Tzmehrtme - Tzmehrtme

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A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.

The barman looks at him and says,

"Hang on! You're a duck."

"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.

"And you can talk!" Exclaims the barman.

"I see your ears are working, too," says the duck.

"Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

"Certainly, sorry about that,"

Says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint.

"It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing around this way?"

"I'm working on the building site across the road," Explains the duck.

"I'm a plasterer."

The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.

So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.

The same thing happens for two weeks.

Then one day the circus comes to town.

The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him

"You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"

"Sounds marvellous," says the ringmaster, handing over his business card.

"Get him to give me a call."

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says,

"Hey Mr Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."

"I'm always looking for the next job,"

Says the duck.

"Where is it?"

"At the circus,"

Says the barman.

"The circus?" 🎪

Repeats the duck.

"That's right,"

Replies the barman.

"The circus?"

The duck asks again.

“With the big tent?"

"Yeah," the barman replies.

"With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?" says the duck.

"Of course," the barman replies.

"And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.

"That's right!" says the barman.

The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says .. . ......

"What the fuck would they want with a plasterer??!"😂🤣🤣 🦆

Beer buddies

Hubby makes his own beer on occasion, and he is always looking for tips and tricks to hone his skills. A few years ago he met another home brewer at the homebrew supply store, James, and they hit it off well enough that hubby invited him for a BBQ and to talk brewing. Dwayne told me he had invited someone over, which didn't thrill me at the time, but when James arrived and hubby introduced us my pussy was tingling. James was early 40's, 6'2", well built, 225 lbs, and single.

Dwayne and James hung out in the garage where hubby keeps his brewing equipment, talking about beer and how long they had been brewing. I would occasionally walk in asking if they needed anything, secretly aching to see what James was packing. I'd smile at him but was careful not to flirt with him or give a signal to hubby that I was totally into him. While they talked I'd go to the restroom and quickly finger myself, and it wasn't long before my pussy was a sopping mess.

I told hubby he should get the grill going, so he and James went to the back yard and fired up the grill. I was taking food outside when James asked if he could help. "Sure" I said, smiling at James before turning around and walking to the kitchen. James followed and I handed him a plate, telling him "thank you sweetie". As I handed him the plate I made sure to touch his hand and winked at him. He smiled at me and took the remaining food to hubby.

We all sat at the table once the food was ready and chit-chatted for a while. Hubby and James enjoyed several beers and I was squirming in my chair, my clit and pussy begging for cock. As the two of them got drunk I was openly flirting with both of them, being mindful to focus my attention on Dwayne. At one point I began caressing James' left leg with my foot, and he'd casually glance at me and give me a wink while we all talked, laughed, and had a good time.

James had to call an Uber since he and hubby had quite a few beers. We said our goodbyes and he told hubby he'd be back for his truck the next morning. Hubby said he'd be at work long before James would return, but I'd be home making sure his truck was ok. James and I smiled at each other before he left. I attacked hubby, telling him his flirting had me soaking wet the entire night. He fucked me hard and fast, filling me up with a huge load before rolling over and passing out. I fingered myself to a nice orgasm, thinking about James, before falling asleep. The next morning I made sure hubby filled me up again before going to work.

After hubby left I took a shower, got dressed in a sexy pleated skirt, black thigh highs, silky button-up blouse, and black high heels. I kept an eye on our surveillance camera on the garage so I could know when James arrived while I started work for the day. About 7:30 I saw an Uber drop off James, so I made my way outside. "Hey there" I greeted James with a smile. "Good morning Carla. How are you this morning" he replied. "I'm doing great, darlin" I responded, "how about you?" "I'm doing well, thanks", he said, "just getting ready to head to work." "You should come in for some coffee" I offered. James thought for a second and replied "sure."

I held the door open for James and as he walked past me he smiled and looked me up and down. My pussy was aching and started dripping. We walked into the kitchen and chatted a bit while I poured his coffee. "Do you take cream and sugar" I asked. "Sugar, please. 2" he said. "Ooooo", I cooed, "he likes it sweet." "Sure do" he said. As I handed him his cup I slightly bent over the counter, with my exposed cleavage pushing forward, put my finger in his coffee and stirred, and quietly said "I like mine with extra cream", then pulled my finger out of the cup, slowly put it in my mouth, and slowly sucked it clean. James looked at me with a smile and said "oh really?" "Mmmhmmm" I replied, "lots of cream makes me happy." "I'm sure Dwayne gives you plenty" he flirted back. "Well" I said, running my finger over the rim of his cup "he's definitely up to the task, but I need more" I said, looking up at him with a sultry gaze, "I need a lot more, if you know what I mean." "I might, but you may need to explain it to me differently so I don't misunderstand" he said.

Without saying anything I stood up, sauntered around the counter toward the living room, bent over the arm of the sofa, spread my legs, pulled my pleated skirt up over my hips, looked back at James, and slid two fingers into my soaked pussy, then spread my lips and said "I need extra cream, darlin. If you know what I mean." James walked over, admiring my exposed pussy, and started caressing my ass with one hand while grabbing his hardening cock with the other. I resumed fingering myself, moaning and biting my lower lip. I heard him unbuckle his belt and unsnap his pants, and it wasn't long before his hardening cock was touching my slit. I reached back further and gripped his shaft, rubbing the tip of his manhood through my slit and over my glistening clit. "Oh fuck" I purred as I savored the feeling of his meat against mine. He let out a low moan as I manipulated his cock, grabbing my hips with both hands and slowly grinding against me. "Fuck me James" I said softly, guiding the tip of his cock to the entrance of my willing and eager married hole. He slowly thrusted forward, coating his cock with the juices dripping out of me, pushing forward gently into me until his dick was completely inside. I looked back at him and growled "I said FUCK ME!" Without hesitation he began pounding his rock hard cock in and out of me, and I pulled my tits out as he fucked me. I supported myself with one hand while I pinched and pulled my nipples with my free hand, my tits swaying wildly as he pounded my adulterous pussy. I could feel my pussy spasming, but before I started to cum James groaned "FUCK I'M GNA CUM!" "DON'T STOP FUCKING ME" I moaned as my pussy began to convulse "I'M CUMMING ON THAT DICK!!!" As soon as I uttered that last word we came in unison, with James gripping my hips as he plunged as deep in me as possible. My cunt walls spasmed around his pulsing cock, and I savored the feeling of jets of sperm filling me. We came intensely, and he slumped over on my back as his softening cock dripped the final drops of cum from his balls.

James quickly gathered himself and stuffed his cock back in his pants, apologizing for his hasty departure. "Sorry Carla, but I'm late for work." His cum dripped down my thighs as I stood up and pushed my skirt down, telling him "no problem, honey. I understand. Dwayne leaves for work at 6AM, in case you want to give me some extra cream again." James smiled and said "I'll be back tomorrow" before closing the door behind him. I walked over to the bedroom as James dripped out of my pussy, undressed, laid on the bed, pulled out my dildo, and fucked myself to a squirting orgasm.