Nighttime Chats

Nighttime Chats

Convincing Redacted they're good enough, this time through metaphor ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ idk thought I'd try something out lol, trust, I know it's cringe

mdni !! / 14 days with you / sfw / redacted belongs to @14dayswithyou

I am pulled from my sleep as I feel something shift. My eyes blearily open to find a blue gaze matching mine anxiously, “Sorry, Angel, did I wake y’up?”

I groan lowly, “No, y’fine. Wha time’s it?”

“…Four.”

My eyes shoot open, “P.m.?!”

Ren calmingly rubs a thumb over my forearm, “No, a.m.”

I settle back down into the sheets, relieved, “Oh… well then go back to sleep, you’re already more behind than usual.”

They immediately protest, “No m’not.”

I give them a look and they avoid my gaze, giving me all the information I needed. I gently question, “You alright?”

He pauses half a second before answering, “Yes.”

I nod, “Mm, what’s wrong?”

He snorts lightly, “’Said m’fine, just watching you.”

I pull him into my chest, laying my head on his, “I know. But you were thinking, not just watching. There’s a difference.”

There’s a long silence before he responds, “…D’you think… if there was a god… d’you think She would ever b’capable of loving a mortal as much as they love Her?... A god has a whole world, an infinite amount of people, places, and things t’love. But all the mortal has is Them. How could such a perfect being ever truly love such an insignificant, imperfect fleck on Their world?”

I consider, well aware of his true meaning and trying to respond in kind, “Well, I wouldn’t know how a god would feel . But from my perspective, I don’t see how a god could not love a mortal. There are so many ways to love, and surely their love for a person, a soul, would be more powerful than any of the others, right? A soul is so special, a type of god in its own right, able to create and destroy, to live and love and experience and share their experience back to the world in a unique way not even a god can.” 

Ren responds, “But there are billions of other souls. Why a specific one? Especially if they’re one that’s flawed, broken beyond repair, a failure of creation? Why not a true god, to be level and equal to Them, powerful enough to fulfill Her every desire?”

I think over his question, “What use is one god to another? If one can fulfil a desire, so can the other, sameness has no meaning. The thrilling part is the new, the learning, the sharing of souls. No creation is a failure, and nothing is truly broken, only changed. Flaws are what make things interesting, unique, and compelling. Even shattered glass can make for beautiful mosaics, or stained-glass windows.”

Ren scoffs, “Unless it’s fractured into pieces too small t’fit into a work of art. Sharp enough t’cut and useless f’anything else.”

I frown, trailing my hand up and down his back comfortingly, “Then it’s frit, and can become swirls of gorgeous color if utilized by an artist willing to see its potential, to handle it with care and love as it should have been from the beginning.”

Another pause, then, “What if it’s a weed instead then? Ugly, unwanted, and choking out other plants for its own selfish desires.”

I shake my head, “Plants and animals do what they have to do to survive. It’s their environment that defines the lengths they must go to, not their form, nor their inherent nature. You can’t blame something for trying to survive. If it is considered ugly and unwanted, then it is in the wrong environment and beheld by the wrong person. A dandelion is considered a weed to adults, but a wonder to children. A flower that is so bright and shining, that becomes a sphere of fluff, whose seeds become dancers in the wind.” I laugh a bit at my own whimsical description.

Ren counters, “It’s invasive, an eyesore, and takes over spaces where it never belonged, using up resources from the ones deserving t’be there.”

I lean back slightly to look them in the eyes, “It sounds like you’re the wrong beholder then. Dandelions are versatile, resilient, and can sustain others through healing and sustenance. Every part of it is valuable in some way or another, if you care enough to look beyond the surface.”

They look back at me with wonder, “Y'so optimistic.”

I grin back at him, “I was a nihilist for a long time, I just happened to finally find meaning in the world.”

He questions, “And what’s that?”

I smile brightly, finding their hand under the covers and intertwining it with my own, “You,” his real name rolls off your tongue so naturally, like it was always meant to be there.

I bring the back of his hand to my lips, trying to convey every bit of emotion I felt for them through my touch and gaze.

They seem frozen for a second, staring at me in shock. Just before he shifts to hide behind his bangs, I see tears fill his eyes as they turn downwards.

I quickly reach out to turn their face back to me, watching anxiously as he furiously tries to blink away his tears, “Hey, listen. I know what you’re thinking right now. I understand the instinct to tear down everything I’ve said, to write it off as me just being careless or misguided. But it’s true, and I need you to believe it.” Tears are now streaming down his face as silent as they are relentless, and knowing how much they hate me seeing them cry, I pull them back into a tight hug.

I continue gently, “I’ve seen you at your worst, yeah? When you were crazy with jealousy and hatred and thought I was going to leave you. But I didn’t. I’m still here, and I’m going to be for a very long time. Not because you made and executed the perfect plan, not because I have no other choice, but because I want to be. Because I’ve seen you as you are, and I fucking love you. And just because that contradicts your view of yourself doesn’t mean it’s wrong. It means you’ve been in the wrong environment for 23 years, and I intend to fix that.”

After a pause I add in a more lighthearted tone, “And if that means I have to beat the shit out of the voice in your head that keeps saying horrible shit to you, that’s what I’m gonna fuckin do.”

Ren cracks a weak smile, “How’re y’gonna do that? They’re a stubborn bitch, and largely immaterial.”

“Like this.” I return my hands to their face and plant a kiss on their forehead. I then move to each of his cheeks. I leave one on his nose and each of his eyelids, and then everywhere in between.

After we are both laughing from my onslaught, I finally pull away, “Better?”

Ren responds with the faintest hint of a smile, “One more couldn’t hurt. Just t’make sure.”

I chuckle, “Alright, one more, but then we have to go back to sleep.”

He pouts at my words, but ultimately gives in when I lean in, and we share a soft kiss.

After, I hold my arms open, allowing them to cuddle in closer, wrapping their arms around me and laying their head on my chest. Our legs naturally intertwine as we sink back into the pillows around us. I absentmindedly trace patterns on the back of his shoulder as we fade back into the obscurity of sleep, together.