This Bit Has Absolutely No Right To Be This Funny

Happy Christmas to all of you!

Batman be like

"Batman is taller then Superman." "No Superman is taller then Batman. " no fuck that, I present you with:

Bruce and Clark are the same exact height and refuse to admit it.

Hear me out. This originally starts when they're hanging out and Clark says "since I'm the taller one" in a conversation as though it's fact. And Bruce immediately stops him.

Bruce: Wait what? You're not the taller one.

Clark: Bruce I'm very clearly 2 inches taller than you.

Bruce: No. You very clearly have curly hair.

Clark: My hair is literally a part of me tho. And even without it I'm still about half an inch above you.

Bruce:Wrong. I have all your measurements and it shows that I am exactly 0.4cm taller than you.

Clark: You think your so smart whenever you use metric

Bruce: I think I'm so smart always

Clark: Well clearly not if your measurements are inaccurate. Don't worry though, people love short kings

Bruce: I am not a short king

Clark: Would you prefer miniature monarch or even pocket sized prince

Bruce: I would prefer you shut up before I leave you here with a shard of kryptonite up your ass

The next time they meet after this conversation is in the watchtower.

Clark: .... Did you put lifts in your shoes

Bruce:What? No

Clark: You're taller than you usually are in the suit

Bruce: No I've always been 4inchs taller than you in the suit

Clark: Bruce the ears don't count

Bruce: If you want to count your badly styled hair as a part of you I can count the cowl

Clark: You're being ridiculous my hair is literally a part of me, it's attached to my head

Bruce: And the cowl is attached to my soul

Clark: THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE

Bruce: When you're as tall as I am you don't have to make sense *pats Clark's head and leaves*

After this conversation Clark made sure to always hover 4 inches off the ground whenever he's standing next to Bruce. He refuses to admit that it's so he looks taller and he says no matter how high he flies he'll never be as tall as Bruce's ego. Bruce doesn't respond but with each new batsuit upgrade he gets just a bit taller.

Cale: I'm a bad person, but not because of that.

Cale to every enemy he faces: Stop calling me a bad person just because I'm orchestrating your downfall.

Jason doesn't know hes Cool Like That™ because all the people he knows calls him a nerd at least twice a day.

Dick is kind of a big brother who knows what effect he has on his siblings's friends, and he never misses an opportunity to make himself look even cooler in their eyes. But Jason? Oh, Jason has no idea that people even consider him pretty and interesting.

It pisses his siblings even more.

Jason, on his bike, with the most insane face card: Hey, Replacement, hop on. We have work to do.

Kon, twirling his hair: Is your brother, like... free?

Bernard: Yeah, on Friday

Tim, with his eye twitching: I will kill you.

Jason, absolutely unaware of what is going on: ??? WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO

***

Jon, waving enthusiastically at Jason, who passes by kitchen: Jason is so cool!

Damian: ...

Jon: And kind!

Damian: Calling Todd kind is definitely a choice.

Jon: But he read me a bedtime story the last time I was staying here 😕

Damian, frowning: ...

(Damian, later that day: Why did you read bedtime story to Jon and not me.)

***

Jason: Why Tim's and Damian's friends keep fucking glaring at me? Or stumble when I am around? What tf am I doing wrong?

Dick, trying to hide his laughter: Eh, no idea

Bruce, absentmindedly: I, actually, have the same problem when I am around other people

Alfred, amused: No DNA test required, that's for sure

Kim Rok-Soo...? That is so him, don't ask me why

When the unflappable character sees someone they care about in danger and the mask slips, it's great.

But when the unflappable character sees someone they care about in danger, and the mask DOESN'T slip.

Because they understand they need to be calm and unflappable now more than ever; if it protects them, it will certainly protect the person they care about. So their voice doesn't waver, their hands don't shake. They don't panic. From the outside looking in, they're as calm as could be. They handle it.

But after it's over-when the person they care about is safe, and the unflappable character is alone-they completely shatter. Gasping breaths, sobs, barely holding it together because someone they love almost DIED, and it was far, far too close for comfort.

(Optional: Character that they care about finds them in this state and comforts them.)

I think that KRS!Cale could be a great fanon Red Hood. Like a Crime Boss that controls the underground with the basic rules:

1) Don't deal with kids (or touch them in general)

2) Don't traffic people

3) Don't rape or abuse

Do it, and you will find out really fast

The difference is that he does not do all the hard work and uses his lieutenants, Choi Han, Ron, Beacrox, and Rosalyn, to apply all the rules while he takes care of the other boss criminals.

They both need to stay away from scissors. Twins.

Do y'all see the vision?

Both "Beast People", Both parentless, Both got inadvertently adopted into a found family, Both looking like cinnamon rolls, Both could kill you, Their main parental figure is a smart, calculating sonovavich that is "weak", Both got that dangly strand and uncontrolled hair, etc...

He is like a russian doll but when you take out another doll it is a new trauma.

Me pointing at Cale: This man has so many layers inside of him just like an onion and also just like an onion the deeper you cut through the layers the more it makes you cry

Cale Henituse has me on chokehold since 2020 and I'm not exactly complaining

sometimes a piece of media just! grabs you by the thoat and says, "hey buddy! I'm gonna irrevocably alter your brain chemistry now! have fun with that!!"

and then you just ! gotta deal with that ! you guess !!

My girl was so offended, I love her for that

‘An Elf? A subordinate of a Dragon? I, a Whale, the Future Whale Queen, a subordinate of a Dragon?’

Love the fact that Witira was so pissed for being mistaken for an Elf that she decided to throw away her water whip and started throwing punches at the dragon half blood in Aipotu.