17 year old australian. Transboy slowly becoming a transman. If under 13 or over 30 do not interact.
97 posts
i'll keep this brief to spare your dash:
27 person family, trapped in gaza
injured and sick members, young kids, and elderly
displaced 8 times, currently separated & sleeping on the streets
less than $1k USD to reach their goal
verified / donate here
A YEAR A YEAR A YEAR
A YEAR A YEAR A YEAR
A YEAR A YEAR A YEAR
A YEAR A YEAR A YEAR
A YEAR A YEAR A YEAR
Why is this allowed to happen ?! Why have we not stopped it yet ??
Israel is expanding their colonial project into Lebanon, Syria, and the entire SWANA region.
Are you not outraged ??? Do something !! Help this family SURVIVE A GENOCIDE ! PLEASE.
Iyad and Ruba's families have gone through SO MUCH. Losing 38K in total because of GFM's shit, Iyad having to live with unmedicated diabetes, Ruba sustaining a horrible stomach injury while being displaced, their tents flooding with 5 young children to look after, and Ruba's entire family including her several younger siblings being sick with a respiratory infection.
VETTED no. 90 and 173 on the SPREADSHEET
They've lost so much. Let's try to get them to at least 13K before the 1 year mark.
@fancysmudges @brokenbackmountain @mothblossoms @aleciosun @fluoresensitive @khizuo @lesbiandardevil @transmutationisms @schoolhater @timogsilangan @appsa @buttercuparry @sayruq @malcriaada @palestinegenocide @sar-soor @akajustmerry @annoyingloudmicrowavecultist @feluka @tortiefrancis @flower-tea-fairies @tsaricides @riding-with-the-wild-hunt @visenyasdragon @belleandsaintsebastian @ear-motif @kordeliiius @brutaliakent @raelyn-dreams @troythecatfish @theropoda @tamper @4ft10tvlandfangirl @queerstudiesnatural @northgazaupdates2 @skateonthebeach @northgazaupdates2 @camgirlsurvivalguide @awetistic-things @nabulsi @sygol @junglejim432 @heritageposts @chososhairbuns @palistani123-blog @dlxxv-vetted-donations @illuminated-runas @dlxxv-vetted-donations
I think Tumblr will love this
Hello my friends, I am Mohammed Abu Lahia from Palestine, Gaza, I have two brothers, Ibrahim and Ahmed, and my mother, and unfortunately my father passed away. Before the war, we supported my family with simple jobs that we could live on daily, but when the war happened, we did not find anything to support us or my brothers, and our house was completely destroyed, and we are now displaced in Al-Mawasi. I ask you all to stand with my family to secure our daily livelihood and get out of Gaza, your support gives us hope. My donation link is in my bio
I am Ehab Ayyad a palestinian youngman from Gaza, seeking to find safety and peace for my family if twenty members. We have been passing through all forms of torture and pain for almost ten months because of the war on Gaza. Life is very miserable and tragic as we are now deprived of all means of living. Drink water, healthy food health care and medicine have become things of the past. We are dying dear friends. That is why I am asking you to help us break through this tough situation.
Life in hot tents are incredibly sad and miserable. We are now experiencing the worst circumstances we have ever had in our life. The war has stolen happiness and life from us.
Please don't leave us alone in such dire times. Your kind contribution either through donating whatever you can or sharing my posts will be highly appreciated and valued.
A photo that shows how hard and sad the life is in our new displacement area. Little kids are very desperate and hopeless with this new place. No fun places nor playground exist to enjoy their time. They are painfully suffering from the hardship and harshness of life. Please help my family reduce and minimize our pain and discomfort.
A photo taken for our beautiful house before and after the war. It was completely destroyed and ruined , and all our belongings and possession were burned and taken away. 🇵🇸🍉❤🇵🇸
@appsa @buttercuparry @brutaliakhoa ,
@schoolhater , @aces-and-angels , @turian , @malcriada , @magnus-rhymes-with-swagness , @transmutationisms , @brokenbackmountain , @neptunerings @sar-soor @rhubarbspring @tsaricides @akajustmerry @nabulsi @timogsilangan @timetravellingkitty @khizuo @rainbowywitch @carusocarousel
Very urgent help🚨:
My heart breaks for my baby girl who was born through IVF‼️😔.
