Shout Out To The Most Cringe Fail Family In The Smp, They Owe Me So Much Therapy

I decided to see what fics were updated on ao3 on my bday just for kicks and giggles and um- i broke it😭 i’ve angered the ao3 gods by trying to scroll through too many tabs of works😭 now it won’t even let me read any of my other ao3 tabs

pro-tip for commenting on fic: DO NOT tell the author if the fic was posted on the day you were born.

Haven't thought about hanahaki in a hot minute but consider for me if you will. Stobotnik.

Stone is the one who gets it and immediately sets about trying to make contingency plans for the Doctor for when he's gone. Setting up algorithms to take care of his inbox and scheduling appointments. Teaching the Badniks how to perfectly steam goats milk. Even going as far as holding interviews for potential replacements (and wow, does that go badly)

Confessing his love to the doctor doesn't even occur to him as a viable option.

Meanwhile Robotnik is very aware of what his sycophant is doing and he is Not happy about it. What, does he think he can just leave? He was HIS agent! He couldn't just give up on his duties to go and be in love with some mouth breather! When had he even found the time to develop such a disease - he didn't think Stone had a life outside of his work?

Him being the one Stone is in love with doesn't even occur to him as a viable option.

Eventually Robotnik confronts Stone, blowing up at him about abandoning his responsibilities for feeble human emotions and forbidding him from leaving. Stone tries to explain that he wasn't leaving by choice, but that he was dying and Robotnik cuts him off. He knew that! That wasn't an excuse! Whoever this... Person was, they weren't as important as the work they were doing here and he would just have to get the surgery. Honestly, letting this affect his work in this way was unprofessional-

Stone interrupted him with the roughest bout of coughing he'd had yet, causing Robotnik to actually falter and pause in his rant. It went on for an uncomfortable amount of time, Stone had turned to the side, leaning on the wall he'd pinned himself to, before weakly responding

"actually, doctor, the surgery would impact my work quite a bit..."

whatever the dsmp ended in flames but you'll pry enjoying the good parts of it from my cold dead hands. I have a L'Manberg flag and I still wanna talk about cwilbur and ctommy and what cranboo could have been and what cbeeduo was and you can FIGHT ME.

It's heartbreaking that things ended the way they did but you'll have to put me down to stop me from still wanting to talk about and enjoy the good parts of it. I'm still gonna celebrate just how good it WAS while it was good because goddamn, it was good.

A series of events

A message in chat

A response

A question

A follow-up

Streamer.

we came for the duo but we only got tnt

honestly I don't regret any fandom I've ever participated in. That includes Homestuck, for the record. Because every fandom I've been a part of has left me with experiences and friends I would've never encountered otherwise, and that I still carry with me.

Like. I'm old. I know this is an established fact but I really am OLD. But even fandoms I experienced 20 years ago stick with me and left me with memories and relationships I still think about and treasure to this day. Invader Zim fandom introduced me to my first boyfriend, and while I turned out gay as fuck, I still treasure the time we spent together as friends and otherwise because he was a super rad guy. I don't regret meeting him for even a second. We might have lost touch nowadays, but I hope he's doing well out there, and I still think back on the memories of us hanging out at the mall and going to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory fondly.

shit I don't even really regret my time enjoying the shitty wizard books, because I was a literal child at the time and a very sheltered one-- I couldn't have possibly understood the issues with the books, and I don't blame myself for supporting someone I was incapable of understanding that I shouldn't support at the time. Of course, I've dropped that shit as an adult (and you should too), but I don't hold it against myself for having liked the series as a kid because I was literally just a kid and I was having fun. And I DID have fun and gained happy memories and positive experiences that stand out above the rough times that were about to happen a few years later. So of course, I in no way support or even like that series now, but I don't look back on my time enjoying it as a kid with any anger or shame at myself. I was a kid.

So anyway my point is: love is never wasted. Don't feel ashamed or embarrassed for having loved something.

hey everyone, so ive had a lot of time at this point to ruminate and have had conversation after conversation about everything going on and i truly and genuinely mean this when i say i think so much of my thinking and immediate reactions were entirely based in fear, anxiety and grief that i didn't give myself the ability to view the situation as it is.

ill say from the beginning ive always chosen to view this in a worst case scenario perspective. not just for myself, but also i think dismissing the victim ESPECIALLY those using anything to dismiss her literally instantly is really icky and so ive always looked at this with the perspective of everything (more or less) being true. now with that in mind--i dont think this entire thing was nearly as black and white as i initially thought it was. im saying it straight to save everyone the time to try and figure out my perspective, but after talking with people and thinking about real life, how people irl would view this and DO view it and other instances of this exact scenario happening both online and in real life: this is truly just not the horrible morally bankrupt incident i thought it was.

