Hes Just Out Of His Mind In Love With You!

𝑳𝑼𝑫𝑼𝑺 — a love that is played as a game or sport; conquest

RECEIVERS。director!nikolai gogol x actress fem!reader

WISHCARD。“We are in a fucking car, in a fucking parking area, Nikolai. People might see us, even with this tinted window,” — “Good, let them fucking see.”

BOUQUET。n/sfw 18+, manipulation, age gap (nikolai's in 30s, reader's in early 20s), manhandling, mouthgag, power imbalance, sloppy saliva, semi-public (in a car), submissive!reader, petnames, toxic relationship, dead dove do not eat

PRICE。approx. 5.0k

FREEGIFT。stargirl interlude (the weeknd, lana del rey), you? (two feet)

MAIN MENU。FOUR SHADES OF PINK

“Any date for Valentine's?” 

You look to your side, seeing your co-actress, Amanda, ask about your plan for Valentine's Day tomorrow. You shrug your shoulders as you mix your coffee well in the mug. 

You two are waiting for the technicians to fix an issue that suddenly came up during a shot. A camera had a wire malfunction and it almost sparked fire before they quickly put it out. 

This project you are filming now is co-directed by Nikolai, the toxic man you somehow get yourself involved with. He does not even care about the ongoing rumours of his favouritism towards you. Rather, it seems like those rumours only ignite his desire to get closer and more intrusive into your career. 

“No… not really,” you reply slowly. Amanda snorts as she sips her coffee. Her eyes then trail a figure far away and she suddenly giggles to herself. You look at her, confused. “What's wrong?” 

“Nothing. You know, I was thinking…” Amanda says and her voice is lower—almost like a whisper. She nudges her chin, gesturing to you to look at someone. You turn your head, eyes roaming the people to find that certain person Amanda is referring to. 

“… I kinda want to give chocolates to Gogol. What do you think?” 

Your head twists back to her, and your eyes slightly widen. Amanda is smiling sheepishly as she stirs her coffee. Her face is reddening with crimson, blushing at the mere thought of giving chocolates to Nikolai.

“Why… him?” you ask carefully. You hope your tone does not sound like you are envious. After all, there really is no reason for you to! She is just giving chocolates. It is just a friendly gesture, right? 

Amanda hesitates to reply to you, it seems. She glances at you and then Nikolai, before she shrugs her shoulders. “I think he is very nice… He looks out to so many people too.” She says. “Besides, he is quite hot, don't you think? Better to give chocolates to hot dudes than ugly guys, right?” 

“Right…” you just nod and avert your attention elsewhere. But luck is not on your side, because as soon as you turn your attention away from Amanda, your eyes connect immediately with Nikolai. And it is clear that he has been stealing glances at you. 

He does not shy away when he notices that you have seen him. Instead, he just grins. 

Nikolai makes a casual stride towards you and Amanda. And you can hear Amanda's small panicky voice when she realizes Nikolai is coming towards her. She is clearly flustered with his presence—perhaps she has caught feelings without knowing it. 

“You girls okay?” Nikolai asks, putting his hand in his pocket while the other twirls a paper cup. “We will have another five minutes before we test the lights to make sure it's all good.” 

“We are alright!” Amanda replies before you can even do so. “What are you drinking, sir? Vodka?” 

Nikolai cackles, shaking his head. “Just soda,” he replies before he looks at you. “You sure you wanna drink the coffee?” he asks, with a slightly mocking tone. Amanda looks at him, a little confused but you are restless. You grip the mug, and for a quick second, you remember the time he slipped something in your drink when it was just the two of you in the studio. 

“Better than your coffee,” you say. “It doesn't have any additives to it, sir. Very good. Much, much, much better.” 

“Touché.” Nikolai raises his hands as if he just loses. Amanda is still confused but before she could even bother you with questions, her manager calls her to get ready for her scene. Amanda bids farewell to you and Nikolai before she leaves quickly. 

As soon as Amanda's seat is empty, Nikolai sits right next to you. There's silence between you and him. Sometimes you are glancing at him, only to find that he is just watching the crew without a word leaving his mouth. 

“You’re angry.” You say. 

“I’m not.” He replies. 

“Are you still angry because I accepted that sponsorship?” You ask carefully, referring to a sponsorship that Nikolai has pressured and emphasized to you to not accept it. But that chance is just too good to be passed on. Nikolai repeatedly says that he does not want you to work with a certain guy—who happened to be moderating the sponsorship—but you went on and accepted it anyway. 

Besides, what in the fuck he could do? He is not your staff member, not even your PR team. You can do whatever you want as long as your team has approved it.

“That sponsorship is shit and you should regret taking it. Ugh, working with that old man who loves to drink until he vomits? Ugh…” Nikolai grunts.

“That sponsorship is not shit. You're just jealous about the fact that I’m about to work closely with another rich man.”

Nikolai glares at you. And you feel like you are winning. Oh, how victorious it feels when you pull away that malicious smile from his face. 

“Why don't you tell me that you're jealous, sir? Or else you wouldn't rewrite a whole kissing scene involving me, right? You can control whatever I do in projects you oversee, but not a sponsorship that is completely unrelated to you.” crossing your arms, you tilt your head at him. Nikolai seems surprised at your change of manner and his silence only feeds your confidence to stomp more on his ego. 

”Play stupid games, win stupid prizes, sweetheart. You don't wanna play shitty games with me. You already did once and I’m willing to let you go for now.” Nikolai smiles, but that smile does not have any shadow of kindness—more of a threat. You snort. 

“Cat got your tongue? Can't admit it?” 

