fluff of your ear squished against his stubbled cheek.

“Oooo, good squeeze. Get all those nasty feelings outta you.”

“Daddyyyy, you’re smooshing me!” These were the moments he really cherished, ones where your tail swung and you squirmed in his arms with that smile of yours.

“Awww, well that’s how you know that it’s a real good squeeze,” His voice waved every time he swayed you slightly from side to side, bringing bubbly giggles from your throat that drifted up into the air and popped right at his heart. “It’s like juicin’ an orange, gotta shake and twist you till you’re all better.” “I don’t wanna be juice!” You howled out playfully, throwing your head back like the dramatic little thing that you were.

“Oh you don’t huh? Then you gotta keep smiling for me baby, it's just that simple.” He pushed his cheek up against your own. God, how he loved that smile, the sound of your tail thumping across the fluff of the sleek couch. There you sat, cute as a button, curled up atop his legs and snuggled in close like the sweetest, softest stuffed animal. “Tell you what, we get you one last snack, and then we’ll tuck you in, and tomorrow we’ll go into town. Catch everything before it all closes up.” 

You were already half asleep in his arms by the time he’d finished talking.

December 24th

Planning the day out was the easy part, executing it was hard. Not only because Christmas was right around the corner which came with its own chaos, but because you were- well, you. Overly loving, over committed, overly loyal and lovely you. Leon swore you must’ve been the cutest looking leech or tick in a past life.

You insisted on putting together an outfit that yes consisted of your favourite bows and daddy’s most comfiest shirt that smelled like him. But even his ‘I’ve worn the same blue shirt for 3 years’ ass could tell when things didn’t coordinate together. So he did the gentlemanly and not-wanting-you-to-look-like-a-disaster-oustide-ly thing and helped you into some cute fleecy stockings, complete with a soft sweater and your favourite skirt. Gloves of some sort were a must, you had a thing for pawing at whatever you could get your hands on no matter how cold it was, and you were in your fuzziest boots. Adorable. Like a Christmasy puffball, a fluffy ornament. All you needed was a pair of angel wings and a halo and you’d be ready for the top of the tree. 

“Look at her, look at that posture and stance. Look at that trot. That’s a well trained leash dog right there.” A smirk tugged at Leon’s lips as he watched you pad in step with him, the lacy trim of your skirt swaying whenever your foot met the sidewalk. This was the very same puppy who sat staring at him from her crate with the most pitiful eyes yesterday, rolling over onto your back like you might die from lack of attention. And now you were practically skipping, a bounce to your tail with every step.

You were lucky enough to live in a small enough part of the city. Not too urban, but definitely not rural. An outskirt area that was a nice walk away from the nearest hybrid park, long enough to get you warmed up for the real fun. And even after Leon had you off the leash you were staying in step with him, glued to his side with the sweetest smile on your face. In fact it took a little coaxing and the presence of some other pups for you to finally run around.

Leon knew you could be sociable when you truly wanted to be, but even for such a smiley little thing sometimes you simply preferred his company to anyone else’s. You could be skittish, a bit shy, and it truly threw him off guard when that part of you poked its head out from behind the warm rays of sunlight that radiated from your very being. It was adorable, really. Watching you curl into his leg with a slightly swishing tail of fluff, giving a small wave only to burrow into him. But today you were doing well, today you chose to shake out your jitters. And yes, he wouldn’t admit it, but he was proud of you.

No matter how many times Leon brought you out here, letting you experience the wonders of a normal domestic life, it never stopped being nothing short of magical to watch you shine. You had this magnetic aura that always seemed to follow you around, people were drawn to you and that sunbeam that clung to the smile on your face. The warmth that you spread to those around you. 

You truly were his sunshine.

“Leon?”

A voice he hadn’t heard in a few weeks thanks to his time off work caught his attention, and sure enough as he looked over his shoulder there stood Ingrid Hunnigan. Bundled up in a long overcoat with a recyclable cup in her hands, steam wafting from the lid in smooth swirls through the crisp cold air. Already her glasses seemed to be fogging up again, despite so clearly being cleaned only recently. Yeah, he didn’t realise how lucky he was to have decent vision despite all the bullshit he’d been through. Glasses on top of the trauma and broken bones might’ve done him in.

