Happy Wedding Night...!

TRASH SUGAR MAGIC

➛ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 12: ꜱᴛʀᴀɴɢᴇʀ ᴅᴀɴɢᴇʀ

➛ nikolai gogol x fem!reader

➛ fluff, suggestive | words: 8.2k

➛ ao3 | spotify | main menu

Have you ever met a jester in prison? 

It was like a horror movie, living together in a cell with this guy who went by Nikolai. As someone who made a living by collecting debts and killing people for various reasons, Nikolai is probably one of the men I would not mess around with. 

He’s a weirdo. His smile always hides weird intentions. He talks in riddles, drawing laughter from others but I know that he is just making them the fool instead of himself. What’s scary about him? Well… if a group of bullies accused him of locking them up in the bathroom and exchanging their limbs with each other, you would be careful, no? 

Unfortunately, people think the bullies went crazy. Nobody believes that a jester like him would be able to do such a weird horrible thing. Nobody believes that a smiley guy like him would tear up limbs like it’s nothing. I mean, look at him! He may be fit but there are other guys that are way bigger than him. 

He cannot do such a thing, not in prison, never in prison. 

But I think they spoke the truth. 

— ♡

Dream threatens to shut away but you want to have a couple more hours to see it to the end. But the glimpses of sunlight from the window tease your eyes when your eyelids flutter. You squirm, your body tries to get up and begin the day, but the blanket is pulling you in and keeping you still. 

You roll and roll until your body bumps against another. Forcing your eyes to pry open, you gaze up through the haze and smile. “Good morning,” You say with the softest voice to the man sitting next to you on the bed. His back is leaned against the headboard, cushioned by his pillow. There is his phone in his hand and he looks serious for a moment there. 

Nikolai says nothing. But without the satisfaction of his voice, you do not think your day could begin any better. So you take his arm—he is wearing a short-sleeved shirt today, with his old tattoos slithering his pale skin. You give him a shake. 

“Good morning,” You repeat. 

Finally, he looks at you. Usually, he would flash you a glare of annoyance but for the past few weeks, glaring has not become his habit. His mismatched eyes instead address you with an indecipherable gaze. Nikolai stares at you for a few seconds before he hums and smiles. 

“When you’re drunk, you don’t snore.”

Your eyes widen as you shriek in embarrassment. Hiding half of your face with the blanket, you look at him timidly. Oh, how unsightly it must be! How many nights has he suffered through your snores? And, and, and—oh Lord, didn’t you hug him as close to you last night? Did you snore right by his ears? 

Your face is plastered with a thick sheet of embarrassment. “I-I…”

But your apology is cut off when Nikolai lets out a small cackle. “I’m kidding. No, you sleep like a log. The quietest you’ve ever been.” He says. You huff, frowning at his teasing. Nikolai snorts. “Hm, maybe I shouldn’t even say that I was kidding. Let you believe you’re a noisy one in bed.”

“I’m not noisy in bed!” You protest. Nikolai glances at you, his eyebrow jerks up a bit before he turns away. 

“Yeah… not sure about that.”

“What do you mean?”

“…Nothing.” He murmurs. He seems distraught for a second and his cheeks are shaded with light pink as his eyes frantically travel between you and the nothingness around the room. 

You keep your eyes on him, sensing his nervousness. When your gaze is fixed on his quivering lips, your mind is rushed with last night’s drunken affair. Drunk as you were, the memories are still fresh in the back of your mind the deeper you scour through them. 

You remember his tight grip on the back of your head, pulling you close to cut your breath with a deep kiss. You slightly shiver at the ghostly feeling on your back, tummy and hips—where he touched them and fondled them. 

His touches were fire, as far as you remember it. 

You thought you were accustomed to his touches by now—soft and rough. It was not the first time you slept with him on the same bed—there was that moment when he was drunk out of his mind and sought comfort. Last night was different enough for you to feel flustered every time you reminisced about it—your mind could play the same fragment of memories over and over and you would still be sheepish. 

Last night was more. 

You are not sure whether to talk about it to him—what is there to talk about anyway? You knew you had poured your heart out for him. Those three sacred words that you muttered to him were and are never a lie or a mere drunken thought. 

“Kolya…” Your hand holds his as you brace yourself to look up at him. He turns his head to you, unreadable. “I… About last night—”

“Do you want to go to Olga’s place?”

Nikolai cuts you off immediately. You flinch lightly at his words. You stare at him and although his face remains unchanged, his hand holds yours back, squeezing it.

He doesn’t want to talk about it. 

A heavy flood of disappointment and embarrassment rushes in within you. But you understand it—well, try to. Nikolai has stated before that he has no desire to fall in love or even settle down. He wanted to finish something with an old friend—as much as you despise the thought of him being lost and lonely after that, you do not think you can even change his mind. 

A soft voice calling for your name startles you out of your thoughts. Your irises roam towards him again. He tilts his head, and gives your hand another squeeze before he asks: “Are we going? You have to return the backdoor key to Olga anyway, right?”

You nod slowly, forming a smile. At least he does not push your hand away. 

— ♡

“Quickly!” Nikolai grunts as he is waiting for you at the front door. He hears your pleas for one more minute from the bedroom. Sighing softly, Nikolai checks his phone one more time, reading Viktor’s new messages. 

Viktor: Are you coming?  Viktor: You bring your girl along?  Me: no i’ll drop her off at olga’s Viktor: Whaaaat we ordered food for you two! Viktor: Just bring her along. Zoya’s packed with customers and I’m getting a tattoo from my baby today Me: nope she can’t come Me: something important happened last night Me: and i have to tell you Me: very important  Viktor: Oh shit sounds like an emergency  Me: yes. so Me: don’t have sex in the studio Viktor: Heyyy

Nikolai shuts off his phone once he sees you jogging towards him. Your body is covered with one of his jackets—as usual, nothing new, he is so used to it—and a scarf around your neck. You stop by the front door to wear your shoes. As if on instinct, you place your hand on his chest to support your balance as you slip your feet into the shoes. His lips curve slightly for a smirk before he completely purses them together when you look up at him. 

“Okay, I’m good.”

“Alright. Get your ass out of the way then so I can lock the door.” He says and you only grin as you step outside happily. As you walk past him, Nikolai notices something from the corner of his eyes—a blazing red thing on your hair. 

He turns his head, taking a good look at you. Your hair is tied in a ponytail style and a red pompom on it. He lets out a nervous chuckle. “Not enough leeching off my fortune and you’re now stealing my stuff, sweetheart?”

“Hm?” You look at him and grin. “I lost mine and I found yours on the table.” Your hand gently takes his braid and wiggles the end of it in front of his face. His braid is also tied with a similar red pompom hair tie, except the red on it is faded. “We are matching! Oh, your face is as red as this too.” You tease, tickling his cheeks with his own hair. 

“You’re playing too much,” Nikolai pouts but makes no attempt to push your hand away. But your comment about his red face brings him some sort of self-consciousness. He turns away to close the door and lock it. In the meantime, his other hand palms his cheek, trying to get rid of the red—which is mainly caused by the cold, perhaps.

No other reasons. 

When you two arrive at the diner, there are already some customers inside. In haste, Nikolai quickly pulls the hood of the jacket over your head. You whine at his sudden roughness but you cannot really protest him—he has all the reasons to worry about you being recognized. 

