🪄 Lingwizard Follow

🥺

Hiiiiiii hope you are doing well on this fine night day :3

For the oneshots thing I was thinking perhaps... something related to a soulmate au? Redacted desperately trying to recreate the exact scenario or something passably close to how they first found out they were soulmates as kids so that Angel will think this new Ren person is their actual soulmate (assuming Angel forgot about their childhood soulmate).

The cruel irony of him having to fake being soulmates because they are so afraid that Angel will resent being tied to someone as unlovable as [Redacted] that they'd rather reconstruct the entirety of their bond on a lie yada yada yk the drill >:3

.... I fully intended to send in a fluff ask how did this turn angst lmao oh well. Something like that anyways, feel free to take creative liberties or ignore if it's not up your alley ofc <3

Genre: Angst to Comfort

Summary: — Decided to add a more realistic, to a soulmate au...I failed..

( Reader is a g.n!)

Did not proof read/Rushed.

I'm so sorry I THINK I FAILED THIS.... I'LL REWRITE THIS ONE DAY!!

May this be my timeless Love to you REDACTED.. X G.N Reader

“What is a soulmate?” The question echoes like a dirge through a hollow cathedral. He asked it once, long ago — when his hands were small, calloused from too much trying. He asked it before he learned that no one wanted the answers a boy like him could give.

This boy could (not) be called the Ugly Duckling. Not with laughter — but with a solemnity that could quiet the birds. He wore it as penance. For being too much. Too little. For being born under the wrong star.

Across the lake — the water that always seemed too wide to cross — there was you and him A child like something pulled from the pages of a dream: Pigtails, scraped knees, colorful bandages like mismatched prayers. And something gentler still... wounds dressed in laughter, pain softened by pretend...this was him..

He covered his soul in stickers and bandaids. You never called him ugly — but he hid all the same.

You cared for him.

He saw you. He saw all of it. And oh, how he adored you.

He had nothing — not love, not kindness — but he crafted a ring from wire and thread and the tinny promise of devotion. A symbol of a bond he believed the universe had to have carved between you. You were his soulmate — weren’t you? You had to be.

So, trembling, he stepped forward on unsteady legs. The playground was golden with dusk. And he held out the ring — Eyes wide, lips parted — waiting.

But before you could speak, before the miracle of “yes” or “no” could fall from your mouth, another hand — Larger, stronger, braver — wrong — Snatched you away.

“Weirdo!” the boy barked. “I knew you were bad news! Were you close to them because of this?!”

Your breath caught.

“Leon, wait—!”

But Leon did not wait. He grabbed your wrist like it was a leash, yanking you toward the trees.

"A-Angel!"

"LEAVE THEM ALONE, YOU FREAK!"

"Leon!" you pleaded, voice breaking like old wood. Stop stop stop stop—

But your feet obeyed his, and you vanished into the forest. The sound of leaves swallowing you whole.

The small boy stood, ring still in hand.

Crushed petals. Bent wire. The light... leaving.

And still, he smiled — small and broken.

“...It’s okay. I’ll try again.”

But he didn’t. Not then. Not for years.

And so, he became less.

He shed the skin of the duckling, and buried the boy who made rings. Buried him beneath names and costumes and personas that Angel might love.

He crafted some things but, The lies you would love..

A perfect lie in your image.

But you — you remained the same. Bright as ever. Still crossing the lake in his dreams.

To him, you are the light on the water. You are the laughter in the bruised boy’s memory. You are salvation in stickers and scabs. You are his Angel.

Hand worn like garlands; every scrape, every bruise, a verse in the ballad of his survival. He wrapped themselves in the myth of their own unworthiness. They called their soul ugly —

In you, He saw, he saw divinity. He saw home.

So the little duckling, trembling and unbeautiful, offered you the only beautiful thing he had ever made: A ring. Crooked. Fragile. Real. A token of a love too vast for his chest to hold. You were his soulmate. His answer. His absolution.

And what was your answer…?

You never knew.

Why was his vision twisted? Why is....

There was once a time, however fleeting, when the world still appeared vibrant to him—where the crunch of grass beneath small feet, or the glint of sunlight over a pond, carried a sort of naive beauty.

ONLY BECAUSE HE SAW IT THROUGH YOUR EYES!

Vanished like breath on a windowpane. What remained in their wake was silence, dread, and the long shadow of a man who should have been his protector.

His father was not a man of love. Not a man of gentle correction or even stern but fair discipline. No, his father—Taylor— He was the kind of man who looked upon his own children and saw not budding lives but burdens. Parasites. Leeches draining his oxygen. The boy never got to be a child in the ways that mattered. Innocence was something torn away, not lost.

Taylor’s presence was a stormfront: unpredictable, ever-threatening. Some days, the silence was worse than the yelling. On others, the yelling was only a prelude to something darker. And always, the boy knew—no matter how quiet he was, how obedient, how small—he could not escape the slow corrosion of his father’s contempt.

He learned quickly that masculinity was a weapon in his father's eyes... But the moment that same masculinity appeared in his son? It became a threat. A competition. A problem to be down. And yet—when his father forced him into more fem, He was against it....—none of it was out of affection. It was a punishment. A mockery. A way to remind him who controlled the image in the mirror.

Taylor’s disdain was a constant mirror in which the boy saw not a son, not a person—but a mistake. A malformed, thing pretending to be worthy of love.

His mother couldn't

It was the slow, ceaseless erosion of every part of himself.

But perhaps one moment stands above the rest.

He had carved something. Not out of grand materials—he had no such luxury—but out of determination and trembling fingers. It was small, fragile, and shaped like a ring. Something to give. A symbol of devotion. Of innocent affection. Of hope.

He gave it to someone who mattered.

And he was rejected.

Not simply rejected, but humiliated—by someone who did not understand, by someone who took the offering and flung it away, calling him a freak....

He didn’t cry. Not in front of them.

Later, alone in the dark, he wept until the walls blurred.

No one would ever love him. That he was too broken, too strange, too wrong. And now, it seemed true. His emotions betrayed him. His instincts betrayed him. Even the things he loved most would not accept him as he was.

So began the great undoing.

He stripped pieces of himself away—not in a dramatic flourish, but quietly. Methodically. Each piece discarded was a memory, a feeling, a small quirk. The voice that wavered when he was scared. The softness in his eyes when he looked at someone he cherished. Gone. Gone. Gone.

He did not do it to manipulate.

He did it because the person he was had already been deemed unworthy. Because the truth of him was a wound too shameful to show. And somewhere deep within that shame was the rot his father planted long ago:

“You are not enough."

"No one will ever want you."

"Unloved, Unlovable."

He still followed the light.

Not in the tender, dreamlike way he had when they were children—no, now he followed it like a moth starved and frenzied, wings frayed, mind blistered by the ache of wanting. The light had become everything. The light was Angel. His Angel. The one who made him feel warm once, long ago. The one who smiled at him before the world taught him that smiles weren’t meant for monsters.

But after that ring.. a thing to be pushed away from someone precious—he couldn’t go back. Not as he was. That boy was ruined. That boy died the moment Angel let go of his hand.

Still, he watched.

He lingered in shadows and street corners, not out of malice, but mourning. How could he hate what he could never stop loving? How could he let go of the only thing that had ever felt safe, ever felt real?

He stayed away. For years.

Every attempt to speak up—to say, NOT “I remember you,” “I missed you,” “I never stopped thinking about you”—died before it left his throat. Because what would be the point? He wasn’t enough then. Why would he be enough now?

But he tried.

He tried so many times.

Different versions of himself. Different scripts. He smiled wider, laughed softer. He changed his posture, his voice, his tone. He mimicked people that Angel seemed to like. He studied them like sacred texts, rewrote himself in their image. One version too aloof. Another too eager. One too mysterious. Another too awkward. None of them stuck.

None of them were enough.

None of them worked.

Angel would pass him in hallways, brush shoulders in crowded spaces, maybe glance his way once or twice. But never with recognition. Never with that spark. That radiant, soul-shattering warmth he remembered.

He stood in front of mirrors for hours, tearing into his own reflection with furious eyes. What is it? What did they want? What did they like? Why couldn’t he get it right?

