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if you’re a baby gay and this is your first pride, watch your drinks! men are trash across all sexualities

Smile(?) For the camera

I cant believe I've done this

Original idea by @mamunches

Wowowowoow

(Literally check em out his art is so fucking cute)

Wobble

psst.. brian pfp? he's such a funky lil fella

Do what ya like with this :]

Please have heart and do not skip!

Donations urgently needed.

Nader and his family are nearly reaching half of their goal, and we need as much help as possible!

This fundraiser is vetted by @gazavetters, number four on the spreadsheet here

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Donate to Help Abd AL Salam and his family get through this war inGaza, organized by Abdalsalam Alanqar

**Humanitarian Support Request: Abdul Salam Al-Anqar** … Abdalsalam Alanqar needs your support for Help Abd AL Salam and his family ge

They're not asking for much, just €10 should suffice!

By donating, you are not only helping Nader, but you are saving him and his family.

We have managed to raise €12000 since the beginning of our campaign, and as with any other Palestinian who are fighting for their lives against the oppressors, I do not wish for Nader and his family to succumb to the murderous regime. Please, together we can raise enough so that they can afford for basic necessities as well as for them to be able to escape through the border crossing, once it opens.

We have already dealt with Zionists who attempted to compromise the campaign due to their own vendetta against the Ghazzans, and thanks to you all, we've successfully fough back and won, proving the veracity of this campaign. Please, do not back down. We need everything we can muster to help Nader and his family.

It's only gonna get harder now that UNRWA has been banned in the Settler state. Let's fight this battle together!

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The more I get back into liking, loving and lusting on people, the more I'm reminded what a sanitized, segregated lie queers have been built into.

I've met the sweetest, prettiest queens who tell me "Well, I'm a transsexual. Sometimes I call myself a transman because both my trans self and my manhood are me."

New friends tell me about the sexcapades their closed polycule gets up to that they just watch because they're a kinky ace.

There's staunch lesbians who helped the love of their life transition as a transmasc, gay men begging to be topped by trans men with the fattest tits.

Older queers don't hesitate to shout "oh, like Prince!" when I tell them I'm androgyne. Vanilla questioning men will text me day after day before shyly confessing I'm their dream guy. Closeted trans women ask to kiss me because I'm their dream girl. Doms and subs who melt when they realize I'm both and neither, and they didn't know somebody like me existed.

There's vanilla lesbians on Grindr and acearos who have shown me love deeper than I thought possible and guydykes kissing girlfags and MtFtMtX elders and throuples that have so much affection that they just collectively parent babygays who got disowned.

Everybody is so beautiful! There is so much love! It is no wonder a cruel world has a vested interest in suppressing queerness when humanity is so expansive to us.

Actually, how do you imagine Kankri and Mituna's relationship? Like, backstory/how they actually feel about each other/development or honestly, pretty much any thoughts you have about these two? Spare some headcanons?👀

Funny you ask anon because I was actually thinking of writing up a post about it! (warning in advance, this is pretty long, rambly, with some pretty crazy speculation and lots of reaching; so really just the usual with something involving Kankri Vantas lmao)

Ahh... troll 4chan x troll tumblr. My lovely fun clusterfuck of a ship. I know it's pretty obvious by now but I really like these two! Their polar opposite personalities leads to a really fun possible dynamic of "Enemies" (you're cringe/offensive fuck you) to "Friends" (aight you make me laugh with that joke against our dumbass npc/ignorant friends but you still suck fuck you) to "Brothers at arms" (huh we actually have a lot in common and agree on a lot of things despite our differences that's cool bro coughfuckyoucough) to ????¿¿¿¿ (bro wait so you... actually care about me? uhhh... NO HOMO/IM CELIBATE FUCKYOU). Immaculate angst potential too.

However, let's adress the big elephant in the room first:

I don't really like the theory that Kankri dislikes Mituna because he's dating Latula, or thinks that he doesn't deserve her or worse that she's only with him out of pity. Putting my gigantic hatred of mean spirited love triangles aside, I sincerely feel like that whole theory is just assuming the absolute worst out of both Kankri AND Latula.

First off, the pity thing was something that only Cronus has said in bad faith. And I think that if Kankri himself felt pity was in any way involved into the equation, he would dislike Latula instead. Especially considering he pretty much implied that one of the reasons he likes her is because she is so kind to Mituna without being condescending:

[...] Y9u never l99ked d9wn 9n any69dy, 9r saw it as y9ur civil duty t9 care f9r 9r "impr9ve" the warmer classes [...]

LATULA: uh... y34h! th4t sh1tz 4 dr4g, why would 1 both3r w1th 4ny of th4t? 1 m34n, 1ll h3lp low bloods l34rn stunts 4nd ch34t cod3z 1f th3y w4nt, but th4ts 1t!!! [...]

KANKRI: 9r the way y9u have always sh9wn kindness t9 pe9ple wh9 needed help, with9ut making them feel [tragic] 9r [helpless] f9r accepting it. [...]

Latula seems pretty agressive with Damara, has no relationship to speak of with Rufioh, and since he won't even accept help from Porrim the only "warm classed" person left that might've needed help that Kankri could have ever seen her interacting with in such a positive light (and also the only one interested in learning stunts/cheat codes and probably always around her anyways) is Mituna.

LATULA: 4nd 1ts 4lw4yz f3lt l1k3 h3 n33ds m3 1f th4t m4k3s s3ns3, 3v3n 4ft3r dy1ng. so th3r3z th4t!!!!

And from his talks with Porrim/Cronus and the way he speaks about Latula, we can infer that Kankri very clearly has a pretty idealized and romanticized view on love and relationships. So why would he hate Mituna for actually being half of the only healthy romantic couple in their whole friend group??? Jelly his gf didn't pick him instead?? That's Cronus again. Kankri is not a jealous person, you never see him act as such to Meenah and how people take her more seriously as a leader or on something FAR more significant: that Karkat had a lusus while he didn't and thus was culled for it (In fact, he adores that kid so much and is so ridiculous about it that he wants to take him under his wing as a pupil).

What Kankri is however, is bitter and passive-agressive. But that's the thing: if this blabbermouth wants to criticize something, he says it. And yet he never ONCE says ANYTHING AT ALL to either Mituna or Latula about their relationship. Ever. The only people that do comment about it, and negatively as well, are Cronus and Meenah.