He brings you to the bar, where Vasily is stationed today to make drinks. He straightens up once he sees Nikolai and you sitting at the bar instead of at any other table like other customers. You give Vasily a happy, friendly wave before Nikolai grips your wrist and pushes it down. 

“Call Olga for me,” Nikolai says, his tone cold. 

“Can you make a hot chocolate for me, please?” You ask Vasily. He nods and gives you a small smile but it drops when Nikolai glares sharply at him. He quickly rushes into the kitchen, calling for Olga. Nikolai almost smirks in amusement at how the young man is visibly intimidated by him but his smile could not even form when he feels a hard pinch on his arm. 

“O-Ow!” He flinches, looking at you in disbelief. 

“Don’t scare him like that.” You huff. 

“I don’t scare him. He is scared of me!” Nikolai replies.

You shake your head, crossing your arms. “He is scared of you because you are scaring him. You should be nice to him. He thinks you are scary because you always look angry around him.” 

“Well, I happen to like it that way.”

“You like to be scary?” You ask. He just shrugs. He is fairly aware of people who perceive him as intimidating—his reputation in prison was an example. Befriending guards and feigning friendships were easy. The hard part was to control himself from doing the worst to others. 

Nikolai is very sure that there was a reason why he ended up in a prison facility that is clearly only for ‘normal’ people with no special abilities. Meursault was easy to break in and out—most people think that by confiscating his white cloak, they also confiscated his abilities. But really, all he needs is just a fabric of space to get the work done. 

“Hello, you two. Sorry, we are kinda busy in the kitchen.” Olga’s voice makes both Nikolai and you turn your heads towards her. She walks into the area behind the bar with Vasily trailing her from behind. Vasily wordlessly starts to make a hot chocolate for you. There is a playful and mischievous impulse within him to further torment the boy but Nikolai holds back. 

“Here’s your hot chocolate,” Vasily says as he puts a cup of hot chocolate in front of you. You gleefully thank him, which sours Nikolai’s mood some more. What are you thanking for, darn it. It is just hot chocolate. I can make one too. Much better one too—he thinks. 

“Ahem,” Nikolai turns to Olga who is giving him a teasing smile. He huffs and looks away. Olga only chuckles before she turns to you. “I suppose you already know that you will move into my place a few weeks from now?”

Nikolai glances at you, watching. You nod at Olga’s words before you sip the hot chocolate. The drink stains your upper lip and your tongue emerges between your lips to lick it. He tries his best to pry his eyes away from your lips—he really does, but at the back of his subconscious mind, everything that happened on his bed last night has burnt and seared deeply in his brain. 

He knows it is bad to think about those same pair of lips kissing and smooching his face and the scar on his eye until he falls asleep. But it cannot be helped, really. Since this morning—he woke up earlier than usual and proceeded to tuck you in properly to bed—he has been thinking about whatever happened between you two. He wanted to convince himself that it was really a drunken decision to kiss you but Nikolai knows that even if he was not drunk at the slightest at that time, he still would have kissed you. 

He would. 

Nikolai barely listens to what you and Olga are talking about. It is probably something to do with your work as a staff here. He does not care about that, really. What he does care about is how you would live in a new place later on, possibly with a new roommate. 

Somehow he finds the thought of you waking up in the same house with other people annoying. 

“Kolya? Did you hear what I said?” Olga taps the table in front of Nikolai and he blinks confusedly. He shakes his head, not bothering to even lie that he was ever concentrating. He does concentrate though… on someone else. 

“I will need some time to prepare her room. When do you think she could start to move in?” Olga asks. 

“Why ask me? Ask her.” Nikolai pouts his lips towards you. “When do you want to leave?”

Your eyes divert down to your hot chocolate. Fiddling with your fingers, you mutter hesitantly, “Maybe… on the day you leave to Petersburg?” You say. “I don’t wanna move too early, you know?”

Nikolai glances at Olga and he finds her returning the same glance. He knows that there is a similar thought in their mind right now. You do not mind moving into Olga’s place early, surely, if your kidnapper is not him. 

“When will you leave, Kolya?” Olga asks slowly. 

He shrugs. “In two weeks or so… I gotta prepare a bit more things with Viktor about my apartment and car. Speaking of which, I do have to leave because I have to see him at Nastasya’s studio later.” Nikolai says. Your head jerks at him, frowning at the way he is already standing and adjusting his jacket. The gaze you are giving him is a clear protest that you do not want him to leave you—but ultimately, you say nothing. 

“Don’t make that face, birdie. I’ll be back at five. And you will work here and assist this graceful old lady.” Nikolai says and Olga’s sweet smile turns into a scowl. She smacks the back of Nikolai’s head mildly, which thankfully makes you chuckle. 

“Okay, I’ll wait for you.” You say to him. He smiles. 

“Good,” Nikolai then leans down, bringing his lips close to your ear as he whispers, “And don’t trust or talk closely with any customers or strangers. You can trust Olga but not the others, do you understand?”

There is a clear confusion on your face at his sudden warning but a good girl you are, you nod at his words. Nikolai is about to pull away from you but from the corner of his eyes, he notices that Vasily is looking at him suspiciously. Hating the idea that there is still a possibility—no matter how small—that Vasily could get a little too close to you, Nikolai makes a quick decision, not a second thought. 

He kisses your cheek. 

“Okay, buh-bye, ladies.” He turns on his heels, practically stomping towards the exit door. On his way to leave the restaurant, he hears your little squeals of happiness and attempts to even form a word to Olga. 

Nikolai smiles to himself, proud. 

— ♡

Whenever you are by yourself, a small giggle cannot stop leaving your mouth. 

It feels so unreal. The lingering feeling on your cheek is so unreal. 

If you are not working right now, you would have twirled and spun under the falling snow, skipping and dancing like a princess in those movies who live happily ever after. Your cheeks are warm and your heart is still fidgeting in delight. 

You are stationed at the bar, assisting Vasily with taking orders and learning to make drinks. It comes very easy for you since this is not entirely a new experience for you to work in such a setting. Olga even gives you a sheet of recipes for coffee and tea drinks, which is very much helpful. 

Vasily is gone to the back for a while now which leaves you alone at the bar. You do not mind since there are not many customers. But five minutes later, Vasily walks out from the staff room, completely changed into casual clothes while carrying a laptop bag. 

“Oh, are you leaving?” You ask. He nods and gets behind the bar to fill up his water bottle. 

“I have classes from five to nine.” He says. You coo, nodding in amusement. 

“What kind of classes do you have that you gotta go to college at night?”

“Electives… It’s very annoying.” Vasily huffs. “The coursework is always too redundant for a subject that is, frankly, quite unnecessary. The class is only for two hours but I will have to join a group discussion for another two.” He groans as he throws his head back. “Haven’t gotten a good sleep these days…”

You chuckle. Somehow you feel a little grateful that your day is not as busy as his. All you do during the day is bother Nikolai until he shuts you up by giving you food, but even then, you still talk to him about random things. Lately, you are trying to ramble to him about a short story called ‘The Fair at Sorochyntsi’ that you read from the old books he found around the house.

Reading short stories would be more fun than reading academic books, you think. Even so, you are not opposed to experiencing the struggle.

“I wish you luck then. And don’t forget to eat dinner and take care of your health, alright? You must stay healthy if you want to study smoothly.” You grin. Vasily looks at you for a moment before he snickers and nods. 