Nikolai hums but remains to say nothing. Instead, he stretches himself, groaning while at it. Without looking at you, he strikes a question, completely ignoring the topic at hand. “Will you come tomorrow? The dinner, I mean.” 

You certainly notice his attempt to change the subject. You smirk. “Admit that you are jealous, or I'm gonna be absent tomorrow.” 

“Ah, sweetheart…” he sighs, pouting. “Don't do me like this. I have to be professional.” 

“I don't recall being professional includes offering a young actress to be his sugar baby.” 

Nikolai grumbles incoherent noises. His nose scrunches. He does not really have a good mood because his schedule does not flow smoothly today—due to the lights accident. He would normally get annoyed when people tease him too much, but he finds it adorable when it is you who is doing it. 

“Hey, don't leave your ‘sugar baby’ hanging. Are you jealous or not?” You press on him, enjoying the boost of confidence. Nikolai groans once again before he stands up. His large hand pats your head.

“Just come tomorrow. Be nice to me for once, yeah?” 

He leaves for the directors' table, with your eyes trailing his figure. You lean back to your seat, drinking the rest of your coffee. Tomorrow evening, there will be a small party involving the crew and the actors for this project. Supposedly, the project will finish filming tomorrow morning and your scene is almost done by today anyway, so you don't have to come to the set in the morning. 

It is just a small party to celebrate the end of the filming period. 

On Valentine's Day. How romantic. 

— ♢

Your phone has been pinging because of Amanda's messages. She is excited to show you her box of chocolates and a big bouquet that she wanted to give Nikolai for Valentine's Day. 

That girl certainly has something going on with Nikolai—or at least that's what you suspected. You know it is normal for Nikolai to interact with rookies a lot of times, considering he is a director for various shows and movies. 

As much as you want to deny it, you do feel slightly ashamed to admit that you feel a tint of jealousy, thinking about Amanda and Nikolai together. Intrusive thoughts are really intrusive at this hour. You cannot stop thinking about his reactions to Amanda's gifts, his gestures towards her, and his words given to her. 

You do not even have any chocolates or gifts to give to anyone tonight. But suddenly you feel pressured to have something. 

“We have ten more minutes before the gate is open for guests. Do you want to stop somewhere?” As if God hears your anxious heart, your manager asks.

“Yeah… Yeah, I think I would like to… stop at a store.” 

“Convenience store? I can get something for you instead. Just send me a text of what you need.” your manager says as he drives the car to the nearest store. He parks the car in front of a premise. 

“Wait, can I just go inside myself?” you say. You do not really want anyone to know you are buying cheap chocolates on Valentine's Day, even to your colleagues. Besides, you want to make a little effort to actually get chocolates as a gift. 

Your manager hesitates to allow you to leave the car, especially when you are wearing a dress and looking like a celebrity at first glance. You try to convince him to allow you to leave the car and after what feels like hours of reassurance to the man, he finally lets you out.

But not without a big puffer jacket with a hood that covers half your face adorning your body. 

“I look like I’m selling drugs,” you mutter. 

“This is the best option so we can avoid ruining your makeup and hair,” he says as he zips up the jacket fully. “Make your trip quick. I fear that there might be paparazzi around.” You nod and after he is done making sure you are unrecognizable as possible, you run towards the store, entering it. 

The worker does not even spare a glance. He is already tired from his job, just sitting at the counter. You make a turn to an aisle, quickly finding a shelf that has a lot of pretty chocolate boxes. The brands are nothing luxurious. But you take your time choosing one that you think Nikolai would like.

So you pick a chocolate box that has quite an expensive price tag on it. It is rectangular-shaped and contains twelve heart-shaped strawberry-flavored chocolates. You make your way to the counter, also grabbing a white teddy bear keychain you see when you are making a payment. 

Done—you thought. It may not be too much, but at least there's something. You hide your stuff in your jacket and run towards the car. Your manager does not bother to ask anything as he is more focused on the time, since the gate has opened for guests to enter the party. 

You keep the chocolates and the small teddy bear inside your high-branded handbag. The teddy bear is fluffy and white in colour, and it has a small hat and an eyepatch on it too. 

When you arrive at the party, most of the guests—the crew and the actors—are already there. Amanda is excited to see you and she jogs to you when he sees you roaming around in the small hall with a glass of champagne in your hand. 

“Hey, you came!” She gives you a hug which you gladly return, and then she brings you to a table, where you are supposed to sit. Turns out, you are sitting beside her. Not really surprising, considering you two closely worked together a lot on this project. 

You take a seat and notice that the chair beside Amanda has a big bouquet of flowers and a shiny chocolate box on it. You turn your head forward, and you see Nikolai's name card is exactly in front of Amanda. 

Ah, he will sit across from her. 

Something stirs inside you. 

It is not long before Nikolai appears with his director friends. And he comes in with some gifts in his arms. Small bouquets of flowers, some chocolate boxes, some gift boxes. 

He has been receiving Valentine's gifts. 

Expensive gifts. 

Amanda gleefully gives him the bouquet and the chocolates, which Nikolai receives with a peal of cheerful laughter. He does not really have any room to hold another one, but he gives the rest of his gifts to his staff, only to take Amanda's bouquet and admire it. 

“Oh, I love chrysanthemums! Ah, are these tulips too?” He asks, looking at the flowers one by one. “Thank you so much, sweetheart. This is beautiful!” He then takes a look at the chocolate box. The red shiny box is wrapped in gold tulle ribbon. You recognize the brand—it is a very luxurious one. A box of their basic milk chocolates already costs half a hundred bucks.