"What's wrong with me?" he whispered once, "What am I doing wrong?"

He copied the fictional characters Angel loved. Studied their voices, their mannerisms, their color palettes, their phrases. He practiced the way they tilted their heads. Memorized how they blushed, how they laughed, how they hesitated before saying something sweet. He kept notebooks full of quotes, annotated with where the character spoke and what Angel had said afterward. He watched, catalogued, obsessed.

And still—nothing.

Angel never looked at him the way they looked at him.

That fake character. That ideal. That Haruko.

It drove him to madness. A quiet, unraveling madness that crawled beneath his skin and whispered: You aren’t lovable. You aren’t enough. You will never be enough—not unless you become them.

He started building the Haruko persona from scratch—voice trembling, eyes wide, sleeves too long for his hands. He wore soft colors, soft words. Practiced the stutter. Practiced being innocent. Haruko was everything he wasn’t, everything he wished he could be. Haruko was perfect. Haruko was loved.

Now

Redacted is a ghost in his own body—an echo dulled by years of forced silence, a bitter thing carved by cruelty and stitched back together by desperation. If Haruko is sunlight, soft edges and delicate smiles, then Redacted is everything lurking in the shade: jagged, smudged, bloodstained. There is nothing soft about him. There never was.

He doesn’t flinch at screams. Doesn’t shake at the sight of blood. He sees suffering the way a mechanic sees grease—part of the job, unavoidable, expected. But beneath that dead-eyed calm...

Never mind

But fragility doesn’t survive fire. It burns, warps, hardens. He learned to snarl where he once whimpered. Learned to lie, to hide, to pretend. Because being himself never worked. Being himself only ever earned him rejection...

So Redacted buried himself.

And Haruko was born.

Soft-spoken. Timid. Blushing. He smiles with teeth he files down every night just to make himself smaller, more harmless. Haruko listens. Haruko laughs. Haruko says “Sorry!” even when they aren’t wrong. Haruko is everything Angel ever wanted—or so he thinks.

But Redacted is what remains when Haruko’s mask slips. He’s not gentle. He’s not calm. He’s desperate. Desperately in love, desperately afraid. And he hates himself for it. Because no matter how many times he shifts, no matter how many personas he creates, he can’t escape the fear that the real him—the broken, twisted, violent him—is unworthy of love.

So he watches from the sidelines, always calculating, always performing. Haruko is sweet so Angel smiles. Haruko is shy so Angel leans in. He memorizes every reaction, every compliment, every laugh, hoards them like treasures. Because if Angel ever really sees him, if they ever peel back the carefully constructed softness and look at what festers beneath…

He doubts it.

That’s why he clings to Haruko. That’s why “Ren” exists. Because Redacted—he doesn’t get to be loved. He only gets to want.

But he plays the game anyway. Over and over.

Because if pretending is the only way to be near Angel, then he’ll play every role, recite every line, and smile through the agony.

One day.

He had seen you through the glass of the library windows more times than he could count. Watched you shelve books, tuck loose strands of hair behind your ear, smile at strangers. Always from behind the shelves. Always from afar. Like an old film reel playing on loop, his world paused the moment you walked in.

And today, he chose to press play.

He wandered in as Ren, dressed neatly in a layered knit vest over a button-down, the sleeves too long, covering the faint tremble in his fingers. Pink-purple? BLUE? hair tousled just enough to look effortless, the strands near his face curled to mirror him. Haruko. Your favorite. He knew because he listened, stalked—watched. Moth had mentioned it in one of your calls, and he memorized every timestamp, every laugh, every soft "God, I love him so much."

He wanted—needed—you to say that about him.

So he walked in, slow and deliberate, eyes low, pace measured. You didn’t see him at first. Of course you didn’t. Why would you? You weren’t supposed to. He was just the weird boy who always rented your display picks. You didn’t know he came in after hours just to press his fingers to the last book you'd touched. You didn’t know the lengths he went to just to keep breathing in your orbit.

But then you did.

He turned.

You looked.

And everything inside him snapped like a string pulled too tight.

You saw him.

And you didn't look away.

Immediately, your eyes widened. Not in fear. Not in disgust. Just... surprise. His heart skipped. No, it sprinted. You were seeing him. The soft curl of his lashes, the gentle tilt of his head, the nervous shuffle of his booted feet—you took in all of it.

You noticed the hair. His hair.

“Ahem! Hello..?" you whispered to yourself without realizing.

He heard it.

In his head, confetti burst. Sirens blared. Choirs sang. You noticed.

You turned fully, facing him with genuine curiosity. “So this was the guy who always rented out my recommended books,” you thought. “He definitely fit the aesthetic of a cozy literature-lover needing a good book…”

His chest squeezed. He wanted to cry.

You thought he fit.

The pink strands of his hair danced as he took one careful step toward you, then another. You could smell the faint vanilla clinging to him, sweet and warm, like library candles and anxiety. You tilted your head, smiling softly.

He tried to speak. Failed.

“I was just looking for… uh…”

His voice cracked. He hated that. He should’ve practiced more.

But you… you smiled.

A nod. A kind one. A real one.

Like he was safe.

Like he belonged.

“…I need some help. I-I’m looking for a specific book, you see, but…”

You nodded again, already turning toward the nearest catalog terminal, and in that moment—

His heart screamed.

YOU LOOKED AT HIM. YOU LOOKED AT HIM.

And God, if you looked again, he swore he'd never let you stop.

In his heart, he was exploding—like a child seeing fireworks for the first time, clapping his hands even if no one else did. You looked at him. You smiled at him. His mind spun with glitter and soft confetti, cheeks burning, heart thumping like a drum in a school parade. You saw him. Not a shadow. Not a ghost. Him. And you didn’t flinch. If he had a tail, it’d be wagging so fast he'd knock over the whole shelf. You looked at him you looked at him you looked at him! Over and over it rang, sweet and dizzying.

And when you looked at him—really looked at him—for the first time at the library desk, he nearly collapsed from the weight of it. The way your eyes met his and didn’t flinch. Didn’t run.

That night, you invited him home. Said your lock was broken. He smiled and told you he’d protect you. You didn’t know that he was the very monster lurking in the bushes before he became your savior. You didn’t know he was your past, contorted into a dream.

Each day was a...

Day 1: Your home. His heart raced as you offered him tea in mismatched mugs, as if it were love in ceramic form.

Day 2: A cafe. A soft, awkward almost-date. You laughed, and it sounded like forgiveness. Like maybe the past could be rewritten.

Day 3: Movie night at your place. A sappy romance you both pretended not to cry over. His fingers brushed yours and he swore the stars shivered.

Day 4: The aquarium. He "accidentally" showed up. You stood together at the glass, watching a jellyfish pulse with light. He asked if you saw a angelfish, you replied you saw a freakin clownfish.

Day 5: Moth arrived. You introduced them with a brightness he hadn’t seen since childhood. You were happy. And it was because of Ren. Not him. Not the boy with the broken ring and the monster's name.

So now he studies every gesture, memorizes your laughter, adjusts himself like clay in your hands. Slowly, carefully, perfectly—he molds himself into a soulmate you’ll want this time.

He can’t risk telling you the truth.

Because if you knew who he really was...

You might leave again.

And this time, he wouldn’t survive it.

You saw him.

You saw him kill someone—for you.

Not out of bloodlust. Not out of rage. But fear. That trembling, trembling fear that someone might hurt you, even slightly. And so, he silenced them. As easily as plucking petals from a flower.

Why was he doing all this?

Why did he look at you like you were holy? Why did his breath hitch every time your skin brushed his, like even the smallest contact meant salvation?

It was… sad. Sad and sweet in a way that twisted something deep inside you. The kind of sweetness that hides bruises. The kind that feels like a memory you forgot how to grieve.

Why did you feel pity for a stranger?

LIES DON'T LAST...

He can't recreate it.

They can't recreate it

[REVOKED]

[RETAINED] ?

[RED̴A̸C̵͍̔T̵̰̓E̸̘̽D̸̳̻͕́̒]̵̱̈́̋.....?

No matter how much they try, There's no results, The screen's empty.