And speaking of her, I frankly I don't think Latula "aka basically an excellent judge of character, very perceptive and super overprotective of her bf" Pyrope would be so chummy with Kankri and

LATULA: k1nd of rusty. sh1t dont l3t kk know 1 s41d rusty, 4h4h4.  #tw #h3mophob1c slurs

actually use a tw after saying something she knew would upset him and call him various friendly nicknames including "kk" (a nickname first coined in comic by a CAPTOR, no less) if he were secretly such a double faced asshole that thinks her long-term matesprit isn't good enough for her. I mean, she pokes fun at him sometimes and views him as an awkward nerd (which to be fair he 100% is), but she also ultimately values her friendship with him. She says so herself.

KANKRI: Yes. 6ut regardless. What I'm saying is, it's great we stayed away fr9m that. It's helped me appreciate y9u as a friend, and admire all y9ur g99d qualities. Plat9nically, 9f c9urse. LATULA: your3 r1ght! 1ts b33n pr3tty r4d wh3n you put 1t th4t w4y.

Therefore, I instead want to propose the theory that the reason she's on such good terms with him, despite his unfortunate and unrequited red feelings and finding him a square, is that she knows that Kankri might also be harboring the most hilariously gigantic secret pale crush that has ever existed on the face of the earth on Mituna "show tits or gtfo" Captor and is in big denial over it.

Shocker right? Buckle up people, this is going to be a wild ride.

Context and outside clues extremely important to understanding both Kankri and Mituna, because if it weren't for Aranea, we wouldn't know that there was NO WAY that Kankri wasn't culled, and that Mituna sacrificed himself to save everyone. Those are SIGNIFICANT character traits for both of them.

This means that if we're going to analyze and theorize about their relationship, we've got to start from the very first time both of his characters were connected in any way.

ARANEA: Did you know that "what's his face" Vantas in our post-scratch world grew up to 8e a spiritual leader followed 8y millions [...] ARANEA: Leijon grew up to 8e his m8sprit! She wrote stuff down and spent a long time in a cave. That's that. ARANEA: Their [8uddy] Captor flew a ship for some hag. It wasn't a very cool gig. Maryam found a [wiggler] and died a slave. [...]

Welcome to the first, but not last and certainly not only, time the term "Buddy" or the whole concept of friendship was attached to Mituna in any way. In this instance, it's referring to his post-scratch's self friendly relationship with both The Disciple and The Signless. This phrasing on Aranea was on purpose, since the word "wiggler"

[...] That's what y9u call a wiggler. D9 I l99k like a wiggler t9 y9u, P9rrim? N9, I d9n't. [...]

ended up being relevant to Kankri and how he never wants to be viewed as one.

And "hag" that was used to refer to the Condesce,

MEENAH: dont let the haters get you down kid MITUNA: F15CHY FUCK3Y 815QU3 4ZZ [H4G] MEENAH: oh well yall cant say i didnt try to treat you nice * MITUNA: mime - "you tried" gold star MEENAH: ey!

MEENAH: i should be the one to condescend to YOU with that mime

ended up being relevant to Mituna as well, because he is the only person to ever call Meenah as such in their last conversation after she called him a "kid". And look at her using the word "condescend" too right afterwards.

Therefore, now let's check openbound part 2 transcript to see if the word "Buddy" appears again and if it's related to Mituna.

Would you look at that, it does. Twice (lol). And it was last seen used by Mituna himself in the mini-strife flash. To whom?

MITUNA: 000H WH04 N1C3 C057UM3 8UDDY KURLOZ: :o)

To his moirail.

By the way, remember when I said that Kankri is a passive aggresive person? Do you want to know who is he acting as such towards? Kurloz. One of the only two characters that he never interacts, mentions/mentioned by or is anywhere near his vicinity (The other one being Damara, who at least has replied after or before him in mini strife). There are only two instances where he has said something vaguely related to him.

"[...]6ut unlike the c99ler hues 9n 9ur team m9re priviliged than y9u, like y9ur Serkets, y9ur Zahhaks, y9ur Amp9ras... I never g9t the sense that y9u put the slightest 6it 9f st9ck in any 9f that, and I think that's pretty amazing. #Cerulean savi9rs #Teal templars #Vi9let valiants #Purple paladins"

Here he is talking to Latula while trying to compliment her about what we've talked about before, however notice how he skipped mentioning Makara after Zahhak and went straight to Ampora but afterwards still put the "Purple Paladins" hashtag at the end of his sentence. This was conscious on his part to avoid bringing up Kurloz's name into the conversation. Why did he do that? Is he a sore subject for both Latula and himself?

ARANEA: No. The entire incident is shrouded in mystery. From his limited and scattered accounts of what happened, it seems very likely that Kurloz was with him at the time, as the only eye witness.

And then, funnily enough, when talking to Mituna:

[...] And frankly, I'm n9t crazy a69ut the helmet, either. MITUNA: W4LT5 WR00NG W17H MY H4ML37 8(

What's wrong with his buddy prince hamlet and his cycle of revenge that killed everyone including himself indeed.

Kurloz, as stated by Aranea, funnily enough was quite talkative REMEMBER HOW HE USED TO GO ON AND ON before he took a vow of silence which as y9u kn9w is just a pers9nal ch9ice which I'm sure was probably related to his esoteric faith after making a dreadful sound that echoed The Vast Honk The Vast Expletive that left his ex matesprit Meulin The Disciple deaf, and is the only one besides Kankri that doesn't have a sign anywhere in his character design despite having no reason to do so unlike the former.

"One of the most common acting exercises one finds in acting and theatre classes — youth or adult — is known as the Mirror Game."

"The mirror game is a great stand-by in the theatre class. Students are grouped in pairs and face each other. One acts as the leader, moving their arms, legs, head, face, in a slow steady pattern so that they can be ‘mirrored’ by their partner. The follower strives to copy the leader exactly."

In other words, you reflect other actor's movement on stage in silence. Yknow, like a mime.

Btw it's highly implied in comic that the Highblood who ordered The Signless's execution was The Grand Highblood, who also had Redglare under his command.

