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The Hotwife and “Cheating” - How Many Men Really Want This?

I felt compelled to write this post because it’s a topic that seems to have been coming up more frequently with “D” and I. There is a definite fascination and desire on his part to have me “cheat” as a Hotwife, or essentially to be kept in the dark for some of my encounters and interactions until they are over. To be clear, thus far all of our Hotwife adventures have been completely transparent - he seems the interactions between my lovers (and perspective lovers) and I, he gets screenshots of all of our text messages, he gets to experience me “getting ready” for my dates and then he’s the first person who I message or call once my date leaves. This has been the Hotwife lifestyle as I understood it, but there seems to be a growing fascination with me going out and doing things - whether just a date and a kiss to a full on encounter - without his knowledge, until I tell him about it later in an “Oh, by the way, guess what I did today” manner.

Being a Hotwife at all was a leap for me, because in the beginning it felt as though I was cheating on our relationship, and having come from a past with an abusive ex husband who cheated on me regularly, I was just “never going to go there”. I suppose I was able to eventually get into the Hotwife lifestyle because while it was essentially “non-monogamy”, it wasn’t really “cheating”, because he knew about everything from start to finish.

The actual “cheating” aspect of being a Hotwife seems to be fairly common, at least from what I have read on Tumblr and other websites. Husbands who get intense pleasure from their ladies going out and being with other men only to be “told” about it afterwards - basically giving them no choice or control in the manner, keeping them on edge and wondering if “today is the day that she’s going to do it again”, etc. There seems to be an eroticism in this aspect of relinquishing control for the partner of a Hotwife, and almost a torturous desire to feel that at any moment your woman may decide that she wants to go off and have a good time with someone else.

Psychologically speaking, maybe it’s a reminder that what you “have” isn’t something that you necessarily “own”…that your woman could go out and be with another man at any point (and most of us could, because it truly wouldn’t be that difficult for me, at least) and you are always on the edge of possibly losing her. It makes the sex more intense…almost like breakup/makeup sex without the actual breaking up.

I’ve tried to see the sexy in this, trust me. I’ve tried to apply it to myself and my own feelings - if D were to do this, how would I feel. I would feel betrayed, unloved, and, quite honestly, I would probably consider leaving the relationship, because I don’t handle the “not knowing” or the “betrayal” aspect of things well. But, D, on the other hand, finds an immense pleasure in it, and who am I to judge this? We’ve talked about things, and he’s admitted to me that even when he was in his 20′s and 30′s and dating, he got a certain torturous pleasure when his girlfriends would cheat on him. He also admitted that he wanted his past girlfriends, and even his last wife more (all be it only for a short while) when she had cheated on him.

So…if this is really what he wants, should I give it to him? It wouldn’t be that difficult…likely easier than what I am doing now in juggling my “regular lover”. But, I would have to train myself to be deceptive…and is that really a good thing for our relationship? These are the questions I have, and I wonder just how many partners of Hotwives out there really do like this idea of being “cheated” on…maybe some of you can help me with this.

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tzmehrtme

5 years ago