Tzmehrtme - Tzmehrtme

Wow. U are amazing.

Decisions, Decisions... (Part I)

This was an interesting week for me.  

I spent the majority of the week thinking.  Mostly about what this new dynamic meant for my relationship.  Control, power, sexual freedom… My mind couldn’t really focus a lot of the time on other tasks, so it meant for some longer hours at work so that I could actually get some things done.

And then, I got a call on Thursday morning at work.  I had to take a couple of minutes and go outside to answer it.  Not like that was a big deal - I could barely focus anyway.  It was Shauna.  We hadn’t talked in a weekish, and ever since she read my last post, she was apparently on the edge of her seat about this whole thing too… (Try living it). So, worry not followers, Shauna has your back when I don’t post something in longer than three or four days.  Thank goodness that she is the only one of you with my phone number…

Ok, so anyway, Shauna calls, and asks me how I was doing, and what I was feeling.  She had gone all the way back through to the beginning of my blog and read every post.  I guess I felt flattered by that.  I just record my thoughts as they happen.  Shauna was insistent… We had to talk - for a while.  I couldn’t right then, but we agreed to meet for lunch.

We met for lunch a couple of hours later to talk about… My relationship I guess?  I sort of fly like I was going to see a counsellor or the school principal or something.  We sat down, and Shauna immediately asks me what has been happening.  I was honest with her, I told her that not much really, I was thinking about my own interpretation of what all of this means.  Basically, it boils down to me having convinced myself that I am now in total control of the bedroom dynamic in our relationship… 

Shauna agreed, but told me I was blind at the same time.  And the I was “sitting on an absolute gold mine.”  I was confused a little, so I asked her to elaborate.  She said that she had been thinking about my relationship with my boyfriend ever since I had told her that my boyfriend was into sharing me.  Then, after she had gone back and read my whole blog, it made her realize that my boyfriend likes me in control, and likes me making all the decisions in our relationship.  I answered “well, yeah, I know Shauna, that’s what I just said”. And en she smiled, and said “no, it wasn’t… You said the you were in control of the sex life in your relationship, I am telling you that you are in control of everything in your relationship” I was intrigued..  “Everything Courtney…  Not just sex.  You can do whatever you want… You can make him totally dependent on you, for everything. You can make him ask permission for anything… To drink alcohol, to stay up late, to make a phone call, to freaking stand in your presence!  And what’s more, is that he wants you to do it!  Do you have any idea how many women would kill to be in that position?”

I have to admit, that I haven’t really thought of things in that way before.  I have learned that my boyfriend likes me to make the decisions sexually, and I have sorta played along when it came to things outside the bedroom, but I guess I always just considered those as foreplay like things.  He can’t drink tonight, or he has to make me dinner… Whatever…  Those were all for the intent of turning the two of us on, for fun later.  I never thought to try to make run of the mill, every day decisions on his behalf, just because… What if Shauna was right?

“How can you be sure Shauna?  What makes you think he wants me to do that?”  Again with that smile.  Sometimes I wonder if she is a bad influence on me…  “Just try it.  See if he lets you make mundane decisions for him.  If he doesn’t want that all the time, just in the bedroom, then he will speak up, right?  What harm could it do?”  I thought for a minute.  “Ok, I’ll give it a shot.  What should I do?”  

We spend the rest of the lunch coming up with a plan.  Something that would make my boyfriend feel uncomfortable, out of place, and totally dependent.  But aomething that wouldn’t - couldn’t - possibly lead to sex of any kind.  A test to see how much he wanted me to be in control…

On Friday night, when I got off of work, I called my boyfriend on the way home and told him I wanted to do something that night.  He said yes, of course, and asked me what I had in mind.  I told him to come over to my place right away, because he was taking me out that night.  He told me that he was working on changing a headlight in his car, but that he would change clothes and be right over.  I had better ideas.  “No, just come over right now.  No changing clothes, just hurry”. He asked if I was ok, and I said I was fine, and would explain later, just get to my place right away.  He didn’t argue, and got in his car and said that he would come directly to my place.