Chocolates don't need to be expensive. You're gonna shit it out anyway.

Your heart mumbles. You purse your lips and look away, clutching your bag. Something is stirring wild in your heart. Timidity creeps up and you suddenly feel small and out of place. 

Amanda and Nikolai are still talking to each other. She is clearly enjoying her time. You glance towards them, only to see Nikolai is kissing her cheek—hopefully in a friendly manner—before they both get to their respective seats. 

Nikolai sits on his chair. He is in front of you, albeit he is directly in front of Amanda. Amanda gets to hers and she sits down with a happy grin at you. You smile back, hoping that you do not appear to be obviously bitter. 

“Are you okay, starshine?” 

Your head perks up when you hear his voice amidst the noise around you from all the people here. You see Nikolai is looking at you. He is resting his chin on his palm and his finger is rubbing his lips. His gaze stays for a long while. 

“Yes. Yes, I am fine,” you reply, awkwardly sipping your champagne. 

“You are very beautiful.” 

Your cheek heats and you smile a little. “Thank you… You too…” 

The conversation ends there, but his gaze doesn't. Even while the main director is making a speech, you notice he is just staring at you. The only thing that truly separates your eyesight and his is just the small chandelier that is hanging between the two of you. 

The dinner went well. A few crew members are leaving and there are still so many people staying behind, drinking and enjoying desserts. You are careful to not consume too much alcohol. You do not want to be batshit drunk tonight. 

But you do feel slightly tipsy. 

As you are drinking wine while listening to your friend’s chatter, Nikolai stands and he speaks something to the people around him. He is leaving, since he has work tomorrow. His staff seems to want to escort him but he orders something to them, and it looks like they are not following him. 

“Well, enjoy the rest of the night, everyone. Sorry, I couldn't stay longer!” Nikolai says as he takes his long coat and drapes it over his body. He glances at you one last time and leaves, without sharing any more words. 

There are no words shared between you and him except his question at the beginning. It feels wrong. Usually he will fawn over you in this kind of setting, but he does not pay you much attention other than occasional stares. 

It feels wrong and empty. 

Especially knowing that your gifts are still in your bag. 

Even after Nikolai has disappeared somewhere, you feel restless. Your legs are shaking as your fingers fiddle with the ribbon of your bag. Amanda can't still stop talking about Nikolai—for obvious reasons—and it makes you feel even more bitter the longer you sit here in this room. 

So you stand up, excusing yourself. Your manager is nowhere to be seen—he is probably somewhere outside. You walk away from the room, following the trail that Nikolai supposedly went through. 

As soon as you are out, you are lost. You are not sure whether you want to ask the man directly about his whereabouts—you don't really want to look desperate, although that feeling is growing rapidly inside you. So you walk around, approaching the basement carpark, in hopes you could find Nikolai. You hope he is alone and not with his manager or staff. 

The basement is lacking people. You see some guards but you do not see Nikolai. You make a round, gripping your bag tightly. You are about to give up, before suddenly a car horns at you. 

You jump, looking to your left. The horn is just too loud like the driver inside just slams their fist onto it. The car that horned at you has tinted windows, not allowing you to see who is inside clearly. But the car plate does itch that memory in the back of your head. 

You rush to the window of the driver's side. The window slides down just a bit, and you finally see the man you have been searching for—though you only see his eyes due to the tinted window. 

“Hello, love. Did I surprise you?” Nikolai smiles. He presses something and a ‘Click!’ is heard. He wiggles his finger as if to invite you inside. And with a little hesitation, you walk around the car to the front passenger seat. You open the door and get inside. 

The car is cold—seems like the AC is blasted high. Though you catch the usual scent of his perfume, it smells flowery somehow. You turn your head to the backseat, finally seeing bouquets of flowers and Valentine's gifts Nikolai has received today. 

Too many people love him. 

“Want some?” Suddenly, he offers you his cup of coffee. You shake your head, refusing politely. Nikolai snorts. “I don't drug it.” 

“No, it's not that… I just drank a lot already…” You reply slowly. Nikolai hums, propping his head on his hand that rests on the car door frame. You two are just sitting in silence, and though you do not look at him, it feels like his gaze is leering at you a little too much. 

“Today's dinner sucks, isn't it?” Nikolai asks. You look at him, blinking confusedly. You thought the dinner went well, at least for him. He got too many gifts too. What is suck about it? 

“I don't think it's bad…” 

“I think it sucks so bad.” 

You glance at the gifts on the backseat. Amanda's bouquet is undoubtedly the biggest one out of everything. Even her chocolate box looks the most expensive. The longer you look at it, the deeper the self-consciousness is digging itself inside you. 

“You got that many gifts just in one night. I’d think the day would be a blessing if that happened to me.” You say. Nikolai snorts scornfully before he goes silent again. You notice he just keeps staring at you, and there really is nothing you can do to make him stop. Even if you tell him to, he will just like it more. 

For some reason, you are feeling used to it. 

Unable to figure out his games, you hastily open your bag and finally take out the convenience store chocolate box and teddy bear keychain. You fix the teddy bear’s appearance, as it was stuffed into your bag in a rush before. 

Swallowing the nervousness, you turn your body to face him. Your arms stretch out, giving him the chocolates and the keychain. 

“Happy… Valentine's Day… uhm…”

God, how embarrassing. You hate how your gifts look compared to the luxury that was given to this man. It is not like you even plan to give him anything—you don't even think you and him have anything more than a completely manipulative and beneficial sexual relationship, but the feeling of competitiveness and jealousy takes over you at the last second. Though you were a little spirited, seeing how rushed your decision is, you are certainly feeling humbled. 

