Choose Your Christmas Table Cobra Kai Edition (but Everyone Has BEEF With Each Other Edition)

apparently the sam hater/tory stan guy was banned from reddit for sending death threats in DMs and this is his retaliation especially on boundless11. on twitter he seems to have two accounts (sellerstonys and przberry2000) he uses to attack people who like mary mouser, and otherwise only follows a few peyton list stans. the absolute lengths some guy will go to for yelling at others right.

thats insane. what the fuck. why would he hate mary mouser just because he hates sam larusso 😭 people in this fandom genuinely need help cause there's no way out of all things he could be doing in life, he's choosing to spend his time sending death threats to people who like an actress that doesn't tickle his fancy.

Kreese: “Why would I waste my time on someone like Hawk?”

Tory: “I mean…he’s kinda funny?”

Eli: “You think I’m funny?”

Tory: “No.”

My Favorite School Spirits Scenes&Dialogue

[Feel free to use any of these as writing prompts]

CW: School Spirits Spoilers, Innapropriate Language, Mentions of Murder

---

(Maddie and Simon walk into the auto shop looking for evidence)

Simon: Talk about a perfect place to dump a body... He ever bring you here?

Maddie: .....

Simon: Oh jeez. This is where you guys hooked up?

Maddie: I'm not answering that.

Simon: Classy guy.. What, was the dumpster behind the Jack In The Box already taken?

Maddie: Oh, grow up. You tried to make a move on Celeste Molina at the bowling shoe return counter.

Simon: That was eighth grade!

Maddie: It was ninth! You just looked like an eighth grader.

---

Xavier: And you know what they say...

Maddie: What do they say?

Xavier: Bros before... strong, independent women with bright futures, it's a very popular phrase.

Maddie: You're stupid... you're lucky you're cute.

Xavier: What the Lord deny in brain, he deliver in beauty.

Maddie: And boy did he deny.

---

Maddie: Look, I can't really chat right now because I've got some holes in my memory to fill.

Wally: Hey, that's why I'm here, I can totally help you fill your holes.

---

Maddie: ...Excuse me?

Wally: Oh, uh, obviously I did not mean for it to come off that way.. it was more of a hypothetical "I can help you figure things out if you need it."

Maddie: Okay... I can handle it myself. And I don't need to take advice from someone who looks like they're headed to aerobics class.

Maddie: You were murdered by your guidance counselor?

Rhonda: Yep. Guided me straight to the light.

---

Rhonda: There's still people in this school that count on you. Dead people.

Maddie: Since when did you stop majoring in who-gives-a-fuck?

Rhonda: We all have to pitch in, pussytoes.

Maddie: I'm sorry, what did she just call me?

Charley: I.. I think it's probably a flower...?

Maddie: 'kay...

---

Simon: You hate scary movies, just own it.

Nicole: That's not true. I liked Scream.

Simon: That's scary satire, doesn't count.

Maddie: And you closed your eyes the second the movie started.

Nicole: No I didn't.

Maddie: You spent half the movie looking for that twizzler you dropped on the ground.

Simon: And you don't even like black licorice, that's Maddie's thing.

Nicole: Yeah, well, Maddie didn't invent black licorice.

---

Charley: The bigger disappointment was me thinking I would get to haunt all the assholes who tortured me while I was here. But uh, instead, I was haunted by all the jokes they made once I was gone.

Maddie: What do you mean?

Charley: I was a gay kid in the 90s who died because he was allergic to nuts.

Maddie: ...

Charley: Okay, that's where you're supposed to laugh.

---

Simon: Nicole, you were supposed to give me a ride this morning. To school? Remember?

Nicole: I had stuff to do. Sorry.

Simon: I figured, you were AWOL all weekend, didn't answer a single text.

Nicole: I had an application deadline, okay? So the video statement was due, my portfolio looks like it was slapped together by a third grader, so..

(A minute later, Simon opens up her binder and looks at her portfolio)

Simon: Hmm. FYI, you're a very impressive third grader. I mean, I'm impressed.

