Nikolai Gogol X Lector Masculino

Some study work

EX ESPOSO SHADOW MILK x LECTOR FEMENINO Headcanons

ADVERTENCIAS: Ligero NSFW

Honestamente esta es mi primera publicación, no esperen mucho. No pienso traducir esto, usa Google Traductor en su lugar. Pregúntame lo que sea en inglés pero lo responderé en español.

🎭 Ex esposo Shadow Milk quien te pierde la pista una vez que es confinado en el árbol de plata, preocupado por la profunda tristeza que su corrupción y sentencia te traerían. A pesar de no haberse separado formalmente, fue el tiempo quien los divorció.

🎭 Ex esposo Shadow Milk que te llama “su mujer” frente a Puro Vainilla y los demás a pesar de que durante tu camino sin él, viajaste con SU enemigo. Inevitablemente siendo llamada por la souljam prístina que alguna vez le perteneció a él y bajo la que contrajiste nupcias hace eones.

🎭 Ex esposo Shadow Milk que no deja de mirar la marca dorada alrededor de tu dedo anular que combina con la suya y donde antes descansaba un anillo de oro que el tiempo se encargó de reducir a polvo.

🎭 Ex esposo Shadow Milk que sabe que nunca le serías infiel, mucho menos con PV. Y se burla de él por notar como los restos inútiles de su souljam resuenan contigo inevitablemente. Protegiéndote de sus trucos y hablando por ti al momento de enfrentarlo. Pero solo es otra forma de manifestar lo profundo que estás incrustada en la mente y corazón de aquella bestia. Tan tan profundo, que ese anhelo se irradia hacia el otro portador de la virtud de la verdad.p

🎭 Ex esposo Shadow Milk que hace un espectáculo y le hace saber a cada criatura dentro de Beast Yeast que la reina ha regresado a tomar su lugar. Y te deja tomar el control que te pertenece dentro de la torre, haciendo que puedas cambiarla a tu antojo, curvar las paredes de los pasillos, hacer que la puerta que abras sea de la habitación exacta a la que querías llegar, poniendo en tu camino a las criaturas más dóciles y guiándote con un camino dulce de flores de leche hacia él. Lamentablemente tus compañeros no corren con la misma suerte que tú.

🎭 Ex esposo Shadow Milk que te asusta con esa personalidad caótica y violenta, se te eriza la piel verlo tan desatado y fuera de juicio. Pero incluso con la corrupción carcomiéndole la poca sanidad que le queda, ¿qué clase de caballero sería si hace llorar una vez más a su linda esposa?

🎭 Ex esposo Shadow Milk que te toma de la mano suavemente y se pone de rodillas para besarte los nudillos en señal de sumisión y lealtad hacia ti. La luz de la permanente luna hace a su cabello brillar, casi como en aquella época de opulencia donde solía ser un dios sabio y benevolente.

🎭 Ex esposo Shadow Milk que aún te ama y el mero hecho de tocar tu piel después de eones lo hace temblar y su cabello se derrite. Los ojos que forman el todo en su interior están fijos en ti, babea y puedes ver colmillos afilados a través de su respiración agitada.

🎭 Ex esposo Shadow Milk que se acerca a ti y te susurra cuanto ha pensado en ti desde que las brujas los separaron, cuanto te ha anhelado y lo feliz que está de volver a tenerte cerca. Que te endulza el odio con palabras suaves y frases atrevidas mientras te das el lujo de estar de pie al lado de la bestia del engaño y no solo salir viva. Sino; ser objeto de todo su afecto.

🎭 Ex esposo Shadow Milk que sabe que te gusta lo que ves. Su vestimenta y actitud más atrevida, más encantador, más poderoso, más dominante, MEJOR que ese mojigato que solía ser en el pasado. Que te hace saber cuanto te desea, cuánto poder tienes sobre él y no le da miedo demostrar el desenfreno y pasión con la que te ve.