And it feels more like it when Nikolai starts to cackle. His cackle turns into a string of amused laughter. 

“Oh, starshine. You are such an adorable girl.” 

Nikolai takes your gifts, carefully looking at them. His eyes are more fixated on the teddy bear keychain. And without saying anything, he clips it to his key ring. He certainly likes it when he stares at it for a while. 

“I love it. It's cute. Like you,” he says. “From a convenience store, hm? I think I saw this a few days ago in my local store too.” 

“I-It’s a last-minute effort…!” you say, flustered. Of course, people would recognize things that you can easily get from convenience stores. “I just think it's cute for you and I grabbed it without thinking twice.” 

“Hm, hm. Thank you for the effort, baby. This is my favourite gift ever.” He says. Then suddenly, he adjusts his seat, to give more legroom. He spreads his legs, tapping his lap. “Come. I have something to give you too. I’m not an asshole to leave my baby hanging on Valentine's Day, yeah?” 

Deliberately—and shyly—you climb onto his space. Your dress does not really allow you to spread your legs. Nikolai certainly notices that when he, without saying anything, just slides the fabric up your legs, high enough that it almost reveals your crotch. 

“S-Stop, stop,” you say, trying to hold his hands from messing with your dress any further. 

“I’m helping you. I have seen you naked, starshine. Nothing to be shy of.” 

“We are in a fucking car, in a fucking parking area, Nikolai. People might see us, even with this tinted window,” you whine and your voice falters when he places his hand on your inner thigh, grabbing your flesh and pulling you hard. His act forces you to stumble against his body, making you sit on his lap. 

“Good. Let them fucking see.” 

His hand is getting bolder when he slides it up to tease your crotch. You gasp, hips bucking up trying to avoid his surprise touch. But Nikolai holds you down by gripping your waist with his other hand. 

“K-Kolya— Hey—” your voice comes out a little whiny as his fingers start to rub your clothed cunt. Nikolai chuckles deeply. A lewd smirk forms on his face as he watches you. 

“Think you can just let yourself go like that after giving me only those gifts? Honey, you are my gift for Valentine's. I’ve planned to take you tonight anyway. Glad that I don't have to wait for you too long to come for me, hm?”

He retracts his hand from your cunt and the emptiness leaves you with a longing. Your chest heaves. Your hands are gripping his shirt and you feel the heat is pooling in your lower abdomen. 

“W-What does t-that mean?” 

Nikolai grins, holding your chin before he gives you a soft kiss on the lips. His thumb then rubs your lips, teasing its way to press on your tongue. “You’re always so desperate for my attention, sweetheart. We both know that already. Just a simple silent treatment is enough for me to get you crawling back to me.” 

He holds your head now, with his hands gripping each side of your face tightly. Another kiss is planted on your lips, and this time it is deeper—his tongue slithers inside, his lips dancing gracefully on yours. 

His kiss gets a little wilder as his lips trail to your neck, nibbling your skin. You gasp, body jerking to his touch. His hands are roaming freely on your body, and his kisses travel to your throat and collarbone. One of his hands slips to your inner thighs, caressing your skin as his fingers teasingly trace your cunt. 

Damp. 

His fingers skillfully nuzzle your pussy through your panties as his lips are busy kissing your skin. Your arms wrap around him tightly and your lips are letting out soft moans at his teasing touches. Every time the pad of his fingers presses the fabric against your pussy, you can feel yourself getting wetter and wetter. 

“F-Fuck…” you sigh softly by his ear when he pushes the fabric to the side. His fingers rub your cunt gently and one of his fingers trails up, brushing against your sensitive clit. 

“Aah!” your body jerks, accidentally pressing hard against him and Nikolai groans when you move too suddenly. A harsh slap lands on your ass, and it is enough to tell you to stay still. “S-Sorry…” 

“You’re moving too much. Maybe I should punish you,” he grins before he pushes you slightly to give himself some space. You look at him in disbelief. He reaches for Amanda's bouquet from the backseat and harshly unties one of the red ribbons from it. Some flowers fall but Nikolai doesn't care. 

“W-What? Why, why do I get punished? I said sorry, didn't I?” you whine but it is not for a long time when he rotates your body so your back would lean against his chest. He puts the ribbon on your opened mouth, tying a tight knot behind your head. You gag slightly, and he roughly holds your jaw. 

“Because you're being a naughty, naughty girl who doesn't listen to me when I say do not do a certain thing. I know, I know—I don't have rights to your career. But you owe me that much, considering I helped you a lot, yes, sweetheart?” Nikolai says, his tone is sadistic and cruel. He kisses your jaw, licking a little drool that drips from your lips. 

“Be a sweet girl tonight, okay?” 

You nod and your submissive eyes gaze up to him. Nikolai stares at you for a few seconds before he snickers. “I like it when I can doll you around. My favourite kind of girl, really. You're my favourite, little doll. My only favourite girl. How lucky you are right now, don't you think?”

You whine when his hand roams to your cunt again. Your pussy is wet and his fingers twirl around a string of arousal. You moan, nuzzling your face against his chest. He brings his slick-coated fingers and slips between the makeshift gag on your mouth. Your drool is lubing up his fingers. 

“Good girl.” he kisses your forehead before he brings his fingers to your cunt, slowly pushing two digits in. You moan softly—his thick fingers easily slip inside, nudging your sweet spots. He starts to thrust his fingers in and out while his lips are kissing your neck. 