“Yeah, thanks. You too.”

He leaves the bar and with a farewell wave, he leaves the restaurant. From inside, you see him approaching his friend who is already waiting outside. You pry your eyes away and take a seat behind the bar as you wait for any new customer. 

You are overcome with boredom as you do crosswords in the newspaper to kill your time, until you hear the bell on the entrance door ring, signalling someone is walking in. You hope it is Nikolai but it is just a quarter past three o’clock. When you look up from the newspaper, it is a tall man who looks to be in his 40s, approaching the bar instead of choosing any table to sit at. The way he is walking is a little weird—it looks like he hurts one of his legs or something. 

Reaching the memo pad to take orders, you stand up and greet him. He returns your smile before sitting directly in front of you at the bar. “How can I help you, sir?” You ask. 

For a second, you notice how his eyes leer up and down upon you. Something about this man does not sit right with you. Nervously, your hand pulls the hood to cover your face a little bit more. You attempt to keep smiling and stay calm—you are probably more anxious doing things alone since Vasily is not around anymore and Olga stays in the kitchen with her other staff members. 

“What do you recommend to me, sweet pea? I don’t know much about this restaurant. It’s my first time here.” He says. Your eyes twitch upon hearing the nickname roll out his tongue like that. It feels repulsive—despite you being used to being called sweet nicknames like that by the men you escorted before. 

“Uhm, we have a tea-time promotion from three to six.” You say, trying to be as friendly and helpful as possible. You take a menu and give it to him, showing him the tea-time promotion. But the man’s gaze is not even on the menu, instead, it is fixated deeply on your face. 

“Maybe coffee,” He says.

“What kind of coffee would you like, sir? We have the classics.” You tap a section on the menu with your pen. “We have espresso, cappuccino, latte…”

“I’d like your favourite, then.” He grins. You force out a small cackle—just to remain friendly with him despite the uneasiness swirling deeply in your chest. 

“Uhm, mocha… would be nice, sir.” You mutter. He nods. 

“Alright. Two hot mocha please,” He says and you scribble the name on the memo pad. Before you could ask him for anything else, he grins once again. “One for you, one for me. My treat, miss.”

“Oh…”

Your hand stops. “I don’t… uhm… It’s not my break time yet, so…” You try to come up with an excuse. It is clear that this man is trying his way to you by offering you a drink, but you are still holding on to what Nikolai just said—do not trust anybody except for Olga. 

Besides, you are very not interested in meddling with other people right now. Your heart belongs to someone else and that someone has ignited a fire within you with a soft, faint kiss on the cheek. You do not want to entertain this man any further, so you quickly say, “One hot mocha coming right up, sir.”

You do not even bother asking him whether he wants any pastry or cake to go along with it. 

“Aww, come on, sweet pea. You aren’t really a friendly one, are ya?” He says again, this time, his tone is very flirty. He even makes whistling noises at you whenever you step a little closer to his spot to reach the equipment to make his mocha. 

“You’re real cute, sweet pea.” He rests his chin on his palm. He then sneers as his eyes roam all over your body. “Nice bod, too. No wonder people come here for you.” He winks before cackling at you. 

You only glance at him and say nothing as you put his hot mocha in front of him. You once again force a tiny smile. “Hot mocha, sir.” The man nods and stirs the drink.

“Say, little girl. You don’t look like you’re from here.” He says, leaning closer despite the counter bar being the only separator between you two. You try to not give him much attention to him and just smile at him—enough to not anger a man who lacks attention. “You don’t live alone, by chance?”

“I live with my man.” You mutter.

“Oh yeah? You really have a man?” He says. His tone is mocking, as if he does not believe you. You frown. 

“Yes. Yes, my man.” You affirm to him. It is not entirely a lie. You do live with a man but is he your man? Though your confession might be one-sided, you want to believe so—a little fantasy could help with your sanity after all the madness you have gone through in your life. 

The man only snickers at your response before he takes a sip of his drink. With his attention briefly moving away from you, you finally let out a sigh of relief. You do not think you want to linger behind the bar like this with this man near you. 

You must find something else to do. It is really unfortunate that it is not peak hour, so there are not many customers. When his gaze is away from you, you quickly slip out from the bar and make your way to reach the broom from the cleaning closet. You do not know what you are cleaning, but you do anyway. Anything to get away. 

But his gaze never leaves you—marking dirt upon your figure. 

— ♡

“Hello.” Nikolai steps into VIY Studio. He sees Zoya who is currently consulting a client in the lounge. She turns to him and nudges her chin to Nastasya’s office, already knowing the reason for his presence. Nikolai makes his way there and knocks on the door. 

“Oi, it’s me.” He says. He does not want to barge in like before. Big big mistake. 

“Come in!” He hears Nastasya’s faint voice from the inside. He opens the door and finds Viktor lying on his stomach, with his bare torso out in the open. Nastasya is dressed in black pants and a strapless black top. She is focused on tattooing Viktor’s back shoulder—it seems like a nose or something. 

“What’s this? What kind of movies are you inspired by now?” Nikolai asks as he takes off his coat and places it on the chair near Nastasya’s working desk. He sits down and reaches for the food that the couple ordered beforehand for him and you. 

“I saw an old play about noses. Pretty good shit and I want it tattooed on me as a memoir. Do you get me?” Viktor grins. Nikolai’s eyebrow jerks up in slight bafflement. 

“You tattooed a nose on your skin because you saw an old play? Wow. I’m glad I’m not that crazy.”

“It’s not just a nose! It’s the nose! The nose!”

Nikolai looks at Nastasya and as he munches on the chicken pelmeni, he says, “Are you sure you still want to be with this guy?”

Nastasya only scoffs. “I think it’s cute.”

“See!” Viktor cheers. “You don’t know shit about love, bro. Maybe try practising it with your baby blue babydoll, eh?” He teases. But Nikolai stops eating when he hears the mention of you. His face goes slightly red again when he remembers that he kissed your cheek unprompted before leaving earlier. 

Now how can he save his face when he returns to the diner? God, that was embarrassing. 

“Hey, I want to ask… She is not from this town, right?” Nikolai asks. Viktor nods. “And the loansharks… I don’t think they’re from here but they must have a base to operate if they want to catch her dad. Where are they? Where is it?”

“Moscow, but I don’t know which exact part of Moscow they’re based at,” Viktor replies. “Why?”

“Just curious.” Nikolai bites the inside of his cheek. His mind remembers a weird event last night where he sees a car from Moscow, seemingly suspicious. He does not want to think too hard about it but he does not want to take any risk. 

He will make his own investigation later. After all, he still has that knock-off Eyes of God. 

“So, what have you decided to do with her? You have like two weeks left here, right?” Viktor asks before he turns his head to look at Nikolai. He groans slightly, probably already feeling strained by the position and the dabbing needle on his back. 

“Yeah, I talked to Olga about it. She’ll take her in…”

“Ooh, good choice, good choice. Well, she’s safer with Olga for sure. No criminal groups are going to let that diner burn. It’s like a beloved nest for all drug dealers!” Viktor laughs but stops immediately when Nastasya slaps his ass as a warning to stop laughing so his back would not move so much. 

“I said I have something important to tell you, right?” Nikolai says. Viktor only hums. Nastasya is not even listening, most likely. She never really is the one who inserts herself in their business, unless it involves something that could endanger Viktor—which, frankly, a lot of times. 