“Hunnigan? The hell are you doing out here?” It wasn’t defensive or aggressive, moreso confused. Intrigued, interested. It wasn’t often he actually saw her out and about. A little silly in all honesty for him to think that, Ingrid always had some sort of plans around Christmastime. Her holiday decorations, complete with lights and glowing reindeer atop a tiled roof, were nothing to scoff at.

“It’s been a while since I’ve seen the snow in person, I figured I’d go for a walk to get a feel for it.” She shrugged, hands tucked into her pockets. 

He was listening, or at least some part of him was. The other part was blurring through his peripheral vision to make out the blob of colour and wagging tail that was you balling up snow as you ducked behind a tree, playing with one of the other hybrids. If you asked anyone in his line of work, they’d say Leon is a hardass. He’s committed to his work and gets his job done, and he’s passionate about what he does whether that’s good for him or not. 

But with you? With you he was just a man. Just your owner, your person. And that was such a relief.

“How’s she doing?” Ingrid asks out of habit. Every woman in the office can’t help but ask Leon about his perfect princess. And of course he laughs, shaking his head.

“Spoiled as ever. Really enjoying my time off with her.” Much needed confirmation, he knows he’d never hear the end of it if he dared tell Hunnigan about the time out incident. Best to keep it lighthearted now. Even as her face seems to.. Falter. What was that about?

“Listen, about the Phillis report..”

And then that lightheartedness was gone. If it weren’t for the icy chill that surrounded him, Leon would’ve gone a new shade of pale in the cool winter light. 

It never used to bother him. It never phased him on the outside. But now? With you?

The Phillis report. A family with a hybrid that had been a target for a bioterrorism attack. 

A hybrid.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw you smiling, the red tips of his ears pricking at your laughter, the soft crunch of snow beneath people’s feet feeling much louder now as they passed. Everyone’s footsteps were unique, every thud and crush that left a print. Evidence. Clues. Cases. Work.

A hybrid like you. Everything was muddling together into the nastiest shade of grey water freezing over into ice. He hated his job. If he could pull the pin on a grenade, jump on top of it and coat the walls of that godforsaken office in his blood and guts he would. Because that’s what they were asking from him. They were asking him to die for them. Jumping from subject to subject, he was playing jump rope and hopscotch with his morals and intrusive thoughts over one simple statement in the middle of the holidays. How the mighty so quickly fell beneath twinkling lights and atop brightly wrapped presents.

The pulse of his heart had managed to spike, thundering fast and heavy in his chest. Eyes half an inch wider, pupils shrunk.

It could’ve been you. It- “Please, don’t. I’m just- I’m trying to not think about all of that. Not with her here.” It came out a bit too rushed, like his body had forced each syllable from his lips to get a point across. A safety measure, a precaution for his well being.

Leon had already spent countless nights tossing and turning over the paranoia of you being caught in his work. Now it had gotten so bad that even the mention of a hybrid being involved in a case made him sick to his stomach.

Because what if that had been you?

His throat almost closed itself off to the world as he got his words out. Ingrid’s face was creased in worry at the state of him. How had one statement so quickly pulled him through a 180? “It’s our first Christmas together, I can’t ruin that. I can’t.” Swallowing felt like choking down gravel but he managed to nonetheless. 

Hunnigan’s gaze softened, because she knew exactly how much it would ruin a perfectly good day if she were to stretch this out. She knew you were bouncing around somewhere without even looking for you amidst the snow and differently shaped animal ears and noses. You were the centre of Leon’s world, even if he didn’t know it. But those around him, those like her and Claire and Rebecca, could see what a difference you’d made. “I get it. Just.. don’t worry about rushing it, okay? It can wait until next year.”

“Yeah.. Yeah, thanks.” Automated. Robotic. Leon felt like he was backseating his own life as he responded, hearing Hunnigan’s shoes click as she prepared to walk back to her apartment complex. The sympathy ebbing from her expression only made him feel more sick, and yes that would’ve made him feel bad if it weren’t for him being on the brink of what was most likely a panic attack.

“Merry Christmas, Leon. Take it easy.” He couldn’t get the words out, settling for a stiff nod. Work. Work, work, work. It followed him everywhere no matter how fucking hard he tried to escape it. Think of something else, he scolded himself through the deafening heartbeat in his ears. Anything else. Think of you.