PORRIM: Makes me wo+nder abo+ut fate. If it's so+mething that's even co+mprehensible. LATULA: y34h? PORRIM: Fo+r instance, o+n Alternia, my relatio+nship with Kankri seemed to+ make so+me sense. I co+uld definitely see o+ur lives beco+ming entangled in that way, karmically speaking.

[...] PORRIM: Did yo+u no+t kno+w that? #Mindfang gave yo+u five #Then left yo+u hanging LATULA: n3v3r r34lly thought 4bout 1t. but now th4t you m3nt1on 1t, th4t outcom3 m4k3s 4ll sorts of s3ns3 to m3.

Taking into consideration that Kurloz was probably written on purpose to somehow mirror The Signless/Kankri by copying his destined relationships and personality traits, and how Mituna calls him "Buddy", we can probably safely assume that this confirms that The Signless and The Psiioniic were indeed moirails as well.

That means the potential of Kankri being capable of developing pale feelings for Mituna exists.

"But Kankri is celibate!"

Just please let me kn9w if y9u start feeling triggered 6y anything I'm saying, and we can take a 6rief time-9ut while y9u summ9n y9ur m9irail t9 help pacify y9u, assuming y9u have 9ne. [...] and h9pefully y9u are n9t triggered 6y such [presumptu9us c9ncillian9rmative language]. It w9uldn't 6e the first time I was guilty 9f such an inexcusa6le micr9aggressi9n, and I am n9t s9 96livi9us [t9 my 9wn r9mantic privilege] t9 6elieve it will 6e the last time either.  #c9ncillian9rmativity #micr9aggressi9ns #r9m privilege #presumptu9us #m9irails #inexcusa6le

This reads to me as if he views himself as pretty normative when it comes to the concilliatory quadrants at least. Also:

I always preferred t9 lead a [relatively] chaste existence, as it keeps me f9cused 9n fighting 9n 6ehalf 9f truly imp9rtant pr96lems.

Shoutout to Latula and Rufioh.

"But Kurloz is nice to Mituna!" According to who? Cronus? The guy who is scared and was killed by him in another life for telling a bad joke?

And if Kurloz is like this with his ex-matesprit and all his other friends (that Mituna sacrificed himself for):

I sincerely doubt his intentions are good in regards to any possible moirailship with Mituna

A'ight we've dunked on Kurloz enough so now then let's get back on the topic at hand and rip Vantass a new asshole too, it's only fair and he would probably agree. #Equality

We're now going to do a Meulin and overanalyze Openbound part 2 with shipping glasses on.

Check out this map as we go along. See the quadrant keys? Look at where each one is located and keep that in mind.

We talk to Cronus. It's a mess. And yet Kankri doesn't appear at all. So now let's go find our boy mt.

Aw shit sick grind brochacho!

His first appearance on screen is him doing a trick on that half-derse half-prospit rail only to fall flat on his face right afterwards. Now, who is right above him on the map? Also check this link out to see what I think this is meant to symbolize.

Anyways, let's ignore Tuna for now alongside that random prospit tower on the bottom and open that chest under the rail and see what's inside.

We got a Game Grub Magazine (previously confirmed read by best friends duo Karkat and Sollux), parody of the Game Bro Magazine (also confirmed read by best friends duo John and Dave) and seeing as this is clearly his issue because he IS the Game Bro this was clearly read by Mituna and his best friend... Latula! Yeah! Wait a GameGrl issue for girls only exists too (confirmed read by best friends duo Jane and Roxy)? And girls rulez and boys drool? Uh... I mean who else then? Cronus? That nerd only plays Harry Potter games. Rufioh? Visual novels don't count. Horuss? Lol. Kurloz?????? Sure, I guess... but maybe someone else would be funnier... and considering it was John-Jane and Dave-Roxy... Then following the pattern to complete it, on trollverse it must have been Sollux-Mituna and Karkat-...

Anyways ya boy troll Dennis is unavailable for being a huge pussy who needs his mom Porrim to drive him to the hospital so let's make Tuna and Meenah talk already and see if we find anything interesting.

MITUNA: K17H5 MY CH4GR1N 7UNK3L Y0U 5N4NK 4ZZ CHUM8UCK357 MEENAH: man why you got to hate MEENAH: and listen bro you better watch it with those slurs #or tag em at least MEENAH: unless you want kankri giving you tha biz MITUNA: 1M 50RRY

Right off the bat, the first character named to Mituna is not Latula, but Kankri. This is meant to draw a connection between both characters. Also, right after the name drop, Mituna stops being as aggressive with Meenah and doesn't say any slurs to her, just sexual innuendos, interesting considering that next time he apologizes to her

MEENAH: gross bro MEENAH: dunno how latula even deals MITUNA: 1M 50RRY MITUNA: 8U73 4L50 MITUNA: FUCH Y0UR 4ND Y0UR FUCKY CHUMPHY 5UCKYFUCK FR0NGHUMPH1NG 8R1ND3 573M R1G7H UP3 Y0UR 5H17F7Y PH3L5M504K3D PR083CHU7H3 71L7 1Z 5UCK 4ZZ 8171CH 15 5UCKKY 5UCHY FUCK37Y 5UCKH0L3 FUCKY FCUK3Y FUCK FUCK FUCK #!

he goes right back to insulting her because Meenah mentioned Latula and how she doesn't get how she can deal with him. Mituna knows he's just been insulted by Meenah and is rightfully angry at her. And the situation only worsens after

MEENAH: hey isnt the afterlife supposed to heal people or MEENAH: i dont undersand

MEENAH: why is it that pyrope still cant smell

MEENAH: and you still got horrible brain problems #dont tell me leijons still deaf

MEENAH: i give up on figuring out the existential mysteries MITUNA: W4D3R MEENAH: )(-EY FUCK YOU!!!

Meenah brings up this very interesting and important line of questioning that I would have liked to be explored more in canon but I digress... , and here come the red miles.

KANKRI: I feel I sh9uld jump in here at this m9ment, [6ef9re this escalates any further], and we start thr9wing ar9und [hateful rhet9ric that we can't take 6ack].

Watch it, Kankri. You're sounding a little... ashen there bro.

Go back to the map now, which quadrant key is the one next to Mituna? Yep, the auspisticism one.

