To This Day Possibly One Of My Best Ideas. Someone Get Me A Pitch Meeting With The Hallmark Channel

Reading fantasy again, I've started thinking about how odd it is how in books like that, the non-human races invariably scoff at human frailty and vulnerability, even those that they'll call friends. Like that's mean?? Why would you be a dick to your friend who you know is not capable of as much as you are, and it's not their fault they were born like that. That's mean.

Like consider the opposite: Characters of non-human races treating their human companions like frail little old dogs. Worrying about small wounds being fatal - humans die of small injuries all the time - or being surprised that humans can actually eat salt, even if they can't stomach other spicy rocks. Being amazed that a human friend they haven't seen in 10 years still looks so young, they've hardly aged at all! And when the human tries to explain that they weren't going to just unexpectedly shrivel into a raisin in 10 years, the longer-lifespan friend dismisses this like no, he's seen it happen, you don't see a human for 10 or 20 years and they've shriveled in a blink.

Elves arguing with each other like "you can't take her out there, she will die!" and when the human gets there to ask what they're talking about, they explain to her that the journey will take them through a passage where it's going to be sunny out there. Humans burn in the sun. And she will have to clarify that no, actually, she'll be fine. They fight her about it, until she manages to convince them that it's not like vampires - humans only burn a little bit in the sun, not all the way through. She'll be fine if she just wears a hat.

Meanwhile dwarves are reluctant to allow humans in their mines and cities, not just out of being secretive, but because they know that you cannot bring humans underground, they will go insane if they go too long without seeing the sun. Nobody is entirely sure how long that is, but the general consensus is three days. One time a human tries to explain their dwarf companion that this is not true, there are humans that endure much longer darkness than that. As a matter of fact, in the furthest habited corners of the lands of the Northmen, the winter sun barely rises at all. Humans can survive three weeks of darkness, and not just once, but every single year.

"Then how do they sane?" Asks the dwarf, and just as he does, the conversation gets interrupted by the northland human, who had been eavesdropping, and turns to look at them with an unnerving glint in her colourless grey eyes, grinning while saying

"That's the neat part, we don't."

Last Life if everyone had only one life (and failing a boogey meant instant loss)*

*(Since the Boogeyman loses importance with only one life I made it so failing means dying right there)

The random lives things doesn't happen because of the premise of the au, everyone gets 1.

Without life trading Grian never scams Scar, this would change a lot if Scar had actually stayed bitter about it past session 1...but he didn't so the change is for now irrelevant.

Bdubs kills Grian as a Boogey kill... Grian is out, just like that. He's the first player out the game, a big difference from his second place in my version of Third Life.

Without the life trading mechanic Tango never makes the "You bet your life" game.

Without life giving there is no Southlanders trust exercise, they are slightly less close... With Grians absence they are also very much weaker.

Mumbo still dies when raiding the bastion, he's the second player out. Jimmy, Martyn and Impulse only have eachother now.

Joel still targets Lizzie as a Boogeyman and still falls to his death in the process, Joel is the third player out. Both Grian and Joel are out before most other players, this has huge ramifications.

Lizzie also still dies killed to a zombie, I doubt anything else could have happened. She is the fourth player out.

As Mumbo is dead Scar can't kill him to get a boogey kill... Considering it was middle to end of the session I doubt Scar can find somebody else... Scar fails to get a boogey kill and is fifth out of the game.

As Joel is dead nobody comes for Scott, he and Pearl continue building their base in peace.

Lizzie is dead so she can't become the boogeyman, this means that the boogey scales a session, making Ren and BigB the boogeyman in session 3 instead of session 4.

Neither Ren and BigB are as trusted by Pearl as Lizzie, Pearl Isn't killed by a boogeyman instead staying safe with Scott.

Unless the find someone else which is dubious Ren still kills Skizz, BigB still kills Cleo. Skizz and Cleo are the sixth and seventh out.

It's likely Martyn allies with Ren and BigB in a sort of very premature version of the shadow alliance but bringing Impulse and Jimmy along.

"We can still be friends" never happens since Grian, Mumbo and Joel are all out of the game... The fandom is an entirely different place.

Bdubs still dies by falling from the nether fortress... He's the eight player out.

Etho can't kill Scar because of the Boogeyman curse since Scar is out already, he can't kill Bdubs either (the person closest to Scar when he was killed in canon) since he's also out so... Etho fails and is ninth out... BEST is now only ___T.

With the Impulse, Ren, Jimmy, BigB and Martyn team on one side Scott and Pearl recruit a newly allianceless Tango... Similiar to what they did Cleo in the og timeline.

Of the 6 only Scott and Jimmy become boogeyman as the other four are already out by this point of the game.

Tango is never killed by Bdubs, he just chills with Scott and Pearl. Scott flirty nature means that Flower Ranchers is born a season earlier with Scott as the middle link instead of Jimmy.