🎭 Ex esposo Shadow Milk que renueva sus votos matrimoniales y te hace el amor bajo el eterno cielo estrellado, en la habitación más alta de la torre del conocimiento engaño. Que aunque sabe que seguir amándose les traerá a ambos la más grande de las amarguras, no puede evitar repetir una y otra vez “te amo, te amo, te amo”.

🎭 Ex esposo Shadow Milk que te toma lento para no asustarte y te abraza para asegurarse de que estás ahí con él y no eres solo otra de sus alucinaciones. Que sabe que No estás acostumbrado a sus formas bruscas y su tacto áspero, así que te acostumbra y te muele a su gusto.

🎭 Ex esposo Shadow Milk que no puede evitar perder el control un poco a mitad de camino. Siendo perseguido por eones de no tenerte, de no sentirte. Te araña, te muerde el cuello, te chupa, te azota el culo y te sostiene con sus cuerdas para que tomes todo de él y él se lleve todo de ti. Corriéndose una y otra vez dentro de ti, lamentando que de su cuerpo divino no había forma de engendrar vida. Así que, cuando finaliza el espectáculo con ambos corriéndose juntos en armonía, las lágrimas se le escaparon y se dejó caer sobre ti como una marioneta sin vida.

🎭 Esposo Shadow Milk que en el momento en que vuelve a poner un lindo anillo de oro y gemas azules en tu dedo su dominio comienza a cambiar en una amalgama de ambas almas unidas. PV observa con horror desde abajo como el dominio de la bestia te absorbe y tú lo devoras en su lugar. El cielo de las ruinas de lo que antes era el reino que gobernabas con él: se ilumina. Y cada criatura dentro de la torre del engaño se arrodilla y es obligado a arrodillarse.

🎭 Esposo Shadow Milk que aparece ante PV y los demás flotando contigo entre sus brazos con una enorme sonrisa burlona. Ahora que Puro Vainilla te observa en tu máximo esplendor, simplemente se rinde. Estabas hecha a la medida para Shadow Milk, toda tu forma, tus gentiles manos, rasgos impíos y cabello suave; todo para alguien que no es él.

hiii can i request a drabble with nikolai, good night and rain kisses (mix) please 🕊️‼️

Nikolai + Rain and Goodnight Kisses ♡⁠˖

Warnings; cursing

Event/m.list

The droplets of water pattered down onto every surface facing the sky, including yours and your boyfriends heads. You could feel the rain dampening your hair and shoulders while Nikolai wore a smile, very pleased by the scene the two of you were painting. Two lovers in the rain, should they kiss? Nikolai thinks yes, it would be just too perfect of an opportunity to pass up. He turned to look at you, his smile faltering upon seeing your frown. "You don't seem to happy, dove." Nikolai comments, speedwalking along the darkened pavement with you. "Not really, I just got over a cold, I don't wanna get another one." You explain with a huff. Nikolai shrugs. "Oh come on, you won't get a cold, it's rather warm out." He teases. "As a matter of fact, I think it's nice, a perfect setting for a scene where two people have a disagreement and fix their issues with a kiss." He grins, trying to lead you to his idea. You roll your eyes. "That's only in movies, I'm trying to haul ass home right now, not stop for a kiss. I'm all cold and wet." You shiver, grabbing his hand to pull him along as you pick up your speed walking. "If you fall into a puddle because you're so determined to arrive home I'm going to laugh at you." He states. "It's dark out and the streetlights don't illuminate everything, sweetheart." "I'm not gonna fall, trust me." You say, your street coming into view. "Just one kiss?" He asks, squeezing your wet hand in his own. "Maybe when we get home." You say, starting to consider it just to appease him, but your cheeks heat up at the thought of the romantic gesture. You can hear his quiet "tee-hee" from his position behind you and you quickly turn the corner onto the boulevard in which you two reside. You can see your house and you let out a large sigh of relief and exhaustion. You finally walk through your driveway and to the front porch, but stop and place a hand on Nikolais chest. A chesire-cat like grin spreads acrossed his face and he lets you pull him in and kiss him, the rain drops still falling on top of you. His soaked thumbs delicately trace hearts on your face as your lips move together before parting for a breath of air, laced with the taste of the rain.