Even if refresh, reboot, reset.

There is always some way to access memories.

And, that's what happened..

It doesn't matter how.

He didn't know if he should be happy, that his name fell out your mouth like a sweet melody to him, But Your reaction was all it took for him to know you're not happy to see...him why? would you be?

You remember. You went to the dark and the dark and "It" was bored, It gave you a answer

Not when the story began years ago—at a playground long forgotten, when a ring was offered and then thrown away. When a boy who called himself ugly carved love from his own hands and handed it to you. Only to watch it get crushed by another.

He never stopped chasing that moment.

He just wore a prettier face while doing it.

If you remembered—if it all came back in clarity and color—it wouldn’t just break your heart.

It would destroy his.

Because this "Ren" you’d grown fond of? The boy with soft eyes, clumsy kindness, and pink hair made for fictional dreams? He was a performance. A stitched-together mirage of everything you ever loved, rehearsed until the seams no longer showed.

And the cruelest part?

It wasn’t a stranger who lied to you.

It was him. The boy you left behind, the boy who never forgot. The one who hated himself so deeply he buried that child under a mask and called it love.

He wouldn’t beg for forgiveness. He wouldn’t plead. Because he’s convinced he doesn’t deserve it. Not when he’s sure—absolutely sure—that the moment you see the real him, the moment the illusion crumbles, you’ll turn away. Not because of what he’s done… but because of what he is.

A fractured soul. Obsessive. Haunted. Unworthy.

But you?

You’re not afraid of him. Not really.

You’re afraid of hope. You’re afraid of wondering which part was true. Of asking yourself if any of it—the laughter, the comfort, the late-night talks—meant anything at all.

And when your eyes finally widen with realization, with hurt, with disbelief—

It breaks him. Truly.

But,

Because even if you forgave, you tried to stay… love built on lies doesn’t fall gently.

It ruptures.

And the pieces? They don’t fit anymore. They cut.

You ruined. Him...

You stayed because you were guilty Not because you started to fell for him immediately...

I ruined you, didn’t I?

No—no, not just ruined. I unmade you.

God… all this time, I thought you were a stranger. A perfect mask. I thought Ren was someone new—a fantasy, a lie. But it was always you. It was always you.

That ring... that stupid little ring. I remember it now. Dirt-stained, scuffed, held in tiny trembling hands. You gave it to me once, didn’t you? And Leon—he threw it away like it was trash. Like you were trash.

And I didn’t stop him.

I didn’t even look back.

You picked it up. You picked yourself up. You took every piece of who you were and buried it. Shoved it down into something dark and cold, and from it… you built Ren.

Perfect, smiling Ren. Sweet, attentive, careful Ren. Everything I ever wanted, wrapped up in a stranger’s skin. But it wasn’t a stranger, was it?

It was you.

And I never saw you. Not really.

God, what did I do to you?

You changed your voice, your walk, your laugh—you built an entire person out of my silence. You loved me in the shadows for so long, until your love curdled, until it rotted into something that clung to me like ink. You swallowed who you were just to become someone I might finally see.

And I did see you. But too late. Too goddamn late.

That night—I didn’t know if I loved the boy you were… or the man you became.

But you were never supposed to become this.

You were supposed to be happy. Whole. Not… twisted by this ache. Not hollowed out and rebranded just to be deserving of love.

You were always deserving.

And now here you are—sleeping beside me, your fingers curled around mine like you’re still afraid I’ll vanish. Even now. Even after all of it.

You’re beautiful like this. Not because you’re perfect. Not because you’re Ren. But because you’re you. Scarred and real and terrified. And for the first time, I see you without the mask.

[REDACTED]… you didn’t need to be Ren.

You were enough.

You are enough.

And I’m sorry. For everything. For not seeing you, for not hearing you, for letting you rot in that silence. But I’m here now. And I’m not running.

Not from you. Not from this.

I can’t undo the past. I can’t unmake the monster that love turned you into.

But maybe—I can hold onto the boy who just wanted to be seen.

Maybe I can love him.

Maybe it’s not too late to start over.

Not with Ren.

But with you.

Maybe...let's heal together..okay..?

But, that when You put on the ring, You didn't talk, You didn't give him a answer..

You decided to quit your work, and just stayed with him.

You realized he was patient..

He waits for...

You.

You're the reason he waits.

Not just for days, not just for weeks—he's waited over thirteen years just for a chance to see you again. And not just to see you—no, that’s too easy. He wants to be near you. To exist in the same space. To breathe the same air. To build a world where he gets to stay by your side, even if it means burying who he truly is under layers and layers of someone else.

Ren.

That’s the name he wore. A soft thing. Harmless. Gentle. A version of himself crafted entirely for you—because somewhere along the line, he decided you wouldn’t love the real one. The one who bled. The one who screamed. The one who died waiting.

So he built this mask for you. Wears it with devotion. Every breath he takes as Ren is for you. And if it made you smile? He’d wear it forever. If it brought you peace? He’d never let it crack. Even if it means killing everything wild and real in him. Even if it hurts.

Because you’re worth it, right?

At least that’s what he tells himself, over and over again. That if he’s patient—good—you’ll come around. That one day you’ll stop flinching when he touches your wrist, or scowling when he says something too careful. That one day you’ll love him. Even like this.

And when you scream at him?

When you snap—Stop pretending! Stop acting like you’re some fragile thing! That’s not YOU!—it shakes something in him. But he never screams back. Never corrects you. Never tells you that this is him now—that in all the pretending for You. He just stands there, takes it, nods softly like he deserves the pain.

And then you cry.

Every time, you fall apart. You hate how much it hurts. You hate how much he waits—how patient, how still, how perfectly prepared he is for your worst days.

Because if you stop eating? He leaves food outside the door. Quietly. Every few hours. Never forces you. Never begs. Just places it there like an offering to a god he believe in.

If you scream? He waits.

If you break? He’s already made sure there’s nothing in the room sharp enough to cut, hard enough to throw, dangerous enough to hurt you. He padded the corners. Taped the mirrors. Hid the glass. You didn’t even notice until it was too late.

Everything was prepared.

Because he knows you. He’s studied every twitch, every tremor in your voice, every wall you build and destroy again. He’s the architect of your cage and your comfort. Your soft place to land and the reason you’re falling in the first place.

And it gets to you—how still he is.

How he doesn’t flinch when you hurt him. How he looks at you like you’re the one fading. Like every breakdown you have is his fault. Like he broke you. Like he infected you with the same obsession he’s been carrying for over a decade.

You see it in his face.

That grief. That guilt. That hope—the worst of them all. Hope that maybe one day, you’ll look at him like you used to. Or like he wishes you had. Hope that maybe the version of you who loved him still exists somewhere underneath all this hurt.

And what are you supposed to do with that?

When someone loves you like you’re the only real thing left in their crumbling universe? When they’d trade away their entire identity just to make you stop crying?

You. Needed a break, So you quit your job, Your Boss didn't question....

You slowly started and tried to understand what Redacted was..

[REDACTED] is the kind of person who could watch a man bleed out on the floor and not blink. He's patient to a terrifying degree—so cold, so detached, it borders on divine.

Because when [REDACTED] is genuinely pissed, he doesn't scream. He doesn't lash out....

No theatrics. No blood frenzy. Just a clean, quiet severance. And when it's done, he goes back to his day like nothing happened. He’ll sip his coffee. Read his messages. Hack into three security systems before breakfast. No remorse. No reaction. Just that faint, unreadable smirk curling at the corner of his lips, like it was all just part of some tedious to-do list.

But when it comes to you?

When it comes to Angel?

He’s not that person anymore.

He can lie to the world. He can wear a thousand faces. He can fake kindness, mimic charm, even build whole identities to get what he wants. But with you, there’s no mask. No apathy. No distance. You simply bring out the emotions in him after it is.

You’re the one fracture in his perfectly fortified armor. The only one who can bring him to his knees without even trying.

Because he’s here. You’re here.

He doesn’t hide his affection for you—not really. Not when he’s himself. Not when he’s not tangled up in Ren, pretending to be smaller, sweeter, quieter than he really is.