Scott still kills Impulse to get rid of the boogey curse, Tango appreciates the loyalty despite the curse. Impulse is tenth out.

Jimmy doesn't accidentally kills himself since Lizzie died before making the trap that killed him... Still, with how few people are left he definitely fails to get a boogey kill and is out eleventh.

Scott never has to escape Mumbo or Joel so he never kills himself by accident.

Pearl still makes the Boogeyman trap, BigB still opens it and dies... Since the boogey curse has scaled a session Pearl doesn't have to leave halfway and remains the boogey... Until BigB dies twelfth curing her. This means the boogeyman curse is no longer scaled by a session as it catches up.

Martyn still kills Tango, Tango is out 13th.

Only four players remain: Ren, Martyn, Scott and Pearl. No matter what happens it seems they are meant to be...

...However it happens earlier then canon and Scott is boogeyman. Scott still doesn't turn on Pearl out of principle but doesn't willingly refuse... Despite this Scott fails and is either killed by Martyn and Ren while trying to get them or just fails and is out. Either way he is out of the game 14th.

Pearl still boogey kills Ren, leaving her and Martyn as the last two players... Pearl is the clear victor between them.

Last Life is won by The Moon.

(Third Life but with only one life)

(Double Life)

Sorry dude, but we're going to win these games🔥

so embarrassing to have a favorite character honestly. like yes that's my specialest guy 🙄 yes i have 200 photos of him saved 😑 if i don't look at him or hear him talk every 2 minutes i'll start killing the hostages 😕 i think about him every day. because he's my favorite. whatever

It's such a shame the Secret Soulmates thing is so often portrayed as Grian being selfish or vindictive for no reason because I think the actual events leading up to Grian's decision to seek out BigB are way more interesting than just "Grian's a selfish cheater". So like, because it's not covered much, I'm just going to detail the entire narrative from Grian's pov leading up to his decision to go to BigB.

For the first part of the first episode, Grian actually really seems to be romanticizing the idea of soulmates. Multiple times, he describes his search for his soulmate as "looking for love" and he hits everyone he meets with almost excited anticipation.

The moment Grian and BigB first look at each other is surprisingly romantic? I mean, it feels like what you'd expect from someone meeting their soulmate, from someone who just knows.

BigB and Scott finish testing if they're soulmates, and BigB is mid sentence when he turns around and look at Grian, and BigB just stops mid sentence and goes "Oh", which Grian echos (also when bigb looks at grian, grian holds his shield up for a good few seconds which just gives me the image of him hiding behind it and peering over the top which is uncharacteristically shy for grian but also really cute). "Are you ready?", BigB asks, and he waits for Grian to give him the go ahead before hitting him.

And..nothing. They aren't soulmates. BigB sounds disappointed. Grian sounds almost distraught, "I was so sure- I've never had such a broken heart in my life."

Shortly after Grian's soulmate takes significant damage. Everyone present rushes to give him food, though Grian would later credit BigB specifically with the very warm sentiment of having "saved" him.

And Grian's first meeting with Scar is..different.

Grian already doesn't seem to want to be Scar's soulmate, doesn't want to be teamed again, for one reason or another. And Scar..doesn't make it easier. Grian tries to talk to him, as the realization sets in, tries to say it, that they're soulmates. Grian does say it. But Scar isn't listening. Scar actively talks over Grian to brush Grian off, walking away while Grian is trying to grapple with the fact that they're soulmates.

Scar doesn't notice. Grian said it, mind you, in plain English- "Scar I think we're soulmates"- and Scar heard him, Scar responded to him, Scar just wasn't listening. Scar doesn't look for his soulmate, and he doesn't figure it out either for the rest of the episode. Grian tries to tell him twice more, and twice more Scar isn't listening. The first time, Grian calls after Scar twice as he's running off, "Scar I need to tell you something", but Scar doesn't turn around. The final time, Grian literally forces Scar to look at him and drops dripstone on their heads. Scar somehow still doesn't see him. Grian demands Scar look at him, actually look, this time, and finally, with great effort, he manages to get the point across.

One of Scar's first questions is "do we have to live together?", and Grian responds that it would be nice to, a sentiment Scar doesn't immediately echo. Grian pulls Scar along, back to the base Grian got working on by himself earlier.

At the start of the next episode, they have a disagreement. Scar brings home some pandas without consulting Grian, and Grian reacts very negatively, making a no pandas in the house rule and prompting Scar to help him with work instead. Grian specifically delegates the job of getting oak wood to Scar while Grian continues working on..everything else..himself. And after a bit of procrastinating from Scar, he does go to do his "chores" as Scar describes them.

Except that Scar doesn't actually.