The only indication of the downpour was the visible droplets directly in front of the street lamps as the two of you walked inside.You took off your shoes and immediately went to grab towels for you both. "Stay there for a second, I'll be right back." You commanded your boyfriend, who was practically dripping. When you returned, you tossed him the cloth and he started to dry his hair, you patting down your body. The two of you silently walked to the bedroom, Nikolai already started to shed his wet clothing with his hair wrapped up and was completely topless by the time you stepped through the doorframe. While you were rummaging through the dresser drawers for pajamas, his voice broke the silence. "Could you grab me some pajamas too?" He asks, ruffling his hair to dry it. "Like pajamas pajamas or your pajamas?" Nikolai had pajama pants and old tee shirts he'd sleep in, but he often preferred to sleep in just underwear. "My pajamas." You tossed him a pair and started to strip out of your own wet clothing, hating the feeling of it sticking to your skin and making it more difficult to change. Once you finally got into clean, warm clothes, you flopped down in bed with your boyfriend who had finished changing first due to the simplicity of his sleepwear. His arm draped over your waist and he pulled you closer, kissing your forehead, nose, and finally your lips. "Y'look sleepy, all that running tire you out?" You let out an affirmative groan. "Alright then, I'll let you go to sleep, sweetheart." He kisses you one final time before allowing you to slip into a field of dreams and comfort.

A/n; I hope this was okay!! I've gotten more reqs for Nikolai than I thought I would and 3 separate requests for kissing Nikolais thighs lol 😭

a lil doodle dump for u all before i go to bed!!! i was in a doodling mood todaayy ☺️ my sketches r always a lil messy,,, forgive me for that eheh…🥲

𝑴𝑨𝑵𝑰𝑨 — obsessive love; experience great emotional highs and lows; very possessive

RECEIVERS。stalker!nikolai gogol x fem!reader

WISHCARD。He remembered that night was an absolute hell. He was always so close to you, and yet you were still too far to reach. He did not want to spook you. He hated this. He hated this desire towards you—but goodness, how blissful was it. 

BOUQUET。n.sfw 18+ dark content, stalker!au, stalking, murder and corpse, male masturbation, light angst, obsessive and possessive behaviour, voice fetish(?), cheating, nikolai's pov, the fic is set way before the events in all stalker!au, DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT

PRICE。approx. 4,3k

FREEGIFT。scary love (the neighbourhood), i wanna feel you coise (AIYLOM)

MAIN MENU。FOUR SHADES OF PINK

February is almost ending. 

Nikolai is anxious. He still hasn't thought of giving you a gift. Sure, you do not know him and never see him for who he truly is outside his ringmaster persona—but he already knows you. He knows you too fucking well. 

Ever since he started to stalk you, he wishes Valentine's Day was never a thing. One of his biggest fears is seeing you being happy and all romantic with another person who is not him. Nikolai hates that just seeing you smile towards your friend makes him all jealous inside. His feelings are eating him up and he cannot just look away even if that's the most merciful thing he could do to himself. 

February 14, hidden in one of the many rooms in your house, Nikolai had to endure witnessing you and your girlfriend kissing and making out on the couch. He saw her hands touching every crook of your skin, spots he had yet to touch. 

He could have just left the house and pretended nothing was happening between you and her. But God—your voice—even if those sweet noises were for somebody else, Nikolai was content enough to imagine that you were purposely being loud enough for him to hear. 

Perhaps that was it! Perhaps you knew he was hidden in the storage room with the door slightly ajar and you moaned and whined loudly for his ears. You were probably climaxing because you were thinking of him, because you knew he was watching. 

Oh, sweetheart! You truly are one!

But drown himself all he wanted in his fantasy, deep down, Nikolai knew you were too in love with that girl. Hell, you still did not know about Nikolai's existence other than his career as a ringmaster. You still have not noticed him around the house, watching you from outside. 