I hung up, and thought about what I wanted to do that night.  I wanted to test him.  Throughout the week, I had been thinking about his attitude about this whole thing.  I wanted to see if he was serious about me actually making the decisions in our relationship, or if it was just something that made him horny to think about, and it was more fantasy for him.  So, I spent a couple of days coming up with this plan.  

As soon as I got off the phone with him, I called and made a dinner reservation.  A place we have been before, on date nights.  It is a steak and seafood place, and every time we have been there, we have ended up eating for like 2 full hours.  It’s a bit of a drive away from us, but it’s good food, and a semi-classy place that is good for date nights.  Luckily they had a couple of openings still, but they weren’t until later in the evening… 8pm was the soonest we could eat.  It was about 5:20.  I told them that 8 would be fine.  I made a reservation.

I hit traffic on my way home, of course.  Because it was Friday, and everybody turns into an idiot on Friday evening during rush hour.  So by the time I got home, my bf was already there and was waiting for me.  He was wearing pretty typical clothing for him.  Denim jeans, a t-shirt, and tennis shoes. A little bit dirty from being under the hood of the car, but not filthy.  Perfect.

When I got inside, he hugged me, and asked me what I wanted to do that night.  I told him, “you are taking me to dinner, but I have to get ready first, so sit down and wait, and think about where you want to eat.”  He nodded, sat on the couch, and pulled out his cell phone.  Presumably to find a place to eat… Or check Facebook, or whatever… But I went upstairs to get ready. As I was walking up to my room, I looked back at him, on his phone.  “[bf]!  Look at me!”  He looked up at me.  “Stay down here until I’m ready.  No coming upstairs.”  He looked at me a little funny, but nodded again.

When I got to my room, I stripped  down completely, and got in the shower.  While I was in the shower, I went all out.  I washed my hair, shaved my legs and armpits, even trimmed up the downstairs a little bit too.  I wondered what he must be thinking down there.  I figured he would be getting a little impatient, seeing as how I practically made him drop everything and rush over to take me to dinner… Just to wait on the couch and get hungry.

I got out of the shower, and put on lotion, and blow dried my hair.  “"He called up to me, “Courtney, are you about ready?”  “Almost! Give me two min!”  I did my makeup.  I went all out.  Foundation, blush, lipstick, mascara… The smoky-eye eye shadow… Everything.  Then I pulled out some nail polish, and painted my nails.  “Court? Are you ready yet?  How do you feel about pizza?”  “That’s fine! Give me a couple more minutes!”  I looked at the clock.  6:45.  He had been waiting for almost an hour already.  I thought my toenails could use some polish too, so I painted them to match my fingernails.  

What was I going to wear?  I pulled out a couple of outfits from my closet, and tried them each on.  I would put something on, look in the mirror, and change my mind, then take it off, and try something else, before doing the same thing.  Part of it was me actually being indecisive, but this bigger part of me knew it was mostly just a stall tactic to keep him waiting.  Another look at the clock.  7:10.  I had about 20 more min before we had to leave to make dinner at 8.  

“Courtney, is everything ok?  I’m starving!”  I heard him stand up and walk around downstairs a little bit.  “I’m fine, stay down there, I’ll be right there.”  I finally decided on a maroonish/purple dress that was mid-thigh length, and a gold belt.  The dress was tricky, because it zipped in back, so I had to zip it first, then pull it on  over my shoulders.  A little difficult, but I managed…  I put on a gold necklace too, and some wedges that matched my belt, then quickly did my hair, because by that time, I actually did need to hurry a bit.  I yelled down to him “ok, I’m ready, go get in the car… My car!”  I walked out of my room, and stopped in my hall closet to grab a black jacket.

He was standing in the doorway waiting for me as I came downstairs.  As soon as he saw me, his words changed mid sentence… “I’m starv… Wow!”  I grabbed my purse, and walked past him out the door.  “Lock the door behind you”. He did, as he followed me.  I walked right to my car, and opened the drivers door, and got in.  He looked at me funny.  “Are you coming?” I asked, while he was still outside the car.  He got the message and climbed into the passenger seat.  I pulled out, and started down the road.  “Courtney, you look great, but I thought we were going to get pizza?”  “Not anymore, I don’t feel like pizza”. “Where are we going then?”  “Wherever I want.  Will that be a problem?”. He said no, sat back in his chair, and didn’t say much the rest of the drive.  Right up until the time I drove into the parking lot of the steak/seafood place.