[REDACTED], he’s unfiltered. Obsession doesn’t scare him. Not when it’s about you. He’s never once felt ashamed for the way he needs you—only cautious. Only careful. Only pretending under the mask of Ren because he thought it’d keep you around. Because he thought he—in all his raw, jagged truth—would scare you off.

But not anymore.

Not when you’ve held him like this. Not when you’ve seen the way his voice shakes, the way his hands tremble when you whisper that you love him—not Ren, not the mask, him. He knows now, deep in his chest where it always ached the most, that there’s no one else you want. And yet—

He still struggles.

Not with you, but with himself.

Because even now, even in your arms, even with the warmth of your voice in his ear and the ghost of your kiss on his skin, he doubts. Not your love—he believes that, at least a little. But that he could be worthy of it? That’s harder.

He’s still learning how to speak up. About his wants. His needs. About anything that isn’t you. Because you’re always his first thought. His only priority. Everything else? It doesn’t feel important. But you tell it is important.

He looks at you like you’re the last light he remembers seeing. Like you’re the only thing that ever made this world worth crawling through.

No one else has ever seen him cry.

No one else has ever watched the infamous ghost of a man—this ghost who glides through shadows, this killer, this phantom in code and blood—shatter under the weight of your touch. That night when you reached out—when you finally crossed the space between you, wrapped your arms around him, and said nothing but stayed—he collapsed.

Right there. In your arms.

Quietly. Brokenly.

Tears slid down his cheeks like he didn’t know how to stop them. Like he hadn’t cried in years, not since everything fell apart. He buried his face against your shoulder like he was trying to disappear into you, like he was ashamed of needing something so human.

Because the truth is?

He’s still that boy you used to know.

Still that soft thing underneath the blood and code. Still innocent in that specific, painful way only someone who's been hurt beyond repair can be. Still desperate for affection. Still haunted by every moment he wasn’t enough.

But only with you.

To everyone else HE SHOWS, [REDACTED] is an apathetic executioner. The hacker who ruins lives from behind a screen. The killer who vanishes without a trace. The coldest person they've ever met, with nothing in his eyes but calculation.

But with you?

He’s human.

He laughs quieter. Smiles softer. He flinches when you’re hurt. He remembers what it means to be held. You make him feel—dangerously, completely. You’re his first and final tether to something real. To being real.

You’re the only person he ever lets see the cracks.

And you’re the only one who could break him, just by walking away.

Also learned, about someone's something. It changes your narrative...Doesn't it? Dear Angel?

Some time later..

It’d been months. You weren’t sure how many. Didn’t matter.

Time had turned to soup, thick and slow, days blending like bruises in the dark—warm, wet, and somehow… healing. Neither of you talked about it. The quiet was safer. The stillness helped.

You woke first. Not by much. But enough to feel their arms still draped around you, heavy like chains, comforting like ritual.

Their breath ghosted your shoulder. Warm. Uneven. You could tell they weren’t really asleep anymore—not fully—but they hadn’t moved either. Not even when you shifted.

You whispered, real soft. "Hey."

Nothing.

You squirmed a little, nudging your elbow back. Still nothing.

Then their arms tightened. Their chest pressed flush against your back, and they buried their face in your neck like they were trying to hide from the world.

A hoarse voice rumbled out of them, low and almost pitiful: “…Don’t.”

You froze.

"You’re awake." You smiled, tilting your head slightly. "I just need to shower, REDACTED.... I’ll come back."

A groan. Tired. Frustrated. "Y’don’t get it. I know what back means." Their voice was quieter now. Raspy. Vulnerable in that raw, sandpaper kind of way. "Means gone. Means not here. Means… ‘m gonna wake up and you’re not."

You turned, cupped their cheek, let your thumb glide over the warm, soft skin under their eye. “I’m not leaving. Just need ten minutes.”

They didn’t say anything. Just stared. One eye cracked open, bangs hanging in messy strands over their face, lip caught between their teeth. Then finally, a loose sigh. Their arms dropped.

You slipped out of bed and—without thinking—tucked a pillow in your place.

That should’ve worked. Should’ve.

But you didn’t even get three steps before a hand gripped yours.

“…Don’t like pillows,” they mumbled.

You looked down. “You used to.”

“They’re not warm like you.” Their fingers squeezed. “And they don’t kiss me good.”

You bent forward, kissed their forehead, and whispered, “Wait for me.”

They made a tiny “hm” noise. Sad. Small. Let you go—barely.

In the bathroom, you brushed your teeth. Washed your face. Fast. Then pancake duty. Something quick, easy. Familiar.

They came out halfway through, dragging their feet, hoodie slouching off one shoulder, eyes half-lidded. They didn’t say anything, just slumped into the chair like it took everything in them.

You put a plate down in front of them. They stared at it. Then at you.

“You smell like mint,” they muttered. “And guilt.”

You exhaled a small laugh. “It’s not guilt. It’s Colgate.”

“Mm.” They poked the pancake like it might betray them.

“Hey,” you said, tilting your head. “I have to work soon. I told you, I was gonna go back But we’ve got time. Let’s shower, then eat.”

They didn’t answer. Just stood up slow. Looked at you like you were light they didn’t trust.

Then—finally—reached out, brushing their fingers against yours. Holding. Not gripping. Like if they held too tight, you might disappear.

You didn’t give them a choice. Not this time.

“You reek,” you muttered, nudging them gently toward the bathroom with a hand against their back. “Like sleep and resentment.”

[REDACTED] chuckled but didn’t resist. Just dragged their feet as you guided them, hoodie sleeves swallowing their hands, hair tangled and falling into their face.

“Y’don’t get to talk to me like that unless you’re gonna undress me too,” they muttered with a sleepy, lopsided grin.

You rolled your eyes. “I will.”

“…Oh.”

You peeled the hoodie off them like second skin. Damp with sleep, clinging to their collarbones. Underneath it—just them. The real one. Not Ren. Not Haruko. Just tired, raw [REDACTED].

The water was already running, steam curling around both of you like soft ghosts. You tugged them into the shower, and they slouched under the stream like it was heavy. Like it had weight.

Their eyes fluttered shut the second the warmth hit. “Fuuuuck…”

“Yeah, yeah,” you murmured, grabbing the shampoo and coaxing them down so you could reach their hair. “You always act like hot water’s a miracle.”

“It is,” they mumbled, half-lidded, letting you tilt their head back. “Especially when it’s you touchin’ me. Angel…”

That name still hit different. From them. Especially when said like that—hoarse, reverent. You swallowed and massaged the shampoo into their scalp.

Their hair had grown longer. black. The pink had faded, bleeding into natural brown at the roots. You could trace time in the strands. How long he’d been here. How long he’d stopped hiding.

“You were gonna dye it again, weren’t you?” you asked, gently rinsing the foam away.

“‘Course, If you wanted” he mumbled.

You tugged slightly at a lock of hair. Not hard—just enough to make a point. “You’re not dying it. I told you, it ruins your texture. And your scalp’s sensitive.”

He looked up at you, water clinging to his lashes. A faint smile ghosted over his lips.

“I do care,” you muttered. “You look good like this.”

“…Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

You worked in conditioner, fingers slow and sure. He leaned into the touch like a cat, lips parted, eyes closed.

“Mm. You like touchin’ me now.”

“I always liked touching you.”

He let that sit in the air a second. Then quietly:

“I think you like my real hair.”

“I do.”

“…Even if I’m not Ren anymore?”

“I didn’t want Ren. I wanted you.”

He made a small, choked sound. Like he wanted to argue, but didn’t have the words. Maybe because he finally believed it. Or maybe because your hands kept moving, gentle in their hair, coaxing trust out of him with every pass.

No protest. No mask. Just a man learning how to be held without falling apart.

You rinsed them clean, let your fingers drift down to trace the slope of their neck. He shivered. Not from cold.

“Alright,” you said softly, “let’s get dry. And eat. You’ll feel better.”

“…Can I lay in your lap after?”

You smiled. “Yeah. You can lay there as long as you want. As long we have time."

“Then I’ll eat,” he said, letting you pull him from the water.

And just like that—he followed.