"An auspistice can stabilize particularly turbulent relationships. If the auspistice fails to mediate properly, or has no interest in the role, or perhaps has different romantic intentions him/herself altogether, then [the relationship often quickly deteriorates into one of an especially hostile and torrid nature]."

critically important huh🤔 glad we agree pointdexter now do my homework for me or i shove you inside a locker

dw tuna i gotchu my g

#KankriApologismTimez

"meenah listen I understand you're triggered and everything, that's cool I guess, but like... be nice to Mituna." <- said with the most condescending choice of words imaginable because what is self-awareness but still, shocker.

also "try to resist taking his 'well intended' "(?)" bait? C'mon Kankri now you're just making my job easier. What's next, you gonna give Mituna a free (you) too? hide your crush better loser I know you've been studying 4chan lexicon just to impress him.

This is the only time we see Kankri interrupting Meenah talking to someone else and proceeding to lecture both parties involved, meaning, he's mediating between these two who were getting pretty contentious with each other, and hey, it worked, now both are silent and facepalming at him instead.

And he intervened just when Meenah started shouting at Mituna too.

(btw a reminder that this is what she acts like after she truly gets mad at someone).

MEENAH: vantas what the actual fuck are you doing here MEENAH: how are you even in this chat yo

MEENAH: you arent even remotely in the same corporeal vicinity as us like i literally do not understand how you just jumped into the conversation like that

MEENAH: ug dont even say it he will like teleport into our conversation with ghost magic just to shoosh you RUFIOH: yeah... he does that to you too, huh... that's some crazy sh*t!

So Meenah & Rufioh both acknowledge that Kankri is essentially shooshing people around when doing this fun teleport business. Sure would be embarrassing then if he showed any sort of favouritism towards anyone he is scolding, because if so that could be interpreted as a pale solicitation righ- oh he is ignoring Meenah completely and focusing entirely on scolding Mituna now okay.

We interrupt our regularly scheduled Vantas monologue to bring you a reminder of what a moirallegience actually entails.

not enough? I got you, here are some quotes from Hussie himself from his commentary.

"[...] but this case comes with an additional layer of duty, since a moirail's social role is to help neutralize the threat your dangerous friend may represent to others. "

"[...] There's plenty to say about Nepeta too, but when they're talking, it seems Equius starts to bury her in the contest of absurd, eyebrow-raising character traits. In this sense, she's sort of the straight man of the duo's relationship. But then, that's not a bad way to describe what a moirail really is. It's playing the stable, calming straight man to a more erratic or extreme personality, to help keep them grounded."

Now let's back to Kankri and his unasked-for observations about Mituna.

#cringe #MoreKankriApologismTimez

See, normally this dude is overly-considerate of others' feelings to the point of ridiculousness, so much so that he ends up offending them even more by how he (hypocritically and ironically) treats them with kid gloves. Here with Mituna, however, we can see he pulls almost no punches on the snark. The only other person he's this openly asshol-y and honest with what he personally thinks of them is Porrim, someone he considers and views as like a family member to him. Therefore I choose to interpret his open rudeness then as some sort of sign of trust/comfortability from his part towards both her AND Mituna.

So let's rephrase this word vomit a little.

"You are a fucking pain in the ass, the way you communicate & your eccentric mannerisms I have clearly spent time thinking about bother me a fuckton, also will you cool it already with getting your ass into trouble by being so hostile and saying shit you know will piss people off you fuck? i'm still your friend btw" Sounds familiar?

fuckin rude Vantass, how could you not like the helmsman helmchan Hamlet Helmet?

MITUNA: W4LT5 WR00NG W17H MY H4ML37 8( KANKRI: N9thing, friend, it's a really c99l helmet and it's a g99d l99k f9r y9u. 6ut are we n9w t9 assume that all th9se wh9 are stricken with y9ur particular disadvantage9n will 6e similarly pr9ne t9 require such headgear, due t9 falling d9wn and hitting their heads frequently?

"nothing, you're my friend, here is some straight forward validation plus a compliment (both of which i hardly give to anybody) since you appear to be sad from something I said. But listen I still disapprove of it because... *spins wheel* it may be implying that those who also suffer from your disadvantage might need it."

MITUNA: 8U7H 1 D0 F4LL D0WN 4ND H157 MY H34D FR3QUN3UN74NY KANKRI: 9h, [I kn9w y9u d9], and I think [y9u sh9uld c9ntinue wearing it f9r y9ur safety], particularly if y9u [c9ntinue t9 insist 9n fl9undering a69ut 9n y9ur danger9us t9y]. It's m9re a69ut the unf9rtunate message y9u are sending 9verall, with certain aspects 9f y9ur pers9nality and existence, that's all.

guess whose dumbass slipped and literally admitted to watching his friend long enough to know how often he falls down and hits his head, and also to worry about his well being enough to advise him to keep wearing that same helmet he claimed to dislike.

By the way, "dangerous toy"? With Latula he called her skateboard little wheeled t9y f9r immature wigglers, but Mituna's dangerous? Because it hurts him? Or because Mituna hates being called a kid and Kankri knows this? Also that "continue to insist" leads me to believe they have discussed over this matter before and Mituna likely gave him the middle finger in response and he's salty af about it lol.

So basically:

Duh Kankri *I* need this helmet *IM* the one that falls a lot and hits his head frequently.

Duh Mituna I *KNOW* that so keep wearing it for your safety *HOWEVER* if you get you are hurting yourself then *WHY* do you keep using that wretched toy that even YOU call dangerous.

DUH KANKRI CAUSE IT'S RAD AS FUCK I GET PUSSY FROM IT AND I'M *DEAD* WHO FUCKING *CARES*.

Mituna, *I FUCKING CARE* so please stop using that TOY so you don't HURT YOURSELF or so help me GOD I will make a callout post about YOUR PROBLEMATIC ASS. And I say that with all due sensitivity and as your #friend.

IM SORRY ... THAT YOURE A KUNTKRI AZZ BITCH BRO 🖕😎🖕 *ollies out in his skateboard anyways only to fall flat on his face 5 secs later*

See? I'm always righ-... waitdidhecallmebro...? *yearning INTENSIFIES*

And then they both forgot the true matter at hand: why the HELL Mituna hasn't healed yet if they are ALL dead.

This shit is literally a pale confession. Look at him even using his buddy's quirk by accident while talking to him... That's cute af bro... I can't even bully him on that one... (I don't care if it's a typo I take the breadcrumbs I get).