Padding your way over the snow, he watched on in an attempt to calm himself down as you bounded around the park like a bunny. Maybe a fox, the type that burrowed deep under the flurries of fresh powder with yipping laughter. All he knew was you were enjoying yourself, and that was all that mattered. That was all he focused on as his breathing steadied. With a short, still somewhat breathless whistle, your ears stood on end. Immediately your head thwipped to him, and you were merely a blur of pink and white that came scampering towards him. Yeah, that got a snort. Good. He needed to laugh more.

“There’s my girl.”

And there you were indeed, practically barrelling into his leg so he let out a hoarse ‘oof’ at the impact. Complete with a whispered “Hi daddy,’ that somehow managed to calm his heart in ways no medication or therapy could. Maybe he could start you out on service hybrid training, get you certified. Nah, you were too cuddly for that. Plus the vest would have to be pink or you just might refuse to wear it. So for now, he figured he may as well treat you.

“How about some hot cocoa, hm? You were a good girl after all, took your punishment like a champ.” Lie. Big, fat lie. If the ladies at the office ever caught word of how Leon had put you in timeout he’d be getting the most gruelling of death glares. His grave would be trampled on as they sprinted their way over to comfort you. He couldn’t really blame them, though, how could you not run someone over to pet someone as precious as you. You, currently sticking your little tongue out to catch the delicate snowflakes floating down from the sky as you approached the cafe. That’s what he had to keep reminding himself of in this moment. He did all of this for you. Trying to drown out the sinking ache in his stomach as if he’d swallowed an anvil, that son of a bitch must’ve been hidden between the bubbles of his saliva, or maybe the frost that dripped from the roof. 

So yeah, he was using you as the most sweet looking distraction right now, watching your wide eyes take in the wood grain and sleek walls of the coffee shop tucked into a corner of the park. On your best behaviour as you both stood in line until you got to the register. The metal tang in the back of his throat definitely had nothing to do with the gut weight still lingering after talking to Ingrid. Nope. Must’ve been the cold.

“Yeah, can we grab one long black and one.. Hm.” For a moment Leon caught himself rethinking his decisions. Was it really the best idea to give you something that had ‘cocoa’ in the name? You guys had yet to test how you’d react to chocolate after all. Taking the time to test and breakdown what food and beverage you could eat or simply didn’t like was a meticulous process, but better safe than sorry. “Wait, that was on our testing list..”

“Daddy?” Sorry puppy, daddy’s too busy having a small crisis over whether or not you can actually drink what he was ordering for you.“Is it- It should be safe for you to have hot cocoa, right?” “Daddy.” This time it was flatter. Unimpressed.

“I mean you haven’t had a bad reaction to anything yet despite being part puppy but, it’s technically chocolate to some degree so-

“Daddy!”

The tugging at his wrist was enough to get his attention back on you, the draw of your big dewy eyes and scrunched nose luring him in like a fish to bait.

“Sorry, sweetheart.” “Turn brain switch off.” 

Sometimes he thought you were pretending to be as curious and innocent as you are, because you so easily sensed when he was anxious or worried. Like an instinct. Sure, he loved you to bits, but you weren’t the brightest bulb in the- light store? Batch? He’d come up with a better analogy later. Either way, the point stood. And yet you always did that little head tilt when something seemed off. That bulb flickering to life.

“Right, puppy. Daddy’s turning the overthinking switch off.” Leon reassured as best as he could. And it seemed to satisfy. “Good daddy.”

He couldn’t help but snort again at that. “Thanks, baby.” Being praised for his minute efforts in managing his thoughts by his very own puppy hybrid. By the time you hit the register he was still smiling despite the storm in his head. “One long black and a hot cocoa, please.” 

But oh, how quickly it faded into thunder clouds. Even as he gave the barista his name for the order and walked over to wait for your drinks, it lurked over him. A sickening thickness in his throat, like tar tobacco and nicotine had clogged his windpipe. He was on auto pilot when he collected the recyclable cups and placed one of them into your eager hands, not recognising his own voice as he warned you about it being hot.

