😎

Hahaha he literally sounds like Stan 🤣🤣

Pants are for the weak, and I'm strong af

MC refuses to wear pants. Chaos ensues.

tags. male!mc, amab!reader, shameless!mc, mix of crack and fluff, slightly suggestive content (a healthy dose of horny grip), all the brothers.

notes. this is my first fic ever and my debut post, oof, sweats. what does one says. open up? enjoy the meal? come back soon?

After everything you've been through since your arrival at Devildom, including (but not limited to) a murder (yours, to be precise), you've slowly but surely carved your own way into the brothers' chaotic life.

Every time you wake up tangled in Mammon's arms and legs, you simply snuggle in, even when you were pretty sure you went to sleep to an empty bed the night before.

Walking around school holding Satan's arm feels as natural as breathing, and if you end up close enough to lay your head on his shoulder, so be it.

Whenever Asmo crosses the room to fix your hair or touch your face, rambling about how long your lashes are, how soft your skin feels, you lean in and bask in the attention.

Naps with Belphie are an everyday thing now: you let him lay on top of you, hide his face against your neck and snuggle from fifteen to forty minutes.

You already know every single one of Beel's eating habits. You can tell when a 108 seeds salad will do the job, and when you'll have to phone Barbatos, asking for his Bloody Terrine recipe.

Anime binges with Levi have introduced you to so many new series you love, and the amount of inside jokes the two of you share is probably a bit unhealthy.

If Lucifer decides to make eye contact with you from across the table at dinner, you have no problem to hold it, and if you let out the secret smile here and there, you're rewarded with an identical one.

They love it. They indulge in the way you let one wall down after the other, relishing in your company, constantly wondering, how close can they get? How much can they take from you before you stop them?

And still, when yet another wall crumbles down, and you show up late for breakfast one fateful Sunday morning with nothing but a long white t-shirt on —rubbing your eyes, tumbling in, clearly more asleep than awake—, the silence is loud, deafening.

"Legs" is the first thing that Asmo blurts out, immediately shutting up at the glare he gets from Lucifer. Nothing and no one can stop him from looking though.

"What? What leg?" You ask, voice low, slow, and drowsy as you sit down on the only available seat, between Levi and Beel.

Not even half a second later Levi gets up, muttering something about someone please switch places with me, do you want me to die, is that what you want, a shitty otaku like me isn't built for this, this is one of my favorite tropes--.

On cue, Mammon and Satan get up and rush to take the now free seat. The winner is Mammon, "That should teach ya!! Taste the power of the second born! THE Mammon!" he blurts, loud but uncharacteristically evasive, face and neck as red as they get whilst holding intense eye contact with Levi's cereal bowl.

You laugh, as you always do, no longer surprised by their weird antics. "What's with that? Already fighting, so early on?" Elbow on table, cheek on hand, and the oversized t-shirt slides down, flashing an incredibly soft-looking shoulder.

While Levi chokes up with his own saliva and Beel reminds him he needs to breathe, Belphie sighs and shakes his head, unfazed, biting into his toast "Humans are pretty oblivious, uh? So dumb", and if he moves his chair a little bit closer to try and get a better look, it's no one's business but his.

"Calling me dumb as soon as I get here? Mean", you halfheartedly complain. Belphie might be onto something this time though: you have no idea what's going on.

Beel resumes chewing as he puts down a half-eaten cookie in front of you, "Saved this one for you", which gets him a smile. In the next breath, Asmo puts two cookies (unchewed) on your plate "And I saved these for you, honey", which gets him an even brighter smile.

Before everything gets out of control —he can already see his brothers wrestling until filling up your plate to the brim—, Lucifer decides it's time to intervene, "MC. Where are your pants."

It's not a question, you notice. You scratch your neck and tilt your head, suddenly overly-conscious of your attire (or lack thereof) "Well. In my room. I hope."

That gets you an exasperated sigh. Weird, that was even faster than usual. "Let me ask once again, and this time answer accordingly. Why are you not wearing your pants."