“Well, this is about her.”

“Yeah? What’s up?”

“We made out.”

Silence. 

Complete silence, except for the buzzing noise of the needle in Nastasya’s hand. Even then, the holder herself is wide-eyed, mouth agape, visibly surprised. And her boyfriend is no better. They physically freeze in their spot for a solid minute. 

With their wide-eyed gaze upon him, Nikolai feels extremely abashed, as if he has been put under the spotlight without his consent. As if he is forced to perform a play he never rehearsed. Even if he wants to stop the conversation right there and then—because he thinks they deserve just a speck of last night’s rendezvous—the way both of them look at him makes him want to confess all his sins. 

“We, uh… got drunk… and… she said I can sleep with her on the bed because… you know… and then… and… she kinda touched me— not like touched me there or anything— I think I touched her more than I should but uh… I… we kiss— well, I… I kissed her…”

Hot, scorching, blazing fire is burning his insides. Nikolai wants to bury his face in the soil and let the earth dim his heat away. Although he cannot see his face, he feels the tingles on his cheeks prick so damn hard when Viktor suddenly howls in excitement. 

“Woah! Woah! Woo! Woo! What? You fucking joking! Waow! Is this real?!” 

“Was she okay about it?” Nastasya asks carefully and Nikolai wants to just smack her because of that stupid question. What does she think? You are smitten with him (and he refuses to admit that he is the same when it comes to you). Of course you were fine about it. You literally hugged him, kissed him to sleep and kept him so close to your body like a teddy bear! 

Viktor is already sitting up, ignoring the pain in his muscles. He is enthusiastic, too happy for something so ‘small’ that happened to his friend. The way Viktor is cheering is as if Nikolai did not have occasional casual sex all his life. 

“Hey, wait! If you two have kissed… did you…” Viktor grins perversely as he makes a circle on one hand and his other hand makes a pointing finger gesture. With that stupid smile, he inserts his pointing index finger into the circle, which could only mean one thing. He even wiggles his finger as if to make his point any clearer. 

“No! I did not do that.” Nikolai lowers his voice. “We did not fuck, are you crazy? We were drunk! A-And… it’s too fast and it’s inappropriate and… she’s probably gonna be afraid and… you know…”

“Oh yeah, surely, dude. Suuuurely…” Viktor giggles and it turns to a loud laughter that he throws his head back. He is enjoying this a little too much and Nikolai could only lament his decision to even tell this couple. Nastasya is only watching, amused and entertained. Her laughing boyfriend tries to control himself as he teases again, “So, did you take a cold shower or something? You woke up with a boner this morning?”

Nikolai lowers his face in shame. 

“Worse.”

— ♡

The sky outside is cloudy but the snow is not as heavy as usual. The weather has been quite unpredictable these days. Nikolai has five more minutes until he arrives at Olga’s diner. He just finished an errand given by Viktor for some extra cash—he has to deliver some ‘mysterious package’ to a smuggling group and he got it done earlier than expected. 

When he finally arrives, he parks his car near the diner and sits back to check his phone. His eyebrow cocks in confusion when he sees a new message from Viktor—a link is attached to it.

Viktor: A Guide On How To Please A Woman Viktor: Hope this helps, bro. From one bro to another Me: pls fucking die 

Nikolai could only imagine the laugh Viktor is doing right now. But he does not really blame the guy. If the situation flips and it goes like Viktor is the one acting like this towards Nastasya, Nikolai would tease him the same—well… if that ever happens before his imprisonment, that is. 

He finally turns off the engine of his car and leaves the vehicle. He fixes the coat on his body and looks around as he walks towards the diner. But his steps are halted when he sees a certain car parked just several metres away from his own. Nikolai diverts his direction, approaching the car instead.

Seven-seven-seven. Moscow. 

The car is similar to what he saw last night in front of the convenience store. He remembers the plate number and the region code. His eyes narrow as he circles the car, trying to find anything that could answer his curiosity and suspicion. 

“This shit looks new and modern. Probably has an alarm if I touch the wrong button.” He mumbles to himself. Both of his hands are in his pockets, wagering his chances to even meddle with the car from the inside. Deciding that it is not worth his time—plus, the owner of the car might be inside the diner with you—Nikolai turns around and walks towards the diner. 

From the window, he sees only two tables are occupied by customers. A man is sitting at the bar and he notices you standing awkwardly by a table with a broom in your hand. Nikolai observes the others again—one group of customers is a couple of old people enjoying tea and reading newspapers and another group of customers is some teenagers enjoying their late lunches. 

The man, however—

Nikolai knows him. That figure he has known so well. There is no way he can forget a person he spent almost six years with while in prison, especially not when he has to live together with them day and night. 

“Bastard…” He mutters before he finally walks into the diner. The bell rings and Nikolai notices your eyes brighten up like the morning sun when you see him. You are about to take a step towards him but Nikolai immediately holds up his hand towards you without even looking at you. 

Instead, he approaches the man at the bar. Once he is close, he wraps his arm around the latter’s shoulders. 

“Elvir, my friend! How long has it been!”

Elvir flinches hard, hearing Nikolai’s cheerful, friendly voice. His head jerks to his side, seeing the familiar grin on Nikolai’s face. Nikolai immediately takes a seat beside him, his arm still extended over the older guy’s shoulder, patting his back at a steady pace. 

“How’ve you been, friend?” Nikolai asks, with the last word hardened at the edge of his tongue. “How’s Borys, if you still keep in contact with him. Oh, oh! How’s your leg, hmm? Still clanking nice? Still clanking good?” With his foot, Nikolai nudges the metal that replaced half of Elvir’s left leg. 

Elvir immediately pulls back his left leg, avoiding Nikolai’s playful kicks. An intense fear is clear in his eyes, with the way his irises shake. “Nikolai… What are you doing here…?” He asks and his voice is yet another proof of his dread. 

“What am I doing here? Well, I live here, silly goose!” Nikolai grins. “What are you doing here? All the way from Moscow? Huh? Yeah? Moscow, right? I mean, I saw a strange car outside and then I saw you—I really don’t imply that you are strange, no, no, not at all!—and I make the connection and badump! You’re all the way from Moscow.”

“I… I am.”

Nikolai smiles, nodding. “Mm-hm, mm-hm. So, why?”

“Why what?”

“Why do you come here, dummy? Oh, and let’s not lie to each other, Elvir. I know how tricks and lies work, alright?” He says, tapping the table in front of Elvir, demanding answers. “Come on, spill out, old guy. This is the time for old friends to catch up with one another.”

“It’s… It’s just that I have a job here.” Elvir says hesitantly. “No other reasons.”

Nikolai smirks. “Let me guess. Is it to retrieve the daughter of your debtor?”

Elvir’s eyes widen. His irises frantically move between the man in front of him and the girl who has been sweeping the floor for over an hour. He tries to speak but all that leaves his mouth are filler words of nervousness and uncertainty. 

He then gasps before lowering his voice to a whisper. “Wait… Are you perhaps… the informant Vivian?”

Vivian—Nikolai knows that name. It is a pseudonym for Viktor to ensure the privacy of his real name. He only ever uses that name for criminal stuff ever since both of them worked at the shady circus. Viktor wanted to have an alter-ego, so to speak, as his ‘illegal identity’ and wanted the name to begin with ‘V’. He ended up with ‘Vivian’ after multiple horrible suggestions from Nikolai—prime exhibit: ‘What about Viagra? Vibrator? Virgin? Viscerocranium?’ ‘Shut your hole, Gogol.’