You sat cross-legged on the floor, plate balanced in your lap, cutting into your stack of pancakes while [REDACTED] blinked slow and lazy beside you—still towel-damp, shirt clinging slightly at the collar, hair fluffy from your brushing. He looked more alive than you’d seen in weeks.

He was still blinking at his own plate like it was math.

“You’re staring,” you said, smiling as you dipped a forkful in syrup and held it out.

“M’just not used to this,” he mumbled, leaning forward obediently. “Someone else makin’ me breakfast. Feeding me. I should be the one who do it for you..."

You snorted. “That was one time.”

His lips curled up as he took the bite from your fork. “I swear I can cook Angel.....”

You kept eating and slipping bites onto his plate, then into his mouth when he got distracted scrolling through whatever was on his phone. Something code-heavy, no doubt—symbols and commands no sane person could understand.

After a moment, he glanced up from the screen, licking syrup from his lip. “ I might go start up the motorcycle later. Get the engine goin’ so it doesn’t fuck up sittin’ too long. I'll drop you off..."

You nodded absently, chewing.

“Yeah,” he muttered, eyes flicking back to his phone." “Just got some backend server crap to clean up. "Thought maybe I’d chill at the library while you’re workin’. S’nice there. Quiet.”

You tilted your head. “You’re asking permission?”

[REDACTED] made a face, like he was caught doing something suspicious. “No. I mean. Yes?”

You sighed in mock exasperation and pinched his cheek. “You dork. Of course it’s okay. Sit in the corner like a gremlin. I’ll sneak you snacks. If Norie gives me."

He looked down and smiled softly, like he wasn’t used to that kind of answer. Then you said it.

“I love you.”

Quiet. No bells. No buildup. Just there, like it had always been true. Soft and honest, like the sun through a kitchen window.

He froze.

Like his system crashed.

You said it first..

This was the first time, You said it first..

You reached forward and cupped his cheek, thumb brushing his skin, watching as something crumbled in his expression—like a wall melting under heat.

“...I love you,” you said again, more gently this time, like it needed to be said twice so it would stick.

His mouth opened slightly, like he was going to say something. But instead—he hugged you.

Hard.

Like he forgot how. Like it hurt a little. His fingers dug into your back and his breath hitched in your ear, and yeah—he was crying.

Not loudly. Not brokenly. Just—tears. Soft and quiet. Like he didn’t know how to stop them.

“I-I’m sorry,” he mumbled against your shoulder, breath trembling. “F-fuck, I’m—I’m just—this doesn’t happen to me, Angel, y’don’t—fuck…”

You held him tighter. You didn’t say anything. You didn’t need to.

Because he always, always hugged you like this when you told him. And you’d tell him again tomorrow. And the next day. And every day after, if it meant he’d believe it one day.

Even if he cried. Especially if he did.

He held you like he was afraid you’d vanish if he let go—even with your breath warm against his neck, even with your arms around his back. His hands curled in the fabric of your shirt, fists trembling, knuckles pale. Like he didn’t believe you were real. Like he didn’t believe he was allowed to be.

You could feel it in the way his body shook—quiet, contained, not dramatic but deep. Like grief with nowhere to go.

Because you knew. You knew exactly what sat beneath that silence.

He hates himself.

[REDACTED]—not Ren, not Haruko, not the soft-eyed persona he built from dreams and scraps of what he thought you’d want—but him. The boy.. who grew into someone sharp and terrifying. The person who survived by splitting themselves in two: the mask, and the monster beneath it.

He doesn’t believe you could love him for who he is. Not really.

He believes you’re too good. That your love must be mistaken. That if you saw too clearly, if you stopped looking at him through rose-colored light, you’d change your mind.

That Ren is loveable.

But [REDACTED]?

He thinks [REDACTED] is the one you shouldn’t love.

It hurts. It hurts more than you want to admit, watching him twist himself into shapes that make them feel smaller and quieter and easier to love.

But it’s fine.

And when you cupped his cheek, when your fingers slid into the strands of hair he never dyed back because you said it was okay not to—he crumbled. Quietly. The tears slipped without sound. His eyes wouldn’t leave yours.

So you leaned in. Pressed a kiss to his forehead, soft and slow.

“If you want me to say it again,” you whispered, “I will.”

His breath caught.

“I’ll say it every damn day. Every hour, if I have to.”

You kissed his cheek.

“Until you believe it. Until it sinks in.”

Your eyes met his. Steady. Unshakable.

“Not Ren. Not Haruko. Not whoever you think you have to be.”

You took his hand and pressed it over your heart.

“It’s you. [REDACTED]. Only you. Always you.”

You watched as he crumbled again—like someone whose bones had turned to dust, like your words were the first thing to ever make it past his walls.

And still, through the salt of his tears, he smiled. Just a little.

“I don’t deserve you,” he muttered.

You leaned forward, touched your forehead to his. “Then stay long enough until you do.”

He laughed—wet and broken. “Y’really gonna make me cry again, Angel.”

“I know.” You smiled. “That’s why I keep doing it.”

He hugged you again. This time tighter.

This time, maybe—just maybe—starting to believe....

A little at a time...

The world has never treated you kind, It bruised your heart and clouded your mind. You were gentle — soft, and bright, But life turned that glow into quiet night.

Now you barely feel like you're real, Too broken to touch, too numb to feel. You search for something to make you whole, A reason to stay, a home for your soul.

And when you find it, you'll never let go, You'll hold it through fire, through storm, through snow. Because you love deep — and ache even more, You've lost so much you're always at war.

But listen now, and let these words stay: You're still a soul worth loving today. Even if you can’t yet see what I do, You are still light. The world just hid you.

Okay REDACTED..?

INSPO FROM!!!

What 14DWY Character are you? - Quiz | Quotev

From the official server!

eat drink sleep play

　　　　　　♡　　art: ponchig　　౨ৎ　　14dwy　　⊹

I can't articulate how utterly inhumane it is that we've not only normalized, but valorized, sleep deprivation. We treat it like an achievement.

Sleep deprivation increases your risk for a myriad of serious illnesses like heart disease, kidney disease, diabetes, and stroke.

And that's just to name a few.

Some of the most important cellular work we do all day happens while we're sleeping. When we don't get enough quality sleep and rest, our cells literally can't effectively repair themselves.

It literally damages every system in our bodies.

Capitalism lies.

Getting enough sleep is actually one of the most meaningfully "productive" things we can do.

♡ (⸝⸝o﹏o⸝⸝)

So, I'm doing the hairstyle challenge with both Ren and Redacted. How does it look so far?

You, Serial Killer - Ren/Redacted x G.N Reader part 1~

14 days with you! is a 18+ visual novel Minors don’t interact!

Genre: G.N Reader (Angst!)

Summary: You're the Corland Bay Butcher, The Serial Killer, you heard in the news, Bodies, dead, gone, You're nuts! What if, someone was helping ya back to keep you safe, Will you see through his act after all, You met him first. NOT HIM

Trigger Warnings (TWs):

Violence & Gore – Mentions of knives, blood, and killing.

Mental Instability – Implied unhinged thoughts, intrusive urges.

Obsession & Fixation – Thoughts circling around a past encounter.

Content Warnings (CWs):

Dark Poetic Themes – Romanticization of violence and chaos.

Self-Awareness of Morality – Internal conflict about killing/mercy.

Shakespearean-style Poetic Bullying – Intense self-deprecation with a dramatic, lyrical flair.

You're a killer.

Not just any killer—a serial killer.

Why? Could be justice. Could be fun. Could be nothing at all, just a way to kill time. Could be money—blood-soaked bills stacking up in your pocket like trophies. It’s on you. But no matter the reason—you’re a fucking serial killer.

A name whispered in alleys. A face nobody remembers. A shadow in the wrong places at the

You're a killer.

Not just any killer—a serial killer. The kind that gets headlines, Netflix docuseries, and edgy teenage fans who call you “misunderstood” while painting their nails black. Maybe you do it for justice (sure). Maybe for fun (closer). Maybe for nothing at all, because boredom is a worse death than whatever you dish out. Or maybe—just maybe—for money, ‘cause even murderers gotta eat.