I’m fucking jealous now. 

His cock grew harder when your voice was getting higher. You were panting your girlfriend's name as she rammed her fingers into your cunt, teasing your sweet spot. The squelching noises of kissing and your pussy is luring his own hand to touch himself. Without realizing it, he is already palming himself while his eyes are focused on you and your body through the small gap between the door.

Nikolai thought hours passed but it was just ten minutes before you were cuddling with your girlfriend. His heart burnt and he was overwhelmed with the need to barge out from his hiding and take you away. But he can't do that now. You were enjoying your moment and he did not want to ruin your smile. 

Nikolai made his way out of your house just as quiet as he sneaked in. In his car, driving away, the image of you under someone else's touches was attacking him nonstop. He wanted to pry his head with a knife, hoping he could gut out that image forever. 

But you are already carved inside him. 

His apartment had never felt as empty as ever. Usually on February 14, he can get some people to come and stay the night, hooking up with them. However, ever since he laid his eyes on you, the thought of getting intimate was just towards no one but you. 

Nikolai tried to sleep off his desires but your voices, moans, gasps, gestures, faces—they were all fucking swarming his head. And he stared at the ceiling for hours till the clock struck twelve, indicating the end of Valentine's Day, he still saw you. 

He remembered that night was an absolute hell. He was always so close to you, and yet you were still too far to reach. He did not want to spook you. He hated this. He hated this desire towards you—but goodness, how blissful was it. 

His Valentine's night was just filled with staring and scrolling through the pictures he had taken of you while finishing almost a big bottle of whiskey by himself. Nikolai does have a strong tolerance towards alcohol, but he does have his limits. He collapsed onto his lonely bed with a picture of you on his phone screen. And his room had never felt so cold. 

February 17, was the day he decided to drive your current girlfriend away. No, he cannot let anyone touch you again. He was done suffering. Thus, after he ended his performance that night, he spent the rest of the day trying to find out about your girlfriend. It was easy—Nikolai does have a lot of experience doing this kind of cybercrime after all.

He tracked her down, like any maniac would. He forged his identity to get closer to her, pretending to be a guy who was interested in a relationship. She was a very friendly one. He found out a lot of things—she was a regular in a nightclub that is just so close to your house. 

But her reactions towards his advances made him just a little suspicious—was she really your girlfriend or just another person you hooked up with? 

If she was a cheater, then that's more horrible. 

See, darling? You can't trust these people. I'm the one you need. 

Ten days of talking and luring a woman into his trap, on February 27, he finally meets the very lady who had touched you a little too much. Nikolai introduces himself as Akaky, a name he had used for countless schemes. 

“So, you're really single?” Nikolai asks her as he pays for her drink. She nods as she sips her margarita. Nikolai tilts his head, noticing a red and yellow ring on her finger. He knows that ring. It is one of the affordable merchandise from his circus. 

You gave her that ring, darling? How sweet. I wish you would give me the same ring once we are together. 

“I like your ring,” Nikolai says again and she smiles. 

“Yeah? My girl— uhh, friend— My friend bought it.” She replies, twirling it. “It's cute but… Well, I'm being honest with you here. It looks… cheap, isn't it?” She says with a snort before she takes the ring off. 

“Well, it looks like it's made from metal, it seems. Plated with some colours.” Nikolai says. She looks at him in awe and nods slowly. She smirks, nudging his leg with her foot—a flirty gesture. 

“You know a thing or two about jewellery?” 

The ring merchandise is Erika’s idea…

“I am a collector, remember?” Nikolai says confidently. “I have collected a lot of things for ten years now, so… it’s pretty easy to figure out which is what.” He continues, receiving a small ‘Wow’ from her. She then looks at the ring before she offers it to him. 

“You can take it as a… collection.” She grins. Nikolai smiles back but he felt bittersweet about it somewhat. He knows you gave this to her—probably as a romantic gesture—because he knows you love his circus and its elements enough to collect merchandise. But seeing how easy your gift is being given away like this makes him feel a little sympathetic.