And this hopeless fool kept reiterating he's his friend constantly lmfao...

KANKRI: Anyway, I think all that w9uld have 6een c9mpletely l9st 9n me if we didn't have this str9ng plat9nic 69nd. I just th9ught I'd say that. Guess I'll get g9ing n9w. -> At Latula

KANKRI: Anyway, I didn't mean t9 derail. I'll 6e 9n my way. Please c9ntinue y9ur discussi9n, and try t9 keep s9me 9f the issues I descri6ed at length in mind. -> At Mituna

"Anyway, I got carried away and revealed too much so now i'm running away to pretend I didn't fuck up and upset you. remember what i said tho ok friend? deuces😶✌ #celibacy #no pale-o #no ashe-o" -> he totally forgot about meenah

To FINALLY close off on Kankri, here is my reenactment of this whole mess of a conversation:

"Mituna? what a problematic misrepresentation of the unabilited and I say this with all due sensitivity *trips* *thousands of pictures of Mituna fall from his pockets* fuckmylif- I mean, Pardon Me. These aren't mine I was merely doing Latula a favor I *gathering them up frantically sweating* Listen as Mituna's friend and as our party's spiritual shepherd it's clearly my duty to stop him from fighting people to mantain UNITY thus i merely possess photographic PROOF of how his hostility is harmful to himself and society I MEAN contributes to HARMFUL STEREOTYPES not that i would change anything about him well maybe just SOME things because HIS MANNERISMS and EXISTENCE are PLATONICALLY reprehensible BUT *trillions of pictures of Mituna scatter across the floor* HIS HELMET SUCKS BUT HE SHOULD STILL WEAR IT SO HE DOESN'T HURT HIS HEAD OKAY?! ... What do you mean we're dead that's quite corporeonormative of you now let me lecture you for hours about it to make you forget this incident ever happened. "

I will focus on Mituna's side of things now. What DOES he think about Kankri?

Well, obviously we can't infer much from 4 short sentences, and we don't even really know what Mituna thinks about his own matesprit either, but if I had to take an educated guess I'd say he seems to be pretty okay with him. Acts calmer and less confrontational around him compared to how he is with Meenah and Cronus too.

I mean the whole time while he was being lectured by Kankri he never said anything against him. Even when he was being a shit and complaining about his speech impediments, like Meenah did right afterwards, except this time his reaction was different:

MEENAH: like between your codawful quirk MEENAH: and your variety of weird conflicting speech impediments MEENAH: and the fact that even aside from all the shitty numbers you stick in words youre still misspellin half a what you say MEENAH: i just gtfu #give STRAIT the fuck up yo #uncle motherglubber MITUNA: 817H1CH WH4Y D0N7 Y0U 5H00V3 M0Y R4D 1NJURJY P4N3L 1N7H0 URR N457H7Y 53XXXU4L3 PR1V457 P4R7H 0RF P3R3RF3R3R4NC3

I see your favoritism as well Tuna.

LATULA: 1dk, th3r3z w4y mor3 to h1m th4n. w3ll, 4ll th3 t3rr1bl3 4nd stup1d sh1t h3 s4ys 4ll th3 t1m3.

This probably means he's close with Kankri or at least comfortable enough with him to let him say all that stuff, Meenah however? Not so much.

MEENAH: thank fuck you were never a major playa at least from my personal vantage over the course a this ridicu huge narrative #way minor character yo

Hm... Anyways, we're now playing as The Sex God himself. So, first thing to point out is obviously his theme song.

♫ all you other [lame-brainers] better feel the shame! ♫ He can bend the rules, he's too cool for school, ♫ and he's got just a few cheat codes for you. ♫ There ain't nothin' that'll ever hold this bad boy down! ♫ That [hat that he's wearin's like his personal crown].

♫ When you're outta quarters, he's got your back! ♫ He'd [never ever betray you man, and that's a fact!] ♫ Yo he's your [best friend], and never a foe,

Hussie very obviously wrote him with this song in mind, as many of his core traits seem to reflect the lyrics. Lame-brainers, the hat/helmet, betrayal, cheat codes, best friend. Whose best friend is he anyways?

*cruisin for a bruisin starts playing ominously in the bg*

Welp, let's get this over with.

CRONUS: hey, chief. looking good today. is that a newv helmet? MITUNA: N0 U FUCFK7H7H7HHH #1GLVNWLDN01Z1XJ01N0V4

Enter ya boy, troll Danny Zuko, who generously provides us some interesting gems.

Quirk stealing again! And this time I'm not sure if the typo excuse will work here, because fun fact:

The ONLY numbers Mituna NEVER uses in text are 2, 6 and 9.

Why doesn't he use the number two if it's his favourite and Sollux used it in his own quirk before he became blind? Suspicious as fuck, I say. Even more so when you consider the fact that Cronus, the Bard of Hope, starts conveniently infodumping about Mituna's personality and his relationships right after. Also, notice how Tuna never makes almost any typos when talking to Cronus from now on.

We are now going to carefully dissect this Bard's story like we are doing a surgery. A... brain surgery ayyyy

CRONUS: [i really feel like youre one of the only people i can open up to about my feelings.] i guess it really does help to confide in someone vwho basically lacks the ability to repeat vwhat you say vwith any clarity or coherence, or evwen understand vwhat you said in the first place.

First half is true, second is false. Mituna's brief interactions with Kankri and Meenah prove he can CLEARLY repeat what other's have said to him and REPLY accordingly as to what he's been told. He understands context and meaning perfectly.

CRONUS: [but truth be told, i alvways felt that vway about you before you evwen started havwing, vwell, your issues.] vwe alvways had a good thing together, didnt vwe?

I honestly feel like he's being honest with Mituna here. Yeah, yeah, I know, I know, he's a lying manipulative asshole and [insert worst hs character meme]. However I want to discuss him beyond that for a minute.

If we remember Dualscar and how he couldn't hide his feelings from Mindfang & the Condesce and how that actually mirrors his red crush on Meenah and how he steals Aranea's quirk sometimes, if there is ONE thing Cronus seems to be sincere and loyal about is how he feels for other people. He likely had an unrequited black crush on Mituna, similar to Eridan's towards Sollux, or at the very least genuinely saw him as his friend; either way he's toxic af about it now. So, first half of that sentence is true while the second one is false.

