Im So Tired Of Neurotypicals Using "god Complex" As Some Quirky Label. Its A Grandiose Delusion. Its

• if I stay cold enough, I won’t want to get up and follow things around

• if I only use the same websites/watch the same shows/don’t answer unknown calls, I don’t get paranoid.

• if I don’t make friends, I won’t stay up all night wondering about what they’re plotting against me.

• if I stay inside, nobody will be watching me.

• if I don’t speak or think, no one can hear me.

paramore - caught in the middle

Purple: Rambling #2

16th April 2022, 23:42

Well, I suppose I should start with one of my bad thoughts. There is this girl in my class who is the embodiment of a queen bee. I absolutely loathe her. Not only is she self-centred, she is patronising and slanderous. I am sick and tired of being slandered. I know I think of bad things, but I never enact them. She is a vile human being. Her personality makes me want to shoot staples through my eyeballs. Talking to her is like talking to a brick wall. She is so unbelievably narcissistic. Don’t get me wrong, I’m incredibly narcissistic myself, but I deserve to be. The way I see things is that because I have had so much wrongdoing to me, I am allowed to be egotistical. I tried to be a good person, I tried to be nice, and what did I get in return? I got kicked to the dirt. I am not dirt. I am better than every other human being. I will do anything to achieve my full potential even if it is to the detriment of others. This girl, however, is nothing but bacteria. In fact, that’s offensive to bacteria. This girl is a waste of space and that’s saying something because the universe is humongous. This girl wastes human resources. She wastes food, she wastes energy, she wastes water, she wastes the air that we breathe. There is nothing magnificent about her. She would be doing the world a favour if she died. I hope she does. I would love to watch it myself. I would love to wrap both my hands around her neck and watch the flame slowly burn out behind her eyes. I want to see the fear in those eyes with my reflection prominent across. I want her to gag, to choke, for her tears to congeal with the snot from her nose. I would sit on top of her and use the sole of my boots to keep her wrists pinned down. I would strangle her until her face turned purple. God, isn’t purple such a lovely colour? She should have known better than to mess with me. Too many people have messed with me. There is only so much more I can handle before I finally snap. It would be so wonderful to watch her die, to watch her feel the pain that she inflicted onto me. How dare she pain me? The audacity she has to even look in my direction! I am above her. She is nothing but a worm. Karma is coming.

~ 化け猫 (Bakeneko)

having a superiority god complex along with self-hatred is so funny like yes yes i hate myself with all my being and would literally love to vanish my unworthy existence but atleast y'all peasants ain't better than me lol

I’ve never understood how people throw around the word love so easily. They’ll claim to love their whole family, all of their friends, and their significant other. How can you love that many people at once? If push comes to shove, who would you really choose? Who does it come down to?

They’ll claim to love someone after 3 weeks of knowing them, and then fall out of love with someone in an equally short span of time, or be drawn to another just as quickly. How are you even remotely interested in anyone else?

Maybe you have affection for them, and thats what they mean, but love? That binding to the soul? That choiceless, powerful bond where you’d do anything and everything for them? Where you hold them above the lives of everyone else and even your own morality, your own soul? Would you legitimately go through the Gates of Hell for them? Follow them to the ends of the earth? Do “normal” people not feel that way? Thats rare, once or twice in a lifetime.

People must have a much weaker, watered down definition of love than I do. Have most people felt actual love at all? Same with hatred, with despair, with rage. Sometimes I wonder if most modern, non traumatized people have truly felt those things at all. Is modern life too safe for legitimate emotion? Are they lying? Exaggerating? Simply ignorant to the shallow depth of their emotions, inexperienced?

I am chronically emotionally vacant, I am fake, yet sometimes I think I’m the only real person in the world. On the very rare occassion that I do care for someone, I care for them with my entire being. Maybe I am just obsessive. Maybe its not normal to be unable to love more than one person at a time, or to find it so difficult and rare to attach to others.

girl i am so deeply unhappy

Tfw you’re so pathetic that Someone using a particular tone of voice means you’ll spend the rest of the night hiding from yourself and feeling like you’re on fire