Why The Fuck Is No One Naming Their Children After Greek Goddesses? Name Your Fucking Child Persephone??????

I found a company called “Frantic Meerkat” who makes journals whose sole purpose is to call me out

While putting your favorite condiment on a sandwich, you accidentally make a magical occult symbol and summon a demon.

canon: they died

fanfic: fUCK YOU

Can you describe to me everyone in OW's face upon seeing: S/O and Mercy limping to breakfast from their soundproof bedroom, both covered in hickeys, bruises, live bites, and rope burns, unable to sit on their sore buttocks, and glowing like two full moons in the sky, goofy grins on their faces, so loving it's almost disgusting?

Ana: Raising a brow while taking a sip from her tea cup. She doesn’t judge but she knows damn well what is going on.

Bastion: Beeping sounds. Too pure to understand why today’s breakfast is so awkward. 

D.Va: Is playing Nintendo Switch, but gives s/o and Mercy an amused sideglance. 

Genji: Notices Angela’s bruises and he’s worried first, but as soon as he gets what’s going on he doesn’t say a word.

Hanzo: Pretends to see nothing. But on the inside he’s a little indignant.

Junkrat: Makes jokes about the bruises and hickeys. His neck doesn’t look any different though thanks to Roadie.

Lúcio: Won’t adress it because he is a good, polite boy. But his glances are a little curious.

McCree: Smirking. Asking if Mercy & s/o were having fun last night. Jokingly suggests he could join next time.

Mei: Gets very flustered and starts blushing. She would die of embarassment if she was in their place.

Orisa: Like Bastion, too pure. Asks s/o if they need medical assistance and suggests putting band-aids on the hickeys.

Pharah: Is a little jealous of the s/o. Just like her mother she is taking a sip and won’t say a word.

Reaper: He is the angry dad who wouldn’t comment their actions but look at them stern and disappointed.

Reinhardt: Sideglancing Ana. Gods, back then in the old days. His neck looked just like s/o’s.

Roadhog: He isn’t very talkative but an amused grunt can be heared. He is the one to blame for Jamie’s bruises, so he won’t judge.

Soldier: 76: Embarassed dad. He will blush a little and scold them for showing up for breakfast like this. At least cover the bruises up!

Sombra: Finger guns s/o with a filthy smirk. She loves it. Just go wild.

Symmetra: Does not care at all, she’s is reading ArchiTech Weekly. She knows what’s going on, but who cares.

Tracer: She will start giggling and cracking jokes about it all week.

Torbjörn: Immediately thinks of his wive and their young age.

Widowmaker: Is just as sassy as McCree, asking if they had fun and if it was good.

Winston: He doesn’t understand how s/o and Mercy could enjoy pain that much. He tries to hind behind the newspaper to escape from the awkwardness.

Zarya: Very loud advices on how to maintain a healthy relationship based on trust and love. She means well but Zarya please, lower your voice sweetheart.

Zenyatta: Is a little confused by what’s going on, but as soon as Genji tells him what’s going on he gets flustered.

Responding to a pandemic in the world’s wealthiest and most powerful nation:

Hey I really liked the drunk hc of All Might and the others! Can you do the same for Tsuyu, Uraraka and Momo?

Ofc Tsuyu and the others best girls! Will be SFW since they’re children.

Tsuyu:

- Gets unbelievable shy. Will try to hide from you even if you are in a relationship.

- Can’t control her froggy nature. Tries to chase flies and hops around happily. Licks your face with her tongue and giggles. Wants to take a bath.

- Tries to get close to you but will be very weird. It’s too sweet though.

- Analyzes your whole behaviour. Will ask what you think about her, what you like about you, and so on. Actually just wants to hear that you love her but she’d never be that straightforward.

- Gets jealous pretty easy, but just becomes sad instead of telling you.

- Acts casual about it the next day. Is screaming inside and blushes everytime she thinks back about it. Doesn’t regret it tho. You’re her s/o after all, you are allowed to see every side of her.

Uraraka:

- Goes through different stages of being drunk. Starting with being overly excited and happy, then wants to fight anyone, and then cries. You’ll have to be very understanding.

- Laughs uncontrollably at things you say, even if you didn’t say anything funny. Will also blurt out weird noise randomly.

- Will give you weird nick-names.

- Has many needs. “Want food. Want cuddles. Make me laugh!”

- Struggles against you trying to cuddle her. She acutally wants to cuddle too, but it’s too fun to kick and poke you at the moment.

- Is very embarassed the next morning. Tries to avoid you. When you act cool about it, she’ll be very grateful. You’re loyal, endured her behaviour and donesn’t make fun of her after. She sees the relationship more serious now.

Momo:

- Will start drinking classy: Taste some wine, eat bread and cheese with it. You’ll feel like a total hobo when she knows all the names of the different wines.

- Gets depressed quick somehow. Tells you about her problems and how she’s feeling.

- Is even cuter than usually. Tries to comfort you and make many compliments. When you two order food, she’ll want to feed you.

- “You won’t leave me, right?” Has too low self-esteem. But if you tell her how wonderful she is, she’ll be a completely different person even when sober again.

- The next day will jump into your arms, telling you how relieving the evening was for her, and how she thinks it deepened your relationship. Will be cheerful and loving the whole time. You’re the perfect partner in her eyes right now.

EVISCERATED

Roses are red, that much is true, but violets are purple, not fucking blue.

Salem, Massachusetts 17th Century

Minister: Samuel Warren, you’ve been accused of being a witch. Are you guilty?

Samuel: Actually, your excellence, the correct term is Warlock

Minister: What?

Jury: What?

Minister: The name of the devil you serve is Warlock?

Samuel: No, the term for a male witch, which is also correctly known as Wicca, is Warlock.

Minister: …

Samuel: If you’re going to judge me for being a ‘witch’, the least you could do is learn the terms right.