CRONUS: dont get me vwrong, i knowv you and latula are in a vwery committed matespritship, though lets face facts, she could obvwiously do better. and i mean much better. really she is just in a totally different league, she is charming and gorgeous, vwhereas you are, vwell... you, unfortunately.

Cope and seethe.

Then he brings Kurloz up.

and i vwouldnt dare to intrude on your longstanding moirallegiance vwith kurloz, and not because he scares the shit out of me either.

True.

that just really seems to vwork, you and him, doesnt it?

False.

i dont get a peep out of him of course, not evwen if im super nice and compliment his hideous hair,

True.

and obvwiously i receivwe nothing but disgusting horseshit out of your mouth evwery time you open it.

False.

but you seem to bring good qualities out of each other, no?

...Sure (?).

is it true, the rumor that you are actually lucid vwhen you talk to him, instead of behavwing like a babbling, vwertigo stricken imbecile?

Hmm...

"In emergency medicine, a lucid interval is a temporary improvement in a patient's condition after a traumatic brain injury, after which the condition deteriorates. A lucid interval is especially indicative of an epidural hematoma. After the injury, the patient is momentarily dazed or knocked out, and then becomes relatively lucid for a period of time which can last minutes or hours. Thereafter there is rapid decline as the blood collects within the skull, causing a rise in intracranial pressure, which damages brain tissue. In addition, some patients may develop "pseudoaneurysms" after trauma which can eventually burst and bleed, a factor which might account for the delay in loss of consciousness."

(nice haughtiness, wanna cull him too while we're at it?

MEENAH: a girls gotta have fuel for her pimp ride know what im sayinMEENAH: likeMEENAH: i probably took care of him goodMEENAH: you know how it is someones gotta take care of the guy anyways)

CRONUS: [but vwhat im trying to say is, you dont judge like the others. vwell, ok, you do, but i cant really take your vwitriol that seriously] because you are so obvwiously retar... reticent vwith your true emotions.

True and then false, Mituna is the opposite of reticent.

[like for instance, vwho could i confide in vwhen i began to fully come to terms vwith this feeling deep inside that i vwas actually a human "born" in the body of a troll, but nevwer realized it until learning about the humans? nobody. except you, of course. you dont care that i am humankin. you dont mock me for it and trivwialize my /tragic existence/. vwell, you do, but the point im trying to make is that vwhen you mock me it doesnt actually mean anything,] because evwerything you say is such putrid nonsense.

#friendship

"tragic existence" you say? ...🤔

KANKRI: 9r the way y9u have always sh9wn kindness t9 pe9ple wh9 needed help, with9ut making them feel [tragic]...

I've f9und Mituna's entire [existence]...

with certain aspects 9f y9ur pers9nality and [existence]...

You know what, let's replace 'humankin' for... mutant.

[...]Y9u are n9t my "human m9ther". #Weird human familial structures PORRIM: What do+es that even mean?? KANKRI: Y9u w9uld understand if y9u spent time actually researching 9ther cultures t9 gain a m9re c9mprehensive f9undati9nal perspective 9n 9ur systemic pr96lems [...]

Interesting! A reminder, Kankri has never met anyone with his same blood color before (unlike Karkat), so that's probably the reason he's so interested in human culture. And yet here we have Cronus, highblood, royalty, never culled before, self inserting in it and claiming his existence as tragic just for attention. Also puts this whole exchange under a different light:

CRONUS: to be honest, she might be right. sometimes i think i might only be saying im a human to get attention. maybe i should givwe it up. KANKRI: I'd 6e extremely disapp9inted t9 hear that, if it were true. That w9uld 6e such a slap in the face t9 all th9se wh9 kn9w themselves t9 6e an alien while trapped in the pedestrian 69dy 9f their 9wn race. It w9uld 6e unspeaka6ly invalidating 9f their struggles and massively triggering t9 their em9ti9ns.

(You can almost hear the teeth grinding).

KANKRI: 6ut f9rtunately, I kn9w y9u w9uld never st99p as l9w as that. Y9u understanda6ly have d9u6ts a69ut y9ur feelings and pr96a6ly d9wnplay them as a defense mechanism, since s9 few are prepared t9 rec9gnize the legitimacy 9f y9ur plight. [...]

CRONUS: i just needed to finally be introduced to human culture to make sense of those feelings. KANKRI: W9nderful. I'm s9 happy y9u have f9und the light 9f truth within y9urself.

We become John Travolta now.

Also, if you were following the conversation along, remember how Mituna makes almost no typos when talking to Cronus after screaming and typing no over and over? Well...

CRONUS: oh, i almost forgot. ivwe been vworking on a song i think you might... MITUNA: Y0UR MU51C 15 5H17 4ND 1 FUCK1NG H473 Y0U CRONUS: vwowv, hahaha. fair enough. CRONUS: really, thats totally fair. hurtful beyond my ability to capture vwith language, but fair.CRONUS: but seriously, stay here. [im going to go vwork my "magic" on peixes. not literally of course, because as i learned through a series of crushing revwelations during my adolescence, magic isnt real.]  #just so OVWER the vwizarding sceneCRONUS: vwait here, try not to fall dowvn, and ABOVWE ALL, try not to be seen. MITUNA: 4LR1GH7H

As we've clearly seen so far, Mituna has absolutely NO filter with what he says, zero. And he is NOT stupid or unaware of what's going on around him. EVERY time he swears at Meenah it's because she's said something either insulting, demeaning or condescending at him first. And yet here he have him insult Cronus after he was doing what was possibly the only genuinely friendly gesture he does the whole game by offering him a song he thought he might like, thus genuinely upsetting him. And then he goes back to the typos right after Cronus brings magic up.

After switching places with Mituna and leaving him in Cronus' place near the Diamond key and not finding Meenah, we walk back to him to "grill" him. And Mituna seems genuinely confused as to why Cronus is so pissed at him.