“I’m not Vivian. But I am acquainted with him.” Nikolai says. “He’s my manager, basically. Well, partner-in-crime, more accurately. F-friend, sorta.”

“Vivian has been in contact with one of my men about… our debtor. We asked him to get his daughter as our hostage quite a while ago…” Elvir whispers, which only annoys Nikolai because there are no goddamn people near them. The teenagers are busy with themselves and old people can barely hear anyway. Boldly, Nikolai pushes Elvir’s shoulder away, putting distance between them. 

“I’m aware. After all, I was the one who got the girl.” Nikolai says before tilting his head in your direction. You are not facing him, instead you are now changing your sweeping job to wiping the windows. “She’s the girl you wanted, right?”

Elvir glances at you for a second before he licks his lips, contemplating and choosing his words carefully. He nods slowly. “Yeah. She is. I-I thought she would be… locked and tied up… And she’s not even…” He pauses, staring at you. You are incredibly close to the main door to the diner. At any time you can run out and scream for help. Hells, you can even plead your case to the group of teenagers and yet—

“She doesn’t even run away…”

Nikolai smiles to himself—Locked her up, tied her up, knocked her out, I did all that and she ran back to me. 

Elvir scoffs, suddenly. “I see. She doesn’t run away because you trained her or something? Make the girl obedient and listen to you?”

Quite the opposite, actually. 

“You can think of it that way,” Nikolai shrugs his shoulders before he grabs Elvir’s jaw, turning the older man’s gaze away from you. Then his hand moves to stay on Elvir’s back, almost like a warning gesture. “But that’s not important right now, yeah? You came here to retrieve her.” Nikolai says. 

“Well, y-yeah.”

“Her daddy already died, though.”

“He had millions in debt, Nikolai.” Elvir grunts. “If he cannot pay anymore, his daughter can.” 

“That’s not her responsibility,” Nikolai replies, his glare turning sharp. Elvir is about to retort but Nikolai quickly cuts him off. “I know what the likes of you do to young women like her. Even her former job did not pay her well. You expect her to be able to pay off millions and possibly more because of your fuckass interest rates in just a couple of years?”

He suddenly cackles dryly. “You’re full of shit, you know that? You’re gonna enslave the fuck out of the girl.”

Elvir frowns hard and his fist clenches. His anger seems to be accumulating, probably because of the condescending and mocking tone that Nikolai has been using to speak to him—he feels disrespected, and the jester is more than happy to taunt and ridicule him. 

“Your business ended ages ago, Gogol. You’re just paid to kidnap the girl. Nothing more. Your job is done done. The girl belongs to us and she has more shit to do than cleaning this damned restaurant.”

Nikolai’s lips form a soft, tiny twinkle. “Mm-hm. I know.”

“Then what the fuck is the matter?”

“This is the matter.”

Click!

Elvir freezes. His breath is stuck without a second once he hears a familiar cocking sound of a gun. And he is right on the money when his eyes lower to his stomach, where a gun is pointed. His eyes then slowly shift up, meeting Nikolai’s sweet smile and menacing stare. 

“Now, here’s a quiz.”

He smiles broadly. “What other limbs can I tear apart from you aside from your left leg?”

Elvir says nothing and he shudders when Nikolai guides the gun to his right leg. “The answer is its lovely pair.” 

“E-Easy with the threats—”

Nikolai cuts him off again. “You see… I believe that when we have the free will to choose our options, we also choose our consequences. I mean, you made the choice to report me to the disciplinary act in jail, so your consequence is that you lost your leg, oops! So I’ll give you options, choices and free will, so to speak.”

He leans closer and the tone of his voice lowers deeply as he says, “One, you come near the girl, this place or this town, I’ll sever more than just your right leg. Bonus if I’m diligent, maybe your men can get a part of your limbs, who knows? The skin, after all, is the biggest organ. You would have enough to be a souvenir to many.”

The fear on Elvir’s face is prominent. He swallows his saliva nervously and even carefully as if one wrong move can lead him to death. And he is not entirely wrong considering that an unsecured gun is still pointed against his stomach, with Nikolai’s finger already on the trigger. A simple press and he could have lost his guts—and he does not think Nikolai’s threat is merely trivial. 

No, he does not take this man lightly. What he witnessed in prison is enough. 

Nikolai suddenly laughs keenly, as if he finds this situation fun. Perhaps it is fun for him. “Ah! Don’t make that face. It’s comedic, really! I almost forgot what your second option is!” He sighs, shaking his head. 

“Don’t screw with me—”

“Second, you turn around, face straight ahead and fuck off back to Moscow.” Nikolai retracts his gun, tilting his head with an adorable smile. “And you shall live happily ever after like a prince in fairy tales.”

Elvir stands up. 

Without words and at a fast speed, he turns around to leave. He hastily walks off but his steps stop when Nikolai loudly says, “Hey now, my good friend! Why are you in a rush? Just walk, man! Your legs are totally fine and healthy, aren’t they?”

The diner is silent, except for a steady series of footsteps echoing through the whole room and that series ends finally when the bell on the door rings, signalling that someone has left. 

“Nikolai…?”

Nikolai turns his head, finally seeing his blue angel after minutes of talking with an old creepy man. The sight of you is a real eye-cleanser and his heart flutters when he sees the confusion on your face that is only adding to your grace. 

“Are you angry with me?”

Now he is the confused one. “What? Where do you get that from?”

“Oh, nothing. It’s ‘cause you were like… don’t want me to talk to you or something earlier…” You say before you move to behind the bar again. You stand right in front of where Nikolai is seated. 

“No, I don’t mean it that way, love.” He says softly. “I stopped you because I didn’t want you to come to me when I was talking with that guy. Glad you actually didn’t approach me with a menu.” 

“Do you know him?” You ask. “He had been sitting here for about two hours or so. He was being creepy and I was… scared.”

Nikolai hums, resting his chin on his palm as he stares at your timid face. As if you notice his eyes are on you, you look up at him, giving him a smile which he gladly returns. “What did he talk to you about?”

“Mm… He was flirting. He tried to buy me a drink as well and he asked me if I live alone.”

“Uh-huh… And then what did you say?”

“I said I don’t live alone.”

Nikolai nods and sighs. “Good girl. That’s smart of you for saying that. It could be worse.” A sheepish smile crooks on your face before you give him a menu. 

“Anything to drink? I can do most of the drinks now! Vasily taught me.” You giggle. Nikolai is about to whine and protest at the mention of the name but hearing your giggle only makes him snicker to himself. He does not really want to drink anything but he proceeds to ask you to make him a hot latte anyway. You nod and take the cup that Elvir used hours ago and then stop. 

“Oh. Your friend did not pay…”

“He’s not my friend.”

“Who is he then?”

Nikolai rubs his lips, pondering. “He was my cellmate, back in prison. His name is Elvir.” He says. He wonders if he should tell you about Elvir’s involvement with your father—he does not want you to get scared to live by yourself. But he also does not want you to carelessly interact with people, although knowing that Olga’s place has an ‘extra protection’ from criminals who often make deals here. 

