“I Kinda Had A Crush On Captain Barnacles As A Kid… And Rewatching.. I Think I Still Do” - Anon

"can't two men just be friends?" i mean they can but these ones sure ain't!

You know what we don’t talk about enough?

The very real possibility that Bradley’s middle name is Pete…

alright I have an au idea that im about to badly explain but it's a little strange so stick with me.

I call it: 'The Parent Trap but Opposite' au

So picture this: Tommy is Phil's only child, right. His mother died in childbirth so for his entire eight years of life its just been him and Phil. And that's fine, that's great, he loves it. Tommy doesn't want another addition to the family, it would only screw everything up.

That being said, Phil is lonely. Don't get him wrong, he loves his son and loves spending time with him, but he misses the feeling of being in love. He misses his wife.

Enter, Kristen.

They meet on a blind date, set up by a friend from Phil's work, and hit it off instantly. Months pass and Phil wants to propose.

One problem though. He hasnt told Tommy about it. He hasn't even introduced Kristen to him.

So what better way to merge both families that a holiday?

(I should probably say here that Kristen also has children. Take a wild guess who they are.)

Tommy is all for a holiday. Two weeks at a fancy ass hotel with room service, an arcade and a pool? Sign him up!

That is until, he finds out that Kristen and her boys will be joining them.

Enter, Wilbur and Techno.

(They're about fourteen. Their parents are divorced and, unlike Tommy, they knew Kristen was seeing Phil. They alse know that Phil is gonna propose - well, it's just a hunch)

Phil, god bless him, tries his hardest to get Tommy to warm up to Kristen, Wilbur and Techno. He plans all these activities and takes them all shopping, to the beach, to waterparks ect. But Tommy just won't take to them; he doesn't mind Kristen but Wilbur and Techno are weird, they keep making these cryptic comments about how they're going to be seeing eachother a lot in the future and Tommy just does not understand.

That is, until they decide to let Tommy in on the obvious.

Tommy, as expected, is in denial. Because there's no way his dad would do something like that without telling him first. Besides, Phil doesn't need to get married, they're perfectly happy just the two of them.

There's just no way.

Right?

Wrong.

Because Tommy is a curious little shit and he ransacks his and Phil's hotel room in search for the ring. He doesn't find it, of course, because Phil is used to Tommy's little raccoon tactics and hid it properly. But when he comes back from dinner with Kristen to a destroyed room and a confused Tommy, he decides to tell him the truth.

Needless to say Tommy has a fit. One moment, he's happy; just him and dad, living life. And then this lady and her shitty sons come along and fucks that up

(I imagine the conversation being something like:

Phil: Yeah im gonna propose Kristen

Tommy, inhaling deeply: *screams*

And then it would proceed to reinact that once scene from Steven universe with ruby and sapphire like-

phil: he'll eventually tire himself out :'D

Tommy, making even more of a mess than he already has: that's what you think! I am an eternal flame baby!! >:(

Yeah.)

Tommy, ever the drama queen, storms to Wilbur and Techno - who are like "we told you so :/" - and the three of them (because Techno and Wilbur also do not want this little racoon gremlin hybrid in their home either) team up and plan to ruin the proposal. The only problem, they don't know when Phil is gonna actually propose.

And this...this is where the hijinks and shenanigans ensue.

They just like, constantly ruin Phil and Kristen's date nights with their dumb shit.

(I'm thinking shit like the three of them stacked on each others shoulders in a trench coat pretending to be a waiter at the hotel restaurant Phil and Kristen are eating at and constantly spilling drinks and food of them whenever it looks like Phil is about to pop the question; following them on walks under the stars, hiding in bushes with binoculars and making birds attack them; tackling Phil into the pool ect. ect. ect.)

But, plot twist, while pulling off these epic plans, the three of them...bond! Dun dun dunnnnn!!! Wilbur and Techno actually grow to like Tommy and think "Hey, maybe this kid ain't so bad" so they back out on the plans and try to convince Tommy to do the same. He won't.

(Meanwhile, Phil is just wondering why all his proposal attempts have gone so fucking wrong like???)

Anyways, fast forward. Its the last day of their holiday the two families go out for dinner. Its nice, they're having a good time, Kristen is chatting away to Tommy about Minecraft and Tommy is happy to tell her all about his favourite game. And then, Phil clears his throat.

He starts talking about Kristen and how happy he makes her, and Tommy can tell what's coming the moment Phil reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a small black box. And, in a final attempt to keep the life he has, Tommy snatches the box out of Phil's hand and fucking runs.

He runs right out of the restaurant, ignoring everyone calling after him, and doesn't stop running until he's on the beach, where he hides. And he cries. He cries because his dad is gonna replace him with Techno and Wilbur, and he misses his mum even though he never met her, and because this he knows that stealing a ring and running away isn't gonna stop this proposal from happening, and because the only family dynamic he knows is going to change and he isn't ready for that. And it's just a big angst moment.

And then some fluff.

Kristen finds him hidden by the rocks, and Tommy quickly pretends he wasn't just crying bc he's a big man and shit like that. He half expects her to immediately call for Phil and then for Phil to disown him, but instead she sits with him.

She asks if he's OK and when he doesnt answer her she just goes on talking about random things as if Tommy didn't just ruin their entire holiday (about shit like how she thought the cake at the restaurant was too dry and about the stars and different constellations and she even continues asking him about minecraft) and Tommy, after a while, talks back to her.

They talk for a while, arguing about the best Minecraft block (Tommy wholeheartedly defending cobblestone like his life depends on it) until eventually Kristen asks why he did what he did. And Tommy explains everything (that can basically be summed up in "I'm scared of change")

It's just a wholesome moment really. They're just sitting behind a bunch of rocks, Tommy is spilling his guts and Kristen is just listening. And at then end of it she's there to give him a big hug.

(I imagine Tommy saying that one cliche line "please don't hurt my dad" and Kristen being like "I wouldn't dream of it" and then Tommy gives her the ring box)

But yeah, happy ending! Phil proposes to Kristen on the beach and it's all happy and nice and cool and Tommy, Techno and Wilbur watch and Techno starts crying a little bc he's so happy for his mum.

...

I came up with this last night when I couldn't sleep.

do you ever read a part of a fanfiction that you were like "this can't be that bad"

AND IT ENDED UP BEING SO FUCKING TRAUMATIZING

like you have your mouth open and eyes shot while reading it, at some point having to press your home button out of pure shock because that part of the fanfic is just so morally fucked up

and then you come back and keep reading

captain barnacles design!

this is just how i see him and my hcs for him!!

I love how old ppl act like val is so cold and mature when he is the most silly guy in the whole universe

I live for silly val

PEPPER comforting TONY | IRON MAN 3 (2013)

Me when I see cod men

smoke break