Leon was stuck between reality and dissociation, his feet leading both of you on the path back home that you’d taken enough times to have memorised. And even as you blew on the surface of your cocoa through the spout of the cup’s lid, you could see it in his eyes. That distant look. Deflated, the same as when you chewed on your favourite squeaky toy too hard and it popped.

“Daddy? You’re all droopy.”

Your voice was high and puzzled, all floppy ears and arched brows in confusion. Did he not like the park? You’d had a wonderful time making snow angels and bounding through the white powder like sweet icing sugar atop a winter cake. Maybe daddies just didn’t do parks well, like how you didn’t do the vet too well.

“Sorry, sweetheart. Daddy’s just thinking about things.” It had him staring out so far his eyes hit the end of the sidewalk, through the ice and snow to the cement. One hand held your leash, the other swiping past his lips. Hoping to wipe away the residue of his frown. 

It didn’t work. “But the switch..” Oh, don’t give him that tone. So heartbroken, so worried. It broke him.

“I know, I know the switch honey.” Already he was rubbing over the crease between his brows. This conversation couldn’t happen, not here and not now. “But sometimes- sometimes it’s not that simple, you know? Sometimes the switch doesn’t work.”

You supposed that made sense. Still, you couldn’t help but wonder. And pry, just a smidge. You could be a little pushy and shovey, whether you meant it or not. “Well, whatcha thinking about?”

What wasn’t he thinking about was the real question. It was all blurring together.

He simply shook his head. Made the bangs of his hair sway when he did. “Don’t worry about it, pup. It’s a conversation for another time.”

Well, that didn’t seem right to you. Usually Leon was so open with his feelings towards you, so you couldn’t help but nudge him. This time not with your nose or paw, but with your words. “But..”

And then his voice was lighter, as if he’d dropped the weight he’d been carrying over to one shoulder. Giving the illusion that things were better, that things were normal. But that shoulder still slumped. “Hey, weren’t you telling me something about Jill’s dog Carlos showing up on his own today? What was that about?” 

It still dragged.

At first you were very willing to tell him, the very concept of a hybrid on their own both bewildered, confused and excited you. Carlos was a big shaggy furred fella, he always played fair and shared the good treats Jill handed out.

But you knew this tactic. It was the same as when you’d ask him questions and instead of giving you an answer he’d pick up the nearest squeaky toy and suddenly you were playing fetch instead of talking. This time you were all the wiser.

“You’re trying to distract me! I don’t get it, when people say certain things you go stiff and wonky.” You couldn’t help but frown up at him. It didn’t feel fair, not knowing these things about him. A whole year together and yet sometimes he looked more like a stranger, dodging your questions and petting your ears so you’d move on. But you weren’t expecting him to furrow his eyebrows and sigh low in his chest, the way his forehead creased and nose flared. It was the same look you got before time out, only this one seemed more defensive than the last. 

“Not now, sweetheart. Please.” Leon’s tone was flat, no room for argument no matter how much your wriggled and squeezed your body between the cracks. Your tail’s wag deflated, slowing to nothing more than a slight sway. The snow felt a little colder after that.

December 30th

Christmas had been nothing short of a success in the Kennedy household, with Leon’s living room being covered in scattered wrapping paper and a whole new variety of toys in pastel colours. He was delighted. This may have been one of the few times he actually enjoyed a holiday rather than loathing it. Maybe it was because you were there, so he wasn’t spending it alone like he usually did. The way you’d spun in circles and yapped happily about it being Christmas morning.

It had been your first real Christmas ever. Your first Christmas not spent in a cage, where you got toys and ate warm meals with the man you loved, with Claire and Becca and Chris and Jill coming over for lunch under the fluorescent glow of the Christmas lights you’d insisted Leon put up. You’d sat by the tree unwrapping gifts with the fastest wagging tail Leon had ever seen, ears perked to attention and eyes wide and sparkling. He was glad, honoured really, to witness this moment of pure unbridled joy for you.

The two of you spent most if not all of Boxing Day lazing around the house in your pajamas, cuddling by the fireplace and bundling under blankets for more than a few naps. Lazy days, oh how you both loved them. Soon it was the 26th, then the 27th,so on and so on. 