Hurry up to save my baby🙏lana💔 she got injured because of war and displacement 🥺
My story is that I tried many times to have children and I was unable to have children😔, except through IVF💔. Now my daughter and I are living in a war of extermination(genocide), and I feel very afraid for my daughter, whom I almost lost my life trying to have😭.
Now we have lost our home due to the war, we have lost our shelter and source of income, and I am no longer able to provide for my daughter’s needs 💔😭
Save my baby before it's too late🙏😟
@paper-mario-wiki @90-ghost
**Hello everyone,**
have shared a post detailing my family's story , including some photos and a link tomy campaing .
🎗the goal of the campaignis to raise funds to support my family and help them through these difficult times .
Your support and cooperation mean a lot to us ,and we hope you can help spread this message so we can reach more people who might be able to offer
Support 🙏❤️
This is my mom's 14-year-old cat "Sleepy" (and my daughter's best friend) My mom passed away on her birthday in 2021 from stage 5 cancer. I could tell you a million stories about how much this furbaby means to us and how much of a blessing she has been to our lives... but that's not as important as getting her help right now.
Just before Christmas my daughter was cuddling her and noticed a discharge was leaking from her nipples. I reached out to a friend who is knowledgeable about everything feline. She recommended we give her a warm shower and clean the area with soapy water and take a picture to send her. The picture made our hearts sink. Sleepy has always had a soft underbelly that droops a little when on all fours. We certainly never noticed anything before. The day after we took the picture she ulcerated (seen in the other pictures) I had sterile wound care supplies from when I took care of my mom, and my friend recommended a product sold at petsmart called silverhoney. I have been applying that and changing out her dressing every day. But it's not healing. I even tried to put a very small amount of triple antibiotic cream around (not on) the ulcerations but I'm not comfortable doing that again as there is too much negative information online about using it on cats. (despite what vets have recommended in the past) because of the infection its spread into her lungs. She's struggling to breathe and with antibiotics she only has days left.
I work a fulltime and a part time job just to keep a roof over our heads. I'm poorer now than when I was on SSI. If I could have afforded to take her to the vet when the first picture was taken, I would have! I feel absolutely horrible about not having any kind of savings for emergencies. I don't even make enough to save... I don't want her to get sepsis or gangrene or develop abcesses or watch her slowly die over an infection that needs antibiotics. I have a suspicion not a diagnosis, and I don't even have enough money to put her down if what's going on isn't treatable. I absolutely hate asking for help when I work this hard at 2 jobs with nothing to show for it but covering the basics. But I'm not asking for me, I'm asking for her. She needs to be seen. Any financial help is so so needed and greatly appreciated.
I have a PayPal. The estimate reflects the only vet in our tricity area that will take donations over the phone but they require the money upfront. I applied for care credit and was denied.
I didn't set up a gofundme as they take too much money out, and the payments take too long to come through. She needs to be seen asap.
I don't know what else to do. My heart is breaking. She's all I have left of my mom. She's my daughters best friend. God Bless anyone that can help. 🙏
‼️🚨 To all supporters and backers of Palestine, I need your help and support for me and my family 🙏🍉
We are a beautiful family who lost my brother in the 2014 war, this campaign is for my family to save our lives and bring back hope to my family after I lost everything, I hope you can help me evacuate my family.
The war destroyed everything beautiful and changed our features. Every day we endure humiliation, hunger, fear, death, torment and regret. War must be cursed a thousand times. 💔🥹
I asked every member of my family if they felt they would survive this war, and surprisingly they all gave the same answer, no, they denied that they would survive.🥹🥹
A small donation can make a big difference
This campaign took a month and a few days, trying to raise money to get us out of here quietly, then to a safer and warmer place, then to a better reality and life. We deserve better than this, so help us by donating even a small amount, it will make a difference 🙏
@90-ghost @appsa @palestinegenocide @apollos-only-sane-child @commissions4aid-international @northgazaupdates2 @northgazaupdates2
@nabulsi27 @ibtisams-blog @riding-with-the-wild-hunt @vakarians-babe @sayruq @humanvoreture @kaapstadgirly @sar-soor @dimonds456-art @plomegranate @commissions4aid-international @nabulseye @soon-palestine @communitythings @palestinegenocide @vakarian-shepard @ghost-and-a-half @kaapstadgirly @annoyingloudmicrowavecultist @feluka @toughknit @flower-tea-fairies @the-stray-liger @riding-with-the-wild-hunt @vivisection-gf @communistchameleon @troythecatfish @the-bastard-king @4ft10tvlandfangirl @el-shango-drew-and-shot
Today we took our little brother to the hospital because he suffers from an infection that affects his breathing and causes him pain. I hope that every living conscience will help us save our young son’s life and donate any amount you can.