i thought a lot about how i wanted to go about explaining my perspective or if i even wanted to bc i really didnt want this to he seen as "dream defense" or align myself with the people who have had that stance since the absolute beginning bc they are srsly insane, but this is more for myself and for anyone who felt like they didnt have a perspective they resonated with throughout all of this. this is one of the first instances where i felt a genuine dissonance between my thoughts and feelings and my friends in the community whose thoughts i have always always valued above anything else, often even my own, especially when i was struggling with feeling conflicted out of fear and grief. i always clung to the people whose opinions i trusted (and still do trust dont get me wrong) because it felt easier than having to sort my guilty and scared conscience into rationality that could possibly oppose the people ive always looked to for guidance in discourse. just that fear on being on the wrong side of history and such. but like i said, this long winded and horribly overserious essay is for me more than anyone else--if not for people who have struggled with the exact same shitty time.

ill say the absolute first thing: it was not grooming. i held this opinion literally the entire time and people calling it grooming are not only using the term wrong but genuinely causing harm to such a serious topic. we are talking about two adults in a relationship with an age difference of four years like holy shit. when the first girl dropped her story, almost everyone came to the conclusion that it just wasnt that serious because he thought she was 18. with the second girl, she was one month from 18 and the dms from before turning such were genuinely the driest conversations in the world that he never initiated or made any notion of pursuing. this isnt to say you cant be icked out--the point of me talking about this isnt to make you suddenly change your views on anything but to try and claim that it was grooming or a crime took place is just wrong and dishonest of everyone. this is such a large part of where my personal dissonance with everyone's takes came from bc the way people were trying to claim that liking an 18 year old as a 22 year old was something akin to literal pedophilia (<- bc people WERE genuinely saying this) made me feel confused but also deeply guilty because i really just did not understand. and now that im less miserable, i can recognize that that confusion wasnt just linked to parasocialism or whatever deep twisted thing i thought was in my soul, it was literally just not the big insane evil everyone made it out to be. again, this isnt to try and say you individually cant be like "i dont like this" or "this is icky to me" or "this was bad judgement on his part" (<- which is my personal view btw) but to pretend it is some strange insane act of an active predator genuinely boggles my mind. i dont want to chalk everything up to being covidbrained but i think its a huge part of where this dissonance to real life comes from because i really do think if most of you sit down with genuinely and utterly normal people, they will not give a fuck about this. ive SEEN people have conversations about this with noemal people irl and have them literally laugh in their face bc of how deeply unserious it is. and again, i want to reenforce that doesnt mean YOU dont have to care, but to act as if this isnt an objectively undeep incident between two people is odd, especially to the degree ive seen.

now i cant just say this and be done so lets talk about the next part that people had an issue with: fan and creator power dynamic. ill also say this very straight: when the stuff came out with both girls i had a much larger issue with the "age gaps" than i did this for so many reasons. ive always, even before all of this, had my own opinions and such about ccs and fans ever having relationships and it usually along the basis of "as long as there is consent and mutuality, i have no real issue." its not strange to me that people want to be with people they like and idealize and vice versa. to keep this as objective as i can with this perspective, i wont get into thoughts that for dream specifically it especially doesnt surprise me in the sense that his past relationship + facing vitriol from every corner of the internet but fans + overall paranoia could have absolutely reenforced the normalcy and reasoning in this judgement call but i digress. i mean just obvious examples of people wanting to get with celebrities, or groupies or even in platonic ways where fans become genuine and actual friends of creators--ccs having relationships with fans was never a big deal to me personally. and since its relevant to mention in this case, ESPECIALLY online ones. im not saying there cant be power imbalances among a fan and a cc/celebrity, but to get like theyre all inherently like that again just makes zero sense to me and never has even before dream. this applies especially online where power dynamics are significantly dampened from what they can be and just i mean logically, dream has been a full blown cc for like a little less than 3 years and only at this level for maybe 1 or 2 without experiencing it in real life too. the idea that he himself would not see an issue with this, especially because it was a mutual exchange of company, is so completely unsurprising. and at its core, there really is no real issue in it of itself. a bad judgement call from dream? yes and ill stand by that since he shouldve been better safe than sorry. morally bankrupt and manipulative? 😭 no, not after really assessing shit rationally. i also want to add that it was a mutual thing. i know people are really trying to tear everything amanda says apart (<- which is incredibly strange btw, especially if that was your instant reaction and you were doing it publicly too), but taking everything shes saying as true, we know that there was a MUTUAL exchange of things of a sexual nature and this wasnt some manipulative one-sided exchange where dream controlled everything and gave nothing in return. this isnt to say that amandas feelings are entirely invalid or anything along those lines, but those feelings stem from miscommunication and not morally bankrupt predatory behaviours. like seeing all of the info and looking at the situation as it is, its very clear dream saw and believed this to be a mutual relationship. i was so confused and scared and panicked seeing words like "groomer", "innocent", "guilty", "predator" and others being thrown around i didnt even want to try viewing it for myself. but now that i have and now that ive talked to others, this entire situation reads as a bad break up more than anything else, not a strange manipulative abuse of power where mutuality is nonexistent.