“Courtney?! Are you serious?  We can’t eat here tonight.  I look like a slob!”  I parked the car, and looked at him.  “I made a reservation at 8 for two.  Are you going to eat with me, or should I call some other guy?”  I didn’t wait for him to answer, and got out of the car and started walking up to the door.  I heard him get out of the car, and close the door and follow behind me.  “"court, wait, why didn’t you let me change clothes first?  Come on, I look like an idiot… Let’s go somewhere else, please?”  As soon as I heard the door close on my car, I reached into my jacket, and locked the doors.  We weren’t going anywhere else. I stopped at e door and waited for him to catch up for a couple of seconds.

“We are eating here.  Now.  Stop whining and act like an adult”. He opened the door for me, and followed me inside, in his jeans and a t-shirt.  I walked over to the hostess, and told her that I was there for my reservation.  She nodded, and asked me iffy preferred a booth or table.  I looked at my boyfriend.  “Uhh, a booth please” he said.  Normally, I would be fine with a booth, it’s actually my preference, but I wanted to make sure he knew that he wasn’t going to be speaking for me.  “Actually, we’d like a table tonight, please” I said to the hostess, while looking right at my boyfriend. She looked at me, and at my boyfriend.  He shrugged.  “Ok, right this way”

Our table was almost right in the middle of the restaurant.  Open on all sides.  We sat down and I could almost feel his embarrassment.  I was dressed to the nines, and he was in a t-shirt and jeans.  I’m sure nobody really cared, but I knew he felt underdressed and out of place, which is exactly what I wanted.  He was pretty quiet.  I picked up the menu to look it over.  The waitress came over to bring us some water, and see what we would like to drink.  Normally my bf gets beer on a date at dinner, and I drink a glass of wine.  We are re-defining “normally” now too…  “We will split a bottle of Pinot noir please” I told her.  My boyfriend stayed quiet.  She smiled and nodded, and after checking our IDs, she left to get our wine and take care of a couple other tables.

Finally my boyfriend spoke up a little.  “I’m not a big fan of wine.  Do you mind if I get a beer instead?”  I smiled inside.  I really didn’t care what he drank, but I wasn’t going to budge… If I’m going to be making decisions about our sex life, I’m going to be making decisions about our non sex life too… Could he handle that?  That was the whole goal of the evening.  “Actually, yes. I do mind.  I just ordered wine for us.  You can drink that.”  He looked at me, a little puzzled.  I stared back at him.  “Unless you prefer going virgin again for the night?”  He shut up, and looked at the menu.

I had to cover my face with my menu, because I was smiling, and trying not to laugh.  He was letting me do this.  He wasn’t putting up too much of a fight about it.  I took a couple of deep breaths to calm myself down, and try to stifle my grin a little more.  “I’m ready to order”. I said, and put down my menu on the table.  He looked at me a few seconds later, and said “I can’t decide between the steak and salmon, or the short ribs”. I grabbed the top of his menu, and took it from him.  “Don’t worry about it” I said, I’ll decide for you.  I smiled at him.  He blushed.  Cute.  I like the feeling it gives me when I make him blush. It makes me feel sexy, and powerful.  I folded the menus up, and put them in front of me.  I drank some water, and he mostly just stared at the table, with a few occasional awkward glances up at me.  I didn’t say anything, just smiled back at him, which just caused him to blush more.  I wondered what he was thinking.

