This Year I Was A Top 0.0001% Listener Of Women.

Suletta: Do you want to know your gay name? Miorine: My... my gay name? Suletta: Yeah, it's your first name… Miorine: Haha. Very funny, Suletta— Suletta: *gets down on one knee* And my last name. Miorine: Oh- oh my god.

easily one of my favourite tweets of all time

Work vacuum died. This is the fifth one since I started working here five years ago.

The first one died because my coworker vacuumed up rocks.

The second one died because my coworker vacuumed up rocks.

The third one died because my coworker vacuumed up rocks.

The fourth one died for unknown reasons that involved my coworker vacuuming up rocks.

The fifth one died a few minutes ago and it was a big mystery and my coworker was like “oh I don’t know what happened it just overtaxed for some reason” so I looked inside the hose and—get this—it was jammed with rocks.

He keeps buying bigger and more expensive vacuums and complaining about how shitty and faulty the last ones were and every time I suggest something like “what if you didn’t vacuum up rocks” he’s like oh no it is the vacuums who are wrong.

SAY NICE THINGS TO PPL

stop calling me "my fragile little flower" or "my beautiful delicate pet" im literally going for a glass cannon build. i can one shot most adults