He watches you walk around, making a latte in precision. You do not seem to be clueless about any of these—which makes him wonder whether you have worked in a cafe as a barista before. He knows you have been taking small jobs ever since you were young to support yourself. Nikolai scoffs to himself a bit. He realises that you are more than capable of being independent but for many reasons, you surely love being pampered so much—by the man who kidnapped you, no less. 

“Here’s your coffee,” You say as you put a cup of hot latte in front of him. “Please give me fifty-percent tips.” You beam playfully. 

“Ha, you don’t demand tips, little dove. No tips, no tips, you already leeched off a lot from me.” He says before he puts down a couple crumpled cash notes on the table and the amount is certainly more than the price of the latte. “Here you go, love.” You take it and count it. 

“Do you want to donate to charity?” You attempt again. Nikolai is baffled but still very much entertained. 

“What fucking charity?”

“Orphans.”

He rolls his eyes, cackling under his breath as he waves his hand dismissively. Your little noise of victory is a melody to his ears as you register the exact amount of cash equal to the latte’s price and stuff the balance into your pocket. 

“Ah, but what about Elvir’s mocha?” You ask. “He asked for two too.”

“I ain’t paying for that,” Nikolai says before he sips his coffee. His eyes glance around the area, not finding Olga anywhere. She is in the kitchen, likely, because he hears faint gossip noises from there—old ladies’ activities, what is new? 

“Just hush hush about it.” You nod at his not-so-helpful suggestions and quickly go to wash the used cups at the sink. Nikolai just sits there, watching you intently. He is still thinking about whether to talk more about Elvir. He does not want to lie to you—he promised that many nights ago. Elvir is not from here and surely he has not a single clue on how things work with the underground world that exists in the shadow of this town. 

He calls for your name. You are surprised at his call for a moment but you make your way to his spot anyway. 

“Elvir works for loan sharks.” He states. “I don’t have any promise that he would not come back and it would be extremely dumb on his part to do that… but if you ever see him even when he does nothing more than just smile at you, you have to tell me.”

“Loan sharks…?” You mutter. “Is he…”

“Yes.” Nikolai firmly says. “Yes, he is exactly what you think. So if you ever see him, tell me. Do not tell anyone else other than me or Viktor. You can ask for a phone from Olga but still, it’s either me or Viktor. Is that clear?”

You say nothing, eyes lowered down. You bite your lips as you try to form a question amidst your agitation. “W-What is he planning to do with me? I mean, he surely will come back, right?”

“If he wants to be decapitated apart, yes,” Nikolai mumbles. He glances at you before sighing softly and offers his hand to you. You wordlessly put your hand on his, gripping it tightly, which he returns with little rubs of his thumb on your skin. 

“Don’t be scared, little dove. You are going to be fine. People here love you lots, you know?”

“Do you?”

Nikolai stays silent. 

“Do you… love me?“

You know I can’t answer that. 

Nikolai says nothing. Even with your pleading gaze upon him, he says nothing. Instead, he brings your hand to his lips. 

And kiss it. 

©cherikolya 2025 — do not copy, plagiarize and repost my works to any platform, reblogs are very appreciated

if you like my works, consider buy me a ko-fi!

Day XII Cage.

People don't get free. They merely change the nature of their chains.

-Nix🌙

He/they

20 y/o

rpgs and analogue terror fan

'Cause my love is mine, all mine...★

here we love Nikolai ( ≧ᗜ≦)♡

@/cafekitsune divider

@/nikosaki header

i tried to paint greyscale then used color layers!! not a big fan but it was kinda therapeutic

can you draw shadow milk showing support for y/n for exam days pls ☹️🤍 we just need some fluff fr

extra

there’s an ask for this but i csnt find it, sorry x)

Never mind, HERE.

𝑬𝑹𝑶𝑺 — a passionate physical and emotional love; stereotype of romantic love

RECEIVERS。dad!nikolai gogol x mama fem!reader

WISHCARD。“I want to marry her. Yes, yes, I do. Listen, Yurochka. I need to propose first. So, it's gonna be on Valentine's Day! I know, I know. I could have picked another day but like. . . Valentine's Day feels romantic, doesn't it?”

BOUQUET。fluff, oc kid (yuri/yurochka), suggestive, unhealthy thoughts

PRICE。approx. 3.6k

FREEGIFT。say yes to heaven (lana del rey)

MAIN MENU。FOUR SHADES OF PINK

“Are you sure?”

Nikolai looks up. Currently, you are getting your makeup done. You are in a simple yellow dress. Your hair is styled very nicely with some ribbons and white clips. If Nikolai would describe your look today, it would be the equivalent of an angel. It is fun to just sit on the bed, watching you get ready for your day today.

It has been a year since your first childbirth. You gave birth to a baby boy, whom Nikolai named as Yuri. Nikolai remembers the first moment he carried the baby in his arms, he lost all his thoughts. And when the nurse asked what the baby's name would be, the only thing that popped up in his head was one of the most common names in his town—Yuri.

Truth be told, Nikolai still feels strange about this. He does love his son, he knows. But he finds it hard to actually bond with him, as his old conscience is always hard to get rid of. Voices—sometimes reminding him of his past and his desire to be 'free'. There were times when his intrusive thoughts were telling him to hurt the boy, all to prove to himself that he was not bound to some kind of brainwashing.

But he loves the boy. Nikolai loves his son. He loves you more, of course, knowing you wagered yourself to give another a life. He tries his best to be there for both of you. The first two weeks after childbirth were hard. Your mood swings were horrible. Nikolai did not really mind though. He lost hours of his sleep but it was fine once again when he finally got to embrace you once the night fell.

“Kolya?” your sweet voice shakes him out of his train to the past. Nikolai looks at you. “Are you okay? If you prefer, I can send Yuri to my mom. She can watch over him for a while.”

Nikolai bites his inside cheek. He knows you mean well. You are one of those people who truly sees him for who he is. He knows you are aware of his inner chaos. Attachment is something Nikolai has tried to avoid for many years.

Most of the time, Yuri prefers his mama and honestly, Nikolai would not blame him for preferring his mom over him. After all, he will admit that he is a bit distant from Yuri—mainly because he feels like fatherhood is quite an intimidating space for him, considering his own issues in his head and heart.

Nikolai thinks you notice it too. Whenever he shows a bit of discomfort when Yuri wants some uppies, you would swiftly take the role and carry Yuri up. Whenever it is just the two of them on the couch, Yuri would look around, seeking his mother.

Nikolai is still mentally preparing to be a proper father. He tries. But anxiety bothers him sometimes.

“No. . . No, it's okay. I can take care of him today. You don't have to worry about anything, love.” Nikolai replies before he stands up and approaches you. He wraps his arm around your waist, his gaze leers onto you. “You're so gorgeous, little dove.”

You smile, holding his face before you tug him down a bit to give a kiss on his cheek.

A red lips stain his skin.

“Ah— whoops!” you giggle but you do not rub it off. Nikolai looks at the mirror, seeing his cheek that has a kiss mark from you. He snickers.

“I look sexy,” he remarks before he turns to you again. “You look sexy too,” he says softly as his hands squeeze your hips, trailing down to touch your butt. You huff at his playful grin. Some parts of your body have grown in size after your pregnancy—breasts, ahem—and Nikolai does have the time of his life, freely touching you whenever you least expect it.