Eventually, the waitress came back with our bottle of wine, and opened it for me and handed me the cork before pouring me a taste.  (Side note - why do they do that?  The cork thing, and the small sip to taste?  I mean, I ordered it, right, of course I’m going to drink it… Am I supposed to be doing something with it?  Am I not cultured enough to know I am missing out on something here??  Anyway…). She poured me a full glass, and then one for my boyfriend too.  She left the bottle on the table, and asked if we had enough time to look at the menu.  “Yes, we are ready,” I said, “I’ll have the steak and salmon special please, medium rare.”  She said that was a good choice, as she had been eying them all night, and they looked delicious.  Then she asked “for you sir?” And I went for it… Before my boyfriend could answer that he wanted the short ribs, I chimed in, with the waitress right there. “He’ll have the seafood alfredo” she looked at me.  I smiled.  She looked at my boyfriend.  He blushed a little, but nodded sheepishly.  She didn’t say much after that, but wrote it down, said she would have it right out, and left the table.

“Seafood Alfredo?”  He asked me as soon as she was gone.  “Is that going to be a problem?  It will go well with your wine.” I answered him back.  He blushed again, and took a drink of his wine.

Dinner was entertaining too.  I told him that the steak was delicious.  He asked me if he could try it.  Nope.  How was that seafood over there?  He told me I was killing him.  I told him that I knew he was loving it…  At one point I asked him.  “So, what do you think all of these other people think when they look over here and see the two of us out tonight?”  He confessed that they probably think that this is a date, and that he is a complete loser, to come to a place like this, dressed the way he was - particularly considering how well I was dressed.  That gave me an idea.  Up to that point, I hadn’t planned on engaging in any sexually charged talk, but I decided to go for it.  

“Yeah… I bet they are wondering what I see in you…  I bet some of the guys are thinking that they would definitely dress better to take a girl like me out…  I wonder if any of them think I’m hot…?  Do you think so?  What about that guy over there?  Maybe that one?  Oohh… That guy wearing the tie is cute, I bet he would buy me a drink after dinner…”  I knew he loved it.  So I decided to push it a little more.  “I’m sure Alex would…”. He stared back at me for a minute.  I smiled.  “Should I text him?” I was already pulling out my phone.  “I dare you” he answered.  I don’t really know if he thought I wasn’t serious, or if he actually wanted me to do it.  By this time in the evening, I suspect the latter actually.

I texted Alex, “any chance you are free tonight?  I could use some rescuing.” and sent it.  About that time, the waitress came back to check on us.  My bf asked her for some more water, but then immediately looked back at me.  I said “yes, please” she left to get us more water.  I guess I could let that one slide…  Alex answered me back “rescuing from what?”  I laughed to myself as I typed, and I showed my boyfriend my response before I sent it to Alex.  “Just a boring date, with a guy that is really underdressed.  I’m hiding out in the bathroom typing right now until I can figure out a way to ditch him.  Ugh.”  Sent.

My boyfriend shook his head.  “You are so bad” he said.  “Hush.  You love it.”

Alex wrote back, “I’m actually not too busy.  I could get you if you are serious.  Where are you?”

I thought for a minute.  While my boyfriend stared at me, and my phone.  Was I actually going to tell him to come get me?  Would I leave my boyfriend there?  I was afforded a little extra time when the waitress came back to ask us if we would like any dessert.  “Yes, please,” I said.  “We will have one piece of the chocolate cheesecake to split please”. She took our dinner plates away.  Mine still had a couple of bites of steak left, which my boyfriend absolutely noticed.

I wrote another text to Alex.  “I’m at [restaurant].  Do you know where it is?  If you can come get me, I would be seriously grateful”. I reached in my purse, and pulled out my car keys, and slid them across the table to my boyfriend.  “Just leave my car at my place, and leave my key in the planter in front”

He nodded. He didn’t speak up.  I grabbed the phone again, and texted Alex, one more time, but put the phone down before letting my boyfriend read it.  He knew I sent Alex a text.  He didn’t know what it said.  We waited a bit… Silent.  He stared at the table, and I felt more in control of everything then I ever have.  “Do you want to know what I said to him?”  He nodded.  I took another drink of wine.  He didn’t talk.  The waitress brought us he cheesecake, and put it in the middle of the table.  She left the bill too.  I reached out and pulled the cheesecake over toward me, and took a couple bites.  “Do you want a bite?”  Another nod, but still no words.  I drank more wine, and waited.