“You sure? Your friend doesn't mind?” Nikolai asks as he takes the ring. It is smaller and certainly he could not fit it in his ring finger. So he tries to slip it onto his pinky finger. A little tight, but it can still be taken off. 

Ah, this ring used to be yours. 

His heart jumps when he realizes how close you are to him now. This ring used to be in your possession… and now he is wearing it. Your touch, your fingertips, your trace—they were on this ring. And they are now on his skin.

You’re so close to me. You're too close to me, love.

His lips threatened to curl up. 

“You like it?” 

Nikolai almost forgets the lady beside him. He turns to her and then he feels a poke on his cheek. She is smiling—almost seductively. “You’re blushing,” She chuckles. “You’re really a cute guy. Do you like me that much?” 

This ring was yours. This ring was yours. This ring was yours. This ring was yours. This ring was yours. This ring was yours.

“Perhaps.” He smirks back. “You’re a tease, aren't you?” Nikolai's voice comes out just as lustrous. He props his head on his hand as he scans her up and down. The lady’s hand touches more of his face, caressing and tugging his cheek. 

“You wanna touch more of me?” He asks and her eyes glimmer in excitement. Nikolai leans closer, bringing his hand to her thigh as he gently caresses her skin. “I know a place.” He whispers. She chuckles before she clung her arms around his neck. Nikolai placed his hand on her waist, pulling her close. 

“You wanna go?” 

“Yes, sir.” 

“Good. I’ll make sure you're screaming tonight.” 

— ♤

Guilt is slowly planting its seed. 

Nikolai glances at the bed. She is lying down on it, only in her underwear. Her mouth is covered with a napkin but her body is lifeless. A knife is plunged into her chest and blood is painting the whole sheet flamboyant red. 

He sighs before he sits on the bed, just beside the corpse. He does not mind the mess. This is his campervan anyway. He drove the van out from his circus, as he did not want to bring his newest victim to his place of work. 

Lighting up a cigarette, Nikolai takes a long inhale of it. His body is covered with a sheen layer of sweat and splatters of blood. He is still in his briefs, as they were just making out until he unleashed a knife and stabbed her in the chest. 

She screamed out loud before he muffled her mouth with her top, subduing the noise. Her fingers clawed at him as he twisted the knife deeper and wilder in her flesh until she slowly stopped moving. 

Nikolai stares at the dead body, already desensitised to this kind of sight. But still, a sense of guilt is already growing in his heart— because he murdered again. 

Nikolai reaches for her handbag, seeking any things that could be useful for him. He opens her purse, takes her cash and throws it onto his working desk. He then takes her phone only to find it locked with a fingerprint ID. So Nikolai holds her thumb on the sensor, unlocking the device. 

He immediately sees several messages from you from the notification board. His heart beats fast, just seeing your name. He clicks on the app, and immediately, he sees you are already online and typing. 

mine xxx [11:23 p.m.] : [7 missed calls] 

mine xxx [11:24 p.m.] : Mia, please answer my call

mine xxx [2:12 a.m.] : I don't know why you're ghosting me like this. Please, let's just talk. 

mine xxx [2:13 a.m.] : Did I do something wrong? 

mine xxx [2:13 a.m.] : I’m sorry if I do anything hurtful to you. I still love you. I promise.

Nikolai frowns. He does not want to come to a conclusion early. But this seems not right. So he looks to other contacts, seeing Mia’s—this woman he killed—interactions with others. 

Me [8:17 p.m.] : I already did the dare, didnt i? Gimme a break now

Jake [8:18 p.m.] : Nooo you need to keep it until the end of February!! 

olivia <3 [8:18 p.m.] : thats what u get loser bitch xx

Me [8:19 p.m.] : Stfu 

olivia <3 [8:19 p.m.] : aww don't be mad bae. are u comin' tonight? i can pick u up

Jake [8:20 p.m.] : Please bring your girlfriend too :p

Me [8:20 p.m.] : Not coming! I have a new date tonight xx

olivia <3 [8:20 p.m.] : u cheatin on ur girl???