“Don't do that,” you whine, hitting his chest playfully but making no attempt to push his hand away from rubbing your body. “You're a massive pervert,” you pout. Nikolai cackles.

“Darling, one of your weird ass cravings was literally to grope my ass. I don't think you have the right to call me that,” he teases.

“Well, t-that's excusable!” you tap his cheek. “Now, let go of me, big boy. I need to finish my eyeshadows.”

Nikolai giggles and obeys anyway. He instead hugs you from behind, kissing your neck as you continue to pat down the brush on your eyelid. Nikolai is always a clingy one, and his hands are always finding their way to sensitive spots you do not even know you have on your body.

But his peppering kisses on your neck feel a little strange. It is quicker. Usually, he likes taking his time kissing your skin.

“Kolya?” you call.

“Hm?”

“Are you nervous?”

A few seconds of silence.

“Just a little.”

You know Nikolai is still having a little of an issue within himself when it comes to family relationships. He tries to bond with Yuri, like any good father would do. But perhaps because he lacks one, he is having a hard time to actually bond with the boy. Sure, he does change the diapers, bathe him or cook for him, but affectionate gestures are very rare.

Nikolai is a very unique man. His way of thinking is absurd and yet mature enough to question oneself. For the past several years, he has been too fixated on trying to reach his goal and live within his ideal. But now, he has to abandon it once again for someone who is his blood and flesh.

You did reassure him. You do know how he is. The way he reacted to the news of pregnancy was exactly how you expected. Lost, confused, angry, anxious — those emotions are obvious when you have spent enough time staring into his eyes.

In fact, you are fully prepared to be a single mother.

But Nikolai's love towards you goes far beyond at this point. He cherishes you so much that he willingly—albeit scared—takes your hand and walks along with you on this small journey of his life.

“Fear nothing, my dear, I'll hold you forever.”—that's your promise to him and he still holds to it. And you plan to never break it.

You turn around, once again holding his face. “I see your effort, Kolya. I see you. And you have done so well so far, alright? Trust me.”

“He probably doesn't even think that I'm his dad,” he replies slowly, referring to Yuri. You smile softly.

“Bonding takes time. We have all the time in the world to build this up,” you say, assuring him. Nikolai pouts as he fiddles with the fabric of your dress. He is surely a grown adult but his behaviour turns into a manchild when he is near you.

“You know what, how about a small mission, hm? A little game for you and Yuri. Maybe by the time I come home, we can have a small progress?” you suggest. Nikolai's eyes glimmer when he hears the word 'game'.

“What game?” he asks.

“Hmm. . . Well, I guess you could try to get him to colour his fruit colouring book. Perhaps teach him a word or two.” you say as your hands are busy to stuff your belongings in your purse.

“Can that kid even hold a crayon?” Nikolai mumbles.

“That's for you to deal with.” you grin. “How about chocolates for your reward? It's almost Valentine's Day, no? Gotta give chocolates to my boyfriend.”

Nikolai pouts. “Don't say that,”

“What?”

“Don't call me a boyfriend. It feels like we are high schoolers.”

Right. . . You two are not married. You both live together, with a child. Nikolai never proposes you to be a fiancée or anything. At least not yet. Nikolai is so good at masking his feelings, but you know he is serious with this relationship—else, he would not be here, one year later, after contemplating leaving you at the beginning of your first pregnancy.

You smile, patting his cheek again with a cheerful smile. “Okay, okay. I'll get some chocolates to give my man a reward, how about it?”

“Hmm, slightly better.” Nikolai tilts his head, kissing your wrist. “I'm already planning our Valentines, so you can leave it up to me!” he pats his chest proudly. You cackle, nodding in approval.

“Well, I better go now. I'll get home before ten,” you say and reach for your car key on the makeup table. Nikolai bids farewell to you with a playful slap on your ass.

And for the rest of the day, he is left with his son.

It is only four hours after you leave the house, and Nikolai is already feeling awkward when he sits with Yuri on the couch. He fed the boy with simple home-cooked borscht and changed his diaper. Yuri is looking at him and then he looks around as if he is searching for his mama.

“Mama's out to have fun without us, Yurochka,” Nikolai says. He doesn't really take it to heart about Yuri's preference towards you.

Yuri blinks confusedly at Nikolai. With his small finger, he points at the man. “'K-Kawoi?” he attempts to say. Nikolai almost bursts out laughing at Yuri's attempt to say his name.

“No 'Kawoi'. It's 'Nikolai'. Ni. . . Ko. . . Lai. . . Nikolai!”

“Nnn. . . Ni— Kaw. . . wol,”

“Did you say 'Karol'? Can you even speak properly?”

“Mam. . . Mama,”

Nikolai only lets Yuri attempt to speak. Yuri never really calls him 'Dad' or 'Papa' or even tries to do so. He does not mind that much.

There is a small desire in him to make fun of his pronunciation but this boy is literally not older than two years old. But hey, Nikolai does not really care about morals anyway.

“You're still a dumbass, but it's okay! Once you grow up, you're gonna be as smart as me, okay?” Nikolai grins before he takes the fruit colouring book and a box of crayons. He sits on the floor and he carefully carries Yuri so he can sit beside him.

“Now, how to be smart, Yurochka? We need to learn. And because your mama promised me a reward, I'm making you work for me, yeah?” Nikolai says as he opens the book and gives Yurochka a red crayon, so he can start colouring the apple illustration on the first page.

As Yuri is colouring—or more like, scrabbling lines—on the illustration, Nikolai tries to get him to say the word too. Surprisingly, Yuri is such a quick learner and his pronunciation is not so far off. But it leaves Nikolai with little interaction to go with Yuri since he does not really know what to do after he gets him to learn the words and 'colour' the things.

Yuri already tosses the crayon after he is done colouring his fifth drawing. He doesn't seem to want to do it again, probably finding it to be boring. Instead, he starts to draw two stickmen on the blank page of the book. Nikolai just silently watches him—he is more focused on what to do with this father-son bonding.

Nikolai sighs and shuts his eyes. He rests his head against the couch, contemplating his life once again. He already misses you and he wishes you are here to give encouragement for him to actually bond with Yuri. He usually likes to have fun with kids—playing with them, teasing them, mocking them. But it is a whole different issue when it is his own flesh and blood—his son.

Is this really what he wanted? To have a family of his own? To be attached so tightly again?

He needs to hold you now. He knows he can feel blissfully liberated when you keep him in your embrace. And he needs it now. His mind is starting to doubt again and he is scared.

A tug on his shirt makes Nikolai open his eyes. He turns to his side, seeing Yuri looking at him with those eyes almost resembling his own. The little boy grabs the paper he has been drawing on and shoves it against Nikolai.

“What is it, Yurochka?” Nikolai gives him a small instant smile before he takes the paper and looks at it properly. Two stickmen. One has a skirt, with hair similar to yours and another has longer grey hair with two different coloured eyes.

“Aww, you draw us?” Nikolai coos.

“Mama,” Yuri points to a stickman.

“Mmm... ugly.”

Yuri points to the second stickman and then looks at Nikolai. He then pokes Nikolai's cheek before he points back to the stickman.

“Papa.”

Nikolai's eyes widen, genuinely surprised that Yuri says that. He laughs nervously. “You're a smart kid, aren't you?” he says to the boy. Nikolai caresses Yuri's head gently, staring at the drawing.

