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You might be suffering the consequences of long term abuse if:

you feel uncomfortable taking credit for things you did

you feel uncomfortable being praised or complimented, and you feel like sudden expectation or blackmail are coming up afterwards, you need to find intentions behind praise

someone getting mad at you is absolutely terrifying and you’ll do anything to avoid it

you don’t ever feel it’s safe to stand up for yourself, you can predict that even if you did that, ultimately you’d only be punished and hurt even worse, and you can’t risk it

you always analyze every situation with „am I bothering these people? Is my presence a burden to everyone?“ even when you’re with friends or at a place where you were invited

you don’t feel like a part of anything, not your family or your peer group, you worry everyone is going to figure out that you’re out of line trying to pretend to be a part of their group and reject you

you worry that you have no value to anyone and you feel like you need to deserve to be a part of society

you feel inexplicably ashamed of yourself, there are so many situations you can’t talk about, or even think about without feeling overwhelming shame

you keep feeling everything bad that happens is your fault, even for things that aren’t related to you directly, you feel responsible and like you should have done something to prevent it

you feel like everything would be better if only you didn’t exist

you struggled with suicidal thoughts before (or still struggle with them)

you feel like anyone who hurts you is justified in doing so and you deserve to be hurt

you’re terrified of being punished for anything you do, and don’t do, to the point where you paralyze and can’t do things you’re supposed to do at times, because you can’t tell if it’s going to end up in you suffering punishment

you don’t feel comfortable being touched or cuddled, you feel like it makes you weak if you desire it

you don’t feel okay showing big emotions in front of anyone, you feel your feelings in secret, or not at all

nobody knows just in how much pain you are. You don’t show it.

you can tell that even if you did talk to someone about your problems, you’d be accused of exaggerating, asking for attention, faking it, or being weak for not controlling your emotions better

you feel like the dream of a good life, where you’re loved and happy and cherished, is something completely unrealistic and it feels silly to even imagine it, it’s out of reach for you

If it’s only a few you can relate to, they can be caused by outside factors, but if you relate to almost all of these, it’s likely you’ve been living in a situation that is unbearable for human being without severely affecting their personality and mental health. Abuse can cause all of this, and these are not little things, this is lowered quality of life.

i hate the "meta glasses" with their invisible cameras i hate when people record strangers just-living-their-lives i hate the culture of "it's not illegal so it's fine". people deserve to walk around the city without some nameless freak recording their faces and putting them up on the internet. like dude you don't show your own face how's that for irony huh.

i hate those "testing strangers to see if they're friendly and kind! kindness wins! kindness pays!" clickbait recordings where overwhelmingly it is young, attractive people (largely women) who are being scouted for views and free advertising . they're making you model for them and they reap the benefits. they profit now off of testing you while you fucking exist. i do not want to be fucking tested. i hate the commodification of "kindness" like dude just give random people the money, not because they fucking smiled for it. none of the people recording has any idea about the origin of the term "emotional labor" and none of us could get them to even think about it. i did not apply for this job! and you know what! i actually super am a nice person! i still don't want to be fucking recorded!

& it's so normalized that the comments are always so fucking ignorant like wow the brunette is so evil so mean so twisted just because she didn't smile at a random guy in an intersection. god forbid any person is in hiding due to an abusive situation. no, we need to see if they'll say good morning to a stranger approaching them. i am trying to walk towards my job i am not "unkind" just because i didn't notice your fucked up "social experiment". you fucking weirdo. stop doing this.

Sometimes your abusers will be extra nice to you after an event of horrendous abuse and it will feel transactional, like if you accept this niceness now, then you’ve accepted to forgive them for the abuse, then it’s all behind in the past and you’re perfectly happy to be on good terms with them again, and it will feel wrong and prickly like poison being injected into your body because no, you’re not okay, and no, you’re not forgiving them, you are not on good terms anymore, you do not want to act nice back, you do not want to accept niceness, you want to shut them out and be free from them forever. 

But you don’t dare to act out only because it might bring the horrendous abuse back. You have no choice but to let them believe all is well and forgiven and you’re a nice little family again and nobody is holding grudges. It feels like signing a contract against your will, confirming that the anger and the pain and the hatred will forever be festering inside of you, until they eat you alive, but you will never bring it up or act on it. It’s like being blackmailed to keep all of the consequences of abuse to yourself, and never let abusers experience any, because they’re currently being nice, and you can’t risk them being anything else.

And you know what, that contract is invalid. You were at a direct threat while you were displaying this behaviour. It doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to explode later. It doesn’t mean you have to keep consistent with what they expect of you. It doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to hold them accountable anymore. You were not leading them on to believe you’re fine with abuse, you were blackmailed and forced into taking over the consequences they deserved to bear. They still deserve it. Temporary niceness makes up for zero of the abuse. Nothing they do or preform or fake can make up for the abuse. Nothing can absolve them. None of your behaviour means they’re forgiven. You’re allowed to hold them accountable, to be mad, to show rage and coldness and consequences for however long you deem it prudent. Even if that is forever.

At 18, everyone receive a superpower. Your childhood friend got a power-absorption, your best friends got time control, and they quickly rise into top 100 most powerful superheroes. You got a mediocre superpower, but somehow got into the top 10. Today they visit you asking how you did it.

Reblog if you genuinely support asexuals

It terrifies me that there’s so much raging passion in the lgbt+ community that insist on marginalizing asexuals and implying that asexuals don’t deserve to have safe spaces. There’s still so much acephobia so I just wanna know which blogs are genuinely supportive and a safe space for asexuals

growing up as a cis girl the patriarchy told me “you’re a girl because of the way you were born, there is nothing you can do about this, you have no say in your gender” and i hated being a girl because it wasn’t my choice it was a prison and the trans community told me “you’re a girl because you say so, your view of yourself is the most important thing, if you change your mind that would be ok” and it made me proud to be a girl and feel empowered in my gender and i wasn’t trapped anymore and then terfs come along and tell me “you’re a girl because of the way you were born, there is nothing you can do about this, you have no say in your gender (but like in a woke way)” and they somehow expect me to be on their side?

I just *love* how TERFs hate on trans women for supposedly "appropriating cis women's struggles", then proceed to make a trans person's identity and relationship to gender all about themselves and how it makes *them* feel. Grow up.

Yesterday I almost cried because my baby cousin ran up to my grandmother and was like. “Ha! Buhbuh ba ha.” And she said okay you want to show me something? And he led her over to the garden patch and crouched down and pointed at rocks and plants and was like. “Ah. Habah ba ah” as she listened attentively.

And I was like that happened 1,000 years ago. Probably 10,000 years ago. Maybe 100,000. The youngest human in a group went to the oldest one and said to the best of their ability “come see.” And the adult went.