"I Never Thought He'd Take Us Back To 1929," Sobs Woman Who Thought She Was Only Voting For Someone Who'd

Honestly, you don't need dating advice save for "just be yourself". If a guy isn't seduced by your extensive lecture about coealacanths, or a girl isn't impressed by you gaming the McDonald's systems to finesse yourself 30 free chicken nuggets, you're on a date with the wrong person. Not a bad person, but one that isn't the right match for you, and the way you want to live.

First dates are for showing someone "hey this is the kind of life I like to be living", them doing the same, until you find someone who clicks and you both think "fuck yeah I want to live like this." Whether that's sitting in a café judging joggers, or casually committing small crime for shits and giggles.

A few years ago a roommate abruptly decided to move out to live with her boyfriend, and I ended up spending half a year sharing an apartment with someone I had never met before: an Egyptian girl with very limited English.

She was confused by my appearance and asked me “boy or girl?” It took me a while to understand what she was saying, but eventually she got the point across, and I told her that I was a girl. She seemed unsatisfied, and I explained that I was transgender. Unsurprisingly, she didn’t know the word.

We ended communicating by typing our respective sentences into Google Translate. Unfortunately, whatever the Arabic word for “transgender” is, it wasn’t a word she knew either. Eventually I ended up typing in “I used to be a boy but it made me unhappy so I decided to be a girl.” She stared at it for a moment then asked “You are happy now?” I said yes, and she smiled and looked thoughtful.

A couple hours later she came up to me and said “You and me, we are sisters,” and gave me a hug. “You say you are girl, you are girl.”

if i’m ever brutally murdered and everyone feels like they need to do something productive in my memory, all i want is for you to pass legislation banning LED headlights in my name. regardless of how irrelevant it is to my murder. it’s relevant to my heart.

the fact that walls get dusty is ridiculous. you're vertical. act like it.

Tesla and SpaceX subsidies are the waste and fraud.

Elon's immigration and citizenship are fraud, too.

literally everything being said at trump’s inauguration: