Tzmehrtme - Tzmehrtme

I do have one question, or is it a request(?), for a future post from you. I'm looking forward to the details of your emasculation and sexual humiliation, but at some point could you say what you get that no-one else does.

…I mean there must be some parts of her (not the sex obviously) that she keeps for you rather than her many lovers.”

Thanks for the question.  It’s a great one.  I didn’t expect to get (m)any questions about the platonic parts of our relationship, but it’s a great question, and I’d love to explain more about that side of our relationship

The truth is that MOST things are reserved for me. Aside from our sexual lifestyle we have a very “normal” relationship.  We have a lot in common, we spend a lot of time together, we share interests, and we provide emotional support for each other in all sorts of ways.  

Kate explained this pretty well one time by saying, “You get to have girlfriend Kate, they only get to see porn star Kate.” (she’s not actually a porn star…it’s a metaphor). The way she thought of it, most porn stars have significant others as well.  They share relationships with those people, they share lives with those people.  Other actors, and their viewership get to see only one (largely fictional) side of the individual…the porn star side.  Her FWB partners only get to see her play the role of a fantasy…I get the real person.  The insights, the feelings, the emotions, the laughs…etc.

In terms of things we like to do together…We both like to work out, so we got to the gym and we run together pretty much every day.  We push each other to be better, and long runs are made far more enjoyable when you can talk with someone you love during them.  We love to watch movies of all kinds.  We have a special soft spot for dumb horror movies, so we share those all the time.  We like to travel, but we don’t have a ton of money, so we go on a lot of excursions in our nearby locales (which has led to some pretty fun times).  We go on “dates” a lot - out to dinner and a movie or musical or play or something like that.

We also share a lot of emotional support for one another.  In particular, I have a job that is stressful in terms of being kind of “high-risk” (as opposed to long-hours/demanding stress).  So it can produce a lot of tension.  She provides a lot of support during the more tense times.  We talk though many of the scenarios I go through, and she acts as a great soundboard.  Plus she’s always in my corner…that goes a long way in a high-risk situation to know that no matter what happens, I’ve got the love of my life behind me.  I provide the same support for her.  She has a very strained relationship with her family, and I help fill in those parts of her life in the best way that I can, and I’m always there for her to to talk things through.

In terms of romantic physical acts, those aren’t reserved for me in the way one might think.  She does kiss her partners passionately.  She cuddles them after sex.  She spends the night often.  They hold hands, etc.

In terms of “I love you”s…she has told her ex (yes the same one) that she loves him.  This is something that we’ve talked an awful lot about and it has been a challenge to our relationship.  She has always explained how it’s a different kind of love.  Just as one can love a dog, a sibling, and a boyfriend in different ways…she loves him and I in different ways.  She has reassured me that I am her only one…that she would never leave me for him…that she wants us to be together forever.  After the “I love you” with him was the first time she ever said that she would give him up if I asked her to (though she wouldn’t give up the lifestyle).  Perhaps, she knew I’d never ask her to.  As an aside, he also has a girlfriend who does NOT know about the relationship he shares with my girlfriend (they’ve been together for quite a while too)…it’s a pretty big ethical grey area for us, and we’re not sure how we feel about it (deceiving her/hurting her)…so we’re kind of just letting things go on.  My girlfriend loves to tease me about how he gets two girls that do anything he wants, and I can’t even get one.  To me, it does make sense that they might share love.  They dated for a long time before we did, and they “loved” each other then.  They have now been sharing an intimate sexual relationship for several years while we were together as well…It would be perhaps more surprising if she hadn’t fallen in “love” with him in some way.

In terms of sexual things, there are some things that she only does with me, but they are only congruent with our lifestyle.  Perhaps, it would be better stated to say that she “has only done them with me”, because there is nothing about us that would make these acts exclusive.  For example, she has only hand-cuffed and teased me, she has only given ruined orgasms to me, she has only had me lick her asshole, and she has only used a strapon on me.  If one of her FWB told her to do one of these things with her (or whatever), I’m certain she would…it’s just not in the nature of the relationship.

Furthermore, sexual acts in public are largely something she only does with me.  She is very interested in discretion, so she actually doesn’t do much in public with her FWB in any way…they don’t go on dates, they don’t go to movies, they don’t catch dinner.  They mostly just get down to business.  Meanwhile, Kate likes to play with me in public.  She mostly does so in a teasing way.  Most notably, she likes to make me hard or make me cum in my pants in public (part of how she is turned on by her control over me and my humiliation).

As an afterthought, it is worth noting that all of those really important platonic parts of our relationship of course take place within the context of our sexual relationship.  It’s not as though this side of our life is completely put on hold outside of the bedroom.  For example, the last 2 movies we happen to have watched together was a movie called “Men, Women, and Children” that we rented and “American Sniper” that we went to see this past weekend.  Without giving away too many spoilers, “Men, Women, and Children” has significant cuckold and humiliation themes that are right on the surface, and American Sniper has a scene in the beginning (before the movie really picks up) that features a cuckold relationship.  We love movies, and it’s something we share as an intimate and platonic part of our relationship…but we can’t separate our sexual life from the way we mutually experience those two movies.  For those who have seen “Men, Women, and Children”, I’ll say that before the movie was over, my girlfriend had an Ashley Madison (I think that’s the name) account.  No I won’t share that with you.  Another example, is when we’re at the gym.  It is not uncommon for her to comment on other guys’ bulges or notice me checking out other girls and make comments.  She has also hooked up with a guy from our gym on a number of occasions.  So, even those experiences don’t happen beyond the context of the other parts of our relationship.

I hope this answered your question and gave you a little more insight into our relationship.  If I missed the mark of what you were looking for, feel free to clarify the question, and I’d be happy to elaborate.

Furthermore, please keep asking questions (anyone).  I started this blog, because I felt an insatiable compulsion to share my lifestyle with someone other than my girlfriend.  She has the advantage of sharing it with many others…but I experience it largely alone.  This outlet has given me a place to open up about it, and it’s been wonderful and therapeutic.  That said, I don’t really have a plan or a roadmap.  I’m pretty much just going to post about what I’m thinking/feeling, and your questions can really help guide the focus of these posts.  Thanks!

I love getting reader feedback, especially the shy ones who read and never post on Tumblr. I got a message from a woman yesterday that I want to share, because of the frank honesty and the minor twist on things. Edited for brevity, but the backstory is that the woman describes herself as a “conservative, Christian mother, married for 21 years, three kids, 44 years old.” 

“About a year ago my husband and I were discussing this, we found your blog and used it as a great conversation piece. He encouraged me to explore this kind of sexual relationship, but unlike you guys we decided to make it purely between me and the other guy. Meaning this: my husband told me that if I did it, he’d prefer to know that I am in fact having an extra sexual relationship, but he didn’t want to know who it is or when I do it–just that it is happening. We of course agreed about steps for safety, him knowing where I am and all that, and about discretion. I think he maybe thought it was a dare and didn’t think I’d actually go through with it. However, it only took two weeks on a dating site to find the perfect “boyfriend”. 

“A few posts of yours ago, you reposted something about this kind of relationship kindling a “productive jealousy” with the husband. I’m here to tell you that, for us at least, that is like 1 million times percent true. We had hit kind of a rut in our marriage, having sex 3-4 times a month maybe. Now? Ever since this started, it’s like 5 times A WEEK. It is way, way better too–more passionate, he is going down on me regularly, and the attention he’s giving me is way more than before. And seriously, I’m only having sex with my “side guy” about once or twice a month. That sex is off-the-charts too. I think you posted something some time ago about a wife just needing a hard dick and rough sex every now and then. Yeah. True. Now that there’s trust in the other guy and safety is no issue, I usually don’t tell my husband when I see my BF. Sometimes he doesn’t know, sometimes he does know-he can smell it or just intuit that I’ve been with another man. It’s weirdly primal, and unweirdly a turn on. I check in with him often–as in, ‘are you ok with me doing this?’. His answer is always enthusiastically yes–as I know it will be. But still it’s a cautionary example, because I’d encourage everyone to regularly do a check-in with your spouse. This type of sexual relationship can be insanely rewarding on many levels, but it also deserves a lot of communication and affirmation.”

Asking for a friend…

"You beg and tremble, and still I say 'no' and lock you right back up again. And you like it. You like that I don't allow you to cum."

I like where this is going!