Me [8:21 p.m.] : Sorta. Its not really cheating if I dont fuck him right?

olivia <3 [8:21 p.m.] : what if ur gf knows? 

Me [8:22 p.m.] : She wont. Besides, shes not really my girlfriend, isnt she?

Me [8:22 p.m.] : Its fine, i’ll break up with her later

Jake [8:22 p.m.] : You should send her to us or something 

olivia <3 [8:23 p.m.] : are we passing girls rn? 

Jake [8:23 p.m.] : Nah. I just need to get my dick wet sometimes

olivia <3 [8:23 p.m.] : 3some?

Jake [8:23 p.m.] : Only if Mia’s girl want

Me [8:24 p.m.] : Stfu horny sickos. She will be yours after i break up with her alright

Me [8:24 p.m.] : I need to get ready. Bye <3

Nikolai sighs. As he expected, this relationship of yours was just another one-sided game. He deletes the messages and leaves the group chat out of spite. It kind of hurts him to see your name is being brought up for bad reasons. He wonders if these failed relationships you are having would have a longer effect on you. 

What if you start to expect the worst whenever you catch feelings? What if you would rather be alone, yearning for a good relationship, instead of trying to pursue one? What if you feel more insecure? 

Nikolai feels bad for you. 

Bad relationships surely would force your brain to work differently. An emotion is not being satisfied. As much as he is aware of how bad of a person he is, he wants to create a healthy relationship with you.

He already planned for it—Nikolai would approach you as a ringmaster and indulge your interests in the circus. After all, he loves it when you are flaunting over something that makes you happy and cheerful. The fact that his circus is one of the reasons for that just makes his affection towards you grow deeper. 

And then, after you and him get to know each other normally, maybe he could take you out for dinner and spoil you rotten. You deserve to be treated like a princess after all. 

Nikolai does not plan to tell you about his stalking activity. He does not think he will. Besides, it is not like you are noticing him or anything! You just know him as Gogol and he has all the chance in the world to go through that peaceful route. It is fine if he stays silent about his not-so-good side—you don't have to know!

Nikolai clicks on your contact again, seeing that you are still online. The call button right beside your profile picture is alluring. His thumb hovers over the icon. His heart is beating faster and his chest is heaving up and down. His cock is hardening as he stares at your profile. 

He presses it. 

His hand is shaky as he brings the phone to his ear. His other hand is palming his boner as he hears the dial. He hears a click and finally—fucking finally—he hears your voice. 

“M-Mia! Oh thank God..” 

Nikolai throws his head back as his hand is slipping inside his briefs, taking out his hard cock. Precum is leaking on his tip as he strokes his girth slowly upon hearing your voice. 

You’re talking to me. You're talking to me.. You're talking to me..! 

“Mia, listen..! I’m really sorry if I hurt you or anything, okay? I really am. I don't know why you're ghosting me—” 

A sniffle. 

Nikolai realizes you are probably crying. Ahh, how glad he is to have killed the very person who made your tears drop. He bites his lips, trying to not make a sound as his hand is fisting his cock faster. 

“Sorry.. It's just… Sorry, I’m just… confused… Why do you i-ignore me like that? I am worried. I love you so much—” 

“Haa— F-Fuck…” 

“Who's that?”

Nikolai scrunches his face, biting his lips harder as he realizes he fucked up. That short love confession makes his arousal heighten so much. He is leaking onto his palm, the squelching noise becoming louder as he jerks himself faster. 

“W-What’s that noise? Are you with someone else now? W-Who's this..?”

Nikolai accidentally lets out a small whimper upon hearing your voice again. His hand is gripping the phone tightly, just as tight as how he is jerking his cock right now. His mind wanders—imagining a near future where you are the one lying on this bed, with you between his thighs and your lips around his girth. 