"Oh. Haha. Actually, it's super funny" It's not. "But, you see, back in the human world I used to do this all the time."

"This as in… Walking around naked?" Satan is the one asking, but while Lucifer sounds every bit of judgmental, he sounds playfully curious, his voice carries an obvious smile, even as he tries to hide it behind his mug (it's the one you got him, with cat ears, and a heart-shaped tail as the uncomfortable-looking handle).

"Not naked" How ridiculous would that be? You roll your eyes, reaching for your own mug (the one that has "Why be a demon hunter when you can be a demon kisser?" in bold red letters) and stopping halfway, thinking. "Surely I'm wearing boxers right now." And to corroborate that you are, in fact, not walking around naked, you look down and lift the shirt. Just to be sure.

You've barely got a glimpse of black fabric (great, you didn't forget, that could've been embarrassing) when Mammon comes back to life, reaching out with both hands and pulling down to cover you once again, with more than enough strength. "Oi, oi, oi! W-w-what do ya think ya're doin'?! Are ya really that stupid?! Don't go around lettin' them s--"

A glimpse of your left nipple as the t-shirt slides even lower is apparently the straw that broke the demon's back, if the multiple gasps and squeals, delighted giggles (pretty sure those are Asmo's) and Lucifer's loud groan are any indicative.

"Enough. From now on, pants and t-shirts that actually fit are mandatory in and out the house."

"Thank you, but no, thank you. I can't go back to wearing pants, they're suffocating. Also, it's only inside the house, so it should be okay, right?"

"It wasn't a question, this isn't about you agreeing or not, it's regulatory, and--"

"I say, if my darling doesn't want to wear pants, let him be, maybe it's a strange human tradition? We should join him!"

"That can't be the case, I haven't read anything like that before."

"C-couldn't you at least wear a longer t-shirt? I'm going to pass out, it's exactly the same as in the second episode of I Turned Into a Bat Thinking My Childhood Friend Wouldn't Care But We Ended Up Married in The Afterlife where the protagonist--"

"It looks comfortable, MC. You probably can eat a lot in that."

"And naps in a long t-shirt are the best, right? We should test it out. Right after breakfast."

"Oi!! No! It's a no-go! Don't ya think I don't see ya lookin' at my human all over! Do I need to remind y'all who his first man is--"

"I don't see why it is such a big deal", you mumble, pointedly not looking in Lucifer's direction, finally biting into a cookie as you let the t-shirt slide and move as it pleases, feeling snug and comfy in its embrace. So soft. "Aren't we all guys? There's nothing that I have that you don't."

You continue chewing, eyes widening at a sudden realization "Or there is?" you ask, mouth full of cookie, trying to recall your limited knowledge in Demon Anatomy. Not your best subject, if you're being honest.

And thus a new round of shouting and squealing starts, so chaotic that getting a word in is impossible.

Or at least was, until the ringing of the bell stops everyone in its tracks. Getting a few crumbs off your hands with the help of your very controversial t-shirt, you get up, walking towards the door with all the confidence of someone who's actually wearing pants.

It seems like ages since the last time all seven siblings agreed on something, but right now, they all scream in unison "Don't open the door!".

to be a fan of both dracula and sherlock holmes is to have the widest experience possible on the question of “what would the author think of x” because bram stoker would be getting in months long twitter battles defending lucy while arthur conan doyle would come after anyone who asked him any question with a baseball bat

do you take a werewolf boyfriend to the vet or the doctor. this is too complicated

Safe

dont worry guys he saved the town

i see y’all with your “steven goes to work at the mystery shack” headcanons and i’ve just gotta say… he would absolutely be the sketchiest person in gravity falls

had a dream that I met a wizard and we fell in love and became unhealthily attached to each other so we decided to meld into one single creature together but the process was horrifically slow and painful and most of the dream was us lying in bed holding hands while lesions opened up in our skin and seeped out blue and green fluid and the wizard said "this is going to take a very very long time" and I said "that's ok"