“Let's take this away. I'm bored already,” Nikolai pushes the colouring book and carries Yuri to sit on his lap. “Wanna watch some horror?” he asks the boy as he takes the remote control and changes the channel on the television.

Valentine's Day is approaching in less than a week and the advertisements are full of Valentine's promotions. He pats Yuri as he changes the channel to a cartoon.

“Valentine's is near, Yurochka. You know what it means?” he asks the boy, only to receive no response. Nikolai does not mind. He likes talking to Yuri as if he is writing a diary. The boy is a quiet one. And it is not like he understands a word Nikolai is saying anyway.

“That means you're gonna stay with grandma for a while, boy. Yeah, you're gonna be an orphan for a few days—I'm kidding! It's just Mama and I are going to go on a fancy date, so you're gonna stay behind because adults do adult things and babies do baby things.” Nikolai says as he plays with Yuri's cheek.

“Wanna know what I plan for the date?” Nikolai asks. “Yeah? No?” he nods at Yuri, trying to make the boy respond. Yuri looks at his dad and nods eagerly, only mimicking Nikolai's movement.

“Good, good. Well, I've booked this one expensive place for us to have dinner at. Yes, very expensive! It's a fancy restaurant. You know Yurochka? You can get a lot of money from doing various things, you know? I'll teach you someday. You're my son so you're gonna follow my footsteps. Not all footsteps but some steps. Like. . . identity theft. . . Ha! Kidding! I bet you're excited now for what your absolute chaos of a father did, huh?”

Yuri blinks confused.

“Anyway, I'm really trying to go above and beyond for this year's Valentine. Do you wanna know what I actually planned, Yurochka? Yeah? Yeah?” Nikolai nods and Yuri repeats his gesture again.

“I want to propose.”

Nikolai grins, already happy when he thinks about your reaction when he whips out the rings he already bought and picked. He already feels excited to ask you to marry him, to be his forever.

“I want to marry her. Yes, yes, I do. Listen, Yurochka. I need to propose first. So, it's gonna be on Valentine's Day! I know, I know. I could have picked another day but like. . . Valentine's Day feels romantic, doesn't it? I think your mama won't expect it either. But I do feel like there should be something else I could do to make it more special. . .” Nikolai says. Yuri's arms move up and down. He makes incoherent noises before he tugs on Nikolai's shirt, pulling and pulling the fabric.

“. . . You're right. You're right, Yurochka! You're so smart!”

Yuri makes a happy noise. Nikolai embraces his son and stands up from the floor.

“You should pick my suit and fashion for that day. Yeah! Come, Yurochka. Daddy's gonna teach you how to be handsome!”

― ♡

You arrive at home later than you expected.

It is already 11PM. When you open the door, the living room is dark and the only source of light comes from the kitchen. You walk towards it and see Nikolai resting his head on the kitchen bar. A bottle of red wine and two glasses are by his head. One glass is half-filled with wine. His eyes are closed. He looks like he has fallen asleep while waiting for you to come home.

You sit right beside him and your hand reaches out to brush his hair. He hums before his eyes slowly pry open and a smile crooks on his lips.

“I'm home,” you say.

“Did you have fun, sweetheart?” he asks. His voice is lazy and deep. He is mellow, slightly tipsy it seems. He stares at you before he finally sits straight.

“You don't seem really tired,” you say before you pour yourself a glass of wine. “Yuri's been nice?”

“He is always nice. Quiet boy.” Nikolai replies before he finishes his own glass of wine. His eyes glance at you up and down. He tilts his head with a small smirk. “Where's my reward?”

“The chocolates? That's for Valentine's,” you chuckle as you tickle his chin. “You're gonna love it.”

Nikolai grins at your ticklish touch as he pours his wine. He takes a long sip. “You're gonna make it from scratch or something?”

You almost purse your lips—that's exactly what you planned. You do plan to make homemade chocolates for him. Not store-bought. It is supposed to be a surprise and of course, Nikolai nonchalantly guessed right. You try to control your expression and shake your head.

“Mmm, that's a surprise.”

Nikolai's small grin is enough message for you that he would not press any further. He must have expected surprises for Valentine. You will try to make creative or ridiculous-shaped chocolates then if he is so smart to figure out your surprise.

“So, everything's fine today? Did Yuri learn a new word?”

“He called me 'Papa'.”

You gasp happily, clasping his hands, almost shaking them too. You fidget excitedly. “That's good news! Oh Goodness! What else, what else?”

Nikolai cackles, gripping your hands back. “He tried to say my name. And he drew us too. Stickmen us. I already pasted it on the fridge. And no, I won't let you take it down for the next ten years so he can look back at his first art. He's quiet now but I bet he has a funnier face when I shove that drawing to his face.” Nikolai says with a playful smile.

And you smile too, mainly because he is already imagining the future for years to come—a future where his son is all grown up and you are still with him, living together in this apartment.

Your hands reach up to hold his face. Nikolai's eyes widen a bit when you scoot closer, your thumbs rubbing his skin. And crimson slowly creeps to his face, giving a tint of blush on his cheeks.

“I'm happy for you.”

Nikolai stares at you. He holds back your hands, pressing them harder on his face. His gaze lowers, forecasting a shadow of unsureness.

He's doubting again.

His hold on your hands becomes tighter and tighter, it almost hurts. But you let him anyway. After all, you did promise to hold him forever. He takes a deep breath, shutting his eyes as he brings his lips to kiss your palm.

You let him calm himself down. Nikolai doubts himself a lot when he starts to think deeply about his attachments—which is something he always tries to be against. He has done horrible, horrible things, just to feel an ounce of freedom. His guilt and empathy are always gutting him inside, and he can only suppress the extreme thoughts that tend to barge into his head.

“Nikolai?” he looks at you. His irises quiver. You give him a soft smile, as gentle as possible, in hope of soothing the voices in his head.

“You don't have to fear anything, okay? I am always with you and we will go through everything together. I lo—”

“Marry me.”

You freeze. And Nikolai too.

He never proposes or ever mentions marriage or engagement in your relationship, despite how many years has it been. And you certainly least expect it from him.

Nikolai looks like he is lost. He does not expect himself to say it either—right at this moment out of any other.

“I . . . I-I mean—”

“Yes,” you jump from your seat, hugging him. And his arms embrace you instantly, with his face buried in the crook of your neck. “Y-Yes, Nikolai.”

“Marry me, love.”

“Yes. . . !”

You do not even realise that you are starting to sob, and Nikolai is sensitive when you let a single tear drop. He gently pulls you to hold your face, and you try to control your little happy cry. You both locked eyes with each other and a small laughter erupts from your lips.

“I'm so happy. . .”

Nikolai could not quite pinpoint it, but he feels happier when you say that. He is at a loss for words. He does not think of any joke that could make this any better or any more words that could prolong this moment.

The words came out too naturally from his mouth. He is already imagining life with you, and before he knows it, he has already proposed to you. And even if it is a small 'mistake' of an accident because of his distraught mind,

Nikolai does not regret it one bit.

He calls for your name, and it sounds heavenly, coming out from his lips. His hand gently holds the back of your head before he pulls you closer and closer. Until his and your lips are connected and hands holding each other ever so intimately.

He can think of his surprise for Valentine's Day. But for now, he is content enough.

Just in a home, shared by two hearts.

Tiktok is getting banned, so I need to post here again >_<. pfps or something idk

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