My Top Post In 2021

An open letter to Heroin from a funeral director

Fuck Heroin.  FUCK.  IT.

That’s what I want to say when I get a phone call from a crying son, daughter, husband, wife, girlfriend, or boyfriend telling me their loved one has died from an overdose.  But I don’t say that.  I don’t say it because it’s impolite and I’m supposed to be the even minded professional to your grief clouded bereavement.

But, “I’m sorry for your loss” and “my deepest condolences” just don’t work when a 19-year-old daughter was found in the basement of her friend’s house after two stints in rehab and five months clean.  This was supposed to be the beginning of her life, not the horrible end.

Or, what do I say to the sixteen-year-old son who wants me to call him as soon as I get his mom to the funeral home because “that will be the first time in my life that I’ll know exactly where she’s at”.

Or, what do I say to the 30-year-old wife with three kids and no income, little support and now she has no husband.

Fuck it.  FUCK HEROIN.  That’s what I want to say.

How about the parents who tell me, “I’m glad it’s over.  I haven’t slept in years, but last night I actually slept because I knew he wasn’t out hurting himself or someone else.”

Or the parents who tell me with blank expressions that they had absolutely no idea their daughter was using.  That she was excelling in college, holding a steady relationship with her boyfriend, working part-time and now she’s on our morgue table.

What do I say to the young husband who tells me, “We don’t have any money for a funeral, she blew our savings and her life on this relapse.”

How do I respond when that very same young husband follows it up with, “how do I explain this to my kids?”

And then there are the times when the body has been left somewhere, abandoned by so called friends, and it’s starting to decompose.  “Can I just see my dad one more time?” the young man asks.  “Yes, you can,” I say, “but this doesn’t look like the man you expect to see.”  The son replies, “That’s fine.  I haven’t seen him in five years so I don’t have any expectations.”

FUCK HEROIN.  I’m getting tired of these stories.  I’m tired of unstitching and embalming autopsied bodies that are discolored and broken down by addiction.  I’m tired of hearing the empty cries of “My, baby, my baby!  How did this happen?”  How did we get here?” when the mother sees her son in a casket.  I’m tired of children asking, “what happened to mommy?” and “when will she wake up?” at funerals.

I’m getting tired of these stories.  I know addiction is a disease.  I understand that shame is never the path to healing.  There’s no shame here towards the addict.  The enemy is very clear.  We can all agree that this particular disease, this particular addiction is worthy of our most harsh, most striking, most caustic curse words we can find.

For all the fatherless and motherless children I’ve served …

For all the widows and widowers I’ve walked with through the valley …

For all the bereaved parents now childless …

For all the individual lives you’ve stolen, all the futures you’ve killed, and all the love you’ve grieved …

I raise my middle finger to you, heroin.

Fuck you.

Who is Riverside County Jane Doe?

March 20, 2021

*This case is not to be confused with another case under the same name of two women who were found in a burned building in 1969*

On February 10, 1997 the body of a woman was found in the hills behind the Desert Crossing Shopping Centre in Palm Desert, California. The woman was found by a construction crew and looked as though she had been living in the area for several days before her death as authorities found what appeared to be the woman’s day camp located up the hillside from her body. 

Her estimated age was between 35-50 years old, she was a white female, 5′6 inches tall and around 145 pounds. She had brown shoulder length hair with some grey mixed and hazel eyes. She had no distinctive physical features. Her face had expensive Clinique makeup on and was recognizable upon being found so the sketch done of her is probably quite accurate. It had appeared that the woman was only deceased for 1 day prior to being found and likely died on February 9, 1997. 

Clothing and accessories found on her or near her are as follows. A white sleeveless shirt, a white and tan shirt, a tan jacket, blue denim pants, a tan bra, tan underwear, oversized plastic frame bifocal eye-glasses, tan shoes and a yellow metal wedding band on her left ring finger suggesting she was either married or had been married at some point in her life. She was also wearing a clear amber pendant around her neck. 

Another interesting aspect of this case was that they found an unfinished letter that was written in English and Scottish Gaelic that read, “Dear love of my heart…” and “A ghraidh mo chridhe” translated to “O love of my heart.” This could mean it is possible that the woman could speak English and Gaelic and perhaps was not a US citizen or from somewhere other than the US.

A hallmark birthday card was found but the sender’s name had been torn off. Bus passes and cash were also found along with a prescription bottle with the label torn off. Whoever this woman was it soon started to become clear to authorities that either she did not want to be identified or someone else involved did not want her to be identified. 

Authorities found a photograph of a beach but it looked like the person in the photo had been cut out of it. 

The woman also appeared to have extensive dental work done including crowns and root canal work so it is assumed that she had taken great care of herself and her physical appearance at one point in her life. 

An autopsy was done on the woman which revealed that she had died from heart disease, a very natural death meaning no foul play was involved. She was found with some cuts on her face and legs and authorities believe these were due to her rolling down the hill perhaps after she had died, which makes sense why she was found where she was found in relation to the location her camp was found. 

It appears that this woman was not murdered, she had died from a disease, however that stills leaves so many questions unanswered. Besides her identity being unknown, why was she living in a set up camp in the hills near this shopping centre? Was she homeless? Did she run away? The wedding band on her finger makes it obvious that she was once important to someone, how could there not be anyone out there looking for her? 

To me it doesn’t make sense that this woman was homeless because she was found very well taken care of and was wearing expensive makeup at the time of her death. It seems as though she was at least living middle-class if not an upper-class lifestyle at some point. It seems to be that this woman perhaps was running away from something or perhaps knew she was going to die from heart disease and wanted to die on her own terms and remain unfound/unidentified. 

In my own opinion I think she most likely was running away from something, perhaps even an abusive relationship and was trying to figure out what to do. It is possible that she suddenly died from heart disease, though that seems too much of a coincidence. 

The prescription bottle with the name torn off suggests that she may have been aware of her disease and was taking medication for it, but why did she leave no clues to her identity? It is obvious that her identity was purposely made to be a mystery but still 24 years later we don’t know why. 

One day Albert Einstein wrote on the blackboard:

9 x 1 = 09

9 x 2 = 18

9 x 3 = 27

9 x 4 = 36

9 x 5 = 45

9 x 6 = 54

9 x 7 = 63

9 x 8 = 72

9 x 9 = 81

9 x 10 = 91

Suddenly there was chaos in the hall because Albert Einstein was wrong, the correct answer for 9 x 10 is 90 and all his students made fun of him.

So Albert Einstein waited for everyone to shut up and said:

“Even though I had correctly analyzed the nine questions, no one congratulated me but when I only missed one question, everyone started laughing; it means that even if a person is very successful, society will notice his smallest mistake and they will enjoy it.

So don't let criticism destroy your dreams, the only person who never makes a mistake is the one who doesn't do anything."

with ℒℴѵℯ