His brain replays that scene where you were fucked by Mia in your house. The way your voice gets louder when she put four fingers inside—Nikolai could not quite see it but he swears he did see a glimpse of your pussy. 

He could only imagine what face would you make when you squirm under him as he tries to fit his big cock into your pussy—you must feel so so so fucking warm and tight. He could see the way your nails are buried on his back and his arms as his hand fondles your pretty tits. Do you have sensitive nipples? Would you whine louder if he sucked on them? Would you caress his head as he marks your mounds? Do you allow him to sleep on them? 

Nikolai moans again as his hips buckle slightly. He says your name in a broken groan as he spills onto his stomach and hand. He looks at his stomach and then the phone, seeing that you have ended the call about two minutes ago. Your picture and basic profile on the chat are also gone, indicating just one thing. 

You blocked her. 

He hastily grabs the tissue from his desk and wipes his cum off his body and hand. Nikolai grumbles to himself as his high is slowly decreasing. 

“Shit.” 

Nikolai realizes he just jerks off beside a fresh corpse. He does not feel creeped out about it but he wishes the ghost of Mia the cheating cheater would not hunt him tonight. 

Nikolai knows he needs to dispose of her and the bed as soon as possible. The blood is already seeping into the mattress and he does not want the trouble to clean them up. He already has a spot in mind to go to hide the evidence—this is not the first time he committed atrocities and truth be told, he does like this challenging side of cleaning up after a murder. 

As he fixes his briefs, he looks at Mia again. Her eyes are still wide. Her body has gone cold and her face is getting paler. He scoots closer and reaches to her eyelids to close them. Nikolai looks at the dead body again and his eyes are fixated on her hand. 

He touches her hand, letting his fingertips trace her cold fingers. He holds it up, staring at her fingers. 

These fingers were once inside you. 

These fingers once touched you. 

His breathing is rapid again as the memory lingers in the back of his mind. Jealousy is burning, igniting a strange desire. Slowly, Nikolai pries open his lips and engulfs her fingers in his mouth, sucking them. 

These were inside you. 

I am touching you. 

—  ♤

Guilt is growing bigger in his heart. 

Nikolai does not know what he expects when he finds you in such a miserable position. 

You are curled up on your bed and your face has traces of dried tears. He is careful enough to tiptoe around your bed while holding a gift box in his arm. Nikolai notices a bottle of pills right on the small table beside your bed. He examines it, only to find out that they are melatonin pills. 

Oh, my dear… 

He puts the bottle back and then he notices the small trash can beside the table. It is full of tissues, but he notices one tiny thing that sparkles out due to its colour. 

It's the ring. 

He purses his lips. You must have thrown it away after whatever assumption you made. He feels slightly hurt as he is wearing the same ring on his pinky right now. How he wishes you would keep it, so he can keep deluding himself into the idea of you two wearing the same ring because you two are connected by fate. 

Nikolai takes the ring from the trash can and with slow steps, he makes his way to the kitchen. The layout of your house is engraved in his head already. You are a worker during the day while he is a worker at night. He can easily get into your house during the day while you are away. 

He washes the ring at the sink and uses the hand soap to make sure it is cleaner. He walks back to the room and Nikolai gets down on one knee right beside you by the bed. 

Will I really do this? 

Nikolai does not want to spook you or scare you. He really doesn't. He wishes to develop his relationship with you healthily and in a good way. Truth is, he does not want you to notice him stalking you around the house. 

If he makes his existence as your stalker evident, you will be scared and you might not trust him and you might be paranoid about being in a relationship with him and you might hate him. 

But she loves getting scared, doesn't she? That's why she comes to the circus so often. —his heart entices. 

No. She already had a bad relationship. I want a normal relationship with her… —his head reasons. 

Nikolai is stumped. 

Normal? Normality? Is this really what he wants to achieve? He does not want that. He does not want to be humane—he has lived all these years to be insane. He wants to lose sight of himself and he never plans to stray away from that big goal. 