Well, I mean, he does do the "chore" Grian gave him, but while he's out, he takes a break to think of a way to punish Grian, coming up with the idea of using powdered snow to hurt Grian as a punishment for Grian not letting the animals in the house and making Scar do a "chore". Grian doesn't technically know Scar did this on purpose, but with tick damage being a very distinctive type of damage that you usually would have to do on purpose to take as much as Scar did, I wouldn't be surprised if Grian figured it out.

It's at this point, that Grian decides to go to BigB. And it doesn't feel like he's just doing it for shallow reasons or to be mean, it fully checks out.

Because Grian's not happy with Scar at this point!

Partially because Scar himself doesn't seem interested in Grian at all, wouldn't listen to Grian to the point of talking over and brushing him off when Grian tried to tell him, and didn't want to live together after finding out. For Grian, who genuinely did seem to have a rather romantic view of soulmates at the start of the first episode, it probably kinda sucked to have his soulmate look past him like that. I can't fault Scar for not being particularly interested, but just because Scar didn't do anything technically wrong doesn't mean Grian's not allowed to be unhappy.

And then there's the other problem. The one I see surprisingly few fans talk about in regards to Scar and Grian. "Why does everyone else get a real partner except me?", Grian asked shortly before deciding to go to BigB. It's a sentiment we get from Grian multiple times. He says being Scar's partner is like babysitting, like having a toddler, Scar doesn't feel like a partner, he feels like a source of emotional labor who has no interest in lessening the burden for Grian. And. Yeah. Grian has good reason to feel like Scar makes him do all the labor in their relationship. I mean, Grian needed to get very pushy to even get Scar to agree to help build their shared base, Grian had to do the job of managing Scar on what specific task to do, Grian gave Scar a very small job comparative to the work Grian was doing around the house, and Scar still complained and found a way to punish Grian (the powdered snow) for "making" him do "chores" and not wanting animals in the house.

Which isn't to say Scar is bad or malicious or something, I love Scar, hell, I love Desert Duo, I think they work very well together in a lot of cases, but I think there is very much a labor imbalance- both in actual work and in emotional labor- here and it's understandably upsetting for Grian.

And in comparison, BigB looks..wonderful, to Grian?

BigB wanted him, for starters. They both felt it, the previous day. Scar kept looking through Grian, but BigB's eyes met Grian's and they both felt something. BigB seems considerate too. Grian feels like he has to pull teeth to get Scar to help him with the house (and then gets punished for it), meanwhile BigB is the one who "saved" Grian the previous day, jumping to give him food, not to mention the considerate gesture of BigB checking in to make sure Grian is ready before hitting him for the soulmate check. And, well, Grian clearly likes BigB.

Grian wasn't just going to someone else to be mean to Scar, and he didn't go for BigB just because he wanted someone, Grian was- validly!- unhappy with Scar (who didn't seem to want to be together much either) and actively liked BigB and thought he'd be a good partner.

Also, Grian very notably announces that he's defying destiny and asserts that he has a choice in who to be with, which adds a thematic layer of personal agency to the whole thing too. You get the impression Grian was mostly with Scar because he felt like he had to be, because the universe tied them together. But here Grian considers, for the first time, the thought that maybe it's okay to be with someone he wants, and who makes him happy, instead of resigning himself to be with the one he's 'supposed' to be with just because he's 'supposed' to.

(this idea of agency in who you love is relevant to double life as a whole, as i've made many posts about, but also is relevant to desert duo specifically. as much as i think they really cared about each other in third life, grian was also with scar because he was supposed to be for most of the season. being with scar had always, up to that point, been something grian was obligated to do, something grian didn't feel he had much choice in. so grian finally asserting here to the audience that he has a choice feels very relevant thematically.)

You are a supervillain who has just captured your rival’s child. Rather than being afraid, they’re begging you to let them stay.

No, just say their name and where they’re from. (I think)

New tag game! Use this picrew to make yourself, and your current blorbo

(Mine is Maude Flanders, surprise surprise)

No reassure tags @krispyy-lotol @ablatheringblatherskite @justarandombrit @or-not-2b---i-dont-know @spaghettiwithnachos13 @excusemewotdidyousaytome @literary-lesbian @ginevralinton @nocturnal-cryptid @spineless-lobster @sitdownfeargalyounerd @ticcywhaleshark @ineffablelunatic @blue-eyed-giant and anyone else who would like to :)

The cream I removed from some knockoff Oreo’s.

(I ate it after.)

Found this on Twitter, so I thought, why not posting it here and doing a tag game 😊

Ok, I’ll go first

If he is the reason, I’d go to prison gladly 🥰❤️‍🔥

Tagging: @killerqueen-ofwillowgreen @nic-214 @milkyway-ashes @dr-radiation @whitequeen-ofwillowgreen @sunsetdaydreamer @therockywhorerpictureshow @delicatelyfantasticninja and everyone 😊

Sorry if I forgot to tag some of you!

Some future Life Series Team options I like:

This is all made for fun of course. All the lifers can be on whatever teams they want forever and should feel no pressure to mix it up.