You can feel Nikolai's cock beneath your ass and his hips are not-so-subtly grinding against yours. He seeks friction to his boner, and it is clear that he is very hard right now. With his fingers deep and plunged inside your cunt, you try to move your ass against his cock but it's pretty hard to do so when he slips his third finger and continues thrusting faster and faster in your pussy. 

“A-Ah—Ack!” you whimper, head resting against his shoulder as his other hand gropes your tits. He just fondles them, not trying to rip the dress off to free your breasts—which you secretly hope he would do. 

Because the heat in this car is growing rapidly. 

Your choked whimpers mix with his soft groans. The sloppy noises of your cunt accompany your sinful melody. His fingers wave against your sensitive spot, with his thumb rubbing harshly against your clit. Your arousal is heightening and your body is trembling with pleasure. 

The ribbon around your mouth is wet with saliva and your hands are frantic to hold anything. Nikolai keeps your legs spread widely, gripping your inner thigh roughly while you are shaking with bliss. His nails bury deeply into your flesh and you feel so, so close now. 

Eyes shut, your stomach tightening as your hips buckle up against his palm, desperately trying to have more friction on your clit. Nikolai seizes your jaw, pulling the ribbon down so harshly that it hurts your mouth a little. But you pay no mind about it when he sloppily kisses you, tongue exploring each other. His fingers are still thrusting, albeit a little slower and your body begins to tense up. 

Your legs tremble and threaten to shut. You feel one of his fingers leaving your tight snatch, only for it to lightly graze against your asshole. And it shocks you to feel a sensation at a foreign untouched spot. Your legs kick out, and your foot accidentally presses the steering wheel. 

A loud horn startles both you and Nikolai. 

And he is a little too quick to stop everything—pulling his fingers out and breaking the kiss, only to push your head downwards as if to hide you. He looks around, and upon hearing your whimper, he realizes it was you. 

“Fucking…”

“I’m s-sorry…! S-Sorry, Nikolai… ‘m sorry—” you cry, mainly because you are almost reaching your orgasm. You whimper, wiggling your butt, begging for him to touch you again. Nikolai softly sighs as he sees you whimpering and whining to make you cum—seems like your head is slipping into a submissive state. 

“We gotta get out of here first.” He says as he pushes you to the seat beside him. Your dress is a mess and your skin is sweaty and sticky from arousal and sweat. Nikolai looks down to his lap. His pants are already stained with his own precum and your mess. 

He starts to drive off when he notices a guard approaching the floor. He hastily grabs his coat that he drapes over his seat and then covers your messed body with it. Giving you a soft reassuring pat on the head, he turns his attention to the road, driving fast to his apartment—as he couldn't just let his favourite girl be in misery for long now. 

“K-Kolya… Kolya, I’m sorry—” 

“Shush, starshine. You’re coming home with me tonight. Oh, you little troublemaker. How could you be this insatiable? I almost cum in my pants too… Well, fuck.”  

©cherikolya 2024 — do not copy, plagiarize and repost my works to any platform, reblogs are very appreciated

if you like my works, consider buy me a ko-fi!

Yandere Nikolai sketch.

I'm practicing sketches these days ^w^

Final Fantasy VII fic recommendations

(Reader inserts) Recommendations of my favorite headcanons/imagines/fics/scenarios (I don’t own any)

・・・・・・

Cloud Strife

fluff / shy kisses

fluff / sparring

fluff / I wouldn't mind holding your hand

fluff / beside manner

angst fluff / suavium

fluff / night

fluff / chocobo

angst fluff / scars

・・・・・・

Updated:06-October-2024

Sorry there's only Cloud fics, I'll search more character fics soon

Today's Sigma: does nawt like being near nikolai 😭

who are you really

his dove 🩸🕊️

vampire au fyolai for an art trade with @definetelynotavampire

Adami Adashino 🎀

Today's Sigma is: praising(?) nikolai

𝑬𝑹𝑶𝑺 — a passionate physical and emotional love; stereotype of romantic love

RECEIVERS。dad!nikolai gogol x mama fem!reader

WISHCARD。“I want to marry her. Yes, yes, I do. Listen, Yurochka. I need to propose first. So, it's gonna be on Valentine's Day! I know, I know. I could have picked another day but like. . . Valentine's Day feels romantic, doesn't it?”

BOUQUET。fluff, oc kid (yuri/yurochka), suggestive, unhealthy thoughts

PRICE。approx. 3.6k

FREEGIFT。say yes to heaven (lana del rey)

MAIN MENU。FOUR SHADES OF PINK

“Are you sure?”

Nikolai looks up. Currently, you are getting your makeup done. You are in a simple yellow dress. Your hair is styled very nicely with some ribbons and white clips. If Nikolai would describe your look today, it would be the equivalent of an angel. It is fun to just sit on the bed, watching you get ready for your day today.

It has been a year since your first childbirth. You gave birth to a baby boy, whom Nikolai named as Yuri. Nikolai remembers the first moment he carried the baby in his arms, he lost all his thoughts. And when the nurse asked what the baby's name would be, the only thing that popped up in his head was one of the most common names in his town—Yuri.

Truth be told, Nikolai still feels strange about this. He does love his son, he knows. But he finds it hard to actually bond with him, as his old conscience is always hard to get rid of. Voices—sometimes reminding him of his past and his desire to be 'free'. There were times when his intrusive thoughts were telling him to hurt the boy, all to prove to himself that he was not bound to some kind of brainwashing.

But he loves the boy. Nikolai loves his son. He loves you more, of course, knowing you wagered yourself to give another a life. He tries his best to be there for both of you. The first two weeks after childbirth were hard. Your mood swings were horrible. Nikolai did not really mind though. He lost hours of his sleep but it was fine once again when he finally got to embrace you once the night fell.

