Fasting, A Summary

✨Body check: 5/24/20✨

Things won't start to change fast

1 week- scale starts to change minorly

2 weeks- scale starts to change majorly

3 weeks- minor change in face

4 weeks- minor change in stomach

5 weeks- change in legs

Be patient.

“But I can’t have an eating disorder!!”

I say shocked as I dissociate and fantasize about my thighs no longer touching and my tummy grumbles from fasting the past 2 days

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Anyone else go rapidly back and forth between denying and recognizing their ed because I do a LOT it’s crazy

Me logging back into ED tumblr after spending a month binging and calling it “recovery”

My reasons to be skinny (kind of a long read)

- thin thighs, thin thighs, thin thighs! I used to LOVE looking down at how skinny my thighs were. I felt so beautiful. Although I can admit my thighs aren’t HUGE, they’re too big for my liking, and I don’t think I’ll ever be happy with them until they’re skinny.

- calves and ankles. I haven’t seen many thinspo blogs talking about this, so maybe it’s abnormal; but calves are almost as important to me as thighs. I think it’s so cute when girls have small, dainty, thin calves and ankles and they look so good in tall boots (especially chunky goth boots).

- collarbones. Collarbones are so pretty. Girls, boys, and anyone alike always look beautiful with protruding collarbones. It makes you look structured, like art. I will have such defined collar bones when I’m skinny. I will look like art.

- Thin arms and small wrists. Similar to my beliefs about collarbones, I love how beautiful thin wrists and arms look. You can see the beautifully crafted bone structure beneath the skin, and it just reminds you of how pretty humans are.

- flat stomach. I’ve been unhappy with my stomach for quite a while. I want to be able to be happy with my reflection without sucking in the fat.

- envy of skinny goth girls. Most goth girls are very skinny, and I desperately want to be like that. I don’t know how to describe it very well, but I just love that look of looking pale and effortlessly skinny, just being yourself and being happy.

- piggy back rides, being carried, sitting on laps, etc. I want to be the friend that everyone picks up because they’re so light. I want to have fun and do things I wouldn’t normally do, and enjoy my teenage years.

- I want to stop focusing on eating so much. I want to just eat a tiny amount because it’s all my stomach will allow- and I won’t be eating trashy foods because I don’t crave them anymore.

- The girl I hate is very skinny. I’ll be skinnier and prettier than her. It’ll be so unbelievably satisfying to know I weigh less than her.

- People will worry about me. This seems odd, but it’s what I want. I want people to talk about how skinny I am. I want people to ask me if I’ve eaten. I want people to finally see what I’m struggling with, because they’ll see how skinny I’ve gotten.

- knowing I can lose all that weight and ignore my urges to eat, I’ll know I can do anything. It’ll keep me motivated in school and exercise.

I did a thing! Tag yourself I’m The scientist and Ghost.

Little things…

{{I never want to forget how good it feels to finally be skinny!!!}}

🌺 On Christmas, my cousins asked if I had ever considered modeling. I said no, I’m too short, you have to be like 5'7… They insisted I should at least look into social media modeling!

🌺 A few days later my dad brings it up again, “You know, you really do look like you could be a model!” He’s never said anything like that to me before.

🌺 My mom comments almost every day on how skinny/tiny/little I am now. She used to always talk about how we both needed to lose weight. And now she’s always trying to offer me food, rather than criticizing too many snacks.

🌺 I posted a selfie on instagram and a girl I hardly know commented “omg your bone structure is unreal” … (literally no one has ever said that to me, ever! I didn’t even think I had any bone structure lmao)

🌺 I went for a hike with my brother and I didn’t have any trouble keeping up, didn’t feel tired or out of breath, kept up with the conversation and just really enjoyed the whole thing! I’ve always loved hiking but always used to be the slow one, struggling and holding up the group.

🌺 Skinny legs in leggings! Skinny legs in boots! Skinny legs in leggings and boots and cute layers on top! There’s no words for it but it’s literally my favorite thing.

🌺 Having to wear baggy sweaters with scarves so you don’t look too skinny. (Literally never thought I’d ever have that problem lol.)

🌺 Long blonde hair looks good when it’s messy; I only ever use a tiny bit of makeup; my outfits are cuter and more interesting… It’s easy to get ready to go anywhere and I feel so much more confident about the way I look.

🌺 The best clothes in the clearance section are always XS or S, so you can buy cute things cheaper than everybody else paid for it lol

🌺 Learning to love salads and unsweetened tea!! Tastes so good and feels so healthy!!

🌺 Saying no to junk foods and binges just gets easier and easier tbh. You’re in control and you get in the habit of saying no/making better choices.

🌺 When I try to set my phone on my lap and it falls through my thigh gap… It’s mildly stressful and annoying but in the best way possible! (I usually can’t even manage to clamp my thighs together to catch it, it just ends up hurting my knees.)

🌺 The feeling of walking with a thigh gap… Your legs not even brushing past each other. I feel like dancing all the time!

🌺 You get more drunk off less alcohol. If you get too drunk you know you’re small and cute and your friends won’t have any trouble helping you get home. (I usually don’t drink that much, I like being in control of myself. But a few glasses of wine is enough to get me loose and having a good time!)

🌺 Gaining the confidence to dance in public and be goofy because you know you’re small and cute.

🌺 In general, I’m much less self-conscious about my body and it feels so free. I’m still insecure about my personality and I still struggle with school and there’s all kinds of things in my life that I still need to work on, but it feels really, really good to have at least one less thing to worry about. (At least I know I look okay on the outside even though my life is still a mess lol.)

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🌻You can get all these results with positive and healthy weightloss methods, and it’ll probably feel a lot better! Eat good food, drink water, exercise a normal amount, and you’ll get there!!🌻

Why are so many of us with eds queer?? Like is it just me noticing this??? ilysm gay anas 🥺💝

Hard pills to swallow:

Losing weight is actually a very simple thing to do, but your lack of patience and complete disregard for your own health will inevitably lead you into a never ending binge/restrict cycle, preventing you from reaching your goals