Unfortunately, there is no treatment in the hospital for my little. Help us before it is too late.
Today we transferred my little daughter to the hospital because she is suffering from an infection that is affecting his breathing and causing him pain. I hope that every living conscience will help us save my little daughter’s life and donate any amount we can.
@90-ghost @el-shab-hussein @sayruq @nabulsi @neptunerings @flower-tea-fairies @appsa @a-shade-of-blue @sar-soor @commissions4aid-international @paper-mario-wiki @dlxxv-vetted-donations @gaza-evacuation-funds @writerqueenofjewels @the-ballerina-battle @riding-with-the-wild-hunt @girlinafairytale @khanger @magnus-rhymes-with-swagness @maoistyuri @dykesbat @acepumpkinpatrick @thetownwecallhome @tsaricides @feluka @brutaliakhoa @kordeliiius @queerstudiesnatural @the-bastard-king @aria-ashryver @malcriaada @vakarians-babe @bat-luun @mangocheesecakes @nightowlssleep @self-hating-zionist @staretes @friendshapedplant @yokohama-crackhouse @omiteo777
🚨Important update🚨🍉🍉
I am Anas from the northern Gaza Strip. Since 11 months, we have been suffering from woes and woes of destruction, hunger, and displacement from one place to another.
For 11 months we have been suffering from hunger, thirst and deprivation of food and nourishment, until we have had to eat animal feed, donkeys and rabbits.
For 11 months we have been deprived of education and study and our dreams have already been destroyed in this war
We have been suffering from lack of income for 11 years.
Our small house and the agricultural land from which we obtained our daily sustenance, needs and daily income to survive were destroyed
But after the war destroyed the agricultural land and the small house, we lost the limited income we used to live on.
For 11 months we have been deprived of electricity and water, as we walk kilometers to get a gallon of water, which is equivalent to 16 liters for five people.
To verify the TikTok link
@irhabiya @commissions4aid-international @wellwaterhysteria @junglejim4322 @kibumkim @neechees @kyra45 @riding-with-the-wild-hunt @heritageposts @toiletpotato @fromjannah @omegaversereloaded @vague-humanoid @evillesbianvillainarchive @ot3 @amygdalae @ankle-beez @dykesbat @stuckinapril @violentrevolution-blog @mavigator @lacecap @watermotif @socalgal @chilewithcarnage @ghelgheli @sayruq @papenathys @slicedblackolives @heritagepostsbot @rinnie @sweetoothgirl @timetravellingkitty @deathlonging @briarhips @mazzikah @mahoushojoe @rhubarbspring @appsa @90-ghost @ear @schoolhater @pcktknife @transmutationisms @sawasawako @appsa
Hello, everyone. I'm making this new post in hopes of revitalizing Youssef's campaign which is stagnating. Youssef is NINETEEN YEARS OLD and he bears the crushing responsibility of keeping his family alive during a genocide. In Youssef's words:
"Every day is a new battle. I work long hours, searching in the corners of the camp for any opportunity that allows me to earn some money. Fatigue grips me, but I can't afford to give up. My father is sick, trapped in his pain, and his eyes plead for help. There are moments when I feel my heart shatter when I see his gaze; he endures his suffering in silence, but I know he is hurting. As for my little brother, despite his innocence, he is fighting hepatitis due to contaminated food that we are forced to eat."