Now, the christmas paper had been collected, the tree’s decorations were slowly taken down in day by day intervals, and you sat politely by the glass door to the backyard watching the snow. Leon figured if there was ever a time to truly explain to you the truth behind his career, it was likely now. A tough conversation to have, but one that needed to happen. He just couldn’t leave you in the dark like this, not any longer. 

“Hey, sweetheart?” “Hm?”

There it was. That innocent lilt, the curve of your neck as you craned to look at him. You were something too pure to be sitting on the floor of his home. You deserved mattress upon mattress like the princess and the pea, only he wouldn’t be an idiot like the ones in that book. Leon knew better than to leave under the bed unattended in case there were coyotes trying to nip at his sweet girl’s toes and tail.

Softening, that’s what he was doing. Cracking. This wasn’t going to end well and he knew it. “Y’know how daddy doesn’t like to talk about work?”

Uh oh, now you knew it was time for a serious talk. Not like when you dirtied the rug, this time you weren’t in trouble. Still you looked at him so gently, with such trust while that mountain of fluffy fur behind you swished. Because if it was serious, it was important. “Yeah.”

Leon patted the spot on the couch beside him, complete with a pretty pink bone print blanket for you to settle on, to which you trotted yourself over as dainty as could be. Hopping up next to him, a tail curled around your back. Getting yourself cozy under his arm with your head nestled right next to his chest. Listening to the steady thrum of his heart as his pulse picked up. Doing so much, yet so little, and it all comforted him.

 It was starting to sink in. He was telling you. He was opening the casket, dragging the corpse of his past through the dirt to pose for a real, living person. How was he supposed to break this to you? How did you even word his job without saying ‘I might die one day’?

“Well, that’s cause what I do is pretty dangerous, puppy. I don’t want to worry you with all the stuff I have to do.” The violence, the bloodshed, the screaming. Flashes of red that haunted his dreams, the ones you’d nudge at his face over until he’d wake up because you heard him muttering in his sleep.

“Why?” You were so oblivious to his little inner world, the one he made sure to hide from you. The one filled with guilt and shame. He wanted to keep it that way, but what choice did he have? How could he keep you safe if you had no idea what you were being kept safe from? You should be worried about what colour skirt to wear, or if your collar matches your outfit, not this bullshit. 

“Because it’s just better for you to sit and wait for me to get home at the end of the day, baby.” It was better for you to expect him home every day. 

It was better for both of you if you just always thought he was coming home.

 It made his heart break so hard his ribs snapped thinking about you sitting by the big bay window, tail flicking and throat weeping whimpers if he didn’t show up for a few days. Then weeks. Then eventually someone would have to take you in, pack up all your toys. They’d find the list he kept stashed on the top of the fridge just in case; instructing anyone who found you on just how you liked your food and which stories to whisper in your ear at night when the thunder got too loud. 

You’d never go willingly. Someone would have to leash you and tug you out the door to their car. You’d cry. You’d cry so hard your throat would die out hoarse. It would probably be Claire or Chris or Becca picking you up, he’d have to hope. The thought of some stranger from the DSO taking you from his home, your home, the home you shared together, had him swallowing down a lump. He knew you’d never recover from it. It would shatter you, after sitting in a kennel alone for so long and finally crawling out of your shell, just to lose the person you so clearly loved more than anyone else. Fuck, Leon could feel his eyes watering.

But he couldn’t do that to you. He just couldn’t. It would be the cruelest thing in the world for him to abandon you without any choice in the matter. If he were a stronger man he’d have retired by now. But he wasn’t stronger. He had no backbone when it came to his job, the government, the United States as a whole. Some fucking hero. He was more like a lapdog, breaking his neck for a board of people who didn’t give a shit about him. Taking the scraps he was offered.

“Daddy, you’re crying..” Your sad voice pulled him back into reality, where you were now taking those soft hands of yours to wipe away his tears. Wet streaks that lined the creases forming in his scarred over skin. He was getting too old for this. Too old to be bottling up these feelings for days on end. Wearing himself down for the sake of denying what he felt.

“Fuck, sorry sweetheart. It’s just.. It’s my job to keep you safe. But it’s also my job to keep everyone else safe, too. And your daddy’s been through everything, honey. Zombies, parasites, bioterrorism, war, the whole five yards. I’ve had so many people turn their backs on me or- or look to me for help for so long that it drives me crazy to even think of you worrying about me not coming home.”