“Kolya?” your sweet voice shakes him out of his train to the past. Nikolai looks at you. “Are you okay? If you prefer, I can send Yuri to my mom. She can watch over him for a while.”

Nikolai bites his inside cheek. He knows you mean well. You are one of those people who truly sees him for who he is. He knows you are aware of his inner chaos. Attachment is something Nikolai has tried to avoid for many years.

Most of the time, Yuri prefers his mama and honestly, Nikolai would not blame him for preferring his mom over him. After all, he will admit that he is a bit distant from Yuri—mainly because he feels like fatherhood is quite an intimidating space for him, considering his own issues in his head and heart.

Nikolai thinks you notice it too. Whenever he shows a bit of discomfort when Yuri wants some uppies, you would swiftly take the role and carry Yuri up. Whenever it is just the two of them on the couch, Yuri would look around, seeking his mother.

Nikolai is still mentally preparing to be a proper father. He tries. But anxiety bothers him sometimes.

“No. . . No, it's okay. I can take care of him today. You don't have to worry about anything, love.” Nikolai replies before he stands up and approaches you. He wraps his arm around your waist, his gaze leers onto you. “You're so gorgeous, little dove.”

You smile, holding his face before you tug him down a bit to give a kiss on his cheek.

A red lips stain his skin.

“Ah— whoops!” you giggle but you do not rub it off. Nikolai looks at the mirror, seeing his cheek that has a kiss mark from you. He snickers.

“I look sexy,” he remarks before he turns to you again. “You look sexy too,” he says softly as his hands squeeze your hips, trailing down to touch your butt. You huff at his playful grin. Some parts of your body have grown in size after your pregnancy—breasts, ahem—and Nikolai does have the time of his life, freely touching you whenever you least expect it.

“Don't do that,” you whine, hitting his chest playfully but making no attempt to push his hand away from rubbing your body. “You're a massive pervert,” you pout. Nikolai cackles.

“Darling, one of your weird ass cravings was literally to grope my ass. I don't think you have the right to call me that,” he teases.

“Well, t-that's excusable!” you tap his cheek. “Now, let go of me, big boy. I need to finish my eyeshadows.”

Nikolai giggles and obeys anyway. He instead hugs you from behind, kissing your neck as you continue to pat down the brush on your eyelid. Nikolai is always a clingy one, and his hands are always finding their way to sensitive spots you do not even know you have on your body.

But his peppering kisses on your neck feel a little strange. It is quicker. Usually, he likes taking his time kissing your skin.

“Kolya?” you call.

“Hm?”

“Are you nervous?”

A few seconds of silence.

“Just a little.”

You know Nikolai is still having a little of an issue within himself when it comes to family relationships. He tries to bond with Yuri, like any good father would do. But perhaps because he lacks one, he is having a hard time to actually bond with the boy. Sure, he does change the diapers, bathe him or cook for him, but affectionate gestures are very rare.

Nikolai is a very unique man. His way of thinking is absurd and yet mature enough to question oneself. For the past several years, he has been too fixated on trying to reach his goal and live within his ideal. But now, he has to abandon it once again for someone who is his blood and flesh.

You did reassure him. You do know how he is. The way he reacted to the news of pregnancy was exactly how you expected. Lost, confused, angry, anxious — those emotions are obvious when you have spent enough time staring into his eyes.

In fact, you are fully prepared to be a single mother.

But Nikolai's love towards you goes far beyond at this point. He cherishes you so much that he willingly—albeit scared—takes your hand and walks along with you on this small journey of his life.

“Fear nothing, my dear, I'll hold you forever.”—that's your promise to him and he still holds to it. And you plan to never break it.

You turn around, once again holding his face. “I see your effort, Kolya. I see you. And you have done so well so far, alright? Trust me.”

“He probably doesn't even think that I'm his dad,” he replies slowly, referring to Yuri. You smile softly.

“Bonding takes time. We have all the time in the world to build this up,” you say, assuring him. Nikolai pouts as he fiddles with the fabric of your dress. He is surely a grown adult but his behaviour turns into a manchild when he is near you.

“You know what, how about a small mission, hm? A little game for you and Yuri. Maybe by the time I come home, we can have a small progress?” you suggest. Nikolai's eyes glimmer when he hears the word 'game'.

“What game?” he asks.

“Hmm. . . Well, I guess you could try to get him to colour his fruit colouring book. Perhaps teach him a word or two.” you say as your hands are busy to stuff your belongings in your purse.

“Can that kid even hold a crayon?” Nikolai mumbles.

“That's for you to deal with.” you grin. “How about chocolates for your reward? It's almost Valentine's Day, no? Gotta give chocolates to my boyfriend.”

Nikolai pouts. “Don't say that,”

“What?”

“Don't call me a boyfriend. It feels like we are high schoolers.”

Right. . . You two are not married. You both live together, with a child. Nikolai never proposes you to be a fiancée or anything. At least not yet. Nikolai is so good at masking his feelings, but you know he is serious with this relationship—else, he would not be here, one year later, after contemplating leaving you at the beginning of your first pregnancy.

You smile, patting his cheek again with a cheerful smile. “Okay, okay. I'll get some chocolates to give my man a reward, how about it?”

“Hmm, slightly better.” Nikolai tilts his head, kissing your wrist. “I'm already planning our Valentines, so you can leave it up to me!” he pats his chest proudly. You cackle, nodding in approval.

“Well, I better go now. I'll get home before ten,” you say and reach for your car key on the makeup table. Nikolai bids farewell to you with a playful slap on your ass.