You, though? You’re a special breed of fucked. You don’t just kill; you curate. A gallery of ruined bodies, each arranged with a shit bow and a shit-eating grin. You're the scum of the earth, and you know it. Flaunt it, really.

They’ll try to psychoanalyze you. Daddy issues, mommy issues, the whole trauma-riddled spiel. They’ll say you’re broken. That you snap at the world because the world snapped at you first. They’ll search for meaning where there is none. You don’t care to distinguish truth from the real—two entirely different beasts.

You probably fake-hate black holes because they’re cliché but would style yourself after one with a smile. Suck the light out of the room, leave nothing but a cold abyss.

And yet.

You are a fucking liar.

A cute little library assistant by morning, shelving books with a saccharine smile, whispering “shhh” to old ladies and college students. By night? You’re a fucking scary-ass serial killer in a raincoat, dripping something that ain’t just rain.

Crowbar, knives—hell, anything sharp enough to carve flesh from bone. Baby, it’s your choice of weapon. You love blood. Live it, breathe it, bathe in it like it’s a second skin. Your love language? JK, no. You don’t need love when you’ve got arteries splitting open like pages in a well-loved book.

Turn the page. Who’s next?

Also—sadly—an anime fan. A shit living show called Attack on Giant owns a piece of your rotten little heart. You know it’s bad. You don’t care.

And worse? You have a fictional husband. Haruki Haruko. The timid, sympathetic, air-headed (but in a good way), people-pleaser type. Cotton candy in human form. The kind of guy who’d apologize for bleeding on your knife.

How the fuck does a blood-soaked abomination like you love a walking pink marshmallow like him?

It’s fictional. STOP.

And it gets worse.

You and your online friend MOTH? Howling for Haruko like a couple of rabid fangirls. CAPS LOCK ON. ESSAYS IN THE GROUP CHAT. “HE DESERVES THE WORLD” “HIS LITTLE SMILE” “I WANNA PROTECT HIM” — all while your hands are still sticky with blood.

MOTH doesn’t know you’re a killer. Shut up. They think you’re normal. That you just have “dark humor” and a really convincing way of describing knife wounds.

“omg if haruko was real i’d die for him <3”

You? Staring at your body count. Thinking, buddy, I don’t even die for me.

Life was fine. Whatever fine means for someone like you.

Then two idiots fucked up. Bad dudes. Real pieces of shit. The kind that makes even God wanna look away. They got your eyes—metaphorically or literally, who cares—and suddenly, you had a reason. An excuse.

You were already a killer. Now you’re a haunting.

They go first. Before the others. Before the side quests and the casual bloodshed. You want them to know. To feel it. The way your presence clings, the way their shadows stretch too long at night.

They look over their shoulders. They see nothing. For now.

You don’t just kill them. You ruin them.

The first one goes slow. Too slow. You take your time, peeling back skin like wrapping paper, watching them twitch, eyes rolling like marbles in their sockets. You laugh. You LAUGH. It bubbles out of you, high and breathless, like this is the funniest shit you’ve ever seen. Because it is. Because they thought they were untouchable, and now they’re meat.

The second one? Screaming. Begging. Doesn’t matter. You’re an artist, and their body is just another canvas. You make something beautiful—ugly—perfect. A mess of red and twitching limbs. Your hands are soaked, your raincoat is dripping, and you feel fucking alive.

And then.

Someone’s watching you.

The air shifts. The hairs on your neck rise.

What the fuck.

You pause. The feeling lingers—someone watching, something just out of sight. But you? You just shrug.

Eh.

Not your problem. If they saw, they saw. If they didn’t, they’ll wish they had. You wipe your crowbar off on what’s left of them, let the sticky warmth seep into your gloves, and turn on your heel like this was just another Tuesday.

Footsteps. Yours. Handprints. Also yours.

If the police are slick enough to find you? Good for them. You’ll make it fun.

You’re gone. Vanished into the night like the walking crime scene you are.

And then—he arrives.

A man, moving like he’s got all the time in the world. A black hoodie, mask pulled up just enough to hide what matters. Black hair, messy but intentional, like he ran his hands through it one too many times. And his eyes—blue. Too blue. Like the kind you’d see in angel paintings before they ruined you. Too bright. Too sweet.

If you were still there, you’d think, No fucking way.

But you’re not. And he? He’s got cleaning supplies.

Because it seems like you left.

He starts to clean. Like it’s routine. Like he’s done this before.

But you didn’t leave.

You grab him from behind—hard. Slam him down, pinning him with your weight, breath hot against his ear. He barely fights back.

“The fuck do you think you’re doing?” you snarl, pressing down harder. “What are you, some undercover cop? Finally found the killer? Corland Bay’s sweet psycho serial killer?”

His eyes—too fucking blue—widen. Stunned. Mouth slightly open, like he’s trying to form words but forgot how. And something about the way his face flushes—**soft pink, creeping up his neck—**is wrong.

You don’t notice. You press the knife against his throat. Harder.

“Talk.** Now.**”

You keep him pinned.

Knee digging into his ribs, knife pressed against his throat, eyes narrowed. "What kind of detective—police—whatever the fuck are you?" You hiss, pressing just a little harder, feeling the faint hitch in his breath beneath the blade.

But then—his breathing.

It changes. Too heavy. Too shaky.

Like... ahhhh???!?!!?

AH—????

Your grip tightens. "The fuck is wrong with you?" You growl.

And him? His pupils are blown, his cheeks are flushed, and his breath is ragged in a way that’s not fear.

Oh.

Oh, what the fuck.

You press the knife a little deeper. Not enough to kill, just enough to scare. Or maybe to feel the pulse beneath the blade—fast, uneven, a little too eager.

"You’re gonna die here, you know that?" you murmur. Cute. Like this is just conversation. Like you’re talking about the weather. Another collection. Another body. You grin, sharp and mean.

But he’s still fucking flustered.

Still breathing all wrong. Eyes shining. Like he wants to say something. You peel his mask up, slow, deliberate. His fingers twitch, reaching like he’s gonna stop you—no. You shove his head back down, hard.

Almost makes him faint. Almost does.

You glance around. The mess. The streaks of red. The bleach.

Oh.

What the hell was he trying to clean up?

You look back down, and his eyes—too blue, too bright—are glassy, struggling to focus. He tries again to speak. You don’t care. You push his head down again—too hard.

He goes limp.

You sigh, irritated. Tear the mask away.

And pause.

Tall. 6’5”, easy. Sleeper build—lean but solid. Hands covered in marks. Scratches, burns—old, deep, childhood scars. Piercings that gleam under the shitty streetlights.

And his face?

...Pretty.

Too pretty.

And somewhat familiar.

What the fuck.

He was trying to clean up the mess. Your mess. The blood, the gore, the little bits of art you left behind like a signature.

A serial killer fan? A wannabe? Some poor, mentally ill fuck who thought you were some kind of idol?

Hah.

Darlin’, he was being nice.

Nice enough to clean up after you, to make sure your ass stayed off the radar. And you knocked him out.

Killing him now? Sad. Kind of a waste. But it’s tempting. The way his throat is right there, the way his too-pretty face would look even prettier painted red.

Nah.

Life’s shit. He’ll grow out of it. Probably. Or he won’t.

And wouldn’t that be interesting?

Too hot to kill.

That’s the excuse you land on. Not the stupidest one you’ve made, not the worst, but damn if it isn’t pathetic. You. Showing mercy. Saint Y/N, patron of dumbasses who clean crime scenes.

You almost carry him—almost. He’s fucking heavy. Dead weight in every sense of the word, and your arms are not built for this. You drag him instead, yanking him into another alleyway, gritting your teeth at every awkward shuffle of his too-tall, too-pretty, too-stupid body.

He could wake up. Could see the sun. Could get scared, maybe. Maybe he’ll take the hint. Maybe he’ll run. Maybe he’ll get the fuck out of Corland Bay and out of your life.

Oh, Y/N.

You showed sympathy.

You’re a saint, aren’t you?

Why the fuck was he trying to clean the mess?

Weird-ass serial killer fan? Some freak with a savior complex? Someone worse?

You don’t care. You won’t care.