CRONUS: you must havwe spaced out and vwandered into vwiewv briefly. she probably got one look at you and couldnt split fast enough. MITUNA: N0 1 S7H4Y3D H3R3 L1K3 Y0U 7H41D

I won't analyze Cronus and Mituna's relationship beyond this here because this post is GIGANTIC as it is already and that's like opening Pandora's Box (and I've probably been cancelled for my controversial Kankri and Mituna's takes enough as it is LMAO). But my basic thoughts and interpretation on it is that Mituna basically doesn't give a shit about whatever abusive garbage Cronus spits at him. Because that's the thing, what do you do to a bully that bothers you for attention? You ignore his ass or, what I'm pretty sure the 4chan inspired troll would rather do anyways, take the absolute piss on him. Which he does by acting condescending to him with those mimes like he did with Meenah and laugh his ass off when she catches Cronus in the act, only to troll him again right afterwards just for good measure.

So let's stop acting like Cronus and Meenah and give the guy credit for fuck's sake, he CAN defend himself if he feels he's been slighted. He's not a helpless baby just because he has a brain injury.

Anyways,

MITUNA: H3Y 8R0 W4N7H0 H3R3 S0M3 57HL4M P037RY 1 M4D3 MITUNA: H3 JU57 8R0K3 MY 5K4T3 804RD 1N H4LF 4ND W4LK3D 4W4Y

He proceeds to call Cronus his bro and offers him some slam poetry; now, if Mituna wasn't being mind controlled before, this would be a (justified) dick move on his part, but if he was, that would explain why he's so confused as to why Cronus is still so mad at him as he was simply trying to make amends with him after dunking on his ass.

CRONUS: your vwhole bifurcated demeanor is such an act. half the time you are noxious and incomprehensible, and the other half you are mild and contrite?

MEULIN: ヾ(=ﾟ･ﾟ=)ﾉ &lt;; WHEW... MEULIN: (^._.^) &lt; KURZORZ, MY HEAD F33LS REALLY FOGGY. MEULIN: (^._.^) < WHAT JUST HAPPENED? I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER WALKING OVER HERE.  #DID WE JUST TOKE ON SOME BAD NIP OR SOMETHING?

Here's the thing: I sincerely don't think Mituna has lucidity or logic problems due to his brain injury. He's very witty with his quick comebacks, answers to Meenah and Kankri with relevant remarks, trolls the fuck out of both seadwellers by the minute, has pretty much perfect syntax, uses sophisticated wording to describe things (tight ass fall down slat/rad injury panel for his skateboard) and under an appropiate context (bitch came around to my wiles, maintain precarious but mostly sustained balance, organize a bubble wide stripsearch, nasty sexual part of preference). And he clearly remember past events (Cronus telling him to stay in place and him breaking his skateboard). He even writes slam poetry and can do an almost flawless grind to this day. So If anything, I think it's his motor skills and speech control that were affected by his incident; because otherwise nothing he says is irrational or... incoherent.

 Not only did his exertion permanently 8urn out his psychic a8ilities, 8ut it left him somewhat... er. [Incoherent].

From his limited and scattered accounts of what happened, it seems very likely that Kurloz was with him at the time, as the only eye witness. And of course it's impossi8le to get any relia8le information out of him. I guess we may never know, sadly.

"In these lines a gentleman reports to Gertrude and Horatio concerning Ophelia's descent into madness and her incoherence—that is, her "unshapèd use" of language. What's interesting here is the gentleman's emphasis on how others strive to make sense of her bewildering language. Ophelia seems to act in a way that implies her words carry intentional meaning, and so those around her seek to rearrange (i.e., "botch") the words in order to make some sense of them. But the gentleman persists in thinking that her words represent pure madness. Thus, "Her speech is nothing."

I haven't had the chance to read the play in full yet, so I don't want to go too much into it at the risk of sounding more silly (than I already have at least lmao) so I'll just say that my premature speculation is that Hussie probably wrote a few of these characters as sort of subversions to the ones present in Hamlet. Kurloz is Prince Hamlet, Meulin Horatio (only aknowledged by Hamlet and mostly ignored by others, close friend and supportive), Mituna is Ophelia ("way minor character yo", the tragic betrayed lover drove to 'incoherence' and suicide by Hamlet) and Kankri is possibly Laertes (warns ophelia against hamlet and gives her advice but is terribly rude about it, ultimately cares & is protective about her, too worried about maintaining his honor/reputation in the eyes of society), Hamlet's narrative foil.

While digging up a little I found some quotes that I really liked and think fits Kurloz and Kankri very well:

Hamlet recognizes what Shakespeare has made abundantly clear throughout the play, that Laertes is Hamlet's foil. He mirrors Hamlet but behaves in the opposite manner. Where Hamlet is verbal, Laertes is physical; where Hamlet broods, Laertes blusters.

In Laertes resides the picture of what Hamlet could be if the sound of his own words did not mesmerize him.

[[If anyone who has read the play in full thinks I'm onto something here please do let me know, I'd love to hear your thoughts!]]

Now finally the question we've all been asking for hours: WHY DID I SPEND ALL THIS TIME OVERANALYZING THIS STUFF?

Because I think these scenes were meant to show a contrast between Kurloz and Kankri, how they mediated a feud involving a seadweller and how they feel about Mituna himself.

On one hand, we have the Meenah & Mituna & Kankri trio.

Meenah mentions both Kankri and Latula to Mituna.

Meenah doesn't respect Kankri and views him as lame as fuck, but not a threat. She thinks he's an asshole to Mituna.

Meenah thought Mituna's relationship with Latula wouldn't last and is still in disbelief over it. Doesn't mind it.

At first, you think Meenah and Mituna get along, but then the more they talk the more they push each other's buttons.

Meenah insults Mituna. Kankri appears and de-escalates the fight before it turns ugly. Mituna acts consistently before, during and after the conflict.

Kankri proceeds to chastise Mituna as if he were his moirail, he isn't. However he clearly worries about his safety and cares for him, despite how poorly worded and messily he expresses it.

Kankri ultimately leaves Mituna and Meenah alone to discuss freely.

Good end.

On the other, the Cronus & Mituna & Kurloz trio.

Cronus mentions both Latula and Kurloz to Mituna.

Cronus is scared of Kurloz. He thinks he is good for Mituna, however.

Cronus acknowledges Mituna's relationship with Latula as a very committed one despite his jealousy. Is bothered by it a fuckton.

At first, you think Cronus and Mituna couldn't get along at ALL, but then you get some hints that they might have some common ground with music/slam poetry.

Cronus insults Mituna. Kurloz doesn't appear at all and the fight turns pretty fucking ugly. Mituna acts inconsistently before, during and after the conflict.