And besides, besides! Why do I have to listen to you, dear head? You are trying to restrict me to a set of morality. Why, oh why, should I listen to you when you are the very thing that has been brainwashed since the day I was aware of this world? I don't need to hear you. I don't need you to reason with me. Just and unjust can scram to Hell. I will drag you to my chaos as well. 

Nikolai gently holds your hand. He is shivering—excitement, lust, devotion, passion—he feels everything at once. Your skin feels so much better. You are so soft, so fragile, such a darling. 

He slips the circus ring on your ring finger. It fits perfectly. And this mere gesture only sends Nikolai into a frenzied state for a few seconds. 

It feels like a marriage! Like we are connected and entangled with each other so closely..! I can already see us! I see us, my little dove..! 

Nikolai is in Heaven—a complete mania. This is the greatest Valentine's Day ever! He even forgets what day it is—but all he knows is that this is truly a fateful day for you two. 

He reaches your face, slowly touching your strands of hair. You are sleeping too deeply and he thanked the pills for that. Now he does not feel that guilty for what happened yesterday. All those events lead to this historical moment. You will smile again—he will make sure of it. Besides, he can tell Erika to make a ticket giveaway for his circus. He will make sure you get it. And then you can come to his circus and watch him perform. Perhaps your smile will emerge again from his acts. Then he can finally approach you and coax you into a relationship! 

Right, right, this is all in his favour! Oh, how he loves this life, now that you exist as his ethos. 

Nikolai smiles to himself as he pulls the gift box closer to his legs. He is supposed to leave this gift in your mailbox, but he decides not to. Oh, nothing much. It is just some cut-off Mia’s fingers. But he decides that he will take his spooky act slowly. Not now, not now. He will give you more luxury when the time is right. 

“Perhaps I should leave…” He mumbles, realizing that he might have been in your house for quite a while now. He stands up but he stops when he hears you stirring in your sleep, making a small noise. As he smiles, expecting a cute face from you, all he sees is just a painful expression. 

An arrow shoots straight into his heart. 

Nikolai just remembers that you most likely cried yourself to sleep, based on the dried tears on your face. You must have dealt with insomnia for the past few nights because of Mia ghosting you. And he knows you won't get a proper closure for this relationship, as Mia is no longer here in this world. 

He feels bad.

Nikolai contemplates his decision. He wants to stay longer. He doesn't mind sitting on the floor, in the dark, starved or thirsty, as long as he can watch you sleep. But, Erika has already warned him to come to the meeting at nine in the morning. 

He does not even sleep yet. 

Pursing his lips, Nikolai looks at you again. After ten complete seconds of thinking, he sits back on the floor right beside your bed. He sees your body is jerking a few times and your forehead is frowning—nightmares? He hopes not. 

Nikolai bravely moves his hand up, finally holding your hand just loosely nice. This is the closest he has ever gotten to you. He sees how your hand and his are both showing the same rings. He already loves this day—this moment. He feels at peace, somewhat, despite the cacophony of love in his heart. And if this is how the rest of his Valentine's Day is going to be, he will gladly stay.

He promises your next Valentine's Day will be the greatest ever. After all, you are already his.

©cherikolya 2024 — do not copy, plagiarize and repost my works to any platform, reblogs are very appreciated

if you like my works, consider buy me a ko-fi!

Happy Halloween everyone!!

draw a doodle of dad kolya, in pajamas or something like that, anything from him 💕

Oh yeah, night time bed stories with papa Kolya

Personally, one of my favorite aus, but I’m just a sucker for turning any character into a dad 👨

The Gogoling babies belong to @doukeshi-kun. Lil munchkins

“𝙒𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙮 𝙩𝙝𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙧

𝙊𝙛 𝙢𝙮 𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛-𝙥𝙞𝙩𝙮?”

I'm working on lots of things

final part of random bsd roblox arts!! i’ve finally run out of these to post lol

these ones are kinda unfinished but oh well they are never being fully complete