Your work here is done. Corland Bay sleeps. So should you.

You yawn, stretch, crack your neck. Good night, dumbass.

You need to sleep. For your work.

You had… a dream.

A little child. Small hands, soft voice. He tries to give you a ring.

Innocent. Loved you.

And you—you looked. You can’t remember your own expression, but your face felt warm, felt happy. Like he was everything. Like he was your darling. A sweet boy.

You can’t see his face.

"Do you wanna marry me…? Angel! I'll take good care of you…"

His voice—soft, bright, hopeful.

You don’t get to answer.

Because Leon, your ass of a friend, grabs your hand, pushes the boy’s away. The ring falls. The boy stumbles.

He’s crying.

"He's a freak! I told ya! Why did you hang out with him? Look!"

You couldn’t say anything.

You didn’t.

Leon—nah. He took your hand. You let him.

And you watched.

Watched the boy cry. Watched him pick up the ring.

Your older self watched.

Watched your kid self. Watched the way your little hands twitched, how your feet stayed planted, how your mouth—silent.

You felt something. Like you wanted to remember. Like if you just reached a little further—

Then—

A sound.

Loud. Jarring. A kick to the ribs of your dream.

Yeah. You woke up.

Congrats.

You’re the beauty of gore.

Coffee. Black, like your soul or whatever. Bitter, like your mornings.

You flip on the news. Same shit, different day.

"Yet another body was pulled from Bluemoss this morning. Authorities believe it was the work of the infamous Corland Bay Butcher—"

What a fucking name.

Hideous.

You hate it. If you were gonna be branded a legend, you’d at least give yourself a name with some style. But no. The public loves their sensationalist, overcooked horror movie bullshit.

And this case? This crime?

It’s years old.

What the fuck.

Maybe people are just dumb.

It’s like that one show, Dexter. The whole Bay Harbor Butcher thing. Lame. At least Dexter got a name with a little bite—this? This sounds like something a washed-up true crime podcaster would spit out between sips of pumpkin spice.

People should’ve named you something cool. Something with presence. Something that rolls off the tongue like a whispered threat.

You sip your coffee, scalding hot, burning the tip of your tongue. Whatever. You like the pain.

The news anchor drones on, their voice that usual mix of forced solemnity and thinly veiled excitement. Because that’s what this is, right? The public eats this shit up. Blood and bodies and mystery.

And the dumbest part? This case is years old.

They’re still talking about it, still digging up corpses like long-forgotten relics, still pretending they care.

But you know the truth.

People don’t care about the dead. They care about the thrill. The spectacle. The fear.

You roll your eyes and take another sip. Yeah, whatever.

You do like Dexter, though. Good show. But come on, at least his name had branding.

Moth texts. Buzz, buzz. Your phone screen lights up.

You flick open the keyboard, thumbs hovering. Moth is sweet. Thoughtful, even. Different time zones and all, but they still check in. You shoot back a quick "Thank you!" because you’re a saint.

Grey bubble. They’re typing.

Moth

"btwww! did u see the latest AoG ep?? i heard Haruko got an outfit change!!!!"

Moth

"spoil it for me. did he really change his hairstyle as well?"

You scoff. Baby stays the same.

You type back so fast your screen almost cracks.

"HHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

He didn’t. Still the same. Still cute. Still sweet. Still the most lovable little cutie to ever exist.

You hammer it into the keyboard like it’s gospel.

Moth

"LMAOOO bless. also. shouldn’t u be at work rn."

…Oh. Oh, shit.

FUCK.

You throw the phone. You bolt. Clothes? Shitty. Aesthetic? Somewhere between 2018 emo-core and 'I let a Tumblr gremlin dress me in the dark.'

WHY?

Fuck it. You’re emo.

You catch yourself in the mirror. Oh. Oh damn.

You look hot. Like feral raccoon meets 2018 Hot Topic cashier meets 'I definitely bite.'

Self-confidence? SKYROCKETED. You are an icon. A menace. A walking, talking Tumblr sexyperson if Tumblr had any taste.

Oh shit.

Work.

Oh no.

Oh no no no.

You can’t be feeling yourself this much and then drop a fucking uwu. That’s a war crime. That’s illegal. That’s—

…You wink at yourself in the mirror anyway.

"Time to cause problems."

Door swings open. The world outside assaults you with daylight. Gross.

"Oh! Hey there, Angel! Looking good!"

Violet’s standing there, all sunshine and soil-stained fingers, practically glowing in the morning light. Sickening. If it were anyone else, you’d gag. But it’s Violet. So you deal with it.

You flick your eyes to her hip, where yet another potted plant balances like a permanent attachment. Her whole apartment? Basically a jungle. If you didn’t know better, you’d swear she was growing a sentient vine army in there, plotting to take over the world with nothing but greenery and kindness.

You? Not complaining. The air always smells fresh, floral, and earthy as hell whenever she’s around—a perfect mask for the lingering traces of smoke and death clinging to you.

"New plant?" you ask, because duh.

Violet grins, fishing for her keys. "Mm-hmm! This one’s a rosemary bush! Thought it’d be nice to have something useful."

Useful? You know fifty different ways to kill someone with rosemary. You smile.

"Nice."

Violet eyes you up and down, her expression turning downright delighted.

"Loving the look today, Angel! Very... 2018 Tumblr emo."

You snort. "You wound me."

"No, seriously! I kinda wanna raid your closet one day." She nudges you playfully, still grinning like she’s just discovered a hidden treasure trove of goth fashion secrets. If only she knew.

You laugh, all teeth and mischief. "Sure, sure. One day."

One day. Which means never. Because the only thing your closet is full of? Knives. Knives, crowbars, and the occasional bloodstained hoodie. Hardly the wardrobe of an alt-fashion influencer.

Then she dropped a bomb.

You blink. "Nope. Nada. Never heard of him."

Violet narrows her eyes, lips pursing. "You sure? "'Cause he seemed real familiar with you.""

Your stomach does this weird little flip, like your instincts are tapping at your ribs, whispering, Hey, maybe pay attention to this one. But you shut that feeling down real fast.

"Violet, babe, I think you dreamed this one up." You flash a grin, all casual confidence, even as your mind works overtime, flipping through the mental Rolodex of potential problems.

Tall guy? Dark hoodie? Alternative fashion? Too many belts? Jesus, what is he, a Final Fantasy character?

"No clue who that is," you repeat, a little slower this time, letting the lie settle.

Violet hums, unconvinced. "Weird. "

You shrug, pretending your skin isn't crawling just a little. "Sounds like a him problem."

But in the back of your mind, you know damn well this is gonna be a you problem real soon.

"No worries, Vi. I got work now, I'll check later." You wave a dismissive hand, already stepping away.

Check later? Lmao, no. You didn’t give a shit. Who the hell would stalk you?

…Unless—

Oh.

If it was a stalker, then they were bold. And if they were bold, that meant either two things:

They were stupid. In which case, easy kill.

They were a detective.

And ohhhh, baby, wouldn’t that be fun?

You bite your lip, suppressing the grin creeping up. A detective? Hunting you? Now that was hot.

Hell, maybe you'd let them catch up just for the thrill. Let them get close, real close—close enough to think they had you—before you turned the tables.

Oooooh. Fuck.

Yeah. That’d be fun.

You hit send before you can second-guess yourself. Maybe it’s better to leave it at that. Maybe it’s better to pretend you don’t care. Maybe, maybe, maybe. You can stack those maybes like a house of cards, but it won’t stop the wind from blowing.

You’ve got bigger things to deal with. A shitty apartment. A shittier job. The nagging feeling that something off is creeping up behind you, but you? You walk faster.

You breathe deep, step through the library doors, and let the scent of old paper settle the static under your skin. It’s grounding. Familiar. The only thing that stays still in a world that never does.

And then—

“Oh!”

Elanor.

Sweet, doting Elanor, with her scatterbrained ways and her insufferable meddling. She’s already smiling, head tilting, eyes flicking you over like she’s about to say something that’ll make you regret showing up today.

“Sooooo?” She hums, teasing. “How does it feel to no longer be the one in charge of stacking books all day long?”