overall this entire situation was framed so horrifically and i was tearing myself apart so much about feeling confused, it genuinely did not hit me the extent of just how deeply unserious it was until a friend of mine told me how they went out with their normal, most unchronically online friend, told the situation in the most objective way possible, and they literally laughed in their fucking face 😭 i also started thinking about real life instances of this happening like if it was another cc, a random tiktoker, an actor and realizing i literally would not care--and significantly less people who are as up in arms as they are would care too. and that ignores the fact that it was ONLINE, compared to in-person where whatever power dynamic could exist would be amplified by a thousand.

this entire thing is just so entirely subjective and if your personal opinions and values find this all shitty, absolutely no one is going to try and say to feel otherwise, at least not me. but to completely ignore that its just that--personal--values and opinions that determine how you view this, and act as though it is objectively some morally bankrupt, impossible to understand, predatory situation just feels reactionary and disconnected from real life at best and just shitty and even virtue signalling at worst. and also dont get me started on what some of you twisted that charity event in technos memory into because fucking shame on you, but ill make a separate post on that later maybe.

this really isnt meant to be a form of "dream defense" because if i was taught anything this past week it was that the way i connected so much of my own conscience to my ability to defend dream and his pr was and is entirely unhealthy, and it was all a wake up call--just not towards dream. the level of miserable agony i experienced, not even mostly because of what dream did, but because i felt like i couldnt DEFEND it, was dangerously all consuming and i dont want that anymore. its just not a healthy way to engage with any media, the need to constantly justify it in every single instance, and especially not with a cc. i want to be able to just see drama and controversy ride out and not have it feel so utterly all consuming, even if i do choose to comment on it. im making this statement bc like i said, it really sucked to feel like there was no public voice i completely agreed with and i realized that i could do that role if i wanted. and honestly, its just been very cathartic for me to write all of this out after feeling like an echo chamber of other peoples thoughts and my own grief the last week.

this community disappointed me in many ways, both the freaks who jumped on any baseless thread disproving amandas claims, dissected her behaviour, was very strangely dream defensive and chose to do all that shit PUBLICLY too. but also the people who chose to use this as an opportunity to act in the most reactionary strange ways that felt so virtue signal-y it was nauseating. i know the people who held/hold the views i did also dealt with the guilt and fear i did too, and thus no one was willing to so deal with the mortifying ordeal of a) sorting through these thoughts and b) saying them in any kind of public space even with just close friends, but ESP on a public blog. i mean, that was literally me. but it really fucking sucked to have just these two extremely polarizing and extremely isolating opinions be the only available voices 😭 my thoughts are getting very rambley now and i apologize, but i hope my points are getting across.

this is already insanely long, but ill start wrapping up. if you disagree with me, obviously thats fine. like i said, this was never made with the objective to change peoples minds which arguably was what my usual dream discourse essays was meant for sometimes. this was made for me and for this specific perspective to have light for anyone who wants or needs it. all i hope is that if you do come out of this with anything, is some form of awareness. of either real life, your opinions or even just yourself i dont know.

i really did love my time on tumblr so so fucking much. and i loved the people here even more so. i think i owe it all to you guys and just my blog itself to say my thoughts on shit, no matter if any of you agree or not. plus i mean if this flops i surely never have to face the consequences if im leaving anyways so peepoClap. thank you all so much for everything, and if you made it this far, thank you so much for taking the time to read my bullshit. i dont know if after this ill still leave, but regardless, it feels wrong to not make some homage to such an impactful place in my life. impactful people too :)

thank u all for reading again, and good fucking night !

Upon arrival on the island, Phil had his wings clipped…the problem is that he doesn't remember when and how

And because it's a permanent summer on the island he can't figure out when his next shedding is

I know i love you because I see you everywhere, in every piece of media I consume, in the simple placement of two colors next to each other, in the laugh of one character or the stern attitude of another. I see you in every song i hear, from the melody, to the instrumentals, to the lyrics, it all screams of you to me. My friends are annoyed cuz i can’t stop bringing it up, the ways that i see you everywhere, but i don’t think i’ll ever stop. My first love, my first obsession, you have a permanent place in my heart, no matter how the years pass.