After a few weeks of pretty consistent 20(+) per day donat1ons, suddenly we've dropped to FOUR in 24 hours! Youssef and his family are still struggling, so let's not give in halfway. Currently, we are at $7611/15000. Let's do our part and help relieve some of their suffering.
Youssef is Vetted. He is shown on line 255 on the Vetted Gaza Evacuation Fundr@iser List by @/el-shab-hussein and @/nabulsi.
Follow Youssef here! ( @yousefjehad3 )
And thank you to everyone who reblogs and don@tes. You are the best <3
Emergency: Help my family survive and start a new life
Hello everyone, I hope you take a minute to read our story.
We’re a family of 8 members, me, my mother, and I have 4 brothers and two sisters. And their kids
Islam (30) years old
Samer (29)
Hashem (31)
Mohammad (35)
Nisreen (37) ( @nisreensuhail )
Noor (36).
Kids:
Amal (12)
Kenzy (17) ( @kenzish )
Zoheer (19)
Every day is a struggle for survival, and each night is filled with prayers for a brighter tomorrow. Yet, amidst the darkness, we hold onto hope, seeking solace in the belief that one day, the clouds of war will dissipate, and we will find the peace and stability we so desperately crave. Until then, we endure, clinging to the threads of our resilience, and nurturing dreams of a safer, healthier future for us all.
Our home, once a sanctuary of love and warmth, was destroyed, displacing us into a life of uncertainty and fear. The laughter of my children and my sister's daughters, once the music of our home, is now silenced by the echoes of conflict. They deserve a future where education and happiness are not just dreams but realities.
Our entire neighborhood In Gaza Before and after
we had a supermarket that helped as to live and earn money, but it was bombed and we have nothing now, pic of our supermarket
But our challenges are not just physical; they are emotional and psychological. The loss of my father and the imminent threat to my brother's life weigh heavily on us. My mother, who has endured so much, faces the unimaginable fear of losing another child. For her, for my brother, for my children, and for the future of our family, we seek a new beginning.
We dream of a place far from the sounds of war we want to be safe with my family we dream to move to Egypt to save ourselves
This journey is more than a physical relocation; it is a quest for dignity, for normalcy, for the very essence of what makes life worth living. We seek to restore what conflict has stripped from us: our home, our health, and our hope.
We turn to you, not just as donors, but as fellow humans who understand the power of compassion and community. Your support, in any form, is a beacon of hope in our darkest times. It represents solidarity and a shared belief in the sanctity of life and the right to a safe and peaceful existence.
to escape to Egypt .
for children to pursue education and a life unshaded by conflict, and for us to honor my father's memory in a land of peace.
However, this dream bears a significant cost, one that is beyond our reach. For each of us to make this journey, to cross borders towards a life of safety and dignity, we estimate the need for at least $5,000 per person. This sum covers the complex tapestry of legal, travel, and initial resettlement expenses.
Hazem Shawish
My account vetted by :
@dlxxv-vetted-donations
(vetted)
@a-shade-of-blue
I am writing this with full hope to find people with kind hearts to help and support to regain my physical ability to walk and work again.
My name is Ahmed Al Yazji. I am 20 years old living in Gaza and in need for urgent medical treatment after being dangerously injured by a recent Israeli airstrike.
On Nov 11, 2023, I was at home staying peacefully with my family when an air strike hit the house causing severe damage to the building and serious injury to my neck.
The medical images show part of a rocket still present in my neck which according to the report will potentially cause me complete paralysis if not removed.
Unfortunately, it is not possible to do the needed surgery in Gaza due to lack of medical expertise, the damaged hospitals and equipment caused by the war.
Before the war, I was working and taking care of my family and being responsible for the financial expenses.
Now with my injury, I am not physically capable of working which has been causing extreme hardship to my family who is now facing inevitable hunger and escalating health issues.
I am running this fundraiser to ask for donations to help me do a neck surgery out of Gaza so that i can gain back my physical abilities to walk and work to feed my family. Part of the donations will be also used to maintain our house that was severely impacted by the strike.
With your power and your support I hope that I can rebuild my life again soon.