(He turns to a page that's full of half a dozen photographs of Maddie)

Simon: Uhh.. and a little concerned. Damn, she knew you took all these?

Nicole: I took a bunch of you too, you're just.. not photogenic..

Simon: Yeah.. but.. this is intense. I mean, it's cool, it's just a lot of maddiemaddiemaddiemaddiemaddiemaddie —

Nicole: — What are you trying to say?

Simon: ..Nothing. Hey. Breathe, stop doubting yourself, okay? If admission asks why you're obsessed, say you worshipped her. Tell 'em she taught you how to parallel park.

---

Maddie: Seriously? All we do is haunt the halls of the stupid school, and none of you have seen anything suspicious from Anderson?

Wally: Well, one time I saw Mr. Anderson misspell the word "Fundraiser" on a Boosters Club poster, and I – he forgot the D. I feel like that's pretty suspicious coming from an English teacher.

Charley: Wally.. I'm pretty sure that was a pun..? So I'm assuming he probably did that on purpose....

Rhonda: Sorry, sweets, we don't just stand around staring at the living all day.

Maddie: No.. you plan weekend fun. Like movie nights.

Mr. Martin: Well, we do what we can to break up the monotony, Maddie, that's all.

Charley: Well, if I may.. to be fair, watching the same five sports movies over and over again is kind of monotonous, Mr. Martin.

Wally: I thought you loved "Rudy".

Charley: No.

Wally: Wow. Just w– I can't even.

---

Rhonda: How are you not pissed right now!?

Wally: I am pissed, Rhonda, I'm just trying to make sense of this all, this is very new to me, I don't know how I feel —

Rhonda: Try not to lose it in front of your crush.

Wally: OK, YOU DONT HAVE TO BE MAD AT ME RHONDA -- I DIDNT DO ANYTHING, BE MAD AT HIM —

Rhonda: I am mad at him.

Wally: Okay, you said you wouldn't bring that up again —

---

Maddie: Have you seen my teacher Mr. Anderson?

Dawn: You mean like him with a murder weapon? Or your dead body?

Maddie: Yes!

Dawn: Nope! Though I am pretty easily distracted...

Maddie: Is it the.. bad acid?

Dawn: ....?

Maddie: Charley mentioned something about that..

Dawn: Well no, I've never taken drugs! I just meant from all the new ways you kids have had to connect... (starts talking about the internet)

Maddie: Okay.. well I've got to go talk to the bus crash kids.

Dawn: Oh, good luck. Those banjos are all bongo, if you know what I mean... You should let me come with! I speak bongo.

---

Nicole: I'm sorry, when did you become all Scooby Doo?

Claire: ...

Nicole: I mean, two months ago, you were wiping your feet on Maddie's face, now you're... what? Trading in your pom pom for a trench coat?

---

(Charley laying on the indoor pool bleachers with sunglasses over his glasses, smelling sunscreen)

Charley: Ah, I love this smell. Coconut, verbena.. you close your eyes, you could be anywhere. Miami.. Aruba...

Rhonda: Yeah, and then you open them, and there's a band-aid floating in the surf.

Charley: I miss a good sunburn.

Wally: I miss Debbie Gibson.

Rhonda: ...??

Wally: What? I thought we were talking about stuff that we miss.

---

(Emilio walks past Charley and makes him gay panic)

Rhonda: Dial it downnn.. just because you smell like an Almond Joy, doesn't mean he knows you're here.

Wally (to Maddie): That's Mr. Figueroa. Emilio. He was Charley's crush when they were still students here. He sponsors the.. L-G..T —

Rhonda: — B.

Wally: B-T-Q club.. and Charley never misses a meeting.

Charley: I only go for the refreshments.. and uh, you're one to talk. You hit the gym every day to impress some boneheads who only know you as a name on a scoreboard.

---

Charley: Okay, let's try hypnosis.

(Dawn randomly spawns in the back, sitting at the table eating the burrito)

Dawn: Oh, God no... Not that.

Wally: Hello, Dawn.. uhhh, how long — how long you been sitting there, girl?

