Idk if anyone else remembers, but Batman canonically carries around Bat-cookies according to the Batman/Scooby-Doo crossover.
I LOVE to think Batman carries them around as snacks for Robin. I love it even more to think he uses said cookies to bribe Robin into good behavior in a similar fashion to Scooby Snacks.
Little Dick Grayson: I don't wanna go to some stupid Gala! U can't make me!
Bruce, in desperation: would u do it for a bat-cookie?
Dick: woah! Bat-shaped! Cool!
Bruce: andddd you can have another one after the party
Dick, mouth full of cookie: okay :)
Bruce, internally: thank fuck a parenting hack that works
Batman: stop! Don't kill him!
Red Hood: and why do I give a fuck what you-
Batman: would u spare his life for a Bat-cookie?
Red Hood:
Red Hood: I'm not a kid anymore-
Batman: they're fresh, look, still warm
Red Hood: ...
Red Hood: this works ONCE. This ONE time. Gimme that damn cookie.
Batman: of course
Red Hood: Fuck I've missed these what the hell does Alfred put in em
Bruce: go to sleep, Tim
Tim: I'm almost done-
Bruce: go to sleep now and you can have a bat-cookie
Tim: a what?
Bruce: a bat-cookie. See? Here, first taste is free. Try it.
Tim: bribery? Really?
Bruce: positive reinforcement
Tim: giving me treats like I'm some kind of dog?
Bruce: try it and then we'll debate the ethics
Tim [eats cookie]:
Tim:
Tim: okay
Bruce: Okay?
Tim: if I promise to sleep a full 8 hours I want two more and a glass of milk
Bruce: u drive a hard bargain but I accept
Dick: aw, c'mon, Damian. One picture. For me, to remember your first day of high school. Do it for a bat-cookie?
Damian: -tt- I've heard of these so-called "bat-cookies" Insulting. I am not a child. I refuse to participate in such an asinine tradition.
Dick: shame. Alfred made animal-friendly ones so you can share with Ace and Batcow. I guess they don't get any treats either, then
Damian: well
Damian: since it would please you so very much, I will overlook this patronizing lapse in judgment
Damian [tries one bite of cookie]:
Damian:
Damian: given Batcows higher food intake requirements, I will require at least a dozen.
Damian [takes another bite]: perhaps two dozen
Duke: you agree I did a good job today?
Bruce: yes? I suppose. Earlier, when you stopped that-
Duke: shut it. Don't care. Cookie me.
Bruce: excuse me?
Duke: I know about the cookies, old man. You've been holding out on me. The cat's out of the bag. I did a good job, I get a cookie. That's how it works, right?
Bruce: uh well
Bruce: that was a long time ago
Bruce: i had to discontinue that method after-
Duke: are you saying I'm not a valid member of this family because I was never Robin?
Bruce: of course you are! But I don't have any on me-
Duke: don't. Lie. To. Me.
Bruce: Okay! Okay. You're right, I'm sorry. Here, take it. Just... do me a favor, and don't go announcing to the whole cave you got-
Duke: YES. MY FIRST BAT-COOKIE! SCORE!
Every batmember in the vicinity: BAT-COOKIES ARE BACK????
Bruce: NO! stay back! Stay back you animals! Alfred! Alfred! It's happening again-
Alfred, sighing: I'll preheat the oven, sir
fanart for my fiction lol i have one brain cell when wrote this fic https://archiveofourown.org/works/27659018 and lost it when i drew this sadkjsadlsd rip alberu
The real question is, why does joe just have a picture of cherry, huh? 🤨
For Xichengclipse2021 DAY 1: Strangers
POV: You just came back from traveling, tired yet fulfilled. Then you see the most beautiful being, in what essentially is, your backyard. Whatchu gonna do? (A. Marry them; B. Pine for another 15 years)
Btw a little self-indulgent shufu LQR adoring JC dialogue because its what my son deserves.
I think this is so them! They are not good with words and do not really need it bcs they are basically telephatic with each other~ XD
Bruce, introducing his kids at a family Interview: This is my eldest Dick, my second eldest Cassandra, then my son Jason, my second youngest Tim, and my youngest Damian
Bruce: That's my daughter-in-law Barbara, and my other daughter-in-law, Stephanie
Tim: ??? Steph and I broke up forever ago?? How is she your daughter-in-Law?
Stephanie: I may not be dating any of you anymore but I'm the State of daughter-in-law. Daughter-in-law is not a family title, it's the friends you make along the way
Jason: I'm not high enough for this shit
Golden boy Dick Grayson: Me fucking neither
Jason: what
Dick: what
Bruce: ??? What do you mean she's not my daughter-in-law anymore?? I was counting on her marrying into the family :C
Steph: Sorry B, unfortunately your son would rather kiss superbitch than me
Dick: TIM IS KISSING WHO NOW
Bruce: >:( We'll talk about that later, right now-
Tim: I don't think that's necess-
Bruce: We'll talk about that later. Right now can't any of you date her?? Jaylad, you're sin-
Steph: HELL NO
Jason, already on his second blunt: You're so funny, old man. I'm literally co parenting my best friends kid. I'm literallyyyy be gay do crime. Haha.
Dick: YOURE WHAT WITH WHO NOW
Bruce: CAN ANY OF YOU JUST DATE HER
Cass, slowly raising her hand like in Hunger Games: I volunteer
Bruce: ...
Tim: ...
Dick: ...
Bruce: This is why you're my favorite daughter 🥹
Cass: Father, I'm your only daughter
Tim: Untrue. I did drag one time, that has to count
Steph: Does this mean I have a girlfriend
Damian: This family is a disgrace
Interviewer: ...
flap flap
All this news about Welcome to Derry got me going back to my roots…
generally speaking when it comes to mental and physical health, if you're asked "do you struggle with this" and your answer is "no, Because I Have A System," then your answer is actually yes