@fairuzfan @ibtisams @fallahifag
@vakarians-babe @sar-soor @plomegranate @nabulsi @sayruq
@palipunk @palidoodles @el-shab-hussein @communistchilchuck @northgazaupdates @stil-lindigo @queerstudiesnatural
@bluebellsinthedells @palestine @rizzyluke @kordeliiius @self-hating-zionist @thenewgothictwice @raelyn-dreams @unfortunatelyuncreative @licencetokrill @jezebelgoldstone @ramelcandy @petracourtjester
@labutansa @sammywo @autistwizard @tortiefrancis @sparklinpixiedust
@teluka @revcuse @golvio
@leftismsideblog @star-and-space @rainbowywitch @marscodes @oursapphirestars
@annoyingloudmicrowavecultist @boyvander @the-bastard-king
@13ag21k @agentfascinateur @ammonitetheseaserpent
@northgazaupdates@queerstudiesnatura
@palestinegenocide @nabulsi@sayruq@f1dyke@sar-
soor @appsa @oopollo-blog@fireyfobbitmedicine
@el-shab-hussein
@ibtisams @90-ghost@fairuzfan@sar-soor @nabulsi
@vakarians-babe
@aces-and-angels @interfacefox@cosmic-collective-
system@finnslay@muchmossymess @rez-urrection
@walking-polyp @bibyebae @autisticexpression2
@bisexualchemistry @violetclowns @beefybutchboy
@feefal @mobydyke @genderfluidgothwitch
@sleepyseaslug @urfavhatesthehungovt @riding-
with-the-wild-hunt@morallyrainyday@taviamoth
@olovelymoon @jannahswaiting @el-shab-hussein
@longlivepalestina@beesofink@curiOuscreature
@orchidvioletindigo@sunclownsblog@selamat-
linting @girlinafairytale @ragingbullmode
@theneutral-zone@thevalaxy@fairuzfan
@opencommunion @gorillawithautism
@seafoamwoman @emathyst9 @three-croissants
@iznabl@nabulsi@sar-soor@appsa@akajustmerry
I am salah from Gaza. I have two children, Youssef, 12 years old, and Nour, 7 years old. Because of the fierce war, we lost everything we owned, I’m lost everything made... and my children lost every beautiful thing in his life. We were displaced to the south of the Gaza Strip several times. We endured a lot of meager and contaminated food and drink, and we were exposed to close-up death in all its forms... and we survived it miraculously. I feel pain as I write to you...as I had to start this castle to save myself and my family from this humanitarian disaster... Save my family... I will post some pictures of my children and my home for you.
@heritageposts @neatfrog @nuclearhearts @megxolotl @schoolhater @pretendingtobeaperson @a-hopeless-aromantic @orchidvioletindigo @ignoranceishibiscus @bisexuel @ihavenoideashelp @monsterbutch @buttercuparry @acepumpkinpatrick @just-browsing1222 @heliopixels @pomodoko @pollackpatrol @murderbot @mushroomjar @ana-bananya @clay-pidgeon @jezior0 @thrashfish @chronicschmonic @magnus-rhymes-with-swagness @malcriada @ana-bananya @retvolution @deathlonging @appsa @brokenbackmountain @sleevesareforlosers @strawberrysnipes @laurapalmerss @a1m3v @lesbiandardevil @rhubarbspring @transmutationisms @a-shade-of-blue @neptunerings @dlxxv-vetted-donations @northgazaupdates2 @foodforthot420 @deepspaceboytoy @turtletoria @khanger @devilofthepit @pcktknife @mothblossoms
Hey !
I am Fadi from Gaza, I studied business administration! This is my family's donation page. We need this money to get out of Gaza and go to the safety zone!💔. Our house was completely bombed and demolished.
We are now living in difficult circumstances. We live in a tent and in difficult conditions. We live in the same, terrible conditions every day!! 😭😭😭
https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-fadi-and-his-family-escape-gazas-war
Please donate, help share, we can reach $10000 soon!!
We can do it together!!!
Let's reach this goal!
Now that I’ve gotten your attention, I’d like to tell you about a lovely Gazan family that needs help! Maram, Ahmed, and their children Habiba (age 4), Kareem (age 2), and Muhammed (age 1) lost everything, from their house to their dignity to the entire life they used to have. They are now looking to evacuate.