Dawn: Since I smelled the burrito 😊

---

(The ghosts are gathered in a circle so they can begin the anti-seance as Dawn waves an old, burnt Brussels sprout around as a substitute for sage)

Dawn: Settle, settle, settle, settle. We're under Capricornus.

Rhonda: ...who?

Dawn: The stars. Close your eyes, look inward, right to the back of your skull. What are you seeing, Mads?

Maddie: Uh, not much, it's dark..

Dawn: Dark!

Rhonda: Maybe it's the back of her skull.

---

Xavier: I just -- I feel like I'm walking into a trap.

Maddie: Funny. I don't recall you being scared when you were hooking up in your backseat.

---

Rhonda: If I thought it would help me cross over, I would go out there and tackle someone.

Mr. Martin: Okay, that's the spirit.. I think.

---

Xavier: I wasn't tampering with anything, dad.

Sheriff Baxter: Man, how stupid do you think I am? What are we, runnin' neck and neck in the dumbass derby?

---

Wally: I wanna make sure she's okay!

Rhonda: Let's check the faculty lounge..

Charley: She didn't say she needed a nap.

Rhonda: Maybe she went to speak with Simon. Sorry.

Wally: Why are you sorry?

Rhonda: You wince every time you hear his name.

Wally: This is not me wincing, this is my happy face.

Rhonda: Ah, could have fooled me.

Wally: Look -- I know she's still trying to figure her stuff out, but I can wait. We're not even at halftime.

Rhonda: I don't know what that means.. but if that is your happy face, remind me to hide when you're really happy.

---

(Maddie and her mom arguing before Maddie's death)

Maddie: You wanna take everything that dad gave me? Here. Take this.

(Maddie rips her necklace off and hands it to her mom)

Maddie: You could pawn it, get 40 bucks from it. Buy yourself a fucking welcome mat.

---

Xavier: If I ask her about the phone, she's just gonna bail!

Simon: Stop being a fucking coward!

Xavier: A coward -- FUCK YOU SIMON.

---

Simon: SAYONARA, SHIT RIVER!! Northwestern won't know what hit 'em!!

(proceeds to bump into somebody walking through the hall as he says that)

Maddie: Slow your roll, we're not even in yet.

(Bell rings)

Mr. Anderson: You degenerates are late!

Nicole: I'm not even in your class..

Mr. Anderson: You're still late.. and degenerate.

---

Claire: What did you tell the police?

Mr. Anderson: I told them the truth. That I took that money to pay off my dad. Is that okay with you? Cool. Can I go?

Claire: Did you say anything about me!?

Mr. Anderson: Y'know what? I don't remember! 😛

---

Mr. Martin: It sounds like you're struggling. Write your obituary.

Maddie: Uh, no.

Mr. Martin: Everyone here has written one. It helps us to focus on the highlights of our lives, the sweet victories.

Maddie: I've gotten out of writing papers before because of cramps. I'm pretty sure death counts as a good excuse.

---

Simon: Happy?

Maddie: Yeah, I'm thrilled. My DNA is on a boiler room wall and my piece of shit boyfriend might have something to do with that. Does it get much happier!?

Simon: Oh, so now you come around? How many times did I tell you that dude was sketchy?

Maddie: This isn't about him keeping hand lotion in his glove compartment, Simon.

---

Simon: Bathrooms.. you're not gonna linger and wait there... right?

Maddie: ...

Simon: MADDIE

Maddie: Relax, I left before I saw anything.... But you should really wash your hands more.

Simon: Okay and now I'm hanging up. Byeeeee!

Xavier meeting Janet

GUYS THE GAYS ARE WINNINGGGGG !!! CHARRI FOR THE WINNN !!!

accurate?

are you a "im not scared of you tai" taivan soft yuri enjoyer or are you a "im not afraid of you" samtory toxic yuri enjoyer

convinced @outerspacecarryon to watch cobra kai so i have someone else to yell about it with and this is the funniest thing i’ve ever seen anyone say about this godforsaken show

THIS

I get such second hand embarrassment for Simon when it shows him just talking to midair with other students giving him the side eye