How long had it been since he’d cried? Really cried? How much more could a man like Leon take? Sure he was strong, he had to be. Built up from broken beginnings on bloodied glass, shitty past relationships and world-ending catastrophes. But he was only human for Christ’s sake.

And maybe he was finally starting to sober up to that realization.

“I always think you’ll come home..”

Of course you did. Of course you, this sweet angel of a puppy girl, looked up at him with those watery eyes filled with confidence in such a statement. As if you loved him so much it almost poured from your lash line in heart shaped droplets. You had such hope despite where he’d adopted you from. Had he done that? It was odd to think about. How someone as shitty as him (in his perspective at least) had gotten you to blossom and bloom into the sweet thing you were today.

“Yeah, why’s that honey?”

“Cause you’re Leon, and Leon is the strongest person I know.”

The weight of your head now resting against his shoulder was like an anchor that stopped Leon from washing out on the beach of his despairs. He wasn’t left to drift off into oblivion, to drown in his sorrows and regrets. He had you. You had him. A hand came out to instinctively pet over the warm fuzz of your floppy ears, and he seeked out the comfort that came with your presence.

It was comforting, the quiet. Not tense or awkward. Like the waves of the ocean sloshing to a slow and serene sway after a tsunami or a tidal wave. To know you saw him as your hero, that you held him in such high regard. It made every grey hair and creased feature feel worth it. Everything he did, he did it for you. And for once it didn’t feel like a pressure, or a burden, it was a responsibility he was glad to shoulder. Like he were your knight in shining armour.

“Why’d you never tell me you went through all that stuff?” Even now as you spoke your voice was low and soft, sweet to his ears like a drizzling of warm honey right to his cochlea. Those homemade remedies for aches and pains.

Even now he found himself chuckling to get through this, an ache in his chest with each exhale. Someone had set a cinderblock on his chest, and you were mustering up all the strength in those little paws to ease it off. “And ruin what we’ve got going on right here? I wasn’t gonna risk that.”

Apparently that was the wrong answer, because now you were perked upright with the slightest of pouts perched atop your lips. Disagreement etched into your features. “S’ not ruined, dummy. It just means I get to say I love you a whole lot more.”

Now it was his turn to snort sincerely. Always so stubborn. Adorable, sweet, but stubborn. "Oh, is that so?”

“Mhm. So when things are yuck it’ll be easier to remember that I love you. Cause I’ll say it as many times as I gotta until you believe it.”

You ruined him, and not in a bad way. You took the world’s smallest pick to the world’s coldest iceberg and chipped back his layers sliver by sliver. Sculpting him back into what he once was before the world dumped cold water onto him and froze over the softness that lay within. 

Leon’s hand stroked aimlessly over the curve of your head, tracing over the edges of your hair gently. Even with the scrapes on his knuckles and bruises on his palms he always made sure to be soft with you. His voice, half cracked and brimming with affection, was quiet as he whispered back. “I love you too, puppy. You’re my best girl.”

Firewood crackled in a low, jagged white noise in the background, smoothing into a quiet simmer that cast a warm orange glow against the walls. Bathing the room in heat, one that you both let wrap around you like a safety blanket. You found haven in each other, because no matter what, you always came back to one another. Leon was your owner, after all. It was his job to ensure you had the best life, with all the comforts you could ask for and then some.

And he planned to do just that. Whether it meant dumping out all the alcohol in his house or not.

“So.. Do I get more presents?” It’s a teeny voice against his shirt that had him tilting his chin down to look at you.

“Well no puppy, the next holiday is New Years Eve. We don’t give presents then, only Christmas.” A pretty straight forward explanation, or at least that’s what it felt like to him.

“Why?” Another chirp.

His brow arched. “Cause Christmas is only once a year, sweetie.”

“Why?” And another. “Okay, we’re not starting this.”

God, just wait until you find out about birthdays. Then he’s done for.

Like my work? Consider supporting me with a commission or buying me boba! :D

[id: a soft red userbox with a pastel red border, on the left is a picture of a red dragon with a black ribbon on their horn waving, and pastel red text that reads “this user sometimes get stuck on simple tasks”]