Before you can answer, she keeps going, because of course she does.

“Although… you’ll still have to work the front desk from time to time, unfortunately.”

You shrug. Offer a smile—if it even counts. Make your way past her before she can wring you into another conversation that leaves you tired before noon.

The familiar chime of the library door rings. Someone’s entered. Not your problem. You duck down, slide your bag under the desk, start pulling out your things. You focus.

The hum of the library settles you, slow and steady, like an IV drip to an addict. Bookshelves, faint ink-and-paper perfume, the distant murmur of people who still think this place is a sanctuary.

And then—again.

Elanor.

Her voice drops into something light, airy, knowing. Fuck.

“Looks like he’s back again.”

Your fingers freeze on the paper in front of you.

“You know, that new guy? The one who always checks out the books you put on display?”

She’s got a grin in her voice. It makes your eye twitch.

“And if I didn’t know any better—” (you don’t, Elanor, you never do,) “I’d say he has a little crush on you.”

Pause.

“Because he was staring. A lot.”

Oh, for fuck’s sake.

You shove her chair so it spins away from you, ignoring the heat creeping up your neck.

The universe, it seems, has chosen today to test your patience.

And now—because fate is cruel and Elanor is worse—

Aisle 8.

The red light above the shelves blinks. Someone needs help. Him.

Of course.

You sigh. Drag yourself up. Refuse to look at her. You don’t need to—her glee is practically a tangible thing, radiating off her in smug waves. You weave through the shelves, every step an exercise in reluctant inevitability.

And then—there he is.

A broad figure. Back turned. Wearing the comfiest cardigan you’ve ever seen. He hasn’t noticed you yet.

You clear your throat. “Ahem.”

Flinch.

He turns.

Stops.

And for the first time all day, so do you.

Pink.

Pink hair. Soft eyes. Tall—too tall. Looking at you like he’s just walked into a dream he wasn’t ready for.

You stare.

He stares.

Somewhere, distantly, reality stirs.

His jaw moves, something almost forming before it stumbles out clumsy and quiet:

“Woah… You look…”

A beat.

His eyes flick over you, unreadable, thoughtful, confused.

“But I thought you preferred softer clothing…? That’s why I…”

Why he what?

His voice dies. He clears his throat, face burning cherry-pink, matching his hair.

“Ahem! Um… S-Sorry, I hope I’m not bothering you.”

And you—oh, you—

You don’t know what the fuck is going on.

How’s that?

Not about this. Not about him.

But his voice drags you back, an anchor to the present, and you scramble to piece together whatever sentence just left his cherry-stained lips. There’s a kind of innocence in the way he struggles for the right words, tripping over them like a nervous actor missing his cue. It’s almost endearing. Almost.

You give him a slow nod, a silent cue to keep going.

He takes a breath.

“…I need some help. I—I’m looking for a specific book, you see, but…”

And there it is. The sleeve-tugging hesitation. That stammer, that nervous shift, like a protagonist straight out of one of Moth’s favorite anime. They’re going to absolutely lose it when you tell them about this later.

The stranger tries again, steadier this time, his gaze catching yours with something just a little too sharp.

“…Do you have any books on native flora? The best I’ve found are on generic wildlife, but nothing on Corland Bay’s plants.”

Plants? Your first thought is to direct him to Violet—this is her territory—but instead, you let out a quiet chuckle and step a little closer, scanning the shelf beside him.

He twitches. Not away—closer. Just slightly. A shift so subtle it’s almost imperceptible, except for the way his breath hitches when your scent brushes past him.

“No, you’re in the right section,” you murmur. “They’re just… buried.”

Your fingers ghost along the book spines, slow, deliberate, until you find the one. You tug it free, turning it in your hands before offering it to him.

“This the one?”

He doesn’t answer right away. Not with words, at least. His gaze lingers—too long, too intense—before he finally reaches for it. His fingers brush yours, barely, but there’s a slight tremor in them.

Then he flips through the pages, scanning, searching—

And stops.

“Yes,” he breathes, triumphant. “This is perfect. Thank you…”

You barely have time to nod before he adds, almost too softly:

“Haha, you’re like an angel, you know that? So kind.”

Your heart stumbles. Your lips part—

“…What?”

His expression shatters into pure, unfiltered horror.

“Oh my God—” His face flushes, hands flying up as if he could physically shove the words back into his mouth. “I didn’t—Did I actually say that out loud? Oh, shit, I’m so sorry. That was—That must’ve been so weird—”

It’s adorable, in a train-wreck kind of way.

You bite back a grin, raising your hands in mock surrender. “Relax. Just caught me off guard, is all.”

His eyes flicker with something—relief? Embarrassment? It’s hard to tell beneath the flush crawling up his neck.

“R-Really?” His voice is softer now, hopeful. “Well, I meant it.”

You sigh, shaking your head. “Sure.”

And that should be the end of it. You should step away. Let him bask in his mortification. But he doesn’t move. Just watches. A silent, expectant sort of tension stretching between you.

You clear your throat. “Uh. You shouldn’t stare like that.”

His head tilts, almost curious. “Why not?”

Your stomach twists.

“Because I don’t know you,” you reply, words lighter than the weight pressing against your ribs.

His lips twitch, like he’s suppressing a smile. “Ah. A technicality.”

You exhale sharply, already regretting this entire conversation. “You haven’t even told me your name.”

“Haven’t I?”

A pause.

Then, smoothly: “Red- Ren.”

Ren. The name tastes unfamiliar, but something about it scratches at the back of your mind. The way he says it—like it’s borrowed. Like it’s just another book on a shelf, waiting to be picked up and put back down under a different title.

Still, you nod, forcing an easy smile. “Nice to meet you, Ren.”

His gaze flickers down—to your name tag. A quiet hum leaves him.

“Y/n,” he muses. “Or… Angel, maybe.” His grin sharpens. “Both suit you.”

Until he tilts his head, expression sobering.

“…You said you needed a new lock for your apartment.”

You blink, thrown off by the sudden shift. “Yeah?”

“Why?”

You hesitate. There’s no real harm in telling him, right? It’s not like he’s the one who broke in.

“Someone snuck in last night,” you admit, shrugging. “Didn’t steal anything. But still. Creepy.”

Ren hums again, thoughtful. Then, without missing a beat:

“I could watch your place.”

Your breath catches.

You blink at him. “What.”

He shrugs, casual. “Stay up. Keep an eye out. Handle it if anything happens.” His voice is smooth, steady, like he’s offering to water your plants while you’re away. “Wouldn’t be a problem.”

You stare.

He meets your gaze, unwavering.

It’s insane. It’s suspicious. It’s absolutely something you should say no to.

Instead, you hear yourself say:

“…You offering to be my personal bodyguard now?”

Ren smiles. “Only if you say yes.”

"You really want to protect a stranger like me, Who knows, You-" You went closer to his ear whispered "can't trust anyone...What if, I'm luring you for my own fun..?"

He flustered, almost fell down...You giggle and left.

You smile. Evilly.

Heheheheh.

He looks cute, won’t lie. Almost too cute. You’ve always wanted to commit a Haruko crime—sink your knife into something pretty, watch something lovely turn ruinous in your hands. Killing him would be fun.

Wouldn't lie… those blue eyes—

They’re similar.

That man.

The one from the alley. The first one you didn’t kill. The one you let walk free.

Your mind wrenches back to him, unbidden. That look in his eyes, the way he stood—different. He wasn’t like the others. He was… something else.

And maybe—just maybe—your poor, gutted heart…

Ugh.

Stop.

Ugh.

You smile a little.

Shitty. Yes. You’re fucked in the head.

And oh, how you love it.

A wretched thing, a beautiful disaster, a creature born to revel in ruin—you, a lover in the way fire loves to lick at the edges of a home, the way a knife loves the tender give of flesh.

What is it, then? This itch in your skull? This whisper in your bones? Some ghost of mercy rattling in your ribcage? How disgusting. How divine.

You let one go. One. And yet his ghost lingers like the taste of copper on your tongue. A memory dressed in blue-eyed regret.

You should carve it out. Bleed it dry. But oh, don’t you adore the ache?