Kurloz is nowhere to pacify Mituna or give him a hand, instead, there is a strong implication that he mind controlled Mituna to make him act more aggressive in order to worsen his already tense relationship with Cronus.

Bad end.

It all comes down to the Kurloz vs Kankri dichotomy. To understand one character we must look at the other's action to compare and contrast. These two are FOILS.

Because while Kurloz may appear charismatic and funny, he also manipulates/lies/puts people he supposedly cares about in harm's way without remorse and is incredibly dangerous, has discouraged Cronus on his beliefs (to kill LE) and makes no effort at all to interact with anyone besides Meulin. He doesn't care about Mituna or anyone else. And if we look at GHB, the closest thing we have to seeing his true self, he would commit horrible things just for a joke.

And Kankri, on the opposite end, speaks in a very snobbish long-winded way, backhandedly insults people and says very judgemental things. However, he also is constantly shown to pursue team unity, keeps wearing the sweater Porrim made for him despite not liking it, encouraged Cronus on his beliefs (dumbass), knows most of his friends well enough to memorize their catchphrases/personal issues and repeats them back at them in a (failed) effort to relate to them. He cares about Mituna AND all his friend group. He became the Sufferer BECAUSE he cared about everyone too much.

Which is why Kurloz chose him to mimic and fuck his life up. Because as the Seer of BLOOD he was destined to be the leader of the session to fix all the messy interpersonal relationships, and if he never reached HIS own potential neither could the session.

8ut as you know, we never made much progress on the frog 8reeding front, or really any aspect of the game 8efore the reckoning. Way too disorganized, way too much teen drama. Much of that drama of course centered around Kankri, and Porrim tended to 8e the one to keep him out of trou8le.

"Because of this, it is presumed that the session leaders are usually responsible for creating the paradox clones."

ARANEA: During our session, Kankri's trials as a leader were just as frustrating as those of his successor. [He found it very hard to get others to take him seriously]. While you would often try to divide us with your trou8lemaking, and turn us against each other to make us stronger - unsuccessfully I might add - he would try to unite us through proselytizing and lecture, just as unsuccessfully.

ARANEA: The Heir of Doom was once a powerful psionic. He was gifted with vision twofold, and had strong prophetic insights wherever a 8leak future was concerned. He had much to say when it came to warning us a8out the path of doom and destruction we were all headed for, [8ut no one took him very seriously].

MEENAH: you say hes invincible but i think thats exactly the kind of loser bs that made us lose like a bunch of fuckin losers in the first losin placeMEENAH: we can do it if we all likeMEENAH: work together and shit #teamfork #lol

And Kankri only contributed to it by being so obtuse and dismissive about his own relationships and needs, taking himself (a mutant) out of the gene pool as well. And he never realized it to this day, because he keeps overthinking and being overly considerate about other people's feelings except his own and pushed to the sidelines.

KARKAT: I MEAN, WHAT ARE MOIRAILS FOR, RIGHT?

KARKAT: THIS IS HOW IT WORKS, I STOP YOU FROM KILLING EVERYBODY, THEN YOU RETURN THE FAVOR AND CALM ME DOWN [...]

Mituna and Meulin were the key pieces to Kurloz's success. And the actual main characters in this tragedy. So much so, that they are the only ones named and thus remembered by Karkat himself long after Openbound is over.

KARKAT: FLIPTUNA? MEOWLIN...

KARKAT: WASN'T THERE A CARLOS?

He even took his place in his own descendant's mind.

"Actions speak louder than words, but words sometimes get all the attention." -Susan Gale.

"that just really seems to vwork, you and [Kurloz], doesnt it?"- Cronus Ampora. His single latula is only vwith you out of pity. she doesnt havwe real feelings for you. no one could is still in full stock.

So yeah! That's basically my whole interpretation of their relationship. I'm definitely not saying that Hussie intended to write them this way, this is the way I find them both as their most interesting and fun for myself. (also hope nobody thinks I'm bashing Kurloz/Cronus/ Meenah, I think they are all fascinating characters! But I definitely like 'em the most as sort of antagonists).

Back to my boys, Mituna's whole character just FORCES Kankri's to get developed and that's GREAT. Same goes the other way really!

They just WORK together in my eyes. Besides they have a lot in common too:

Both are mocked with their alternative Alternian title (The Insufferable/Helmschan), Mutant (candy red blood/vision twofold), have conflicts with a seadweller (Meenah/Cronus), wear childish pjs (footie grub pjs/bee pjs), HATE being patronized at (wriggler/kid), complain about being touched ("Someone is touching me this needs to stop"/"Someone is triggering me this needs to stop"), careless with clothes (Grub sauce incident/"Help how do I take off my own clothes off"), have weird fashion choices (The Pants/The Spacesuit), think its unironically cool however ("My nice belt"/"Whats wrong with my helmet?"), dismissed and misunderstood by everyone due to the way they phrase things, had a possible matesprit associated with a Makara (Meulin/Redglare), care a FUCKTON about ALL of their friends, e t c

They would be good for each other too, very balancing

Kankri needs someone authentic and direct that isn't afraid to challenge him and make him realize when he's not focusing on the present moment and on issues that actually are relevant to the bigger picture. And also to let loose a little, live life, don't judge so much, stop giving a fuck about what other people might say and IF YOU WANNA WATCH A PORNO JUST WATCH IT HERE I GOT 10 IN MY POCKET JUST PICK ONE AND CRANKRI ONE OUT BRO (kankri actually guffawed at that pun much to his own mortification)

And Mituna needs someone attentive and dedicated that genuinely cares for who he is (not his powers) to keep him grounded and is logical about telling him when or why to tone it down and not put himself in danger's way so often. And also to be more considerate and sensitive and Mituna have I told you that you are my best friend this past minute and that I appreciate you wholeheartedly also I have an entire drawer dedicated to every drawing youve ever given me yes even the dickbutt pics they make me smile (Tuna tears up a lil' but stfu its because kk is using a gross deodorant hes allergic to ok)

Narratively they bring me a lot of satisfaction, they are fun as fuck, 4chumblr, very dynamic and the best thing of all: I get to prove both Cronus and Meenah wrong lmao

btw

as a vwing man, i must say, you are a true fucking disgrace.

thanks for the prompt featuring best wiingman ever bro ;)))))))

hi guys