And for the rest of the day, he is left with his son.

It is only four hours after you leave the house, and Nikolai is already feeling awkward when he sits with Yuri on the couch. He fed the boy with simple home-cooked borscht and changed his diaper. Yuri is looking at him and then he looks around as if he is searching for his mama.

“Mama's out to have fun without us, Yurochka,” Nikolai says. He doesn't really take it to heart about Yuri's preference towards you.

Yuri blinks confusedly at Nikolai. With his small finger, he points at the man. “'K-Kawoi?” he attempts to say. Nikolai almost bursts out laughing at Yuri's attempt to say his name.

“No 'Kawoi'. It's 'Nikolai'. Ni. . . Ko. . . Lai. . . Nikolai!”

“Nnn. . . Ni— Kaw. . . wol,”

“Did you say 'Karol'? Can you even speak properly?”

“Mam. . . Mama,”

Nikolai only lets Yuri attempt to speak. Yuri never really calls him 'Dad' or 'Papa' or even tries to do so. He does not mind that much.

There is a small desire in him to make fun of his pronunciation but this boy is literally not older than two years old. But hey, Nikolai does not really care about morals anyway.

“You're still a dumbass, but it's okay! Once you grow up, you're gonna be as smart as me, okay?” Nikolai grins before he takes the fruit colouring book and a box of crayons. He sits on the floor and he carefully carries Yuri so he can sit beside him.

“Now, how to be smart, Yurochka? We need to learn. And because your mama promised me a reward, I'm making you work for me, yeah?” Nikolai says as he opens the book and gives Yurochka a red crayon, so he can start colouring the apple illustration on the first page.

As Yuri is colouring—or more like, scrabbling lines—on the illustration, Nikolai tries to get him to say the word too. Surprisingly, Yuri is such a quick learner and his pronunciation is not so far off. But it leaves Nikolai with little interaction to go with Yuri since he does not really know what to do after he gets him to learn the words and 'colour' the things.

Yuri already tosses the crayon after he is done colouring his fifth drawing. He doesn't seem to want to do it again, probably finding it to be boring. Instead, he starts to draw two stickmen on the blank page of the book. Nikolai just silently watches him—he is more focused on what to do with this father-son bonding.

Nikolai sighs and shuts his eyes. He rests his head against the couch, contemplating his life once again. He already misses you and he wishes you are here to give encouragement for him to actually bond with Yuri. He usually likes to have fun with kids—playing with them, teasing them, mocking them. But it is a whole different issue when it is his own flesh and blood—his son.

Is this really what he wanted? To have a family of his own? To be attached so tightly again?

He needs to hold you now. He knows he can feel blissfully liberated when you keep him in your embrace. And he needs it now. His mind is starting to doubt again and he is scared.

A tug on his shirt makes Nikolai open his eyes. He turns to his side, seeing Yuri looking at him with those eyes almost resembling his own. The little boy grabs the paper he has been drawing on and shoves it against Nikolai.

“What is it, Yurochka?” Nikolai gives him a small instant smile before he takes the paper and looks at it properly. Two stickmen. One has a skirt, with hair similar to yours and another has longer grey hair with two different coloured eyes.

“Aww, you draw us?” Nikolai coos.

“Mama,” Yuri points to a stickman.

“Mmm... ugly.”

Yuri points to the second stickman and then looks at Nikolai. He then pokes Nikolai's cheek before he points back to the stickman.

“Papa.”

Nikolai's eyes widen, genuinely surprised that Yuri says that. He laughs nervously. “You're a smart kid, aren't you?” he says to the boy. Nikolai caresses Yuri's head gently, staring at the drawing.

“Let's take this away. I'm bored already,” Nikolai pushes the colouring book and carries Yuri to sit on his lap. “Wanna watch some horror?” he asks the boy as he takes the remote control and changes the channel on the television.

Valentine's Day is approaching in less than a week and the advertisements are full of Valentine's promotions. He pats Yuri as he changes the channel to a cartoon.

“Valentine's is near, Yurochka. You know what it means?” he asks the boy, only to receive no response. Nikolai does not mind. He likes talking to Yuri as if he is writing a diary. The boy is a quiet one. And it is not like he understands a word Nikolai is saying anyway.

“That means you're gonna stay with grandma for a while, boy. Yeah, you're gonna be an orphan for a few days—I'm kidding! It's just Mama and I are going to go on a fancy date, so you're gonna stay behind because adults do adult things and babies do baby things.” Nikolai says as he plays with Yuri's cheek.

“Wanna know what I plan for the date?” Nikolai asks. “Yeah? No?” he nods at Yuri, trying to make the boy respond. Yuri looks at his dad and nods eagerly, only mimicking Nikolai's movement.

“Good, good. Well, I've booked this one expensive place for us to have dinner at. Yes, very expensive! It's a fancy restaurant. You know Yurochka? You can get a lot of money from doing various things, you know? I'll teach you someday. You're my son so you're gonna follow my footsteps. Not all footsteps but some steps. Like. . . identity theft. . . Ha! Kidding! I bet you're excited now for what your absolute chaos of a father did, huh?”

Yuri blinks confused.

“Anyway, I'm really trying to go above and beyond for this year's Valentine. Do you wanna know what I actually planned, Yurochka? Yeah? Yeah?” Nikolai nods and Yuri repeats his gesture again.

“I want to propose.”

Nikolai grins, already happy when he thinks about your reaction when he whips out the rings he already bought and picked. He already feels excited to ask you to marry him, to be his forever.