I ate about 80% of the dessert myself.  He wanted the last couple of bites, and he wanted to see what I texted Alex, but he didn’t ask for either.  My decisions. Mine.  About 10 min later, my phone buzzed with another text.  It was Alex.  He was there.  I pushed the last couple of bites of cheesecake across the table to my boyfriend.  I stood up, and left the check there for him too.  While he sat there, I got my purse and jacket, and then I said “you really want to know what I said to him, don’t you?”  He nodded again.  I walked around behind him, and leaned over to whisper in his ear.  “I told him to bring the bike”. And I walked out of the restaurant.

Techniques For Hotwives

This is awesome. Just pure awesome. Thanks Albany Hotwife! 

From: http://albanyhotwife.tumblr.com/page/10

Techniques For Hotwives; I absolutely love being a hotwife. One of the best parts for me is driving my husband insane with lust for me by giving him just the right blend of teasing and reassurance. Not only do I get the freedom and variety of choosing my own sexual partners, but I also get a husband who burns with desire for me. For the purpose of this entry I’m going to use the term hotwife for any wife with permission to play, cuckoldress for a hotwife who emphasizes her dominance in the sexual relationship, huband for the hotwife’s primary partner (could easily be a fiance or boyfriend), and lover for the other sex partner who’s not the husband.

Here are some techniques I regularly use that I’ve found hotwives and cuckoldresses can use to make their encounters extra fun for their husbands and for themselves.

When Husband is Watching You with Another Man

Eye Contact* - Nothing will arouse and tease your husband like strong eye contact with him. Eye contact says, “Look at me!” and makes it impossible for either of you to ignore or trivialize what’s going on. Eye contact can be gentle or fierce, depending on your style and the message you’re trying to send. I prefer to lock eyes for a long time, then wink or smile right before I look away. I like to lock eyes with my husband while I’m blowing my lover.

Smile* - Smiling is both a tease and a reassurance. It says both, “Look how much fun I’m having!” and “Everything is OK.” I love to smile at him when I’m riding my lover cowgirl-style.

Say Something* - You don’t have to jabber away, but it’s fun to say things now and then. I love dirty talk with my lover while my husband’s watching. I also like to interact with him, asking, “How are you liking the show?” or “Don’t you wish you were doing this?” I also encourage my lover to talk about how good everything feels and how much fun he’s having. Moaning, screaming, crying, laughing, giggling, etc. are all great things to do, too. It’s also cute to call you husband by terms of endearment like honey, baby, etc. when you’re being fucked by another man.

Dress Up* - High heel shoes, lingerie, nicely done nails, and perfume all say, “I’m putting effort into looking fucking hot for my lover!” You husband will be aroused by your appearance and jealous of the effort to look good for another guy.

When Husband is Listening from Another Room

Go Nuts* - Scream, cry, moan, laugh, beg, talk dirty, giggle, and slurp. Encourage your lover to slap your butt. These sounds will float through the closed door and to your husband’s ears, driving him wild with desire and jealousy.

Emerge, then Vanish* - Take a break from fucking. Go out into the room where your husband is: hair a mess, makeup smeared. Have a glass of water. Say hi to your husband. Then, go back to the bedroom. Close the door. Lock it.

Make a Movie* - Film your bedroom romp. Hook the camera in your room to the TV in the room where he’s sitting so he can watch live feed! He’ll be scratching at the door in no time.

When Husband is Not Around

Call Him* - It’s fun to call him and put the phone on speaker phone while you’re getting railed. Then, husband can listen! Even more fun (for you cuckoldresses) is let your other guy call from his phone instead. It’s more humiliating.

Texts* - Like above, but text dirty things. What you’re doing, feeling, etc. Have your other guy send husband dirty pics of what you’re doing.

Get Caught* - I love having my husband walk in on me when he’s not expecting anything. Just make sure that you know he’d be OK with this, and that your lover is also OK with this. Some people don’t like surprises.

Leave Evidence* - Your lingerie lying around the bed, sex toys on the nightstand, or a condom in the garbage all remind your husband of what you were doing in his absence.

Make a Movie (pt. 2)* - Film your bedroom romp and leave the recording on the nightstand for him.

Mutual Understanding