Baby Muhammad and his mother Maram are suffering from malnutrition, and Maram has potentially lethal liver disease as well. She and her family have been displaced 11 times, but are currently staying in an actively dangerous area so as to avoid spreading illness to others in highly crowded areas.
In short, they need to evacuate asap. They're currently at €30,243 of their goal of €40,000 - let's get them all the way to the goal as fast as possible!
Incentives to donate:
Authentic crystal jewelry raffle held by @lonniemachin
Dragon art commissions by @kyra45
Star people art commissions by @tortiefrancis
[Verified by el-shab-hussein and nabulsi (line 68)]
Tags for reach (thank you; dm for removal):
@perfectlyperiwinkle @ask-muslim-anon @anneemay @economicinflationkink @3000s
@txttletale @thatdiabolicalfeminist @himbo-noxx @jame7t @punkeropercyjackson
@mangocheesecakes @neechees @aces-and-angels @aceybullets @dude-iloveu
@heydreamchild @fawninthewinter @newdog14 @nevert-the-guy @mynamesaplant
@astral-nautica @sesamie @cant-apult @friendshapedplant @isummonedadragon
@werewolf-transgenderism @sylvianritual @cenobutch @jezior0 @treesbian @girlinafairytale
Hello
hope that you are well
Please help us,May God bless you 🙏
I'm Etaf from Gaza Palestine
I am a mother of five smart children.
speaking to you with a heavy heart on behalf of my family who urgently need help.
The war has destroyed everything we own.
It destroyed everything my husband and I built for these children.
Now we don't have anything, We do not have the price of rent, food or education.
read and Share the link on my pageThe fixer
,My campaign has been verifiedBy Operation Olive Branch . 🌿
If you are able to donate, Do not hesitate to do so and rest assured that God will reward you because we are in dire need of that. And share the link on social media that would be kind of you. May Allah make you happy all your life dear Thank you. 🙏
I don't have any money (jobless teenager), so if anyone sees this post, please donate to her. Thanks
“this is a scam, they used to be tenaciousbearcowboy and have the same paypal account under Jane Majuma and pretended to be diabetic, now they also go by atomicollectorladdy and pretend to be Palestinian and diabetic. block and report” - hakawti and other accounts have verified that this is a scam account.
thanks homie
Remember that it is officially disability pride month now. it is just as important as lgbtq+ pride month. we exist. we are being hurt by the system as it is now. we will not be silenced or placated. disabled is not a bad word.
beautiful.
i wanna talk about this shot
So… I have a bit of an announcement to make. It’s hard for me to make and I don’t really know how to eloquently state it, so I just will.
In early July I was diagnosed with cancer, and a rare form of cancer too. Rare enough that the closest specialist is four hours away. Thankfully from what I’ve been told so far, my prospects look good, but we’ve been playing it by ear. However, the time between now and recovery may be long, painful and far too expensive.
And that’s the difficult part for me to bring up. I was working on a tight budget even before my health became an issue, but it’s even more so now. With medical and school bills now on top of my already strict funds it feels like I’m drowning. I’ve been taking up more hours at work even though I should be on bed rest just to make ends meet, but this will only last so long.
With encouragement from a friend, I set up a donation page on my Ko-fi, now I won’t ask you to donate. But just reading this and possibly sharing this post will be more than enough help! I hope you all will be understanding as well if my content becomes less frequent because of this major life event and I appreciate your patience. However, if you do find that it is possible to help in these trying times, I am so grateful.
Either way if you decide to donate, share this post or have simply read to the end, I wish to say thank you. It has always been my dream to share my passion and work with others and to inspire those who see it. You all make me feel seen and have inspired me to be more. Thank you for making my dream come true and I hope to share more with you all for a long time to come.
Ko-fi
Have you ever been to earth?
On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:
You’re an idiot.
Let me further explain:
Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.
Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.
When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.
And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:
Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.
Nope.
My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.
You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.
And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.
What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.
I just want a burrito.
In conclusion:
You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.
UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:
A fucking fork?
I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.
If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.
That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.
Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.
A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.
People eat burritos with forks?
God is sorry he made us.
(Source)
What could he possibly Fucking want.