“I want to marry her. Yes, yes, I do. Listen, Yurochka. I need to propose first. So, it's gonna be on Valentine's Day! I know, I know. I could have picked another day but like. . . Valentine's Day feels romantic, doesn't it? I think your mama won't expect it either. But I do feel like there should be something else I could do to make it more special. . .” Nikolai says. Yuri's arms move up and down. He makes incoherent noises before he tugs on Nikolai's shirt, pulling and pulling the fabric.

“. . . You're right. You're right, Yurochka! You're so smart!”

Yuri makes a happy noise. Nikolai embraces his son and stands up from the floor.

“You should pick my suit and fashion for that day. Yeah! Come, Yurochka. Daddy's gonna teach you how to be handsome!”

― ♡

You arrive at home later than you expected.

It is already 11PM. When you open the door, the living room is dark and the only source of light comes from the kitchen. You walk towards it and see Nikolai resting his head on the kitchen bar. A bottle of red wine and two glasses are by his head. One glass is half-filled with wine. His eyes are closed. He looks like he has fallen asleep while waiting for you to come home.

You sit right beside him and your hand reaches out to brush his hair. He hums before his eyes slowly pry open and a smile crooks on his lips.

“I'm home,” you say.

“Did you have fun, sweetheart?” he asks. His voice is lazy and deep. He is mellow, slightly tipsy it seems. He stares at you before he finally sits straight.

“You don't seem really tired,” you say before you pour yourself a glass of wine. “Yuri's been nice?”

“He is always nice. Quiet boy.” Nikolai replies before he finishes his own glass of wine. His eyes glance at you up and down. He tilts his head with a small smirk. “Where's my reward?”

“The chocolates? That's for Valentine's,” you chuckle as you tickle his chin. “You're gonna love it.”

Nikolai grins at your ticklish touch as he pours his wine. He takes a long sip. “You're gonna make it from scratch or something?”

You almost purse your lips—that's exactly what you planned. You do plan to make homemade chocolates for him. Not store-bought. It is supposed to be a surprise and of course, Nikolai nonchalantly guessed right. You try to control your expression and shake your head.

“Mmm, that's a surprise.”

Nikolai's small grin is enough message for you that he would not press any further. He must have expected surprises for Valentine. You will try to make creative or ridiculous-shaped chocolates then if he is so smart to figure out your surprise.

“So, everything's fine today? Did Yuri learn a new word?”

“He called me 'Papa'.”

You gasp happily, clasping his hands, almost shaking them too. You fidget excitedly. “That's good news! Oh Goodness! What else, what else?”

Nikolai cackles, gripping your hands back. “He tried to say my name. And he drew us too. Stickmen us. I already pasted it on the fridge. And no, I won't let you take it down for the next ten years so he can look back at his first art. He's quiet now but I bet he has a funnier face when I shove that drawing to his face.” Nikolai says with a playful smile.

And you smile too, mainly because he is already imagining the future for years to come—a future where his son is all grown up and you are still with him, living together in this apartment.

Your hands reach up to hold his face. Nikolai's eyes widen a bit when you scoot closer, your thumbs rubbing his skin. And crimson slowly creeps to his face, giving a tint of blush on his cheeks.

“I'm happy for you.”

Nikolai stares at you. He holds back your hands, pressing them harder on his face. His gaze lowers, forecasting a shadow of unsureness.

He's doubting again.

His hold on your hands becomes tighter and tighter, it almost hurts. But you let him anyway. After all, you did promise to hold him forever. He takes a deep breath, shutting his eyes as he brings his lips to kiss your palm.

You let him calm himself down. Nikolai doubts himself a lot when he starts to think deeply about his attachments—which is something he always tries to be against. He has done horrible, horrible things, just to feel an ounce of freedom. His guilt and empathy are always gutting him inside, and he can only suppress the extreme thoughts that tend to barge into his head.

“Nikolai?” he looks at you. His irises quiver. You give him a soft smile, as gentle as possible, in hope of soothing the voices in his head.

“You don't have to fear anything, okay? I am always with you and we will go through everything together. I lo—”

“Marry me.”

You freeze. And Nikolai too.

He never proposes or ever mentions marriage or engagement in your relationship, despite how many years has it been. And you certainly least expect it from him.

Nikolai looks like he is lost. He does not expect himself to say it either—right at this moment out of any other.

“I . . . I-I mean—”

“Yes,” you jump from your seat, hugging him. And his arms embrace you instantly, with his face buried in the crook of your neck. “Y-Yes, Nikolai.”

“Marry me, love.”

“Yes. . . !”

You do not even realise that you are starting to sob, and Nikolai is sensitive when you let a single tear drop. He gently pulls you to hold your face, and you try to control your little happy cry. You both locked eyes with each other and a small laughter erupts from your lips.

“I'm so happy. . .”

Nikolai could not quite pinpoint it, but he feels happier when you say that. He is at a loss for words. He does not think of any joke that could make this any better or any more words that could prolong this moment.

The words came out too naturally from his mouth. He is already imagining life with you, and before he knows it, he has already proposed to you. And even if it is a small 'mistake' of an accident because of his distraught mind,

Nikolai does not regret it one bit.

He calls for your name, and it sounds heavenly, coming out from his lips. His hand gently holds the back of your head before he pulls you closer and closer. Until his and your lips are connected and hands holding each other ever so intimately.

He can think of his surprise for Valentine's Day. But for now, he is content enough.

Just in a home, shared by two hearts.

Chuu/Lai

Chuuya / Nikolai Stitch-Up

To match FyoZai from last time, here's ChuuLai.

I wrote some notes on him.

He'd be a fucking woozy I know that much.

Give me headcanons, folks.

-Nix🌙